Our 30th Wedding Anniversary

Full transcript of Our 30th Wedding Anniversary on The Dr. Susan Block Show:

Two and one, eight, nine, 12. Brothers and sisters, lovers and sinners, artists and exhibitionists, voyeurs and connoisseurs, all you children of sex. And we are all children of sex.

I want to welcome you to the new Womb Room Sanctuary. In the church of the Bonobo Way. In the village of Bonoboville. And actually it's a mobile unit.

This is FDR, fuck to rich. Franklin Delano Roosevelt. And we are in the sleeper car. It's our own sleeper car.

For our 30th wedding anniversary. Us being Prince Maximilian Rudolph, Lublovich, D'Lubkovitz, D'Phil and Jerry. And me, your love doctor.

Your mother confessor. Your daughter of the American revelation. Your horny housewife. Celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary.

30 years of lust with trust. Whoa, such a balancing act. And love, of course, love and romance. And revolution.

Also a little sex. Sex is important. Like we had this morning. Yeah, we had sex this morning.

We did. And you know, it's the beginning of our 30th wedding anniversary season, I guess you could say. Well, actually the season began about a month ago. But it's the beginning of the weekend.

Which is going to kind of have a certain crescendo on the actual date. Which was April 12th. And you're tuned in live. And 1992 was the actual date.

It says Susan and Michael. And you're probably wondering why. You. Oh, that's me.

You had a lot of names in those days. Well, you know, you gotta move quickly. Maximilian, Mickey, Michael. So my mother liked Michael.

And she was the one that created the wedding album. My first two mother-in-laws hated me. Oh, well, my mother loved you. Your mother loved me.

Here's my mom. See, mom makes sure she is the first one in the book. Well, she paid the photographer. I don't know.

No, I don't remember. But there she is with my dearly departed cousin, Jeffrey. And there I am with my still alive and kicking brother, Steve. Who gave you your pearls.

Actually gave it to me. But you're wearing them. Oh, come on. You guys are in touch with your feminine side.

Let me get in touch with my family. Here, let me touch your female. Yeah, baby. So he also gave me these pearls.

My brother did somewhere. I've got a lot of pearls on. No, no. Well, he is.

Actually, he does like pearls. But why are we wearing so many pearls? You might wonder. And also the precious pearl of the luscious oyster.

You know what that means. Little Miss Cliddy. Or you could say the G-spot, depending. It's something female that's hot, sexy, that you touch.

And that's very precious. And that happens to be the symbol of the 30th wedding anniversary. Right? It's also the name of a magazine that we published.

And a name of an even older magazine. A Victorian magazine of erotica. The pearl. Right, right, right, right.

So one of the things about the magazine pearl that we published, it was a one issue. Right. And very short.

It was. It was very nice. It was very elegant. We'll have to find it.

Yeah, we have so many archives of publications and situations. But 30 years, you know, you're going to have a lot. And the art, oh my God, we're certainly looking at a lot of it because we're redecorating a bit because vice is coming to film us.

We can show somebody art. Yes. Some of it is showable, I guess. It's technically it all is.

It's art. That's by Scott Seidman. A beautiful saint. And there's my shoes.

And Marilyn. And yes, the San Diego Zubinobos. And our wedding anniversary. Classic picture.

And yes, Dragonsteel. Yay. Dragonsteel, we love you. He gave us those bonobos.

Such a nice man. Dressed like us, me with the hat and the sunglasses. You dress a little weird. And you with a captain's hat.

And it's very cute. And that's what we're here for. To say, you can be a little different. If you're too different, then you might get the kill.

The killed? Is that like wearing a short skirt? And when you're a guy. Yeah.

Forget the kill. Forget the kill. So this skirt. Do you remember this skirt?

Well, it's actually a part of the skirt. It's got my stands on it. Well, probably. Although I think we cleaned them.

But this skirt was from our courting days, right? From our courting days. Before we got married, when we went to Barnaby's hotel. And I wore this skirt to be very seductive and teasing.

Although I didn't tease long before we were in bed. And you gave me a pearl necklace. Barnaby's. It was an anti-war romance.

Right. And whoops. That's okay. 1991.

January. Down in Hermosa Beach. Yeah, these headsets. Yeah, you have to be very careful.

You can't move your head too fast. Right, right. Well, you know. Cheapos.

Well, they're not that cheap. They were $200. No, it's just that we're doing this show in the bed. We're in the sleeper car.

It's our 30th train anniversary. Look at this train. She's speaking of trains. Choo-choo.

I wore quite a train. That's the only place you can wear that. Except, I guess, the Oscars, if you're Jada Pinkett. My grandfather used to collect train cars.

There you go. He had three of them. He had a dining car, a sleeper car, and a salon car. Okay.

Take that, Musk. Right. All I had was a skirt. But.

Oh, I hate this. It was a train. That's good. That's good.

And this is a replica of the oyster pearl you got me when you were courting me. And little did we know. Where did I get that? I got that at that famous.

Rexall Drugstore. At Beverly? No, no, this was famous. Yes.

A lot of people got discovered there. They never discovered me or uncovered me. Many people in the 50s and 60s, the producers used to go there to their ice cream. What do they call those?

In the old days, soda fountains. And they would pick up beautiful women that came in. And go, I am going to make you a star. Please come by tonight to my house.

And you will be the latest sensation in the nation. Of course, if I could only do little touchy touchy, that would help your career, darling. Oh. I don't think this was that drugstore, though.

Oh, it wasn't. Oh, that was the one on Sunset. Yeah, this was the Rexall Drugstore by the Beverly Center. Right.

But there was one on Sunset. Right. I don't remember the name of it, but that's where the Hollywood stars got discovered. So I don't ever, I could look it up, except.

No, you can if you want. I don't want to. But I, at that time. Maybe someone could look it up for me.

Yeah. Yeah. What was that store? I mean, it was a drugstore.

Sunset. But they would change that apart. Do any of you know out there what the name of this fucking store was? Well, anyway, Janelle Hopkins on Instagram says, Happy Anniversary.

And wow, she says, I remember when you showed me your gorgeous dress before your wedding. Yeah, this dress. And Janelle is one of the few people that saw me before my wedding. And here she is on Instagram of all places.

You two look as in love as you were back then. Thank you, Janelle. We're always in love, falling in love. One of the great secrets of life is falling in love.

Yeah. Every moment, especially when you have a beautiful wife. Got to do it. Who is smarter than you.

Then you got to fall in love. What do you mean smarter than me? No, when you got someone like her, then you have to fall in love all the time, which I do anyway. Because I see her in the morning when she gets up and she has her back towards me.

And I see the structure of her back and that my friend does too, the other guy. Yeah. I notice that there are back stalkers in my bedroom. So when I bear my back, I can feel their eyes on sexy shoulder blades.

But then I fall in love again. You fall in love, you keep falling in love. And yeah, that's nice. You got to make it happen, baby.

Also, when you're in love, there's like some glue of sex. Sex, sex, sex, sex. We are all children of sex with a capital X. Can I get an amen?

Amen. We have a very intimate gathering here. Well, we're in a motor home. But can I get an A-women?

Amen. A little better. We do have a bit of a crew. Yes, yes.

A very nice crew. We've got a crew. Oh, yeah, baby. And yet we are keeping our distance.

And it is still a little risky. We've got our... We're keeping our distance? We're from people.

Oh. Right? I mean, we're... We've got our shot, our booster.

And we're going to go somewhere on Monday right as our anniversary unfolds. And if you want to join us, you can rent some rooms and then... Are we going to say where we're going? Yeah, sure.

We think we're going to... We're going. We're going to this great old hotel. It's gigantic, so it's okay if you go.

It's called the... Bonaventure. Bonaventure. It's actually one of the most extraordinary, beautiful cement buildings with round staircases

and round rooms and round restaurants. And it's also... Round restaurants, right? Yes.

Restaurants in the round. It's also known as one of the great hotels for exhibitionism. Like an oyster opening up. The three towers face each other and people leave the windows open.

Now, don't get all freaked out down there, Bonaventure. You've got a great hotel going, an architectural jewel. And we're coming to stay there this weekend. Yes.

And maybe you could give us a room or something. A suite. A suite. We have lots of friends.

We need a suite. Anyway, it's a great hotel. If you come to Los Angeles, there's all kinds of hotels here. They're all pretty...

I was looking for my sunglasses that I brought into the bed. They're my Marilyn-style sunglasses. We'll be right back as soon as she... I can't find them.

Oh, shit. Anybody see them? Don't sit on them. There goes my hat.

Okay. Well, if anybody can look for them. Maybe I'm sitting in... I am.

See? Ah. You know, people will think that was planned. That that was like a wardrobe malfunction.

No, we don't plan any of this. No. God forbid. No.

But where are the sunglasses? Oh, that I don't know. Oh, I thought you found them. Oh, no, I thought I found them.

Oh, they weren't there. Damn. I thought it was all going to be worthwhile. Oh, but you are...

Your hand is what I'm sitting on. Okay. So they're here somewhere. All right.

Well, anyway, we'll keep going. Because the show must go on. Yes. To our 30th wedding anniversary.

Yeah. The wedding ring is the kinkiest symbol of bondage. Really, the most common kink is the wedding ring. And it's a band.

It implies a level of ownership. It's odd. It's true. You belong to me.

Yeah. And responsibility, I guess. And connection to be positive about it. But, yeah, some responsibility.

And yet, when I was assaulted years ago, and my assaulter tied me up non-consensually, hog tied me with a knife to my throat. And asked me if I minded if he took my rings.

I said, no. Go ahead. All right. Take them.

And he did. And they were worthless. No, they were not worthless. They were...

Well, a couple hundred dollars. No, no. They were $13. Oh, I thought they were a couple hundred.

Well, in today's money, they were a couple hundred. Right. It was 30 years ago. It was actually, yeah, like 25 years ago.

Can you imagine? At the Century Wilshire Hotel. It was before I got my HBO ring that actually is worth something. But...

And the gold... Yeah, the gold, I think, is worth about $100. Yeah. This one says captain of my heart.

And yours says master of my soul. At their time, we're $400. Right. Each.

And this is my juxtapose leather finger. And this is my princess ring. Because I am a feel-and-jerry. Did you see your cousin wished you a happy wedding

or something like that? Oh, yeah. I love this. It's a whole new family I've found.

Yes. I found this whole family. And it's so funny. They're filmmakers.

They're artists and photographers. They are journalists. It's Giovanni and Anna. Ciao.

Ciao. Welcome to our wedding. You know, it's funny. The 30th is like a wedding because it's the pearls.

So you feel like you should wear white or pastel, you know? So you feel like you're having a wedding all over again. I think I'm going to start wearing these. I like these.

And then I think we could start a cult or something. No, you look good in pearls. The pearl cult. Right.

See? Get in touch with your feminine side. And my brother gave you those. My brother, Steve and his sister-in-law.

He gave them to you. Well, I gave them to you. Well, you're wearing them. I'm wearing them.

You're borrowing them. You're borrowing them. They're still mine, Steve. I do wear them.

They're really very nice. They are. Gray, pearl, silver. Gray, pearls.

Gray. And it's his birthday, April 7th. Are these real? So happy birthday.

Oh, happy birthday, Steve. They're sort of like semi-real. I don't know. I think they're kind of heavy.

They're cultured. Yeah. They seem like they have some culture. They're made in a fish farm.

They don't seem plastic-y. No, no, no. They're not plastic. I have pearls of all different levels here.

And like these I know are real because these are an ex-boyfriend's mother's pearls. I think he took these out of the car. These are ball bearings. Okay.

From what I can see. And these are fake, but good fake, you know? And this is just plain old fake and very lightweight, which is why I like them because, you know, you can hypnotize.

Is there someone in the studio that could get me a beer? Oh, yes. My prince, of course. It's Saturday night.

My prince. Is there some in there? My witness. We like to call each other.

Give me that one. Witnesses. Witnesses. To each other's lives.

Thank you, Harry. And I am a witness to your beer. And I am witness to your legs. Oh, and my garters.

And your garters, yes. And my Yale panties. I don't know how many of you have been married for 30 years, but there's something about our life in 30 years.

We don't really go to work. Our life is work. We have fun. Yes.

I often say that. Yeah. You try to get me to separate business and pleasure sometimes. But I can't.

And I don't. From the emotions. And neither do you. Right?

The emotions. Emotions. I get very emotional. But I think you do.

But anyway, how can you not, when you work together and live together and do everything together and never get tired of each other? That's for sure. I often think we've been married 60 years.

Uh-oh. No, no, it's all right. It's all right. I often think we've been married 30 minutes.

Okay. Yeah. Oh, and then there's that. Yeah.

I know about that, too. Yeah. And we've aged, you know. A lot.

Fairly well. Well. Yeah. Pretty good.

A couple of breakdowns. But, you know, nothing. I mean, we're sitting here. I mean, we are FDR, but we're not in a wheelchair.

We're not in a wheelchair. Not quite. Although you have to sit with one leg off the bed over in a 1950s television show.

Because my legs need replacement. I told my doctor last time that I did need for them to start growing me a leg. Well, your third leg was working great this morning.

Of course. And you had the other two legs right in the bed. No problem. You know, it's amazing how sex can be a great motivator for a

man. Oh, yeah. For a woman, too. Okay.

And for everyone in between. But there's something about that testosterone and something about that third leg that responds to sexual stimulation and finds just powers that it never knew it had.

These amazing abilities, superpowers, right? And then after you come, they're all going for a while. But they come back. Okay.

They come back. Okay. Don't believe those people that say that you waste your seed. No.

All right. So Juxley says happy anniversary, y'all. And we say right back at you. And yeah, you know, we're taking your comments, your calls, I

guess, although we have a lot to say. You can call us at 626-461-5212. And you, too, can have the secret to love in a long marriage. It's true.

Yeah. Call us now. I'll tell you the secrets. It's very simple.

Well, it's obviously something that eludes some of the greatest minds, some of the most famous celebrities, some of them, to grasp this very simple secret. Have fun and never grow up and always be innocent, no matter

what they accuse you of. Right. I'm innocent. But you forgot the work part, Max.

The work part. Right. Right. Because the billionaires are all into never growing up.

Everybody's into never growing up. Everybody likes that if they can just find the time. And it is true that that's a very important aspect. But let me ask you.

Does Elon Musk, when he talked to his rock star girlfriend, did he talk like a baby? Well, he probably did in the beginning. And that's how they came up with that crazy name for the

kid. What did they call him? I can't even pronounce it. But they ended up calling the kid X.

So, hey, sex with a capital X. No, I mean, I think they had it going on in the beginning. Now she's got the hots for Chelsea Manning.

So hopefully they'll spring Julian Assange because, you know, he is in prison and he just got married. Yay. Congratulations, Mazel Tov.

Skol. And Sante Bono to Julian Assange and his new wife, who is also the mother of his two children. It's a beautiful thing.

Actually, it's funny how he is an inspiration. He got married in prison. Correct. Right.

In prison. People do that. Often to the detriment of somebody, but also to the benefit of a lot of people.

And in this case, it certainly is to the benefit of Julian and his lovely wife and his two little boys who dressed in kilts. And to all kinds of people that are inspired by this

journalist who has been imprisoned by different American and English regimes. Yes. And we talk about Russia.

You know, I don't like Russia too much. No, nobody does. Well, maybe a few. You know, we basically do the same kind of thing.

Yes. We imprison our journalists. How do I know that? Because you've been in prison.

Correct. Yes. So if they don't like what you're publishing. Whether it's politics or sex or war or usually those are

the subjects they don't like you to publish. Basically sex and politics. And that includes war. And yet they love to publish stuff about war.

They just don't want you to be critical of war. And they don't want you to be positive about sex. Isn't that funny? We're the exact opposite of that.

Right. And so you were in prison for that. I have thus far eluded prison, although I have been raided a few times, including by the

lovely city of Arcadia. And I have gone before their kangaroo court or their Politburo. You know, I was just writing about them.

Okay, so we've got these people. And they're running a city. And this is the Arcadia city council. Who do we have on there?

We've got a guy that works for DirecTV. He works for DirecTV. He's an executive at DirecTV, which everybody hates. Right.

Everybody hates it. When AT&T bought it over and AT&T took it over, they lost so many subscribers. So I got this guy who's Mr. Beck, I think is his name.

And he's a lawyer. He was a lawyer for many, many years. And now that he's retired, he's over there at DirecTV. And he's laughing at me at the city council

because I said I live in a motor home so that I can support my work. The thing that I love doing. They go, oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And then we've got ambulance chaser. What's her name? I forget her name.

She's an ambulance chaser. She'll take care of you if you get hurt, right? If there's a car accident, she comes in, she negotiates with the insurance company, you know.

And she uses her office as her. So I told you that whole story, but that's one of the things that we're dealing with. And everywhere we go, we try to be very quiet, very nice,

do our work, try to do those things peacefully. Look at this couple. Look at us. Chico, look at us.

Where's Chico? Chico in the bed. Look at, I love this picture of all the guys. Here's my brother.

Here you are. Here's your brother. Here's my cousin Elliot. There's Jose.

There's my cousin Tommy. There's my late cousin Jeff. It always looks like the mafia. Ah, Schwab's, right.

Right, yes. I found it. I looked it up. So that's the little drug store where people would meet their Hollywood agents

and actually get cast. And then everyone believed the myth. A lot of people did. And some got exploited.

Some sexually and some just emotionally. People that actresses and actors that want to become stars, often would get exploited. Well, yeah, because they're trying to hook on to some money.

And still do. And they still do. This is Hollywood. It's Hollywood.

It's also true, Susan, of the mechanic store, the little garage where... Oh, that's true. You know, when I had the collection agency, I had some of...

Everybody's going to mad at this. Get mad at Max. All the women, the females, wanted to have a special relationship with you.

With me. Now, I don't want to be... I can't blame them. Well, yeah, but...

I guess we have a special relationship. You and I, don't we? Yeah, a very difficult thing. And anyway, so...

I'm trying to work my luck. It happens in Hollywood. It happens at... It happens at...

What's the guy's name with the electric cars? Elon Musk. Oh, Elon Musk. Okay.

I mentioned his name, but today I read this horrible statistic that in order to make one battery assess 500,000...

Yeah, it's very non-ecologically friendly. Not at all. He paints himself as being Mr. Ecology, but really, no.

Electric cars have nothing to do with ecology except they don't fart a lot. Like cows. They don't take gasoline in the same way.

It takes gasoline to run the electrical grid. And also what they're using in order to make the batteries are going to run out soon. Oops.

Certainly it can't keep up. By the way, I think one of the airlines... I'd heard this a long time ago. One of the airlines flew a...

One of those big buses, air buses, double-deckers with alternate fuel. What was the alternate fuel? The alternate fuel was refined oil from restaurants.

I think the comments are kind of stalled. I'm not sure. Harry, I want to have a list of everyone that's not watching. Right.

And we're going to... Because there's going to be retribution here. We might not let them back to Bonoboville when we have our next orgy.

And we're going to have a very kind of controlled orgy in a couple of weeks. Control. Yes.

It sounds like a right. Absolutely. Oh yeah, vice. Vice is coming.

So you might want to find out about how you can get here because Captain Max and I, we are celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary. But we, well...

Have been chosen. No couple is an island. So we have a Bonoboville, which is you all, partly the people that are our crew,

but also people all over Los Angeles as well as the world. And some of you are invited. I can't say you're all invited. Because some of you know that you shouldn't be here.

So I guess if you're tuned in live, you might see an angle where you can see the womb room and how we are now kind of decorating. This one turns.

Oh. Well, the other one shows more of the place that this one's sort of close up. We're going to do that on a B roll.

Oh, we're going to have a B roll. Or a C roll. Or maybe a D roll. Or a D roll.

Or a double D roll, baby. How about that? Yeah. A roll in the hay.

How about some jelly roll, baby? Yeah. Okay. So anyways, we're going to have this event.

Oh, yeah. The windmills with the cancer causing noise. Ah, yes. You go from...

What's his name? Jux Lee. No, no. Oh.

The guy that was president. Trump? Ah, Trump. Right, right, right.

You forgot his name. That must be nice. He's a tree trunk. Trump.

What are you doing? What are you doing? I'm still looking for my sunglasses. Oh, let's...

Okay. I don't know if anybody can find them. Are they over there? I don't know.

Maybe I should look over there. Because nobody's helping me. I guess everybody's scared. Oh, there they are.

I found them. I got you. Okay. Oh, let go.

Okay. Okay. Sometimes a guy has to let go of his wife, looking at you, Willie. I thought we were supposed to be quiet.

I'm not supposed to be quiet. Okay. I'm holding her from behind. You don't have to.

You don't have to. He's grabbing my tongue. I'm just holding her up so she doesn't fall. Okay.

That's better. She's a very delicate, bony little girl. And... And down.

She goes. We got... These are mother of pearl sunglasses with a pearl mask. So I'm really getting into the pearl spirit for my 30th wedding anniversary.

It's a lot of releasing your inner child, which we sometimes call releasing your inner bonobo. And it's also work, you know, conflict resolution and respect. And, you know, a lot of sacks, but respect.

I guess there's lust and there's trust. And the trust is the serious part. And the lust is the fun part. And you have to have it all.

And people are all looking for how to do that. Actually, my hairdresser wanted to see my hair. So here it is. It's all flat after you've had a headset on, which is why I like to wear a hat.

And Max wears a hat. But, you know, Mark... I wear a hat because I'm bald. That actress.

Did my hair last night. And so I wanted to give him a little promo before we start talking about that actress. Okay. And her relationship, which is in the news a lot these days because of the slap that

everybody has an opinion about. Heard around the world. Actually, we didn't really hear it. We saw it.

We saw it. And we continue to see it over and over and over again. They can't stop. They can't stop.

They got us all tied up in movies and slapping and war. It is a type of bondage. A total bondage to the information that is absolutely useless. Elites.

I mean, I don't know what to call them. People that run the military, the media, they want to repress sexuality and yet stimulate our sexual interest in violence. It's all very ammo sexual.

Even if your ammo is just your hand slapping away like a gun. Fortunately, it is not as lethal as a gun, right? Yeah, it was no big deal, right? No big deal.

Will Smith, Smacked, Chris Rock. Hey, what's a smack between friends, right? We've seen a lot of nice smacks at Domcon. They do a lot of that.

But that's consensual, okay? Right? Smacks, I mean, it's a little more hardcore than Spank Spank. But hey, Spank Spank is kind of fun too.

The reason we're talking about this is that maybe we will become famous for talking about people who are famous. Wouldn't that be cool? Is that why we're talking about this?

Is that what you think is the reason I'm talking about this? Yes, it is. I heard that thinly veiled comment. My whole history in our work and my work is all the people

you never wanted to meet. That's who you're going to meet here, okay? All the people that you are so terrified of. They're just other human beings.

And you're going to meet a lot of new friends and hot chicks. What are we talking about? I'm doing no promo. For what?

If you hang around. Oh, okay. With us. My wife, me, I don't.

Is a sex therapist. Okay. Okay, go on. So, I don't even know where I was.

Right. I have to pat this headboard. Well, you were telling me about why you think I'm talking about celebrity relationships because you think I think

I'm going to get famous? You get if you start talking about them. I've been talking about them. I get a certain level of fame.

But if you continue doing that. I've always done it. No, no. There's different levels where you reach.

You know, anyway, okay. So America. Okay. So let's talk about our marriage.

If you don't want to talk about Will Smith and Jada, think it's me. I mean, I have all kinds of things I want to say about them because I've been.

Okay, go ahead. No, no, no, no, no. You don't want to talk about it. Sure.

Here's, look at this. We got this at an auction house. And this was when I used to wear this hat. You got me wearing the captain's hat.

Ahoy there, captain. So I was wearing this captain's hat. You actually put it on my head when you were doing the show with me. And then we found her.

And it was like, I don't know, finding kind of a sister. Right here. Right here. You come, you found her though, I think, didn't you?

Yeah, you hold it. Okay. You hold it. Captain Max.

The SS happy days. Just want to let you know you're watching and listening to radio with pictures after our radio, which is part of the Dr. Susan Block show. And this is bedside chats.

I say that because the city is trying to tell me that I can't have beds in the storage area of my office. When we've been doing a show from bed for years. Actually, I've been doing a show from bed since before I met Max.

I did a show called Mattress Madness at the Zephyr Theatre. I've been doing shows from bed for many, many years. It was a show of poetry, different performance poems. And I guess I still do poetry, except I'm also a sex therapist now.

So I talked to you about your sexuality. And Max, of course, is... Yes? What are you?

Me. So I'm married to this girl. We've been doing this together for 30 years. And for 30 years, you guys have supported us.

And given us so much love and opportunity. And way before there were podcasts or vlogs and other things. We were broadcasting, we were broadcasting probably with the first radio station because we bought the software.

And as soon as we got the software, we had radio show and bands and music and interviews. And we had a lot of fun doing it. And then this spirit came along called the Internet and what to do with it. So...

I love you. Where are we going with this? Oh. That doesn't really matter.

Oh, okay. Henry Hernandez says, congrats, Michael Dobczy says, pretty legs. Have beautiful high heels. Mark's hair studio says, the city equals thumbs down.

I don't know. Poopoo city. Okay. So anyway, since you don't want to talk about celebrities, I thought I would read my diary

from 1991. So this is the diary that you bought me. Right before... Make yourself comfortable.

Right before we got married. This is the best wish. And I'm using my phone as a magnifying glass. Because we're old.

So I'm lost in the love zone, blindly, blissfully, following the thread of passion as it spirals, lush webs all around me and this man. I adore this man who gave me this little black book. A new chapter in my life, the story of the strongest love I've ever felt.

Yesterday was my father's birthday. The first one he's missed since I've been alive. And I felt that that chapter had closed. The old man has gone to dust.

The new man rises like the sun, glorious and powerful, erect and growing. I am lost in his power. I am lost in the love zone. His name is Mickey.

Like the mouse. Like some kind of drug. Someone slips in your drink. And that's not his only name.

There's Michael. Maximilian. Rudolf. Lubkovitz.

Massimiliano. A name for every facet, every disguise, every inch of him I love. Now, as I write this, he's right behind me,

touching my skin, rubbing my back, snuggling up against me like we do when we sleep. He always does this, walking in on me when I talk about him on the phone. Listening in at the bathroom door when I pee,

circling through the deepest fantasies from me on the phone, opening up my heart, walking right into my most private places, my secret gardens. I love to share my secrets with him.

Even this diary is no secret. I know he is reading it. It's all part of being lost in the love zone. Entry about more.

About you. It was all about you. So whether you liked the prose or the poetry or not, you had to admit it was quite the praise of Prince Max.

Very, very nice. That was before you were a captain. And yeah, I had just fallen in love with you and you gave me this diary and I wrote in it for like three weeks

and then I forgot about it. Actually, you wrote an entry in here. I think you were trying to encourage me, but yours is very poetic too.

But I know you don't want me to read it because he likes to hear about my love for him, but if I were to share his love for me, that would be embarrassing. It's very small scene.

Yeah, and a woman has to respect her husband's level of embarrassment. Back to those celebrities, huh? Oh, yeah. I don't know if it's just a woman.

I think people have to respect each other, especially in public. Jesus. And especially now, when it seems like,

I don't know what mom and dad were telling you, but you guys running around with these guns and slaps and violence and violence and violence. What does it get you?

What does it get you? Well, they're homosexual. They just get off on it. And imagine if someone did that to your mother

and killed her out on the street and shot her behind the head. Wow. Yeah, tough.

Before I talk about the celebrities you all want to hear about, I just want to talk about a celebrity couple made in hell. That would be Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas and his wife, Ginny Thomas,

who actively supported the American insurrection. The Trump coup, the rape of the Capitol. That was Ginny Thomas. And her husband is Clarence Thomas,

who is the most conservative Republican, reactionary justice on the Supreme Court at this point, which is saying a lot, right? And on the American scene and the world scene,

because, yeah, he's a reactionary a-hole and dangerous. And she is his counterpart. She's like sort of, you know, the eve to his atom. She's the jada to his will, if you will.

And she is pretty poisonous. I guess he's already in that direction, but who knows what their pillow talk is like. But in any case, they are all out for corporate fascism.

That's basically what it comes down to. And we have to watch out for this couple. In fact, he should not be a Supreme Court justice and she should probably be in jail,

along with those other people that are in jail just for walking around the Capitol. She helped plan the thing. She paid for the buses.

What happened tonight with Trump? He went somewhere and they were calling him a, not a traitor, it was some other fucking name. Which he is.

He's a traitor to everything you believe out there on the farm and everything we believe out here in the city. Yeah. Yeah.

And yet, and yet we try, I try not to demonize anybody that goes for Republicans, that goes for Putin. These people have waves of violence and evil coursing through their veins,

but honestly, everyone has a little evil in them and we need to reach out because these are our fellow humans and we all have to come together

for peace through pleasure in all kinds of weather or there ain't gonna be no more weather. That's right.

The climate's gonna burn up. So, gotta do it. Gotta get together somehow with these people that we all despise.

And I'm sure some of you despise us, but we all gotta get together. How about that? Anyway.

Hey listen, we won't burn down your churches. You don't burn down our buildings. And let's just be friends. You got about 20 minutes on this planet.

I know. Oh, you have a lifetime ahead of you when you have this and you have that. And that reminds me of poor Mr. Beck here

on the city council. Works for Direct TV and wants to censor another journalist. Let's talk about that sometime.

Mr. Beck. Okay, sometime. So, I actually have something to say about celebrities that does promote

our archives, which is we have just released our 2001 exclusive interview with fetish supermodel Dita Von Tees

all about her amazing life, her approach to bondage, her art of the tees and that is the name of this interview,

the art of the tees and her relationship, which was kind of just beginning at that time, with Marilyn Manson.

That's right. And it's a little controversial, you know, and of course Marilyn Manson has become a lot more controversial.

Some people have accused him of horrible sex crimes. He insists that he is innocent and Dita Von Tees has never

accused him of anything and really doesn't, I guess, take sides, although she doesn't corroborate the accusers.

I think that anybody watching this interview who has an opinion will find something in the interview to support their opinion,

whether it's that Marilyn Manson is innocent and just indulging in consensual BDSM with groupies and girlfriends and people that enjoy it

and it's not even that hardcore anyway and then people might hear something demonic, diabolical, negative in this interview,

which goes into some level of detail about her love affair with Marilyn Manson that led to marriage and divorce,

not divorce over any kind of abuse, but cheating, which I don't know. Maybe some people think of that as abuse, but it's pretty standard

and yet I can understand why someone would divorce you over it. It's like, okay, I don't want to be married to you anymore,

but she seems okay with it. So this interview is very revealing about her psyche and their relationship

and it's also very revealing about bondage and we actually tie her up. She's got these amazing elbows. She's double-jointed, I am not.

And she lets us tie her elbows together. She's such a lady while she does it, all dressed up in a corset that she says is big, but it's 20 inches

and it's really quite amazing what we do. Kind of recreating this enhanced interrogation that was going on in American forces,

invading Afghanistan and gathering prisoners in Guantanamo Bay, binding them, of course, non-consensually, blindfolding them, tying them up

and interrogating them. So we did a bit of a sort of semi-parody on that. It was happening at the same time and while George W. Bush

was invading Afghanistan, we preferred to penetrate the beautiful mind of Dita Vantees. That's right.

And it was a great night but we never released it, except it was live. But she was also on with Betty Page. That's true.

Years ago. We should put that one on YouTube. I mean, we've released that one. It's on our website, our Betty Page interview

that also features Dita Vantees but this one is one that just focuses on Dita. We don't deal with the famous people. We make people famous.

So many people have started on this show. That's true. There's so many people over the 30 years, you know. And, yeah, so that's kind of fun.

Right? Right. Okay, so I think that I hear an opening to talk about celebrity relationships.

Ah, go right ahead. Not really. I mean, seriously. No, no, no.

This is good. Everybody's talking about this fucking slap. We might be able to get advertisers if we talk about them.

That really is about an unhinged threesome, okay? And it's sad because it is an unhinged threesome. Threesome can be great. Will Smith is, of course, in the cuckold position.

We know that. Everyone has been appraised of Jada Pinkett Smith's polyamorous, you could say, if you're being generous, I guess,

or perhaps if you're being a little more circumspect, you might say her cheating depends. Well, no, not theoretically. She definitely had sex with other guys.

Oh, okay. I didn't know that. Definitely had sex. I just didn't want to call the insurance company

and say, you know, would you do the fame, this woman? Right. They could slap us. Right.

No, no. She admitted it. She has a show about it called Red Table Talk. Okay.

And she also defamed porn. She said that porn was bad for you. Here she is talking about all her relationships, which are great, you know, and the sex she has

with different people, which is fabulous. It is a kind of porn, though, audio-wise. You're talking about it. People are getting turned on to it.

Right. But it's not the visually explicit porn that you feel is somehow indecent and that you feel is okay to condemn.

And I feel that you should be condemned for condemning it. You're really just condemning sex. Forget the name or the studio that made it.

Okay. It's really about sex. So she does this show Red Table Talk, and it's a bunch of people sitting around a table,

often including her husband, Will, who is, of course, a very famous actor. And they just released a little clip that shows her filming him

in the beginning of Red Table Talk where she got a camera in his face and he says, don't film me now.

I don't want to be filmed now. I bet you can relate to that. That's right. You tell him.

Man does not want to be filmed. You tell him, Will. But she really forces him and then releases it.

I mean, it's not just a photograph. It's getting him in this uncomfortable way and releasing it. Who is she, a fucking dom?

Well, maybe if she were a real dom, she could handle this better, is my opinion. Because real doms can handle this kind of power play

that they are doing, but they are playing with fire because they have no rules. They have no rules for their polyamorous relationship.

They have no rules for their cuckold situation. They have no rules for the them-dom-jada position that she puts herself in. And they really have no rules for this whole idea

that she carries a torch for Tupac. I guess she was one of his groupies. I don't know. Maybe she was his girlfriend.

But in any case, very strong enough torch that she carries for him that her daughter wrote about it.

She writes, Dear Tupac, could you come back please and make my mommy feel better? Meanwhile, her dad is Will Smith.

So, okay, he's in the cuckold position. Jada is in the hot wife position. And there's no doubt she's very sexy, even bald. Or, you know, some people are just sexy bald.

Like, for instance, Max is a bald sexy man. I don't know if you want to show your bald head. No, no, he doesn't want to show his bald head.

But you've seen it, you've all seen it. And bald can be sexy. And Jada is sexy, bald or not. And she is a hot wife.

And I'm sure that there's lots of people that fantasize about her. She's also a cougar. She's also a milf.

Then there's the position of Chris Rock. It's obviously not a overtly sexual position. And yet, comedy is kind of a sexual thing. I mean, laughter is a mental orgasm.

So when you make somebody laugh, you kind of tickle their funny bone. And they giggle and enjoy. And they feel pleasure, mental pleasure,

and maybe even physical pleasure. And you can see that Will was feeling that from Chris Rock's joke about Jada being G.I. Jane II.

Which, you know, is a silly joke. Not exactly an insult, because Demi Moore is pretty attractive in G.I. Jane II.

So, I mean, she's always attractive. But, you know, I certainly wouldn't find that. It's not like he was comparing her to Telly Savalas. Or Yule Brenner.

Although Yule Brenner was good looking. But anyway, Jada didn't like it. Or maybe Jada was just fucking with Will. Hard to say.

Because she had just said on her social media, you know, so I'm bald. I got this alopecia. And it's nothing too serious.

It just means my hair falls out. And, you know, we know old age brings different things. So that's a thing. It doesn't hurt.

But, you know, it might hurt your vanity. My mother had that. And she remembers little boys. She lost a lot of her hair.

She had this black Neapolitan hair. And she would put beer packs on her head. Wow. Yeah.

And her hair grew back. Well, maybe you could try some. Well, that's what she did. Neapolitan wives cure.

Or you could just go with your bald head. It's okay. It's also okay. Or wear a wig or whatever.

A hat. You know. But in any case, she chose to make a face. As people call it, the resting bitch face.

And he chose to take it as a signal, I guess, to walk slowly up and give Will the slap. Which is definitely a form of physical contact. And yeah, it's not very sexual, but it kind of is.

And Will is kind of in the position of bull in that he's making a joke. He's getting to Jada. If she does like it, he's making her laugh. If she doesn't like it, he's kind of pushing her buttons.

And he's obviously pushing Will's buttons. And even though I'm sure Chris Rock hasn't had sex with Jada, there's something in Will that thinks about all the men that have had sex with Jada that he doesn't match up to because she complains about everything.

Her birthday, their wedding, everything he does, she complains about. It's hilarious actually. But I can imagine being Will Smith is not so hilarious. It sounds very stressful.

But no excuse for going up and smacking somebody at the fucking Oscars. And I know everybody says this, or they say the opposite. They say this thing. Why is Will Smith being punished?

I mean, some people actually defend him. They say because Chris Rock made a joke that Jada didn't like. That that makes it okay for him to do that. Now, those people I think are just...

Well, they're homosexual except they like it. They like that. They'd rather see violence than hear him just yell out something. And of course, a lot of Americans, a lot of people all over the world are like this

and that's why everyone wants to see this slap. Because people are attracted to that. Just like they're also attracted to sex. I mean, when it's hot.

Not some of the sex they do on the Oscars is lame. But certainly when Madonna and Britney Spears kissed, everybody wanted to see that. That was hot. Bit of a surprise too.

And positive in my view. But this in my view was negative. And I don't know. I just didn't think he was defending his wife.

She actually confirmed that in a way that also embarrassed him by saying he was not defending her. Which, oh my God, it just, you know, okay, lady, just pipe down. Sounds like a village tragedy.

Oh, it is. And you know what? It's a tragedy for the village of Hollywood. Because people say, why is this a big deal

when Hollywood people who have won Oscars like Woody Allen or Dalek Baldwin, Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, Roman Polanski, I don't know that they've all won. But they're all doing bad stuff, right?

Okay. I mean, I'm not going to argue about what they're doing. But the point is they're doing it outside of the Academy Hall. If they're doing it on the stage, that's the issue.

And I cannot stand that people all over social media, and it's very popular. I know somebody that got a ton of hits over this. Like the whole idea that Will Smith is being treated worse

than people who have done worse. Of course, if, I mean, Roman Polanski and Alec Baldwin killed somebody. But these were not things that were done during the Oscars. That's a key.

What was done during the Oscars? Okay. So the thing that was closest was Marlon Brando sent a Native American lady to accept his Oscar,

and she also criticized the presentation of Native Americans in Hollywood. And was it John Wayne, I think? Yeah. I think that he tried to attack this little feather.

I believe. John Wayne. Yes, John Wayne, brothers and sisters. So the guards held him back.

He was not allowed onto the stage. Why didn't the guards hold back Will Smith's driving up to the stage? Maybe they should have. And certainly once he smacked a presenter,

they should have escorted him out. But they didn't. And you know what? I get it.

I'm, you know, it's confusing. It was a limited amount of time, then he's getting his award. I don't think he deserves to lose his award, but he does deserve a certain level of what shall we call it,

a probrium for bringing violence onto the stage. I mean, hey, I admired that streaker in 1974, who ran naked across the stage and gave David Niven an opportunity to say, hmm, well, that gentleman just showed us his shortcomings.

So anyway, it was fun. You know, sex is fun, folks. Violence. Some people like it.

A lot of people like it, but it's a problem. It hurts. It harms. Of course, a slap is the tip of the iceberg of violence that is war.

And we are at war, brothers and sisters, and we're fighting to the last Ukrainian against Russians. And it's awful. And right wing and white wingers all over the world who want to,

just on a personal level, take me back to somewhere I don't want to go. Right. I want to go forward. I've done that.

You want to go forward. And that's why I mean, make your slaps consensual, right? Right, right. Okay.

And if you have this kind of complicated relationship, don't act it out through violence. Maybe you do need to go to a counselor that can help you. Or get whipped.

Yeah, maybe a DOM. A DOM could be a counselor. We know a lot of DOMs. And we're going to be going to DOMCon after Vice.

And then we're going to be going to Yale for our Yale reunion. What a jacket for that. But first we're going to be going to the Bonaventure. Ah, yes.

We don't know what to do, really. Because usually on our anniversary in the past, we would have an orgy. But it just feels a little strange.

I mean, we have our boosters and I have my mask, but a mask is not a great thing to wear to an orgy. Right? Well, I mean, it depends.

Well, certain masks, sexy masks, we are moving into some active times. And I feel like it's a tough time to navigate and try to stay healthy, both in the body, not get COVID,

not get shot, you know, while we go out among the people. And not get caught in an anniversary parade. Oh, my goddess. Let's see.

Wow. We have a cake. Yay, brothers and sisters, lovers and sinners. We have a cake, 30th anniversary cake.

Thank you, Adriana. You can just put it down. I'll put it down here. Oh, here's the bonobo way, which I had not written when we got

married and we didn't even know about bonobos. But I feel like we were bonobo, you know, even when we didn't know about them. And this is our beautiful cake.

But Chico is going to go to the cake now. Oh, Chico. Come here. Come here.

Come on over. Come on over. Come here. Over here.

Somebody should grab the cake. This is Chico. This is Chico. If you ever attempt to come close to this area, Chico will growl.

And then he will bark. Two minutes? Two minutes? So thank you for joining us for our 30th wedding anniversary.

We want you to be good. We want you to be happy. We want you to try not to hurt anyone, including yourself. We want you to make like bonobos, not baboons.

Whether you're married, marriage is not for everyone. It happens to be for us. But if it's for you or not, make like bonobos, not baboons. Make love, not war.

Make love to someone you love tonight. Even if that someone is you. Be bonobo. Don't be Will Smith for now.

Maybe he can be rehabilitated though. And be Dr. Suzy and Max if you're married. Yeah, 30 years. Hey, Doc.

I love you. I love you. So, yeah, 30 years. 24 hours a day.

It's like 70 years. And now she goes in the bed. Need to talk with someone about something you can't talk about with anyone else? You can talk to us.

I'm Dr. Susan Block, your mistress of the airwaves. But my day job is director of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts and Sciences, specializing in sex therapy over the phone. Anytime you need to talk, whether you need serious psychotherapy or a hot phone sex experience

or a combination, my world-renowned telephone sex therapists are just a phone call away. Totally private, absolutely confidential. We listen, talk with you, advise you, role play for you, fantasize with you. No fantasy is too taboo and help you with anything from impotence to exhibitionism,

fears to desires, fetishes to marriages. For more information, call us at 213-291-9497. That's 213-291-9497 anytime you need to talk. You're listening to Radio Suzy 1 on the World Wide Web.