Happy Birthday Capt’n Max! Happy Anniversary The Bonobo Way!

Full transcript of Happy Birthday Capt’n Max! Happy Anniversary The Bonobo Way! on The Dr. Susan Block Show:

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more information, call us at 213-291-9497. That's 213-291-9497 anytime. You're listening to Radio Suzy One on the World Wide Web, and now here she is, Dr. Susan Block. Brothers and sisters, lovers and sinners, artists and exhibitionists, voyeurs and connoisseurs. Ahoy there, mates and primates, and sea lovers and land lovers. Yes indeed, first things first,

here in the little love church of the Bonobo Way, in the village of Bonoboville, at the Dr. Susan Block Institute on the Dr. Susan Block show, it's Max's Birthday! Can I get an amen? And a women, can I get an amen? Can you turn my mic up? Turn his mic up. Hello, hello. Ahoy there, it's Captain Max's Birthday.

Hello, hello, hello. Hi, how are you? I'm good, I'm good. You know, well, I mean, I sound a little bit like I've been snorting cocaine, but I have not. I have not. So, no music. Okay. You're now going to listen to the music of the spheres and the years of Max's life. That's right. And no, I'm allergic to the fires. Well, I have a sinus sensitivity,

but I'm very happy to be celebrating your 1,097th birthday. Well, it's only the 76th, but... Just like the gasoline, 76, with the little orange bones. Route 76, there's a lot of power to 76. 76 trombones, maybe. Wait a minute, wait a minute, Mark. Route 76. Oh, that's...

Can you turn up the studio monitors a little bit? It's the 76ers, my home team from Philadelphia. So that's even better than Route 76, which I'm sure there is a Route 76. It's just not Route 66, which is the famous one. Mike, can you turn up the studio monitor a little bit?

Even though it's Max's birthday and he's supposed to be being the star, he is still directing because he is the creator, the executive producer officially. There is no director of this show, but he is the executive producer of the Dr. Susan Block show, as well as the publisher of many things, but besides it being Max's birthday, it is also the fifth anniversary of the Bonobo Way,

which I always remember because I gave it to Max on his birthday, even though he's the publisher of it, and that one is warped from spanking. But, oh, here's another one here. Yeah, okay, it's good. Good dev ones. I like the spanking one. They're good. You know, it's almost Thanksgiving. You could smell it. And they're added value, value added. I'm sniffing it.

Yep. Happy birthday. Thank you, darling. Little spank, spank, spank, spank, spank for the birthday, boy. And so Prince Maximilian Rudolph, Leblavich D. Lubkovitz, D. Phil and Jerry were born 76 years ago in the hospital attached to the Vatican because they were afraid of the bombs because a lot of things were being bombed. It was World War II. It was November 8th, 1943.

They didn't bomb Rome, but they were afraid that the allies or the Nazis or whoever was in charge that day was going to bomb the Vatican perhaps. So there's a hospital right next to the Vatican. And some of the kids, I don't want to be elitists, some of the rich kids are born in that hospital. Well, right, because they weren't going to bomb the Vatican.

They had some limitations, I guess, at that time. And so they had some, I don't know if I'd call them morals, but qualms, okay. And so one of them was we're not going to bomb the Vatican, probably because the Vatican were a bunch of Nazis, right? Well, perhaps, but also it's a separate state. Right. Well, that was the that was the idea. And so you weren't bombed, but then they spirited

you away rather quickly to the Italian countryside, to the Alps. They sent me to the Alps. They sent me to Switzerland for a while. They sent me to the farmlands at the time. I'm actually a war baby. And I was traumatized by it. Yes. I'm still traumatized by it. Can we get some relief for that, like benefits? Well, we can say he's the bomb. Okay, so you have some messages from fans.

It's Max's birthday, everybody. And so we're not having any outside guests, although we are taking messages from fans. So you can write to us on Facebook, or call us at 626-461-5212, or 1-866-289-7068. Brian James Lucas, aka Chef B Live, says we should drive over. All right, you know. We'll have some cake. Happy birthday, Maxim Million. We have cookies also. It's Danielle. Well,

Danielle's birthday was very recently. So happy birthday, Danielle. Happy birthday, Danielle. Yes, what's happening, Danielle? I hope you had a really sexy birthday. And so, yeah, you guys could come over. You know the secret address, and you could jump over the boat, you know, that Trump has filled with alligators. No, he doesn't. Not in Bonoboville, maybe at the border,

but we have him gagged with a sailor's hat because it's Max's birthday and we're all in this boat, in this ship of fools for love. Ship of fools. Yeah. And Keith Turner says happy birthday. Okay. Thank you, Keith Turner. And Ray Serrino says happy birthday. Ray Serrino. I read a long time ago, hear from you. Yeah. But we love you. Ray's a great artist. Yeah. He makes

some sex toys. He made some burning men, edifices. We love Ray. Come on back. Come visit us. Oh, and he made that really cool thing that we've got to do, put it on a Clipperama, where it's like a glass dildo that you can see inside the pussy. And it's a camera, right? Camera lens. Yeah, it's very cool. Our camera people are going, oh, oh, yes,

it's a camera goes right into the plus. So the birthday boys microphone has gone out. No, I got it. I got it. Okay, so, so Prince Max, we should say a little bit about your princeliness just a little bit because your life is what's important. But the the ancestors of Prince Max are all so important. This is a little picture of Prince Max right here. Maybe

some of our cameras can show this can. I mean, we should turn and show this on one of the, where's Maher? Did Maher disappear? Show this so that unless you want to just edit it in. But oh, it's already in. Okay. Well, anyway, that's little Max when he was a little baby. It's two years older. That was painted by nuns. This portrait here was painted by a nun.

Oh, a nun, not several, not several nuns. There was just one nun with a paintbrush. Right. And you're so cute. You still look the same. You do. And so then there's this poster here that Stu made. And it's also a birthday card from the people in Bonoboville. And it says the Lubkovitz Palace. That's what the card is.

And then there's some Lubkovitz ancestors. And that's your check branch from your father's side. And then there's the Philly Jerry branch. Now, wait a minute, we're both shooting the same thing here. Yeah, don't have both. Okay, no, that's okay. That's a space. So that maybe the most famous relative, although the Lubkovitzes are pretty famous

for their beer now. No, for they were the patrons of Beethoven. And and then, you know, the Philly Jerry's were also extremely well known in Italy. But Gaetano Philly Jerry's, probably your best known ancestor who was a philosopher and a friend of Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson, advised them on life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, the whole thing.

There on the screen is a bust of Gaetano Philly Jerry. He was quite a genius. And he really did advise Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson. And he was just he wrote all kinds of philosophical treatises. Right. So there's Gaetano Philly Jerry. And so you were saying what he's really well known for besides advising on the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson, and the Constitution

besides that, what is he well known for? Well, okay, so he took the Neapolitan kingdom out of the basically the Stone Age. Now the Apollos, they made the ice cream, right? No, that's Naples. That's Naples. And the pizza, right? Yeah, and the pizza, the pizza Margarita came from Naples. But here's some of the things that he dealt with. He wrote six books. And

they were called the science of politics. And some of his theories in that book was the balance of power among nations and territories. The compulsory education of every child. Public education. Public education. You hear that, Betsy DeVos? Yeah. He is considered by the Communist, the first Communist. One of the other things that he believed in, he says no

government, no government, no government can survive when it doesn't take care of the earth. Oh, he was the first ecologist. This was a long time ago, you have to remember. Take care of the earth. Way back in the 18th century. Yeah, 18th century. And he was a reformer of prisons. So if you go to Italy today, all the prisons, the street is named after Gaetano Filangeri,

because he reformed the prison system there. These are just a few of the really radical ideas for that time. This was a kingdom. His son, Carlo Filangeri, was a criminal. He was a war criminal. He was a war criminal. Not just some low level criminal. He was a high level criminal. Yeah, because he was head of the King's Navy. For a while he was more famous than

Gaetano. Right, right. He got himself a passage in the Britannica before Gaetano. Right. But now Gaetano's experiencing a resurgence of interest in him. Right, because of all the movements that are going on right now. He also wanted to tax, make sure that the rich paid. Right. You know, we should send Bernie Sanders some treatises of Gaetano Filangeri. Actually, I have somewhere

I have his book here. So, so the idea- I kept Kardashian since she said to free all these prisoners. The ideas were so radical, of course, that the church had him arrested. Ah, you hear that Kanye? Your church there had Gaetano Filangeri arrested. Right. So, yeah, so I followed in his footsteps. Yeah, I got arrested more times than him. Gaetano.

And you're a philosopher. And you know, you refer, form the prison system from the inside. So anyway, he did a lot of stuff. It was radical ideas for that time. Definitely. But the thing that I mostly love and that inspired me is the idea of the pursuit of happiness. Because he kind of said that if you, if you can't pursue happiness

in life, then all the other stuff kind of sucks. What are you going to do? Uh-huh. You don't want to be miserable. You don't want to suffer. It's very bonobo. And yes, a lot of his things were very bonobo. Before anybody knew about bonobos, but it's very bonobo to say that happiness and pleasure is

important to the good of society. That's correct. That's correct. And that's your show. Okay. Well, I wanted to say speaking of Jesus, uh, Kanye, Jesus is king and, uh, Max, get this Kanye, is according to certain stories, a descendant of Jesus, Jesus and Mary Magdalene. Can I get an amen? Amen. And an A women. A women. Because this is the story that says, um, you know that,

that the women are important and that, uh, if Jesus existed and perhaps he did, he was a descendant of King David. So he would be named Jesus Davidson, not Jesus Christ. And he would have been married because any great teacher, any Jewish teacher, uh, Rabbi would be married. And that probably he was married to Mary Magdalene. And y'all have read the Da Vinci code or seen the

movie and that this was repressed by the church, this idea that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene. And in some stories she's turned into a whore and in some stories she's just, you know, some rich lady. But she was an important lady. She was his wife. Uh, and, and that was why the apostles were really jealous of her. But anyway, he died and she was pregnant. So the story goes.

And they thought, well, you know, her son will become the next great Messiah, the next leader to save us from the Romans. But she had a daughter. So, you know, in those days, what could you do with a girl? Except take her away to the south of France, which is where they settled and which is where these people, uh, kind of, uh,

rose up or just kind of hung out. And, uh, some of them were called the Cathars and they were Christians. They were very serious Christians because they felt that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were their great, great, great, great grandparents. And that's one reason that they were against the church and its creation of this myth of Jesus being celibate and it all being all

about the father and the son and the Holy Ghost and no wife, no woman, you know. And so these people, they were there and they, they established their rituals and, and their beliefs and they're very interesting. But the thing that relates to Max is that when Pope innocent, not so innocent, as I have mixed feelings about that word, but anyway, Pope innocent, um, he perpetrated

the only crusade of Christians against Christians. And this was against the Cathars, the Albigensian crusade. And so he killed like 30,000 of them. And some of them left and went to Italy because believe it or not, even though the Vatican was in Italy, they didn't know that they were there in Italy. And so they left and they were, um, from this place called Agir

in France. And when they came to Italy, they became known as the sons of Agir or in Italian, Phil Lingerie. And that's Max's last name, Phil Lingerie. And so, you know, he's a descendant of Jesus. There you have it. There you have it, you know. I'm going to pass the basket around now. And that's why the church perpetrated those crusades because they thought you guys would

start saying, Hey, you know, I'm, I've got some rights. I've got the bloodline. That's, that's the holy grail right there. There you go. Yeah, there you go. No, I mean, but, uh, and they used to, interestingly, because of course you have done work in much, much groundbreaking revolutionary work in the field of X rated publishing. And because they didn't want to

say who they were, they would sign their names with an X. That's, that was their signal X. And you'll see in a lot of art, including Da Vinci X's that are a symbol of this, you know, so that's why they call it the Da Vinci code. One of the reasons. Anyway, so back to Max himself, descendant of Jesus and Gaetano filigieri. But he's just a little boy in Italy. And, and he always had this kind of back

and forth between being a prince and being just a wild animal. And so there's the monarchy. And there's the anarchy in your life. And I think when it first came out that I know is when the nuns tried to make you go to school. Yeah, so I'm living in Naples, Italy. And I'm just a little kid and I have to go to kindergarten. And I'm living with my great

grandmother, my grandmother, my aunt, my Jewish uncle, and my mom. And so they get me all cuted up and little white bow, little dress, little dress, black dress, a cross dress. Yeah. And the school was right across the street. So I the day comes that I have to go to school. Yeah. And I'm fucking terrorized by this idea that I have to go someplace. Because I never liked the nuns.

They always saw the nuns running around. Scary. And, you know, little nut in Naples, everybody's short. So if you go, if you drive from Milan, you get to Rome, you pass Rome, everybody's four feet tall. Okay. So all these little nuns running around and they always terrified me. I didn't know what to do with them. So they take me over to the nuns. And they take me into

they try to take me in. And then doors are very small. This I remember this is way, way back. This is an ancient building. And it has two little wood doors. So one foot goes here. The other foot goes here. I start screaming. They drag me in. They literally drag me in. Of course, there's all so I go through this indoctrination. Why I'm here and all of this stuff here. And then lunchtime comes

lunchtime. Okay. That's my moment to escape. So we're all eating. Everybody has the real soup. I dumped the soup under the under the table. Put the soup there. I'm done eating. I can get up. And as when I get up, as soon as I get up, I disappear and I run across the street to my house and to my grandma and to my grandma, you know, at the top of the stairs,

there's a huge statue probably bigger than that piano of this person. I forget what it was even. And I run over there and I hide behind the statue. Sanctuary. Yeah, my sanctuary. I hide behind the statue and pretty soon they notice that I'm missing. Yeah. So there's this cavalry of nuns running across the street. And I hear them downstairs in the courtyard.

And then I hear them coming up the stairs. And I'm behind a fog and statue. And then I wait for the right moment and I run out and I try to push them downstairs. It didn't work. Kind of little. I was captured. And my grandmother, my great grandmother, my aunt, they all come running out. There's all this screaming and yelling. And that was my first day

at school. And I never, ever wanted to go back. And your first day as an anarchist? And probably, yes. I didn't want to be indoctrinated. I didn't want to be indoctrinated, which later I'll tell the story of how my children never went to school. Because I didn't believe the Gaetano, what Gaetano Fiongeri was saying, that every child should be

indoctrinated by the state with their values and their ideas. Anyway, that was my first step into anarchy. Yeah. So you've gone back and forth between the monarchy and the anarchy. Yeah, because there's two systems. There's only two systems in the world. You can call, you can say there's communists, there's this, there's that. There are two

systems. Yeah. There's the monarchy. Yeah. Which are the people that are in charge. With money. Yeah. Because like your Lubkovitz side, how did they get their title? How did they become princes? Because they were shepherds that made a lot of money. They all made, they all made this up. Kings, they said, I'm the king of the land. I am the landlord. I am the king. And they declared

themselves kings. Yeah. They got an RV. My hand. Fight other people off. Yeah. Yeah. And so they got their titles and all of these things because they were sheep herders. Yeah. They were the Austro-Hungarian empires, sheep herders. They, they were like, they were like a, I don't know, one of the billionaires today. Yeah. So there's the people with the money and then the people.

And then, right. So the two systems are this. There's the guy, people on top and then there's the anarchists below. Okay. And if you look at history very carefully, the anarchists always overthrow the monarchists or the ruling class and then they become the ruling class. So far. And then they have to be kicked out. Until Bernie Sanders gets to be president. So yeah, Bernie. Hi,

Bernie. Hey, Bernie. He's still older than you, by the way. He's older than me? He's older than you. Well, I wish him luck. Bernie, I'm 76. And I already had a heart attack. I feel bad. I had a quadruple bypass. You're doing good. You're doing good. You're doing great. I am. You are. You're really healthy these days. I'm due for a heart attack.

Such eyes do for a heart attack. So, so that was my first anarchy, my first rebellion against what I perceived as an enemy in a way. Someone who wanted to grab hold of me and really tell me these stories. Yeah. And I heard, I'd heard these stories. And I'm in Italy in the 1950s with crosses everywhere. And this fucking guy hanging there bleeding.

And you're in the upper class. You were a prince, a little prince. So that all terrified me. So anyway, so then after a while you had to leave. You know, everybody had to go. So my, my, what did I leave? Well, you all had, I mean, I'm skipping ahead. There's a bunch of stories. But then you turned seven. Your family went with a bunch of royalty.

They were like royal refugees. They were like, yeah, the migrant royalty. Oh, he got a ship. I was having the ship. Here's the ship. That's why I'm wearing captain's garb. How about that ship? This is the last menu. And it says on the back, this is the ship that I came to America on. This was the last dinner. It's a ship that I took.

There is the ship that Max little Max first developed his nautical fetish on that ship. So this ship here, Captain Max, so this ship here at night, let me, let me hold it. Let me have the, or you would have leave it there. So this, I got a fetish out of this ship. Okay. And oh, first of all, one of the reasons we came to America is because my dad was

worked for American intelligence before it was the CIA. And he knew Mussolini and he knew hit spoke eight languages. He was very well educated, the Prince. Actually, we should have a picture of the Prince. Oh, the Prince. I have him. What are the slides? Are you doing? Yeah, there he is. Arab spectator. That's my dad. Prince Lubkovitz. Prince Peter Lubkovitz wearing his regalia.

You know, that's the Maltese cross he's wearing. He was a 33rd Prince Lubkovitz. He was a 33rd Mason. Oh, that's your dog. That's my dog, Robert. Robert, right. French dog. He's also a descendant of Jesus, the dog. Okay. Yeah. As my daddy. And this, what was he doing here? He was in Lebanon. This is Lebanon. He was making a deal.

Yeah, he was making a deal. The deal was called Laetrile. Almonds. Almonds, anti-cancer drug. One of the first ones that he developed that they tried to develop with Dr. Krebs, I believe his name is a Canadian, a Canadian doctor. Peter Francis Lubkovitz. Yeah, looks very serious. He's very serious. Yes, he's definitely for the monarch.

This guy had more chicks. That's the anarchistic part, the sex. He had more women. He had an anarchy of women, a harem of women. Yeah, he did. But he was great. He was great. I want to tell you something about my dad. My dad was one of the great con artists of all time. He made his money. Much more effective than Trump. He made his money as an arms dealer.

Arms dealer. So what he did during the Cuban revolution is he was more of a socialist, communist kind of guy. So he sold the really good rifles to Castro. And he sold the really bad rifles to Batista. Wow. That's why Castro won because of your dad. So he had the latest weapons. But you became anti-war. But I certainly became anti-war.

But I'm wearing a Lubkovitz family pin on my hat. And I sort of became a socialist when I was young. John D. Rockefeller used to come over to our house, the old Rockefeller guy. That's the Lubkovitz pin. This is the Lubkovitz rig right here. I got the rig and the pin of all of the Lubkovitz stout. I don't have any Phyllo-Jerry regalia.

No, wait a minute. I have something here. Oh, here it is. This is the Phyllo-Jerry thing. There it is. The F thing. So you went on this ship. Okay. No, I was somewhere else. Oh, you're somewhere else? I was. I got interrupted. Oh, well, your dad in the Leia trip.

Oh, okay. So dad was a weapons dealer. Right. Sally, Batista, but the better weapons. And he hung out with the Kennedys and Johnson and Senator Keefauer. And they were all involved in all kinds of shit. Did he get widowed for John F. Kennedy? I don't know what he did there, but I do remember one thing. When they opened their offices in Washington,

D.C., I walked in and I saw my dad in the lobby. And he was holding hands with this woman. And I started to walk towards him. That's my dad. And my dad goes, with his hand, get out of here. Don't come here. Anyway. Got on the weekend. Okay. So Gerald Brown says happy birthday, Mr. Max.

That's Captain Max or Prince Max, but thank you, Gerald. And as always, Susan Block has been looking this much hotter than you are stunted. I think he's ESL. Okay. Are you talking about my wife? But I am getting a little hot. I'm wearing my... Let's turn this off. No, I'm going to take off my, you know, sailor thing. But you can turn that on, I guess,

so that I'll put it on. That's very nice. I'm a liker that. Yeah. Because I put it on for your nautical fetish. So I won't tell you much more about my dad, except that the Tista people were very pissed off. They were mad. Oh, yeah. They were really angry. And so one day I went to the door

while my parents were traveling, because my parents were never at home. Oh, you've already gotten to New Jersey, by the way. Yeah. Oh, I'm already in Jersey. Oh, wait a minute. Well, you skipped coming on the ship. Let me get on the ship.

You went, you're a refugee, coming to the Promised Land of Montclair, New Jersey. Right. So after the war, my dad decided to take his family to the new land. Yeah. To the land of freedom. Yes, sir. Land of freedom. Pursuit of happiness. And pursuit of happiness. Oh, there I am.

Oh, that's later. That's later. It wasn't that old. That's when I was doing Elvis limitations. Yeah. That's when he was 15, getting laid. 15. I had more checks that were recommending it. Yeah. No, I recommend it highly if you're young.

I've done it. And don't turn. No, I lost my virginity. Don't turn them in. Don't turn your teacher in. Don't turn your teacher in. Okay. So we get on this ship and it's the first time I also kind of meet Americans and Americans

are really the only Americans I know are soldiers. And as a little kid, we would go to the base there to get our paperwork and do all that kind of stuff. And we got on a ship called the Italia, which I showed you before. This is the Italia. And of course, we were in first class. It was all very wonderful.

And I hung out with the Princess Princess Savoy. Her name. I've got it. I've got it right here. She's the daughter of the last king of Italy. Yeah. Yeah. And Princess Maria Gabriela of Savoy. Savoy and the Savoy. Hi, Princess Maria Gabriela. Wherever you are, wherever you are.

Remember me. I'm the cute kid with the big blonde hair on his head. Don't you steal my husband. And so there would be these great parties at night. Imagine the ship. You know, this is 1950s. It's a few years after the Titanic and they built a better.

And there was a smaller ship too. So I were on this ship and my parents would always go out at night and they would go dancing and so forth. And of course, as soon as they left, I would sneak out late at night and I would run around the ship. But the ship, it wasn't like ships today. These were ships. There was no, you know, snow slide or

that this was a ship and I would go and I would go to where they were dancing and I would watch all the people dance out there and people would come out and I would kind of hide out. And then I found the spot that kind of changed my life and kind of made me fearless right under the bridge and I would go there at night.

Pay no attention to the water. We're just having a little, we're having a movement, a movement. What's happening here? Well, you're going to finish your story and that's how things are going to happen. And I would sit there getting soaking wet as this ship would dip into the ocean and it was this beautiful ocean dark.

You couldn't see shit. There was nobody around. But I felt that spray and I said, when I grew up, when I grew up, I am going to be a captain of a ship. And you are the captain of the good ship Bonoboville. And here's your cake. And it's got peaches because this is also an impeachment party.

Oh, yeah, it's an impeachment party. Yeah, we're having an impeachment party. It's our sixth impeachment party. And you have a Bonobo with a captain's hat wishing you a happy birthday. Very nice. Very, very nice. I see it. I see it.

Yeah. Should we like rip that off? Oh, yeah. Maybe we could cut this off. Let's cut this off. So I want it to be the captain of a ship. But the big fucking problem is I can't add two and two.

And if you're running a ship, you better know how to add two and two to figure out where you're going in the world. So we've got this very interesting formation here. Okay. All right. So we're going to put seven candles.

Well, we have 76 candles. Right. We have 76 candles. Right. Yeah, yeah. And this was Sunshine's concept. All right. So that's why she's putting the candles in. That's it. That's it. Oh, that's 76.

It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Seven. Seven. So, okay, so we're talking about cakes right now. Okay. We're talking about you being on the ship, just like the Titanic. I never got to be the captain of a ship. So this is kind of a ship to me. The good ship at Oberville. The ship of fools for love.

Your butt is showing, so I have to spake it. Everybody's quiet. This is radio. Okay. So now, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, Captain Max. Happy birthday to you.

Me. What was that? All right. Until you blow them out. All right. Do I blow these out?

Blow these out. How do I wish? What do you wish? Wish. Okay. Wish them all. Yeah. Listen to Betsy. Betsy is singing happy birthday. Awesome.

Is he that funny? She comes out to sing a happy birthday. Thank you, Betsy. She came out to join. Yeah. She's greeting the new guy. Yeah. Yol. Yol to Jesus. He's also a descendant of Jesus.

We have a lot of descendants of Jesus here tonight. Don't be jealous. Okay. So what are we doing now? Okay. So now, we're going to tell a couple more stories in front of the cake, and then we're going to cut it. But I want to know just because after all,

you are a publishing revolutionary, and your publishing really started in Montclair, New Jersey. Montclair. Hey, Montclair. Yeah. So Montclair. So I come to America. I don't speak and no English, not even a one a word. And then people are making fun of me. And I was very big, though, for a seven-year-old. So nobody could have really pushed me around.

Yeah. Oh, not yet. Yeah. So you lost my trend. Oh, you were seven when you got to New Jersey. Okay. So I got to New Jersey. I got to junior high school. I still couldn't add, and I couldn't spell, and I didn't know my grammar, but I had Mrs. Estrin,

as I miss Estrin, and she was a little old lady and she loved me. So she would pass every year. She would pass me. She would say, okay. And excuse me, what are you doing? I'm opening this up. Okay. Yeah. Oh, well, no. Okay. You can't talk, but I'm opening it. Okay. Okay. Go ahead. All right. Thank you. Thank you. So she said to me, you know,

Mickey, they call me Mickey. She said, I love you. You're a wonderful little boy, but you'll never, ever be a publisher or a writer. Oh, what did she know? Yeah. So you should, this was the fact that people were serious. So you should take up coal mining. And then my math teacher, who had, if you guys don't remember, they had to point at bras. Oh, yeah, the bullet

bras. And, and the mat and I was bad at math, the math teacher would come behind me and said, Nicky, here, let me help you. And I'd feel this, this stuff behind my back. Wow. Yeah, right? I'm never gonna learn math. Not now, not ever. So at a certain point, there are like three Jewish kids in school.

Donna Horowitz. Bonnie Kelner. Bonnie Kelner. And this ugly guy. He was also Jewish. But Bonnie Kelner, Donna Horowitz, was kind of cute. All right. So Donna Horowitz, this was the time. They're my predecessors.

My predecessors. This was the time that Peyton Place was published. Most of you guys don't remember Peyton Place. The V of the Crotch. You might remember the, the television show. But Peyton Place had, I forget what page it was, it had a line that said, I touched the V Crotch. And people went nuts. It was a best seller. It was a time that Sputnik had been

also launched. And I wore special panties just for this moment. They say lust at veritas. Because I feel that's one of your monos. Lust and truth. Yes, lust. Which is a lust and truth. Take off all the Yale butter. Yeah. Lux at veritas. Sorry Bulldogs.

So Donna wanted to write Peyton Place about Montclair, New Jersey. Parity. Okay. Yeah. No, not real life. A real thing. A real Peyton. Like the art teacher is gay. Gay. And the math teacher is fucking so and so. Having an affair. Having affairs. So this is all going on in this quaint little town,

quaint little town, especially then in the 19... How old were you then? Like 12 or 13? About 12 or so. Yeah. So she writes this thing and she says, Mickey, come here. Because I was pretty talented already by that age. She said, could you sneak into the school and print this on the mimeograph machine? The mimeograph machine.

Yeah. Mimeograph. The printers. The four photocopiers. The mimeograph machine. Yeah. They printed everything in purple. In purple. Right. Everything was purple. So I would sneak into George Ennis Jr. High School. And it wasn't like today where the security guards and alarms and, you know,

I would go down and when I go to the woodshop, I'd leave a window open. Who's that? That's the door. Yes. Yes. It's a guest. Like Jeff Spiccoli in... No, it's just loser to walk by. The piece of news. Just a loser. That's all. Don't worry about it.

It's just loser walking by. That's the time to reach my life. What a loser. So, now... Okay. So Donna Hurl would... Okay. So she said, all right. So I sneak in there and I go to the principal secretary's office and I start printing this book. And I'm printing and printing.

And the book starts spreading throughout George Ennis Jr. High School. And among the teachers and they're going, what's going on here? And who's doing this? And Donna and Bonnie and we're laughing and so forth. And I'm keep... But the paper's running out and they have to order more paper.

And so finally one night I'm in there, door shut. And I'm running this machine and I get busted. Busted. Busted. By nuns. No, by principal. No, not by nuns. Just kidding. By Mr. Edgerton. That was his name. The assistant principal.

I remember him very well. Disciplinarian. Yeah. Him and the secretary, the school secretary. And so I got suspended. I got suspended from school. To which my dad said, well, you know, you can't really do that.

What is this? What kind of... What about the pursuit of happiness? Yeah. What about the... Life of liberty. He said, I take care of things. And his limousine used to come and pick him up every morning from New York. And so he drove me to school

and the limousine pulled up in a round driveway. And we went in and Mr. Edgerton was sitting there and my dad and me and I forget there were a couple of other people. Okay, get this. All right. This is 1950s. My dad pulls out a camel cigarette.

Yeah. And lights it up right there. And he says, son, do you want one? Ah, even better. Anyway, then they kicked me out of the room and then I got reinstated somehow. But that was my first, my first bust. Yeah.

Yeah. At 12 years old. Wow. 12 years old. Yeah. That's so epic. He don't count the duds, which was kind of a bust also. The duds.

Yeah. But this was a publishing. This was your first American bust. First bust for publishing. You know what? I actually ought to add that to my busts. The first one, this one.

This one. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. So anyway, nowadays, they probably would put it on your record. Oh, yeah. I'm sure. I'm sure. Yeah.

So put you at Juvie Hall. Yeah. Juvie Hall, right. During that time, too, sometimes in the summertime, I, I want to tell this story because it's always very touching to me.

I was sitting under my pine tree in front of my house. And I'm a little kid. It's 19, probably 1955. And I go, who am I going to marry? What is her name?

What does she look like? And I sat under the pine tree and thinking and thinking. And suddenly I saw this little blonde girl. And she was a doctor.

Yeah. She was a doctor. And I had this image and it came and it went. And then I thought, I wonder, I wonder what her name is. You know, and I tried to figure it out and I couldn't figure it out.

And many years later, I figured out that block, B-O-C-K, those letters are in Lubkovitz. Yeah. That's what you realize. She thought her name will be inside of my name.

My name. Right. Yeah. That's one thing that came to you while you were under the tree. Under the tree. And in 1955, she was born.

Uh-oh. That's what I was supposed to say. So life was a little strange. Strange. Very strange.

So, okay. So we're going to publishing. We're skipping ahead. Okay. So let's skip ahead real quick here

because we have a long life, 76 years. Very long life. We have 76 years of this stuff here. So I came to the land of the free.

I believed in the land of the free. I believed in my philosophy, a parentage and writers and all of that. And I was looking for Susan also,

that girl that I saw under the pine tree. I married two wrong ones. First of all, it was Dave Susan though. Before I found her.

Threes the charm. So you can imagine a kid that was born during the middle of the war and had to travel all over the fucking thing. Get on a ship.

Go across the ocean. Get married twice before I actually find her. And it's Dr. Susie. So, okay.

So I'm a bill collector now. Okay. I wrote a book about bill collecting. I'm a bill collector.

And my brother-in-law brings some marijuana. And I started to smoke at the marijuana. I'm going to smoke at the marijuana. Okay.

How old were you here? Here. I was already married. And I owned a collection agency.

Do you want a prop? I mean, just smoking the marijuana. Oh yeah. You can undo that.

And I had all the top lawyers in the city, the hospitals. I had all their colleagues, excuse me a second. The silence was the lighting of the marijuana stick. So I start smoking marijuana.

I'm pretty good off. I live in Beverly Hills. I have two Porsches. I have one Tangerine one.

Boy, that bill collecting business is pretty good, huh? It was good. Wow. Well, because when I got into the collection business,

they used to send out these two old Jewish guys. There's always these old Jewish guys. I'd like to get your receivables. I said, wait a minute.

Wait a second. I represent some of the top doctors and lawyers in the city. I'm not going to find the two hot chicks with the big Bazongis, okay?

And I'm going to send them out there. And we cleaned up. The Bazongis do it every time. We cleaned up.

I had the hospitals and those doctors and those lawyers and those credit managers, they couldn't resist. Plus I was paying kickbacks. But you spoke to Joy.

Yeah. So I spoke to Joy and I had an account against Ryan O'Neill. I don't know if you guys remember who Ryan O'Neill is. He was an actor of that period.

And I had a $4,000 account against him. And so I called his lawyers and I did what they called at the time, Pegagdom, a Pegagda lawyer. You know, hi.

My name's Sid Hall and I've got some papers to serve. And I was wondering, where can I pick up your client's car? So why is that called Pegag? Because it makes you pee in your pants.

You scare people. You Pegagged. So the lawyers say, oh, hey, no, no, no, don't do that. Don't do that.

We'll get the check over to you right away. $4,000. Is there any cost? No, no cost.

I thought, fuck the cost. Don't worry about it. Give me the $4,000. A little while later, my client calls.

And he says, oh, you remember that Ryan O'Neill deal with the $4,000? And I said, yeah, we're collecting it. And he said, oh, no, no, no.

Listen, I made a deal with his lawyer. And we're going to settle it. I said, OK, what are we settling for? And he said, $400.

We didn't really do anything, he says. I said, what? He says, $400. It was just for some parking tickets and stuff like that.

So I said, OK, yeah, OK, OK. So I hung up the phone. I smoked the joint. And I walked out to my general manager and I said, this is yours.

He says, what? I said, I'm leaving. And I got in my Porsche, my tangerine one, and just drove for several days.

And I didn't take a dime for it. I just decided that I wanted to smoke dope and not do that. But you didn't know what you wanted to do. So I didn't know what I wanted to do.

So I became a debt counselor. I was well known in California and especially in LA as one of the best bill collectors. Yeah, well, because my acting career helped me.

I could make all kinds of different sounds and voices So I went to a friend of mine who was an attorney. I said, listen, let me have a desk and I'll sit back here and I'm going to run some ads in the LA Free Press.

And I'm going to counsel people. You know, and then if we can't make a deal, turn them over to you. You file bankruptcy form and then you pay me

a little percentage. What do they call that? Boxish? Boxish.

Yeah, a little box. Kickback. Kickback. So he said, fine.

So I put an ad in and the phone rang, just rang off the hook. And I was making some money. And I get a call from a guy by the name of Paul Everly. Paul Everly is the managing editor of the LA Free Press.

And he says, LA Free Press, which, of course, was published by our friend Art Konkin, who just passed away and we were at his. A lot of this is a history of alternative publishing in the city of Los Angeles. So Paul Everly calls me.

He says, I'm the managing director editor of the LA Free Press. I want to do a story on bill collectors. Can you would you do an interview with us? And I said, sure, yeah, sure.

Come on. And we do an interview. The interview turns out to be a book. It's a long book how to deal with the creditors, how to, you know,

all of that kind of stuff, all the tricks that they play on you, you know. And a few weeks later, a few months later, Paul comes to me and goes, we all quit at the Free Press. We're starting a new paper.

You're starting a new paper. Great. OK. All right.

And what is the pay? What is this paper? It's called the LA Star. And I said, being sort of a businessman that can't count.

That's why my teacher said, oh, she poked me in the back. With her teaching. I said, you know, wait a minute. There's my staff, by the way.

The LA Star, yeah. Yeah, the LA Star staff. Put that back up there. There it is.

OK. That's Paul Everly and Shirley Everly on each side of me. I'm the guy with the, we got 10 minutes. Wow.

OK. All right. Look at that. We hardly got through anything.

So anyway, real quick. Well, but we started late. Yeah, we started. Well, we started late.

They're running out of power. OK. All right. OK.

So, OK. Is this one running? This one? OK.

All right. Oh, the little one is running. OK. OK.

All right. Oh, the little one. The little one. So anyway, make a long story short.

They asked me, would you be our business manager? So it sure was that entail. So the first night, first of all, I got a great, great place for the paper, but the first night of production, there were like dozens of people from the LA Free Press there.

And we put out a paper. We couldn't sell it. Nobody would buy it. It was 25 cents.

It was eight pages. And the headline was, what are you going to do when gasoline costs $5 a gallon? Everybody laughed because gasoline, gasoline was 25 cents a gallon. And we were talking about gasoline that costs $5.

So nobody wanted to hear that. But about a week later, I got a picture of a woman who was painted. She was painted like they used to do back in the 70s, body paint. And I said, OK, what we're going to do is we're going to put her on the front cover.

There you go. And let's see what happens. Naked woman. Body painter done.

Sure enough, we couldn't print enough papers. We could not print enough papers. And we only had a few racks. And then I got a call from a guy.

He says, I see you're selling a lot of newspaper. Can I now show at least this? I'll show this part to the Facebook camera. But then for this camera, we could show the full thing.

So there it is. So it turns out that this guy is the distributor. For the Harold examiner, which is on strike. And he has thousands of racks all over California.

And he has nothing to put in them. And when he saw this hand painted body, he said, I can distribute this for you. And we said, OK, how many do you need? And he says, let's start out with about 20,000.

And within months, we were from San Diego all the way to the border. All right. Yeah. LA Star.

Yeah. And the LA Free Press went from a hundred and some a thousand to 25,000. And we went up to a thousand and some 100,000 something. You were in some rack wars with our.

Yeah, we were smashing each other's racks. And he doesn't remember, but he actually sued me one time. He's no longer with us. So he remembers everything now.

Hey, Art. Hey, Art. So yeah, are you OK there? Not really, but I'm fine.

We're going to end this. No, we don't have to edit. Well, first, I want to show some of your love magazines. I'm not starting cocaine just in case you just did.

I just have a sinus condition from all the police. Here it is. No censorship anymore. The end of censorship.

Is that what he's showing? I don't know what he's showing. It says no censorship anymore. And this was love magazine.

This was love magazine. It was started to defend ourselves against 23 prosecutions. So we had to keep making magazines so we could make more money so that we could defend ourselves against

these state attacks and religious attacks more than anything else. Religious attacks. I want to read all these magazines.

That's right. That's because they do. You're a dissident of Jesus. Well, anyway, then I went to prison many years later

and then I came out of prison and I decided, OK, what am I doing? So I started a regular straight paper. Do we have pictures of the Bretwood Blah Blah at Beverly Hills?

No, but there's two copies right over there on that thing. But I thought I put some pictures. OK, so this is the Bretwood Blah Blah. One thing about my magazines that was highly unusual.

Now we have the internet. Nothing was edited. I had no writers. I had no editors.

Whatever you sent me, that's what I published. If you couldn't spell, you couldn't spell. Reader written publishing. And this was ahead of its time because now on the internet,

everything is reader written. But Max was doing reader written publishing way back in the 70s, the 80s. We wanted to find out the truth. Did, was the girl next door always like Playboy showed her?

Was what they were telling us about sex a truth or was that all bullshit? So the LA star and finger magazines and hate and love and all of these magazines, they made a little cut in the veneer of our sexuality. And we pulled, peeled the skin away and we found out that it wasn't at all like they told us.

Not at that time. Yeah. It was much more beautifully perverted. Maybe it's still not at all like they told us or they tell us.

So the reason I tell you that story is because everything was contributed by the readers and this was contributed by Joan. What's his name? Chuck.

What is that? Jones. Jones. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. The artist. Yeah.

He's he created Bugs Bunny. Yeah. He created Bugs Bunny. The creator of Bugs Bunny.

And so he gave us that. And then this one, this was Beverly Hills the magazine. And I published that. I sold these, both of these magazines for $2 million and this was like many, many years ago.

And they gave me $500,000 and then they fired me. Yeah. So there went the $2 million and then no. Okay.

So I got to finish with this and then we're done. Okay. So I've met Susan now. I've never been to her house because I like her a lot and I'm married and I might.

Yeah. We were friends. You didn't want to be a bad boy. You were a prince.

I was good. I was nice. And so Christmas, one Christmas, right? It was Christmas.

Somebody gave me a bottle of whiskey. I thought, okay. Glad to fit it. Yeah.

Huh? Glad to fit it. Whiskey. Right.

It was. All right. Scott. Yeah.

What am I going to do with it? Let me call Susan Block. See what she's doing. It's Christmas Eve.

She's Jewish, right? I mean, what could she be doing? Okay. Eating Chinese food.

I was just going to say Chinese food, right? Okay. Is that the Jewish food? Actually, before, let me go back a couple of years.

I'm on an airplane. I'm on an airplane. I sit down and a woman says, what do you do? I do this.

What do you do? She says, I make masks, theater, Arlequino masks, and so forth. And she gives me this little Arlequino mask.

She says, don't lose this. Don't lose this mask that I'm giving you. It's very important you don't lose it. So I take that.

And anyway, I go to Susan's house. And there's another part, of course, because one day, when I was arrested in Rhode Island, I was driving to Ezra Pound's house,

because it was one of the great American poets. Betsy remembers that. Betsy knows all about poetry. She keeps staring at the new president, then starts to spark.

What was that? And when I came back to the house, I, on the way there, I saw a poster that said, plastic cash. By play.

And I said, and it was her play in the middle of Connecticut. Right. The limo starts at a blinking red light. But he didn't come.

Yeah. And I said to my wife then, I said, we have to go see that, because I was against plastic. Okay.

I'm still against plastic. But these were plastic credit cards. So anyway, I go to her house. I've got my little whiskey.

I knock on the door. She opens the door. I'm nervous. My legs are shaking.

He's going, what are you doing? What are you doing? He, Mr. Happy. Get out of here.

Go. But I walk in and I, as I walk in, I see a poster. It says, plastic cash. And I said, wait a minute.

It's destiny. What are you doing with this on your wall? She says, I was in it in Connecticut. I said, I know.

Commedia dell'arte. Yeah. Commedia dell'arte. I said, I know that poster.

I saw it at a red light in the middle of nowhere. It was on a tree. She goes, yeah. I said, that's wild.

Okay. I walk into the living room and there's a big picture there of a mask. Say mask. A little mask.

But this is a big picture of the mask that the lady on the plane gave me. The same mask. That are the keyfolders. And I said, okay, what the fuck's going on here?

Who are you? She goes, oh, I went to Italy to the school there to learn how to make masks. And this was so and so. I said, I know her.

I met her on a plane. She goes, ah, yeah. I know I have the mask. Let me show you the mask.

I bring the mask to you. And I went back to the office a few days later and to get the mask. And there was no mask. It disappeared.

And it had sat on my desk for years. And I remember, she said, don't ever lose that mask. So you think somebody threw it away or? No.

I found Susan. I found a little girl for my dreams. That's why the mask. He didn't deed the mask.

Yeah, I went back somewhere. Anyway, okay, so we're going to eat cake. Well, yeah. So then you publish.

We should give a little pitch for our magazine because now you publish the Speakeasy Journal. This is Splash & Art featuring Chef Vee Live and Danielle Watts, who we mentioned earlier. Happy birthday, Danielle. Yeah, happy birthday.

And some other people. Very exciting. And it's all about splashing. And then there's Spank & Art.

Okay. And of course, we have cover pictures by Jux Lee, who happens to be taking a picture. And we have the Bonobo Way. And it's also the anniversary of the Bonobo Way, which is the story of the make love,

not war chip pansies who swig for the trees as well as with each other. And Max and I kind of discovered Bonobos together in 1993, just after we were newly weds. And we were just swinging through the trees ourselves. And then we found these fabulous creatures who are so close to human.

They are 98% genetically similar to us. Plus, the females rule Bonoboville. Females are empowered. And the males are happy, male well-being.

And they never kill anybody. So it just shows that all that Max, all of his stuff that he's worked for, fits together with Bonobos. The sex and being anti-war.

It really does make sense when you look at Bonobo culture. And so, yeah. So, you know, finally we wrote a book. I wrote a book.

But Max is always a part of everything I do. And gave it to you on your birthday five years ago. So, how do you think it's held up? What do you think of Bonobo philosophy, Bonobo lifestyle?

I think it's doing very well. And I think it's held up. And you've certainly influenced various sectors of the sex community. And I think, especially people in the sex community, educators,

and therapists, and teachers, and all of that, are starting to understand what Bonobos are about. And that we should really adopt these kids here. Because they're about the same.

We really need to save them from extinction. Right, right. We need to save them. And we need to save ourselves.

And they will help us save ourselves. Yeah, that's very important to try to save yourself. Because they teach us peace through pleasure. And as Gaetano Filigieri said,

how to take care of the earth, eco-sexual engagement with our environment. So we can be happy without destroying our environment and all of life on earth.

We're not going to destroy the earth, but we might destroy life on earth. So, happy birthday, Bonobo way. Happy birthday, Max.

Happy birthday. Happy birthday, everybody. And yes, now we're going to eat cake. Thank you, thank you.

So where's the knife? Don't put your ashes on the cake. So we've got this fabulous cake with peaches. Because we're also celebrating the impeachment

of Donald Trump, who's over here, and who are going to spank some more. We have pizza in there. And we have pizza.

The side-class operation. But I'm Italian, so you get a pizza. We have cake and pizza. All the carbs.

So what do you think, Max, just real quick? Presidents, you've been through like six or seven presidents. What do you think of this one compared to the others? Well, first of all, he's not president.

Oh, he's President Dunce. He's not where he's at. Dunce, President Dunce. We're losing power.

Okay. What do I think of him? Not much. The guy's a criminal.

Vote him out. Impeach. Impeach the son of a gun. Impeach the son of a gun.

Get him out of here. It's not good for America. I know I'm a little kid that came over here. This is not what it's about.

This is not what it's about. They don't have fresh peaches anymore at the grocery store. So we had to get canned.

That also I'm drinking. Vitamin it has. Peach, blackberry. All right, we're running out.

Okay. Good. Good bye. Be good.

Be happy. Try not to hurt anyone, including yourself. Practice the bonobo way. Make love, not war.

Make love to someone you love tonight. Hopefully you have a prince or a princess or somebody, but make love to someone you love tonight, even if that someone is you.

I love you. And Max loves you. Happy birthday, Max. Let's eat cake.

Let's eat cake. Flowers and the people. Need to talk with someone about something you can't talk about with anyone else?

You can talk to us. I'm Dr. Susan Block, your mistress of the airwaves, but my day job is director of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts and Sciences,

specializing in sex therapy over the phone. Anytime you need to talk, whether you need serious psychotherapy or a hot phone sex experience

or a combination, my world-renowned telephone sex therapists are just a phone call away. Totally private, absolutely confidential.

We listen, talk with you, advise you, role play for you, fantasize with you. No fantasy is too taboo and help you with anything from impotence to exhibitionism,

fears to desires, fetishes to marriages. For more information, call us at 213-291-9497. That's 213-291-9497. Anytime you need to talk.

To talk with someone about something you can't talk about with anyone else? You can talk with us. I'm Dr. Susan Block, your mistress of the airwaves,

but my day job is director of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts and Sciences, specializing in sex therapy over the phone. Anytime you need to talk,

whether you need serious psychotherapy or a hot phone sex experience or a combination, my world-renowned telephone sex therapists

are just a phone call away. Totally private, absolutely confidential. We listen, talk with you, advise you, role play for you, and fantasize with you.

And no fantasy is too taboo. And we help you with anything from impotence to exhibitionism, fears to desires, fetishes to marriages.

If you've never called before, don't be embarrassed. We all need help with sex at one time or another, even world leaders do. Maybe especially world leaders do,

but I'm not going to tell you which ones. So, when you need to ask a question or play out a fantasy or just talk with someone

about something you can't talk about with anyone else, call us at 213-291-9497. Anytime you need to talk. Hi, I'm Dr. Susan Block,

and I've just written a new book called The Bonobo Way, inspired by my love for the make love, not war, great apes.

You know, the ones who have a lot of sex in a bonobo sutra of positions, including face to face. But it's not just how bonobos have sex.

It's how they use sex to prevent murder and war, really. They're the only great apes that have never been seen killing each other.

They practice what I call peace through pleasure, with the females gently dominating the very happy, very sexually satisfied males. Bonobos are special,

partly because they just are, and partly because they're very, very close to us, almost 99% genetically similar to us. When it comes to being human,

even being humane, bonobos can teach us so much, which brings me to us, and more specifically to you.

Is your inner bonobo longing to swing free? Would you like to tap into the hot, natural sex energy within you? Bet you would.

So you can better enjoy the pleasures in life, and cope with the pain. You know, the pain. And have more orgasmic,

organic, sustainable sex. Who doesn't want that? Greater lust, greater trust, and better anger management.

And who couldn't use a little bit of that these days? So get the book, Learn the Bonobo Way. You'll be glad you did.

Then you'll want to join Bonoboville, a new global village for Bonobo lovers and friends. And one last thing. The real bonobos are highly endangered,

so a portion of all book sales go to bonobo conservation groups, working to save the wild bonobos from extinction. Read the bonobo way,

and learn why this could be the most important eco-sexual movement of our times. And improve your love life.