Sex Geeks, Nerds, Dorks & Toys!

Full transcript of Sex Geeks, Nerds, Dorks & Toys! on The Dr. Susan Block Show:

Sister, sex geeks, sex nerds, sex toys, boy toys, girl toys, the joys of sex and the toys of sex. That is what we talk about here on the Dr. Susan Block Show because after all, brothers and sisters, lovers and sinners.

We are all children of, with a capital X. That's right. We may or may not be children of God. Jesus.

Allah. Buddha. Brahma, Ramadhamma. The goddess.

We do know we are all children of sex. Somehow, even if it's in a test tube, so far, there's got to be some sex. Sex is what brings us into the world and sex is what motivates us to stick around for a while. You know, it's not just procreation, it's recreation and relation.

Tonight, we're talking about our relationships with our sex toys. Who are sometimes people, the toys, and sometimes vegetables. Nature's own dildo. My favorite cucumber for now.

I'm very fickle when it comes to pickles. I don't know whether I meant that totally. But, you know, then there's bananas. I do love bananas.

I have to peel those though. And they're uncircumcised. And then there's the high-tech sex toys. That, I suppose you could say, the geek in me enjoys.

You know, I am blonde, but I have that sort of... That need to know, I guess, is what it is that defines a geek. But we're going to find out more about what defines a geek. And specifically, a sex geek tonight.

Brothers and sisters. Lovers and sinners. It has something to do with, you know, vibrators, dildos. I know that.

And it has something to do with education. I know when I was a kid, the nerds were the ones that, you know, were smart and were, like, into computers. Not smart about social life until the revenge of the nerds.

And then we realized that they were smart because they were going to get all the girls. But what about the girl nerds? Well, we're going to find out more about that in this show. And geeks.

Geeks? When I was a kid, we're kind of like what dorks are now, I think. Definitions. We have to locate ourselves mentally, physically, and spiritually in the realm of sex geekness.

The sex geekness monster is underway on the wave. Not the Google Wave, but the Google Plus Emerald Sea, which is engulfing me right now. Oh my God, talk about a sex toy. It is geeking out my life.

Okay, more on that. I'm going to introduce my guest. So excited right across from me is Mr. Cuddle Party. It's like the vegetables of, wait, I'm going to make an analogy here to make sense of sex or something.

You know, as opposed to the sex toys. Right. In the drawer where you throw all the vegetables. Cuddling.

Cuddling, exactly. And we like to feel them. And Cuddle Parties are this amazing phenomenon that you invented, really. Back in 2004, yeah.

Yeah. And this is Reed Mehalco. Mehalco? Yeah.

And you are the inventor of Cuddle Parties and you're a relationship and sex and more specifically, polyeducator. I'm a lot of things, yes. If I'm poly, I must be a lot of things. Yeah, exactly.

So poly. Exactly. That's why I got that word poly in there. And you notice I didn't say polyamorous, because that's more specific.

Just sort of pan, like many. You have many things. I'm just a slut about learning things. Geek.

I think is the word. That would be the word. Right? For me.

I mean, somebody else might identify with nerd. Yeah. We're going to get to that. And Cuddle Parties.

I mean, that's pretty famous, pretty much of an amazing phenomenon, pretty international. And did you come up with the idea while cuddling? Actually, so for those of you who don't know, Cuddle Party is a workshop around social affection, non-sexual touch. And it's a communication workshop.

We started it in 2004. And it blew up in the media because the news story that Gawker.com released was that New Yorkers were paying money to cuddle. Thus, Armageddon must be upon us. And then the newscasters start cuddling each other.

They did. A little frightening. It was. People were coming apart at the seams and revealing pajamas underneath.

And then just tackling each other. It was nuts. Yeah, yeah. Because we all love to cuddle.

I mean, there was an article out today about how men need cuddling more than women. And I don't know if it's really so, but we all need cuddling so much. Every age, every persuasion, even if we're celibate. Yeah.

And touch is an important human need. And there's even a medical term called skin hunger for when you go through touch deprivation and how that affects your emotion, your psychological state. And some people even believe that touch is a lot like water. If you go without water for three days, things get seriously bad.

And, you know, weed, solitary confinement is one of the cruelest punishments that we have for social, you know, humanized human beings. Yeah. You know, bonobos touch all the time. Bonobos?

I was going to say, bonobos, of course, they have sex too all the time. So cuddle parties aren't exactly bonobo. They're more like Reese's Monkey, I guess, or something. Yeah.

It's very PG. There. Or as bonobos are like skewing to rated R, maybe NC17. Oh, yeah.

They're porn, yeah. But maybe on a hot day. But on a hot day, they don't want to cuddle. They just will lie there in the grass because it's just too hot to do anything.

Well, they're furry. Exactly. It's a little hot. Yeah, they're furries.

Right. So cuddle parties are, you know, actually quite PG. I mean, there's all kinds of people, although I guess they all have to be over 18 just in case. But it's easier for the media to digest that we're running adult workshops and, you know,

the kids can run their own, you know, things. But the media is just not ready. I mean, the problem with America was that in the beginning when Cuddle Party launched, and we were on Montel and Saturday Night Night was making skits about us and all that,

it was, you know, we had to convince people that this was actually cuddling and that adults getting together to practice being affectionate wasn't automatically going to turn into an orgy. Yeah, we don't believe that for a minute.

Those aren't the shots that you show, you know. Well, no, actually, seriously, I have some clients that go to cuddle parties. They do. And they do say that they don't have sex at the cuddle parties,

but they do connect. They hook up and then they go home and they have sex. Or they go somewhere or even to a nearby hotel. We don't discourage that, but it's not a take-out party to use the swinger language.

Well, people can do whatever they want after that. They totally can as adults. But the big thing with Cuddle Party is a, you know, socially affection communication workshop. It's about the skill sets that allow you to create safe space for yourself

and invite other people into that safe space. And one of the ways to feel safe is to feel that you're not, you know, going to have sex. That sex is not even an option. I mean, it's even an exercise that sex therapists do with certain clients is no sex.

And it's amazing how that just can relax people and bring out all kinds of things. Interesting things. Unless a priest tells you no sex, then that's a problem. Anyway, Cuddle Party, well, so you decided you had to graduate from cuddle parties

like you had to move out and into the world of really getting it on. Well, I mean, the communication skill sets that allow to create intimacy is really just a continuum. So cuddling and full-on sex or, you know, even just like, you know, karma sutra, tantric, energetic sex, if you can't make yourself feel safe,

it's hard to open up to other people and it's hard to bring people in so that intimacy is lacking. But the communication skill sets are the same no matter what. If you can't give good no, then can I really trust your yes?

And that's the same with cuddling as it is with fucking. A lot of direct communication there. All right, now, speaking of including people, I've got to include my other guests. So here we go.

We have right here Megan Andelou. Verifrance. Mademoiselle. Mademoiselle, Megan Andelou?

Yes. Okay, well, bienvenue. Welcome to the show. And you are also a sex educator, an edumacator.

Yes. A fornicator educator? Yeah, I like the word fornicate. You do?

I do. I like the way you say that. Could you say that again slowly, close to the microphone? I like the word fornicate.

I think we all do now, if we were ever wondering if we'd like that word. And so, what, you seem, I don't know, so very educated and tattooed as well. And like you're a woman of many facets. So tell me a little bit about your geekiness in the world of sexuality.

I don't think I ever called myself a geek until Reid called me a sex geek. And do you think he's accurate or would you argue about that? No, I think I can start to embrace that. Yeah.

I'm pretty geeky. He's doing the same thing with the sex geek thing that he did with cuddle party. Yeah. Except we don't get to have a party.

Well, we do tonight. Anyway. He's good at helping people identify their strengths. That sounded good too.

Could you say that again and just lean into it? Just once, lady. Okay. I like to identify people's weaknesses.

But that's me. Anyway, not you though. So you're from the East Coast. You're like an East Coast sex educator.

You go to colleges. You ever been to Sex Week at Yale yet? I have, yeah. You have?

Yeah. I'm just in attending. Ah, which year? This past 2010?

I went two years ago. Okay. Well, they're coming up with another year. They are coming up.

Yes. I hope them create their sex trivia for their website. Very good. Yes.

So you're from Connecticut? Rhode Island. Rhode Island, yeah. Very close.

Max spent some time, literally, in Rhode Island. So, you know, we've got a strong association, not just the Yale Association, but also the... I spent a little time in Princeton.

Another kind of penitentiary. Yes, I assume. The adult correctional facility. It's a lovely area.

Yes, very nice there. It's high class. Grandstand is high class. Yes.

But I used to live in Jamestown in the house of the head of the Republican Party. And your hat goes very well with Jamestown. Yes.

Max and I both spent time at important New England institutions. So... So we get our values, right? Absolutely.

Absolutely. And our geekiness, I think. I mean, you know, yeah. I came out to California from Philly, New Haven to maybe get rid of my geekiness,

I think, or to be more sensuous and physical. And now, who knew? But geekiness is in style. So embrace it, right?

I love coming to California to relax. Yeah. Yeah. It's really great.

What do you think is the difference between the students and sexuality in the east and the west coast? Any difference or all the same? No, I think a lot of people are just really scared.

They're just really fucking scared. Scared. And they have a lot of shame. The way our culture really talks about it and addresses it.

Yeah. Erotophobia. Yeah, they would definitely go with that. Marty Klein, I think coined that term.

All right. Well, how about fear of sex toys? Is there a word for that? Because we're going to be talking about that.

Fear of sex toys. God, I don't know the name of that, but yeah. There's got to be a Latin term like a... It couldn't be sex toy of phobia.

But anyway, let me introduce some of the other guys. Dildopia? Dildophobia. We got it.

Dildophobia. Dildophobia. And I think, you know, a lot of people have that. Yes.

I would say maybe especially guys, but I'm not sure. Haven't done a survey. It depends how big the dildo is. Exactly.

There you go. That's a guy thing. Yeah. I mean, well, some girls could be afraid of a big dildo, too.

Yeah. It's going in. I definitely hear that more than guys. But girls, I don't know if we're afraid.

We just go, uh-uh, it's not going in. Yes. So welcome to the show. Thank you.

We're talking about sex geeks, sex toys, Polly, Polly, Polly anything. And welcome back, Katie, St. Ives. You look so sweet in your pigtails. Thank you.

Yeah, very good, very good. Well, welcome back. Always good to see you. I'm glad to be back.

I had to... I almost missed the place. Again? Yeah, I've been here three times.

But this time you're not late. I know. I was really proud of myself. I know, that's why I was on time.

Okay, we'll figure out some other infraction, perhaps. But in the meantime, hang up. I'm not sure if you're here to try sex toys. I've heard maybe not.

I don't know. We'll see where it goes. We're exploring. Okay, we'll see where it goes.

She's open. All right. That's fair. And Miss Jen Freel.

Hello. Welcome. Thank you. To the Speak Easy.

Well, you've been to the Speak Easy. Yes, this is my first time, actually. And now you're on Radio Suzy One. Amazing.

Thank you for having me. And you are like a self-defined nerd. Absolutely. Yeah, I run Talk Nerdie to me, Lover.com.

And what do you see is the difference between nerd and geek? Nerds are products of genetic predispositions. Geeks are raised. So like, I was...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait. That's slower. I'm taking notes now. Nerds, yeah.

I get really excited and start talking about... Genetic predispositions. Yeah, genetic predispositions. Like, I was born this way, I will die this way.

I bleed nerd. It's passion. It's obsession. It's a hunger for knowledge.

But like, I can geek out from time to time on a specific thing. So it's more like environmentally-based. It's not... You can't nerd out?

I mean, you can't nerd your bird? Nah, not really. I was born, it's more like a noun. I was born this way.

I will die this way. My kids, if I have them one day, will be nerds. I come from two nerds. Like, it's a gene pool thing.

And it's awesome. Really? Yeah. I mean, a lot of people identify as nerds who, I don't know,

don't really seem like they were born that way. Yeah. It's definitely one of these things now where it's cool to be a nerd, which is just hilarity.

But yeah, we can sniff each other out. We're kind of like dogs. We might not be sniffing butts, but we can definitely... Nerds go toe to toe.

We're about competitiveness. What is a sign? I don't know. It's not even like...

I just actually tweeted this the other day. I was like, I can't handle it when two nerds try to out-nerd each other out, and someone's trying to explain a fairly simple concept to you in anything on the web,

and they just use the biggest words possible to make themselves sound smarter. That's what I'm saying. But yeah, I know I just think it's passion, and that shows, and you can't hide that.

That's what makes you nerd. And geek is? It's definitely race. It's a specific knowledge on something,

and you sort of... It's not the same level of obsession, but it's that same hunger for knowledge and figuring out how it works and break it down.

That's a geek out. It's like, oh my goodness, this sex toy, I want to know exactly what makes this work for me this way. How can I break this down?

That's a total geek out moment. For sure. I am having a total geek out moment trying to figure out really the difference

between what you're saying here. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I think the word is...

Both words are morphing in our social use of them. Absolutely. I mean, like I said, when I was growing up, nerd meant a smart person into science, really.

If you were into literature, you would not be a nerd, but science would be a nerd, and you wore glasses,

which qualified me as a nerd even though I wasn't really into science, but I did wear glasses. And so I guess that's the genetic thing.

And geeking was just... You know, you're kind of geeky because you're kind of wearing your high heels and falling all over yourself.

So you're kind of geeky. That would be more dorky, though. I know. That's what it is now. So I'm saying, language morphs.

It's fascinating. But fashion doesn't seem to morph with you. Look at you. You look like you're out of a 1950s little cutie thing.

What is that called? I shop at vintage stores, and then I chop off six inches from the bottom. From the bottom?

Yeah. So they're all $10, whatever, dresses from random. I can't see the bottom. Let me see the bottom.

Oh, I see. It's all cut off. They're usually pretty long. Okay.

Interesting. Very good. All right. Well, welcome, Jen.

We're going to hear a little bit from other opposing views or sort of integrated, conflicting, and complicated views. But I want to introduce Sarah. Hi.

Shevan. Shevan. Yes. Is that French?

I believe it's Irish originally, actually. Oh, you mean like, okay, with the G8 and the H, but it's not in there anymore. Yeah.

I have an Americanized spelling. Right. You look like an American girl. Yes, I am.

Yeah. Okay. And are you here to try sex toys? Yes.

You are. Have you ever done that before? Yes, I have. Really?

On camera? Well, you know, I mean in porn. Oh, okay. Okay.

Cool. Oh, you do porn? Yep. Okay.

And so you're a porn chick, porn star? Whatever, performer, whatever you want to call me. But yeah, I do, you know. What do you like to call yourself?

I usually just refer to myself as performer, model. I mean, you know. Free spirit? Yeah.

Free spirit. Speaking of fifties, it's like you both look like you're out of the fifties from a different time. You look like the beatnik and you look like the good girl at Catillion.

Okay. And I have to say right behind you is the bad, bad letter girl, Sarah Vibes. Oh yeah. I'm so glad to see Sarah Vibes.

I have been corresponding with Ms. Sarah Vibes on Twitter and you just look magnificent as international Ms. Leather. Oh, jeez. I'll have to get one of these girls up on the bed and get you on a microphone or VISA.

But you look great. Okay. Hot stuff. Well, do you have a rebuttal?

Well, I have a little Venn diagram that I've drawn on the back of your car. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. So, I mean, so what do you think about this?

Okay. This is radio. I know. I know.

Primarily. So we have to explain. I was being dorky then. Yeah.

Okay. So the idea is that there's intelligence, obsession, and social ineptitude. Absolutely. And intelligence and obsession, where they overlap, is where you get geeky.

Yes. And then where obsession and social ineptitude overlap is where you get dorky. And then if you're intelligent and socially inept, that's nerdy. And then I think in the middle where the sweet spot is dweeb.

I was going to say that. No, I was actually going to say that. And there is a similar diagram. I've actually posted it on the site.

Yeah, I actually, but I almost think that dork would be like a negative. Like it's, I equate stupidity to being dorky. And I don't know if that's a personal thing. Yes.

If I call someone a dork, I would never associate intelligence with that ever. Like ever, ever, ever. I'm just, yeah. But that was the social ineptitude and obsession.

Absolutely. But you're saying it's, you're born to be a nerd. So is this a recessive gene? Oh, yeah.

It, no, it absolutely is. My parents, I come from two, it's just the nerdiest human being on this planet. My dad's a lawyer. My mom's a writer.

What if you're adopted by nerds? I mean, what do you mean a gene? I don't know. I don't know about this whole genetic, racial thing.

What if you've got a nerd and, I don't know, what is the opposite of all that? A Barbie and Ken? What if they merge together?

I mean, and then what do you have? Potentially. Yeah. I don't think it's an exact science.

You might have a politician. There you go. Wow. It's all very geeky to talk about.

What do you think, Megan? I love the diagram. And I find that I, I'm more on the, which one? The geek.

You use the term so interchangeably. He's got a stack for the geek though. I know he likes the geek. He is the geek.

And so it makes it look like the geek is the better. If you like dismantling or deconstructing things and then reassembling them. Like if you take apart a vibrator to see how it works,

like you, you might be a geek. But that's a geek out moment. I would do that to better an orgasm and to sort of figure out how to make it better.

You would hack your own vibrator? Oh, absolutely. No, but that, but I'm like more of a mechanic. I break everything down and figure out how to make it more

efficient and how to heighten an experience for sure. But that's me geeking out. And that would, and that would be nerdy. So a nerd can geek out.

Oh, absolutely. I'm glad we sort of got this in the direction of sex. Yeah. Okay.

And sex toys. Yeah. And I would like to know what do you think is the difference between how a geek and a nerd would handle a new sex toy?

I would suppose that the dork would break it. But you shouldn't give dorks. Don't give dorks dildos. I mean, we learned that somewhere.

That's just mean. That's mean. That's how you lose an eye. Dorks.

Dorks need sex toys too. The thing is these two terms nerd and geek have been rehabilitated. That's basically what it comes down to.

But everybody needs a scapegoat. So now the scapegoat is dork. But believe me, within a few years dork will somehow be rehabilitated.

Maybe that will be dork party. When you helped found the Yale sex week, like what did you consider yourself? How did you identify?

I identified as an older woman to all of these students. You know, and to me, I mean, certainly, like I said, the nerds, I don't really identify with nerds because I never would take apart a sex toy.

I would do that by accident. I guess I didn't identify with geeks because they didn't have the same definition way back then. Geeks were what dorks are now.

But now with your seductive diagram in the geek department, I guess I would have to identify as a geek, although when you talk about the nerd genes, I swear my dad has them, you know.

So I mean, I guess I would have something to that. This is so linguistic that I'm... It's nerdy. We're geeking out right now.

Or is it geeking out right now? Yeah, this is geeking out. I think we're all in agreement this is geeking out. Well, in the 1950s, if you took apart a vibrator

that was your mother's, you were a destructive kid. There you go. That's what you were. That's why I didn't do that.

There was no geek or nerd shit. That's why I didn't do that. You got the shit beat out of you. Of course, some people like that.

Yeah. That's why I like to be spanked. No, no, yes. But I agree with Gore Vidal.

I'm all for bringing back the birch, but only between consenting adults. Don't beat children even when they break your vibrator. Just show them how it works or hide it.

I'm not here to tell parents what to do. Do you tell parents what to do? No. No.

You're going to tell parents? No. I don't want to deal with parents. You just deal with the kids when they're a certain age.

I love the parents. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Do you identify as a geek or a nerd? Katie? No. You're such a...

You're a cool kid. You don't identify as either one. I don't think so. You're just hot to trot.

That's it. Huh? I mean, tell me. I don't know.

There's only really one thing that I'm obsessed with that I don't even know if I can say. I have an obsession with marijuana. I have to know everything about it.

You're very geeky about pot. You're a pot geek. Every book you could possibly imagine, I can break it down to you.

You can tell you which one is good for you, which one's not good for you. Okay. Do you have a license?

Yes, I do. Okay. You're a sick girl even though you're not a geek. But you are a geek about that.

That's... Yeah, okay. People can be geeks about certain things. I think there I see the difference

what you're talking about right now. I see both. You know, you're all right. Okay.

I'm trying to be diplomatic. Can't we just try to look one another? No. Yeah, right.

You are right that, you know, geeking is something you can do to a thing, but you're either a nerd or you're not. Absolutely.

Right. Okay. So, what about you? I'd say my brother's the nerd.

I definitely have geek out moments, but I'm not, you know, consistent with it enough, I think, to consider myself.

Right. You wouldn't break a sex toy. I mean, you wouldn't take it apart. Probably not.

Unless there was a problem with it, and I was, you know, actually, like, trying to resolve the problem, but not just to make it better.

That's practical. Right, right, right. All right. Well, and what are your favorite types of sex toys?

Um, I mean, it depends. I mean, I generally just use, like, dildos and Hitachi and, you know, vibrators.

Just general dildos made out of latex or... I like the Vickskin dildos. Vickskin. Yeah.

They're, like, the most realistic. They're high quality silicone. Oh, aren't those difficult to clean? No.

They're very easy to clean. Go making go. Sounds like you've had to clean yours a lot. I clean at least 30 dildos a week.

Really? You're a busy woman. I am a busy woman. Yes.

Where are all those dildos going? They go everywhere. They go everywhere, I think. Everywhere.

No wonder you don't talk to the parents. Wait a second. I have a red, white, and blue, though, so it's very patriotic.

Are you Polly? Is that it? Are these all going to your students? Yeah, they usually go for fallatio classes.

Fallatio classes. Yes. And these are students. Are these in...

These are usually adults. Adults. Not in the universe. No, not usually in the universe.

Sex week at Yale is pretty open. I don't think we have had fallatio classes. I just did a fallatio class at a college, actually. Uh-huh.

For Rutgers. They had me do a fallatio class for Rutgers. Right. Can you conduct one of those here?

I mean, what do you need? A dildo? I do need it in a condom. We have some of those.

We have many condominium condom. I don't know about a strap-on, but maybe... We have some dildos. Do you have some duct tape?

We could MacGyver it. Oh, I see. Right. Well, we have this dildo here, which is clean.

That's nerdy, by the way. I'm liking the nerd thing. I'm starting to get it. Is this a good sign?

No, not for my mouth. No. That's too big. Yeah.

Does anyone have a smaller one? It even has its own section cup. Well, could you... I guess you can't show us on the banana.

And the... Eggplant? I can't... Your eyes are bigger than my mouth.

Yeah. I could do that. Does anybody have a nice dildo around? A nice dildo.

Wait, we have... Okay, how about this one? Pantis or... That fixin' or...

Look at that pink one. The pink one? Yeah. I could do that.

It's still kind of girthy. I think I could... I think I can do that. And it's such a pretty color.

Yes. Is this the nerd race? Because it's not white or black or Latino. So I'm just wondering about this whole racial nerd thing.

Nerds are pink. Okay, so we have... Oh, this is only with Reid. I would only do this with Reid.

Reid and I have done this in public before. We did at Brown University. We did do it. Okay, well, here...

Would you like mint flavor? I don't even know what I'm doing right now. Well, improvise. Okay.

And this is... We also have... We have mint and non-mint. Vanilla.

Here, vanilla. I want... Do you have a pina colada or maybe a... No, I like vanilla.

Okay. You like vanilla. I didn't think you were vanilla, honey. So, Megan, how would you like to do this?

This is me being the negotiating and communication geek. Okay, this is a geek. Okay. How would you like to do this, Megan?

Susan, you gotta move your thing there because it's right in the way of the cameras. You should never tear condoms open. With your teeth.

How about the condom wrappers? Yeah, that's now. And you're gonna yell that. I'm already losing it.

You're using it on your paper. That's safer sex techniques. Where should I... Yeah, it's all in the way.

Should I sit? I don't know. What do you want us to do? Well, you have a teacher.

Okay, so... I just want to be held. Is that so wrong? Yeah.

I guess one of the things that... It looks good on you. It's socially appropriate. You own that thing.

Does this pink dildo make you look fat? Looks good. So I'm gonna put the condom on with my mouth. Okay.

Is that okay? That's awesome. Okay. Fantastic.

So... Okay, here we go. This is the first technique. Move to your right, Susan.

Wow. Move to your right, Susan. My right. Move to your right.

Thank you. I'm so excited. Look at this thing. She's got this condom in her mouth

and she looks so cute. She looks like a fish. Okay. I mean, no.

This is the way you should do it. I hope we're getting a good close-up of this because I can't see. Get in close.

Get in close to show her mouth. Where's my camera? Yeah. There we go.

Okay. Move this... Move this a little bit. Can we show the mouth here?

Okay. And now we are putting the condom on the tip of the penis. Very skillfully.

Very, very good. This is so smooth. Just move right up there with the camera. It's so sensuous.

So loving. This is a cuddle party for a cock. I swear. Susan, move this.

Move to your left, please. My left now. Yeah. Pay attention.

I am paying attention. I can't. I'll help. Okay.

She's got it on. Very good. Can we have a hand? Yay.

Thank you. Yay condom. Educator. That was an excellent educational move there.

Thank you. I was very, very good. I try. Do you want to break that down exactly what happened?

Is there, you know, for the hearing impaired audience? It's all about the suction. Yeah. Getting it stabilized on the outside of your lips

and rolling it down with your mouth. Yeah. So I'm sure I have lipstick all over my face right now. Oh, but it's beautiful.

Okay. Very nice. No, you don't. Well, a little bit.

Yeah, it's good to be a little dirty. Yeah. It's good to be a little dirty. Yeah.

I feel better. Yeah. You do. You do.

Because, I mean, it's just a toy. To you. That's what I want to know. Because I just actually had a female client, like, you know, really, really upset

because she doesn't have a penis. I mean, most women don't have penis envy. It's men that have penis envy of other men. But there's occasional women.

She's lesbian. And she says, you know, I can't feel it. Do you feel a sex toy? Is there a way that you geek into the sex toy?

Sure. I mean, I'm geeky enough that you strap on harnesses. And when I coach clients and sometimes, you know, men who are on different anxiety medicines or on diabetes medicines

are having erectile issues. And so I will sometimes counsel them. I'll be like, listen, you know, it might sound a little weird because, you know, your mom and dad probably didn't see you down at the

breakfast table and went, Jimmy, when you can't get it up, you know, I use a strap on with your mom. You know, they don't do that. But, I mean, why should you have to forego?

They should. You know, you can use a strap on harness. This is for men. Yes.

Actually, spare parts came out with a new strap on called deuce, which allows men to have their penis comfortably held. Deuce? As in, do you?

Oh, deuce. Oh, I thought you meant like the French, like soft. Like, when you're soft, here's what you use. I don't know.

I thought you meant the kiss song, deuce. Dorky size. No, actually, I brought you a little tote bag from spare parts, which makes wonderful harnesses.

For all individuals. Aw. Aw. Some love.

A tote bag. It's a sex toy tote bag. Aw. That's very sweet.

And the strap-ons are machine washable. So, you know, if there's squirting going on, you can easily throw it in the washing machine. Very practical.

But you've got to be practical with your sex toys. Right. Right. But, I mean, when I've used harnesses to check them out

like that, I mean, you do. Like, you still get into it. There's a lot of your body and playing pretend and feeling sensations and all the nerve endings

and, you know, pleasure going on in your pubic mound and in your pelvic floor muscles. That's still all enacting, engaging whether you have a hard on or not.

So, with my male clients, that's good advice. And even with my, you know, some of my other people that I've coached who are differently abled who might not be able to get erections

because of an ax in there or something like that. Or lesbian females who are, you know, using this strap-on and want to feel it. Absolutely.

Do you like the dildo to press up against the actual body so that it feels more connected? Because that's what I tend to recommend versus if there's like...

For guys or for women? For anyone. I like mine over my pubic mound. So, like, actually touching your skin.

So, you're breaking it down, brothers and sisters. We are breaking it down. Yeah. Very good.

Everyone's different. Keep it going. But I got to play a little musical chairs here. Okay.

So, I think I'm going to invite you, Miss Sex Toy Trier Outer, up here. This is Sarah Chevan. Excuse-moi.

And you can just come up here. And let's see. We have... Who do we have?

Kara Price? You want to come... Look at Kara. You look like a sex toy.

Wow. Well, I think I know I want you up here. However, get over there first. Because I want you to talk into the microphone.

And our microphones sitting here are a little better and easier to use. But I like your energy. I like the way you ran up to that bed.

Like a gazelle. Well, a bed full of sex toys. Who wouldn't run up to it? I know.

Yes. But that's what you get for being a little... You've got me all tongue-tied, girl. That's what you get for being a little late.

I'm very bad. You are. I might have to spank you. Maybe with some of those dildos right across the face.

Exactly. Some of them are glass though. I wouldn't use those across the face. Anyway.

Hey. Welcome to the show. Thank you for having me. And tell me about yourself.

You're a porn star? I usually like to know the word porn girl. Because I don't think I'm a star yet. I'm pretty new.

Are you a porn nerd or a porn geek? I know you're not a dork. No, I'm kind of a dork too. Really?

Yeah. Oh, you're going to rehabilitate dork right before our eyes. Yeah. You are going to make being a dork all the rage, girl.

What do you mean you're a dork? I don't know. I make porn and I like nerdy things. Right?

Okay. I like weird toys and weird stuff. Doesn't that make you a dork, right? Kind of a little bit of an icon cast?

I actually didn't think so, but you've almost got me convinced. I mean, I thought that just made you a porn nerd. You know, like, well, one of my favorite people who's not here tonight and she's a porn nerd is Misty Dawn. And she introduced us to it.

Yeah. I love her. She's a total porn star and total freak, a geek and a freak and a nerd. So I don't know.

I think you can be all of them. But anyway, I'm really happy to have you here and I'm getting back to my in-bid situation here. Okay. So now here we are.

And you really dressed like a college student actually. So that's great. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

It's a little hot for all this. So I think we're going to... Can we have a little music maestro? A little stripped-down music?

Unless someone here can sing. Green, is that one of your talents? Moon River, wider than a mile. Yeah, yeah.

I'll be crossing you in style one day. I love it. I love it. Don't you love it?

Been serenading you as you take off your clothes. Downbeat. From High Priestess Productions. Our girlfriend, Reagan.

And yeah, okay. All right. Stripped-down. Very good.

Yes. Can we have some applause? Yeah. Come on.

Sarah. Now we can turn the music down. Thank you. You just have just a wonderful sex toy of a body.

Thank you. But tonight, you're not the sex toy of a body. You are going to test the sex toys, although you are the main sex toy for our eyeballs.

That's for sure. So let's see. I mean, we have any number of possibilities here. I have to say that a certain fruit flaked,

I thought fruit was juicy, but in this case, it was flaky. And it's kind of the color of my hat. Anyway, but we might forgive the fruit

if, well, the fruit makes it up to us. But in the meantime, we have some wonderful stand-in sex toys, many of which have been represented

at the Adult Video News Sex Toy Convention, A-N-E. I'm not sure what that stands for. Help me out here. Adult novelty expo.

Adult novelty expo. Novelties. They don't like to say sex toys, because some of them are technically not sex toys.

I don't know. Some of them are medical devices. Medical devices. That's a novelty?

Yeah. Well, no, they have FDA. For your doctor, baby. They have FDA padding.

So they choose. Novelties. Yeah. Well, I guess maybe,

well, maybe novelty is a more all-embracing word. It sounds more fun. Yeah. Because there were people with like the posters,

the pin the penis on the geek. There's actually a pin the penis on the geek. And the dude had like glasses on and looked really scrawny. And of course, novelty is one of life's greatest aphrodisiacs.

So novelty is always a good thing, you know. And it's not always practical or right to get a new partner. I mean, unless you're totally poly, but even poly people sometimes can't do that.

But you can always get a new sex toy. Yes. Were vibrators used by doctors way back when? Yes.

Vibrators were used by doctors when men. For hysteria. Were clear. Correct.

Yes. Absolutely. Yes. These were the days when.

The good old days. The Victorian times. When women with their husbands would lie still and think of England and barely do anything.

I mean, the sex was a non-event except to make lots and lots of babies. But with the doctor, oh, get down. I mean, that's where the woman got to lay out and have his hands on her.

And then they've developed the vibrators and probably a few tongues getting in there. They didn't have the APA back then. So anyway, now we have vibrators for fun.

And they still have medicinal value, right? Absolutely. We're going to talk about that in a minute. But I want to pick out what you want to play with.

I mean, we have all kinds of things here. And you get to take it home. Cool. We have these mode penthouse collection items here.

And these butt plugs are very nice. Crystal delights. They're beautiful. Crystal delights.

Look at this beautiful butt plug. Yeah, that is nice. Sparkly assholes are fun. They are.

Shiny things. Sparkly assholes. It looks like a baby bottle thing. Anyway, it looks like a jewel, really.

You could put this on the mantle of your house and grandpa, grandma. Susan, you're breaking up. Candles around it.

Sparkly assholes. You can put it in your little chachki cabinet in the dining room next to the good china. I'm not sure how not to be breaking up here.

I think I'm on now. So what would you like to try? Would you like to try a butt plug? Would you like to try?

This is a penthouse vibrator. And this is an icicle. And you could try two things. Okay.

I mean, my ass isn't prepared for anal, but I can certainly stick it in there. I just can't pull it out on the camera because I don't know what will happen.

Ah, you could stick it in but not pull it out. Well, you could just keep it in. It's yours. Okay, that works.

You could walk home with it. You could definitely do that. Yeah, I'm done. Okay, I think that would be fine.

Okay, cool. So, look at that. Isn't that pretty? Or do you like one of these better?

Here. They're different. This one's a light blue, and that's a smoky one,

and this is like a diamond. Aren't they nice? Tell us a little bit about crystal delight butt plugs. Do you want to talk about them?

I love crystal delight. Yeah, Shelly at Crystal Delights is an amazing woman. An interesting story, a geeky story about the history of these butt plugs.

As far as we know, this is the only time that this has ever happened. These butt plugs didn't exist in the real world first. They came into being in the virtual world second life.

Second life. Shelly had all these butt plugs as items in second life, which was a digital environment, and then ended up creating them after they caught on there

and making them real. All right. Well, this is from virtual reality to real reality. And she donates portions of the proceeds

to different breast cancer research organizations or prostate cancer organizations, colorectal cancer. It's a good thing she's got something for rectal cancer.

Now, I mean, let's talk about this and its medicinal value. I have some lube open for you. Should we bring some pillows forward, maybe?

Pam, can you help us out here? You can bring something forward so she doesn't have to sit all the way back there. Yeah, here we go.

This is a good one. And you can just lean back on here. Oh, lean back. Yeah, just lean back.

I was going to say gynecological, but maybe it's not anthropological. It is anthropological. Proctological?

Is that what this is? Proctological. Very nice stance. Look at that.

This is some yoga position. What is this? Awesome yoga. Ooh, that feels good, right?

She put a little on this, too. Yeah. Yeah, here we go. Okay.

And now, Pam, could you hold the microphone by her face? Because she looks like she's very busy. Very, very limber, too. And she is fingering her asshole very nicely.

Fogging it a little bit, you know. We are entering the planet Uranus. This is helping relax it a little. I mean, this plug is not that big.

No, but it needs a little unification, right? Let it know that something's about to go in there. Something's about to go in there. Oh, and we go.

Talk to your asshole or something. You can almost feel the asshole going, ah, and accepting the butt plug. Look at that.

There's a real beauty in there. And it's breathing. Yeah, it's, you know, squeezing it. Yes, you're squeezing that sphincter muscle,

which is another pleasure muscle, in addition to the PC muscle, which is not your politically correct muscle at all. Let's say it all together, class.

Pubococegias, is that how you say it? Yeah, that's not that muscle, though. That's the PC muscle. But this is the sphincter muscle,

and it's going in and out. Is she using this properly, doctor? Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize. Yeah.

I mean, this is really, really beautiful. Let's just say that, okay? Can we have some applause here for, yeah, and crystal delight butt plugs.

Yes, my goodness. This is, you just look like, I don't know, you should be a fountain, right? Like some kind of a display.

Blue is a good color, honor. Very good choice, yeah. Clear and blue and nice. Can you put the microphone in front of her?

How do you feel? It feels good. I mean, I actually, I already have a glass plug, but this one's very pretty.

This feels glamorous in the butt. Feels glamorous in the butt. Glamorous in the butt. It still feels a little cold,

but like it's refreshing. I'm sure it will warm up more. Oh yes, I'm sure it will. You seem like a very warm person inside.

Yeah, it looks really dazzling and nice. It's more of a formal wear butt plug. Yeah, yes. And how would you feel just holding that in you now

for a little while? Good. I mean, it feels very comfortable and, yeah, I mean, you know, smooth.

But what about the position that you're in? How's that? Oh, I mean, it's definitely a kind of a submissive position being all, you know, on my back and opened up and whatever,

but I'm comfortable like this. Obviously, I haven't got up yet. Yeah. Like, all right, I'm ready for the next thing.

Right. It's a little bit like the crab position. What is that? The pretzel?

Pretzel position. Right. Maybe if I have it behind my head. Very good.

Well, I don't know. I mean, I don't want to say you have to get out of it, but you need to just kind of move over that way. Okay.

Oh, quick, quick, okay. Very nice. Okay, we're sitting right down on it now. Yeah.

And how does it feel now? Fine. I'm used to butt plugs. Yeah.

Walking and sitting with them. Really? Yeah. You can just do that because you like them

or do people like make you do that? They've made me do it. But, you know, I do it on my own as well, so. Well, very good.

Yeah. All right. Well, you want to stay up here and just hold your butt plug? Sure.

Okay. Absolutely. And would you like to try out a sex toy now? Whatever you want.

Oh, whatever I want. Okay. I mean, I can't refuse that, can I? No, no.

You shouldn't. You really shouldn't. Can I come to the bed? Come to the bed.

Definitely. Come to the bed. Cara Price. Wow.

What's your price? Hmm. So, okay. She's already eyeing them very hungrily.

Okay. Well, here are the butt plugs. We have them here. And then we have this penthouse sort of hand vibe and penthouse

mode collection vibrator. And a very nice cucumber from Ralph's. And we have icicles. These are by Pipe Dreams.

I have preferences. I want to hear about your preferences. I actually am in the small minority of women who does not like vibrators. Okay.

Yes. I do not like it. It's something about if it's plugged into the wall or it has a battery, it makes, yeah, it just makes me tense, right?

You don't like a vibrator. Well, you know, that is a small percentage. But hey, more vibrators for the rest of us. It's true, right?

It makes me a little bit different. Yeah. It makes me an adventure. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Well, I love glass toys, though. Glass toys?

And then we have this amazing Buck Angel sword. But I kind of want to see two people on this, I think. And I don't know what that means for this. But then there's this.

This is very sort of geeky because of the shape. Yes. I think this is going to be my choice. Okay.

Can I open it and decide? Yes. Well, I think it's one of these. You open it.

You fuck it. You bought it. Okay. I made the right choice.

Yes. It's beautiful. Isn't it? Look at this.

It's kind of like a tongue. It's kind of curved for G-spot, which is my thing. And it's like some sort of weird tentacle, right? Is it no zipper?

Okay. It just goes up and look at those pretty panties, panty boy. Here we go. Okay.

And a very, very sporty look we have here. Yes. Very nice. You want to...

That didn't work. I wanted to bring two different looks for you. Yes. So I put sporty under sexy.

Sporty under sexy. Well, you know, it's all sexy on you, babe. But this is definitely elegant, elegant sexy. That is sporty sexy.

So we'll put this right over here. Away from the lube. Okay. And I mean, are we advertising the bra?

Awesome. Yeah. What a beautiful body. That is quite a sex toy.

And Cara Price. Can we hear it for Sister Cara Price? Yay. Who's going to now demonstrate the use of this amazing icicle.

A hand-blown glass massager. It's called a massager. But I don't think it's a vibrator. What's going on now?

We've got all these little ridges, don't we? And this is going right into the female receptacle. I'm going to let the ladies speak about this since I do not own a vagina.

Really? You just play with them. Yes. Okay, so ladies, why do we like ridges?

It's more... Yeah, it's sensitive. It's... Ah, it feels so good.

Okay. Variation. Here she goes. The curve on this is nice.

Stabbling the sex toy, hand-blown. And I would imagine that the ridges as you're moving it in and out are rubbing up against your G-spot. Whereas something smooth would give you a different sensation.

I also like that this toy goes from wide to pointy so that it really gets the pressure. Yeah. So what I'm feeling is feeling like right there.

It's making me have to pee, which is a good thing, right? Right. You know what? Sometimes when you feel like you have to pee,

what is it, brothers and sisters? You really have to squirt, right? Sometimes. We'll take that chance, okay?

We'll take the chance. I'll move your shoes just in case. And, you know, if you just want to, you know, just squirt all over Alex, that's not a problem, right?

Do I need like a poncho, just like a Gallagher concert? Yeah, you might. If you didn't read, then you'd get all the cucumbers. I'll give you my Venn Diagram.

I've actually never squirted before. I know I'm a squirter. I have to pee every time, but it's never actually come out. So today may be the first time.

You never know, right? Are you an exhibitionist? I mean, I'm here, right? She's up here doing this.

Well, I don't know, maybe you're here for the sex toys. No, I don't think I'd come and like be in front of one, two, three, four, five, six, seven cameras? Yeah, yeah. For one toy, no.

Sometimes I like it. I ask obvious questions. Those are the soft balls. No, okay.

Yeah. So, yeah, well, you're here, and since you are an exhibitionist, this might be like a peak experience, like all the cameras, all the people, all watching you,

and you can just let yourself go. So, if it happens? If it happens, it would be amazing. Yeah.

And then I could watch it afterwards and see how much there was. You could mop it off the floor, right, and put it in a measuring cup. Now, my instinct is to put a vibrator on you, but I'm not going to.

What else would you like? I mean, I don't know whether the cucumber could do anything. Would you like anything else? We have a hand back here in the audience.

I have a question. Just, yeah. Why don't you like vibrators? They hurt.

What do you mean they hurt? It doesn't feel pleasure. There's no pleasure in it. It just makes me tense.

The sound bothers me. Because you just said that you've never, you feel like you're going to squirt, but you've never have.

And then you say that you don't like toys. It sounds, not toys, but you don't like vibrators. It sounds like you just haven't let yourself go. I don't like to have my clit touch and a vibrator.

I've tried vibrators with G-spot attachments, but I can't get the pressure I need, so a nice hard glass toy. You don't like to have your clit touched. That's interesting.

I know for, I teach a workshop on hand sex for men and women, male and female bodies, and something that's really interesting that a lot of people who play with vulvas.

Put your head on the nail pillows, you'd be truly geeky. Don't always know because we're not taught. Again, our parents didn't sit down at the breakfast table and said, Billy, this is how we have hand sex.

But the idea of building up your lovemaking and taking a lot of time for people to really get aroused and gorge and to prolong your lovemaking so that, especially if you're using dildos

or cucumbers or whatnot, but any kind of penetration, the slower you go in the beginning and the longer you take for some people's bodies,

it takes them a while to really get going. But then when the engine's really warm, you can work up and increase the intensity and the pace and even the pressure.

And female bodies are really amazing because when people are really warmed up, you can really just pound away. And as a dude, I'm like, shit, am I hurting you?

And your partner's going, no, harder. And you're like, I can't go harder unless I run across the room and dive into you. Wow.

But when you allow people the time to really get aroused and then can increase the intensity, not saying that this is your experience, but then if somebody's not really sure

about vibration right in the beginning, even really soft, if they're super, super aroused, that might work there to try something new. But only when they're peaking

to kind of like the turbo charge, you know, in the fast and the furious, you flip the switch then. I'm wondering something. You know, masturbation is, of course,

the most likely way to enjoy yourself. But maybe you might enjoy yourself in a different way if someone else was manipulating your toy. Would Sarah like to go ahead?

Then you can just relax or just fight with yourself with other parts of yourself. So it's a whole different feeling

than someone else's. Not in and out, up and down. Can I give other coaching from over here? Yeah, stick it in a little bit further.

What I like to do sometimes is put a hand on somebody's breastbone and give them pressure down so that they have something they can bear up against.

Breastbone. Sometimes also here, right above the vulva. I don't know. Yes, right there, right there, right there.

They're doing something. Just let yourself push out, push out, push out. Slightly. Look at me.

Oh, shoot the eyes. I know, I get... Oh, we have to stop, we have to stop. It's beautiful.

You okay? It's beautiful. You okay? I'm just like, oh sorry.

I guess I got a little too excited. Yeah, yeah. You okay? I'm fine.

When it gets too close sometimes, I'll get that point where I'm almost about to squirt and then it'll go over and then I'll lose the squirt

and it's better if I stop and wait for it to cool down and build up again. Now I gotta ask you a question. That was beautiful, by the way.

Before I ask you a question, start. Oh yeah. Persistent Cara. I gotta ask you something, because you said,

you know, like she's vibrators, I got that, you know, alright. What about that, I don't like my clit touched. I just, this is not my favorite thing. It just distracts from the,

from the pleasure of having my g-spot touched. I really like to be stisted, really like anal. I've had, I've actually come,

the best orgasm I've ever had was having a fist in my ass. Oh. Yeah.

Wow. The clitoris is the pleasure center. For weeks to throw in. Get back in there.

Yeah. For most women the clitoris is it. Just think it's a little bit of an odd shape. But every woman's different.

I do have a feeling, and this goes along the lines with what Katie was saying, that maybe when you discover your clit, you'll discover other potentials.

I don't know, I've never, I've never really liked to have it touched before. I don't know if I'm wired that way. Maybe it'll change when I get older.

Yeah, it might change when you get older. Life always changes. I feel like I should go with what I like, rather than trying to change it.

It's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You seem like you're doing very well. Oh.

Like pushing down on top always helps for me. Pushes on you. Yeah, it's like right against the hard toy. Do you want to push down?

I'm going to right there. It's perfect. Okay, you're doing it. Right above the vulva.

The delta of Venus. Stir-carapra. That was great. That was an orgasm, I guess.

Unless you're just an incredible actress. No, that was an orgasm. You can feel it. Okay, and you know,

let's just say squirting orgasms are great, but just internal implosions like that are really where it's at when it comes to a woman's pleasure.

It's most of us just have the internal kind. Hey, Sarah, come on up here. Come on up to that microphone there. Is that the baby wipes?

Baby wipes. Let's find something. I'd love to see it on my hands. Sure.

Oh, yes, right. Since you've been slobbering on everything. We need to do that. From every hole, right?

Oh, wow. That was great. We're very impressed by your pleasure. Thank you.

Yeah. Yeah, I think it's much easier for me to have a better time when someone else is in control, right? I agree.

I have a lot more fun. Surrender is part of the... It's part of the experience, right? Yeah.

It is just such a new toy, I mean, for the both of us. Like, her first time using something like that and me too, I'm like,

I don't know how this is in you. I don't know how I'm holding it, but I'm just going to try to do what she's communicating. Yes.

And you did very, very well with that. I obviously really liked this toy. It is a little bit tricky because of the shape. It did, like, when it started to rotate the wrong way,

there was a little bit of pain. So it's definitely one where you need to, like... We were definitely good at communicating that right away. Those are handy wipes.

Are these okay to have your... Are they antibacterial? Oh, hold on. Oh, jeez.

Megan, why is that an important question to ask? I'll be right back. Okay. Antibacterial is a little toxic for the vagina.

Yeah. Right, right, right, right. It's kind of like Snow White, you know, or Cinderella. Okay, the best thing is just a little

soap and water wash and wash. Actually, antibacterial is bad for the culture and the society. Right.

And it's good for the germs. They're making a lot of really fun, like, biodegradable swipes, loving wipes that's now making biodegradable.

Antibacterial is awful for the dishes, for the vagina. But those wipes are specifically made for intimate regions.

Yes. And they're sending a whole bunch of those swipe wipes to Burning Man. Dr. Suzuki, have you been to Burning Man?

I have. You know, I have had Burning Man come to me many times. I have. Intimate regions.

Yes. And they're sending a whole bunch of those swipe wipes to Burning Man. Dr. Suzuki, have you been to Burning Man?

Really? I have. You know, I have had Burning Man come to me many times. But I have not been there myself.

It's too gravelly and dusty. You know, but yeah, it's great. It's great. And so what are they doing at Burning Man?

Well, no. Burning Man's kind of famous for using baby wipes to keep things, you know, dust-free. And there's a large queer women's and lesbian camp

called Camp Everton for Wayward Girls, which I think is campeverton.org. And it's the largest lesbian camp on the Playa. And Swipes Loving Wipes are actually sending a bunch of

hand-whips there, because they have an event called the Strap Onathon, which is a women-only play party. And you have to say that 12 times before you can get in.

Strap Onathon. Strap Onathon. Strap Onathon. Can I wait a couple minutes?

Okay. This is your friend. Okay. So, I mean, Katie, are you interested in one of these

toys? Doing a... Do you have a vibrator? I do.

I don't like putting... Like, if I'm self-master-reading, I don't like to stick anything in my voice either. Okay.

Well, you know what? We have different preferences here tonight. Okay. So...

Okay. Is that divine interventions on your screen, the dildos? Yes. They are divine interventions for those of us who have,

you know, religious fantasies. Yeah. You know, fucked by Jesus or married for the devil. I love that they send 1950s first communion napkins

with all their toys. Yeah. The Jesus Jackhammer is great. Okay.

Okay, so... It's just a little thing. The detail. The detail when you're over.

You look so cute. You look so adorable. Nice to see you. Whoa.

Nice shorts. Nice shorts. Nice shorts. Forget the shorts.

You can look at you. Okay, well, music or singing, guys? Singing. Singing.

Music. River. Water. Water.

Water. Water. Water. Water.

Water. Water. Water. and just put it right over your clip.

I'm a Hitachi girl. I sit there and beat my head so much that I'm like, okay, this approximates the Hitachi without the wire. I mean, it's not a plug-in, of course.

It's not a plug-in, but it is pretty strong. It's pretty damn strong, and it's, you know, princessy, isn't it? Aw, look at the princess, can't even open it.

Very princessy, it's pink. This is a Barbie vibrator here, and it's got little rhinestones all over it. Very pretty, huh?

Is there batteries in it? I believe so, yes. And there's different speeds, and it's pretty powerful. Four battery operated, of course,

battery can never be plug-in, but sometimes you can't plug it in. I invested in a plug-in because I was going through batteries every day.

Yeah, right, okay, but sometimes it's traveling. It's a good travel. And when you guys, and did it come with the batteries? I mean, has that been washed?

I mean, I wouldn't recommend just taking things out of the package and using them right away. Well, we have to ask Kelly Shibari that. No, she just put the batteries in.

Oh yeah, so she probably washed it. Regardless, if you can't brand it until you should wash it or anything. You can also throw a condom over it.

We can do that. Good job, I have one here, it's mint. Really? Yeah, here.

We don't have, we ran out of vanilla ones, I'm sorry. Condoms are great. That's my job. Oh, look at that.

This is great. I love your princess penis. And this is a great color combination, pink and green. It is, actually.

It's like a Barbie version of Christmas. It's so romantic with the candles. Candles and everything. And I did that with a Tandem, I'm pretty impressed.

That's not a photoshop. That's not a photoshop ass. That's a real ass. How do you like the smell?

It's not as strong as I thought it would be. Smells important. Smells important. Do you want to taste?

It's mint. It still tastes like latex. But yeah, you keep licking it. That's OK.

Maybe it's less latex-y towards the bottom, and if you licked up all the way, it would taste different. No, it's actually true. There's more lube at the base.

There really is. There's more lube at the base where the sparkles are at the end of the condom than there is at the tip. You just want me to go, uh...

Yeah. That does look good. That's what we want. That does look good.

It tastes like floss. It tastes like floss. Dental floss. Dental floss.

I don't know if that's a good thing with sex. I mean, it's better than tasting like poop, I guess, for most people. Dental floss is a bad thing.

There you go. I mean, if you have a choice. Yeah, we regularly put dental floss at the mouth. Dental floss are poop.

Which one do you want? I don't know. Hang on, let me think about it. I'm going to make a band diagram.

Hang on. So, Sarah Vibes, welcome to the show. You're finally here. You got my nipple.

Katie's such a giver. She's already playing with... You just got upstage, Sarah. You know, I'm okay.

I'm okay with that. Are you having fun? Are you having fun? I'm having a great time.

You look fantastic. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Okay. Miss International... International Miss Leather. Oh, what year?

2011. 2011? I'm the 25th one. All right.

Let's hear it for Katie. Yay! That's why mine's silver. Okay.

Yeah. You're not off the hook, though. Oh, I know. Okay.

No way. Okay. We're going to lie down here amongst the butt plugs here. Let's move this over.

Yeah, this may not happen. This is what may not happen. You don't care. How about a pillow there, Susie?

The idea is not really worth it. Susie, a pillow for the back of her head, doctor. She's got that right here. Oh, she has one.

I'm just tiny. Do you want me to... Yeah, you're good. You're good.

Oh, she's tiny. Now, the idea is not... We'd love it if you come. But we really don't know.

So you could just do whatever you do. I got beaten up today. You got beaten up. Awesome.

I'm okay with that. You know, I'm not sure what that means anymore. I know what that means. I know what that means.

I know what that means. I know what that means. I know what that means. What does that mean?

You got bucked real good? Is that what that means? Yeah. Or does that mean spanked?

No, like I... Nobody punched you in the jaw. That's all I wanted. Okay.

No. All right. You know. Okay.

So you were fucked real good. She's so cute. Okay. But this is on the outside.

Did you have a vibrator? A what? Were you beaten up by a vibrator? No.

I was beaten up by a very big, muscly man today. What was your name? TJ Cummings. TJ Cummings.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's gonna...

Do you think that's a coincidence? See, this isn't even close to my heart. What are the odds? You know.

Lift. Lift. TJ Cummings. It's a little more to the point than Mahalco.

Well, yeah. Mahalco's a horrible porn name. Or Max Cummings. You know Max Cummings?

Yeah. Who me? Oh, look at that. Ooh.

We're just excited looking at your pussy. Yeah. This is the womb in the womb room. Wait a minute.

And her feet. Look at her little toes. All those little... All those little lesbian girls.

I broke her toe today. You ever see all those little lesbian girls? They all live in shoes. They're all in the shoes.

Little toes. They're all little lesbians. They live in shoes. They're not piglets.

No, they're little lesbian girls. They still go to the market. They go to the market. They do all of that stuff there.

One's the big little fat mama. No. One's an actress. She's very tall and slim.

She's a beautiful mama. That's more like the Ellen. Ellen. Lesbian toes.

No. And then there's a little baby that gets crushed. And then the big one's the Rosie O'Donnell. You buy a Porsche.

We're hearing from the test driver at the moment. This is a test driver. What is that? I said, do you know the difference between buying a Porsche

and buying a Corolla? No. I'm sure that there are plenty of women. Like this feels good.

It's just not going to get me there. Okay, we have a pin shooter right here. Another condom. Another condom.

I only got two. My mouth is only so big. This is a hard one. Can you put it on here?

Is it plugged in? Yeah, it is. Okay, here we go. Yeah, this is well used.

There we go. I think the technique is used two hands. There you go. All right.

Here we go. Take over. Whoa. Okay.

That's that. Porsche sound. Professional tools create professional results. Don't bring a knife to a gun fight.

Yeah, that's better. That's a lot better. But it's always okay to bring a gun to a knife fight. After being torn up by TJ Cummings, you need the big gun.

That's right. Fucking women look so hot. You like my laugh, huh? Yeah.

You're very cute. And we have some bush here, which is very nice. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

I like the interference, you know? For the listeners. Oh, yeah. Those are not alien sounds.

That's electricity. I don't know if you're having too long. It's alive! It's alive! I don't know if you're noticing,

but the vibrator is on the left side of her vulva at the top of the clitoris, and that's where the highest concentration of clitoral nerve endings is located.

On the left side. On the left side. I did not know that. I knew that.

It's like at two o'clock. Wait till tonight, Susie. All right. I kind of like to alternate.

Well, because you don't always want to put it on the most sensitive part, you kind of want to alternate, put it on parts that aren't so sensitive,

and then go back to the... Well, all of this is going on. This woman has a butt plug in her. I know.

No, we forgot about that. Right, she's just sitting there. We forgot about that. Aw, yay!

The cat that ate the canary. This is the girl that sat on the butt plug. I didn't forget about that. I'd have to put a postage by my friend,

Dor, to read. Remember, you have a butt plug. Right. I'm sitting here kind of scratching myself.

I'm going... I like wearing a butt plug and driving over a cobblestone. Put one in, honey.

No, darling, I'm fine. I'm just fine. I mean, Reid, do you wear one of these? I've used these butt plugs before.

You know, a lot and start to feel kind of immune to the high power. I have to put it on the lower to feel like the thud more to feel it.

You know, because you can kind of desensitize yourself with that. One of my lovers. I don't have high power.

You can't? Out for desensitization. I'll masturbate five times in a row, and I have five, like, not even five

minute breaks in between. And it's only Hitachi. After that, I have to wait, and then, yeah, because that's when I get,

like, I already have a large hood. By the time I'm done, it's like... I got to ask a question. How come nobody makes Hitachi

like Hitachi? Right. Sarah? I don't know.

I love Hitachi. That's like a Zen Cohen. I'm a fan. I'm a fan.

I've been a fan my whole life. I've found my mother, and I've bought my own. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They are our power tools. Are you done? You're already done. You're done.

You're just in that kind of mood. I don't think it's got anything to do with the toy. Yeah, you wouldn't be spanked. That's what you get off on.

Okay. And Susie, I've had lovers with Hitachi's when they get too sensitized. We'll get, like, a washcloth or a small towel

and fold it up and put it over their pubic mound. Yeah. Kind of a muffle. Oh, definitely.

I like a little piece of something in between me and Hitachi. I'll be right back with Hitachi. Yeah. Actually, bring two.

I might need it. I don't need a towel. Well, what else do we have to try here? I mean, we're almost out of time.

Yeah, we're almost out of time. But I didn't get free to try something. You know what? Just have me back.

We'd extend the show if you'd try something. You're going to show your boobs? Yeah. Well, I mean, I could do the butt plug, but this is...

No, no, do it. Come on. We'll extend the show. But this is the thing is we can't film my butt.

No, no. We're going to film your face. You're going to come in close and just... We're going to film your face.

And actually, Sarah, do you want to put it in? I'd love to. Awesome sauce. I mean, not that we're...

Malika, you want to take over the... There might be some awesome sauce in there. You want Malika to take over the engineering now? Hi, Malika.

Malika Millions is in the audience. Do we have a hot audience or what? Can somebody... Woo!

I'm telling you. Yeah, you want to go back to your seat? Yeah. Then you can talk.

Yeah, more room. Okay, but don't put your clothes on. Okay, so where's the microphone? You have to talk into the mic, though.

Wait, your shirt is sparkling. If we had a cloth or... Can I still let Sarong off the back of the couch? Are you going to like put it under your butt?

I'm going to put it over me. So then Sarah can go under it like one of those old cameras. Sure, sure, sure. We can use that.

This is new for me. Okay. And you were all fabulous. Yeah.

And that... She's got gritting because she's got a butt plug in her ass. Okay, so which butt plug do I have to take home? I don't know.

It's up to you. We've got all of these. Aren't they lovely? Like jewels.

I think... I like the crystal one. It's very Neil Diamond. Yes, it's a diamond.

That one's just like a diamond. No, it's not too Liberace. That one's very Liberace. I don't think it really goes with me.

This one's just very... This one's like airy fairy outer space. Yeah, it should come with like a little pink unicorn or something like that. But I mean they're all beautiful, but this one really feels like Neil Diamond.

Like back in the Love and the Rock. Love on the rocks. Ain't no surprise. Okay, Sarah.

Wait, wait, wait. Why is your shirt still on? Oh no, no, no. I'm going to keep my shirt on.

Why? I don't do nudity because I... It's not nudity. You're a man.

You're just taking your shirt off. I know. I'm not going to take it off. He's keeping the shirt on because it coordinates with the crystal butt plug.

There's sparkles on it. Megan, your fashion design sense is unbelievable. I try. Okay, so who's going to hold my mic?

What was your name again? Thank you, Katie, for playing me. I was just wondering. No, you're absolutely right.

It's good for the goose. No pressure. You were going to wear a kilt tonight. You wore pants, actually.

The kilt would have been good. Yeah, the kilt would have been much easier. The beach in the 1950s. Okay, we're dropping trial now.

Dropping trial. Oh, I get a beauty back here. Trow has been dropped. I see why he doesn't want to show anybody.

It's the Hello Kitty tattoo. Isn't it? It's too much? Okay, no.

Sarah has seen my butt before. She looks like she knows where she's going. She's going in with no lube. Yeah, Sarah, how about some lube, man?

What about a little lube? A little lube love here. I'm getting a nice massage. Oh, a little tickling of the undercarriage.

Yeah. Okay. Here we go. A little lube now.

All right, thank you for the lube. Now, this is brulesque. No, this is television. This is television like it was done in the old days.

Yeah. It's like Ed Sullivan's show. It is. Sarah, could you push my glasses a little bit?

That's all. Right on the middle. You don't trust me to hold it up, do you? Of course not.

I would offer it. I know you don't trust me. Okay, here we go. Okay, it's going in.

Let me just say it's starting. It's a tip. I feel it. Very, very tip.

Okay. Don't shoot till you see the white of his eyes. Now it's it. You can go a little faster, Sarah.

My butt's very friendly. Easy, easy, slow down. Here we go. Yeah, don't do the cock.

What are you doing to my penis? Yeah, don't do that. It's distracting. Oh, yeah, Sarah, push it.

Okay. Moon river wider than a mile. There we go. We're in.

It's in. It's in. That is insistent. It is in.

Wow, that's a first. How does it feel? It feels very friendly. It does, huh?

It's very high class. How does it look? It's like the jewel in the crown. Wow.

I mean, the jewels are underneath, but the jewel is inside. Yeah, it's moving now while you squeeze your sphincter muscles. Oh, yeah. It's winking.

It looks like a big dazzling eyeball winking. Okay, here we go. Again, I want to try sitting down with Sarah. Yeah, okay.

Okay. I'm in a Sarah sandwich. This is comfy. Yeah, you're between the fairies.

You kind of want to wiggle a little bit. You're feeling this particular... I've been wanting a Crystal of the Lights butt plug forever, and every time Shelly gives me them,

there's always a raffle or something, so I'm always giving them away. I'm like, oh, and I feel bad swiping one, because you don't want bad butt plug karma.

No. No, that's just going to wreak havoc on you. No, no, that would be terrible. Yeah, and Ganesha, the remover of obstacles.

Yeah, it's just a bad idea with your butt. Yeah, no. Anyway, what was your experience like, Sarah? I don't mean to be pointing at you with my...

I mean, it was fine. It looked really pretty. But I mean, did you have a good feeling getting into it? I did a bit of a hand.

And the thing is, like, as a dude, sex educator, and when I get to talk to men across the country, I think a lot of us kind of got acculturated that sticking things in your butt is, you know, gay,

or just, you know, it's a bad thing. And I think for men, especially for prostate health, you know, having your prostate played with is a great preventative option to help prevent prostate cancer.

Absolutely. And there's so many nerve endings. The P-spot. Just like women have a G-spot and men have a P-spot.

21 or more times a month. What? 21 or more times a month. Where do you come up with these figures?

See, she's... Now that's geeky, right? Yeah, that's her... Exactly.

She's likely to have been born that way with those figures coming out of her, right? Absolutely. Absolutely.

But the ability to recall them so quickly. Now, Megan is like the spock of sex education. That might make me want to shout. Yeah, exactly.

You got to take those headphones off so I can see your ears. They're normal. Okay.

They're normal. They're normal. I see points. Oh.

She could be a vulcan. Right. Now, I really had a problem with things in my ass because I'm a kid from the 50s.

Yeah. And the Russians had really big missiles and we had little missiles. And I used to watch those on television.

I go... Put them in your butt? I didn't want to put them in my butt but it was like a missile race.

Yeah. And it freaked me out for years. So ever since I saw those missiles I always thought about my asshole.

You know, they don't have a flared base so that would be scary. Good job. Yeah.

And when you're playing with your butt you want to have a flared base because your anus can get hungry because your anus can get hungry.

Yeah. And suck right in. Suck right in. Especially if you're using a lot of lube

which you should be. And really the golden rule of ass play for anyone is the slower you go the faster you get there.

I mean I think, you know, for us who play with our bodies on a regular basis and I happen to know my butt is fairly friendly.

You know, we go fairly quickly and that was a small butt plug. But if you're playing with your ass for the first time like don't go as fast as you saw us go today.

Right. Do not try that at home. This is dead because this is a show, right? And time is money or something.

Keep it. Come on, get that thing on your ass. Something. Oh, yeah, yeah.

So I actually, I've played with toys that don't have a flare base. Things like golf balls. Cure plumbers?

No more like golf balls. Golf balls. Like little, I found these like matrushka nesting monkeys and glue them together

and put them in. Of course, Benoit balls don't have a flare base. Cool. And then they disappear, right?

And the trick is getting them out. I think that if you aren't going to, if you accidentally get something stuck or if you were going to get things stuck on purpose,

the trick is to know to relax and that like it will come back out. I mean, you know, you already know how to have a bowel movement and not to wig out and you just push and be gentle

and sometimes kind of spiel your hand in there and push the skin out and grab it. So there are ways, if you do have an accident, it's not necessarily a trip to the hospital.

Just remember to like work with your body. You should make a tape about that. What you can do too is if you put, if you get like the golf ball,

which is interesting, right? I mean, I wouldn't recommend it. But just because I don't want to be the guy who goes to the emergency room and is that guy, right?

But you can golf ball. Yeah. And you're chafing at the pit. So go make it, go.

If it doesn't come out after 15 minutes, it's really important to go to the emergency room and a study recently came out in January. I'm going to throw the facts out.

Most people wait for two to three days with something lodged in their ass before they go to the emergency room and that's really bad.

That's really bad for your butt. Oh, yeah. And every doctor has seen it and it's important to get it out

versus trying to force it out because then you can put too much pressure on the spankers and bad things will happen. And we want butts to be happy.

So make the doctor's day and go to the emergency room because then they have a story to tell, you know? The truth is you can order a butt plug online.

They're not super duper expensive. You can get a nice small one with a big flared base and practice and see if you even like it.

Now speaking of which, how are you feeling right now? I kind of like it. It also makes...

I feel sparkly. Yeah. I'm like, I have something shiny in my bum.

Yeah. And that makes you smile. A jewel in the bum. Something about things in your butt.

A diamond in the rub. As an experimental child, I've never lost anything in my butt. I've never lost anything in my butt.

No, that's good. But there are definitely things I look at in my house that I'm like,

could I fit that in my butt? And I always know. Yes. I always know that

I'm looking around my bed. I just put condoms on things because then at least you could grab something back up.

Like if you have like a bullet vibe or egg vibrator on a string. Put in a condom and you can see the butt.

High heel of a shoe. Put a condom on it. A shagging fan. A shagging fan.

Condoms are much safer for numerous reasons. Oh, yeah. We have many condoms.

It's like a high heel. The monkeys want to go in the butt. Just throw them in the condom. Yeah.

You could pull right out. Yep. And you still get all the sensation and feeling.

Now, speaking of the cucumber. No one was, but cucumber. You always have to eat your best both.

So, are you ready for it yet? Kara. I don't know if I can come again but I'll put it in and play.

No, no, no. This just wants to be with you. He'll come. It's just a little vegetable

that's been torn from the dirt and from the farm and taken into the city.

And it's ending. Max has a lot of sympathy for vegetables. I love vegetables. They're defenseless.

Unlike other animals, they can't run away. No. Well, the cucumber could roll away

but I don't think he would do that with Kara. Dr. Suzy. Can I ask a question?

Is the general consensus of everyone here that they like pretty sex toys I feel like when it comes to sex toys or anything,

I wouldn't want necessarily something sparkly. I like dirty. I like the dirty. I do not.

It's funny. Every time someone says Not literally dirty. No, no, no.

Not literally. But like it's funny. Every time someone said like, you know,

oh, it's so pretty. I'm like, I was turned on before and you throw pretty on that

and I'm like, oh, you know what I mean? You're a tough nerd, aren't you? Well, there is,

and Megan might know the answer to this. There's a company that just came out with a vibrator that's shaped and looks like a large scorpion.

Have you know of it this one? That's cool. No. I thought you were going to say

the one that looks like the heel of a boot. Oh. Yeah. I know that

I grew up in the village. All the dirty toys are the gay men toys. Oh, oh. You know, we had this one.

Somebody's going to. Five angels is dirty. Five fives like dirty boys. Very clean and a literal level

but this is really a dirty toy. Not crazy. It looks like a Klingon weapon from Star Trek. Yeah.

Star Trek. I hate to ask one. A couple of you have to go sit over there. Everything from Star Trek.

We're going to have cucumber. We're going to extend. We're extending. So if you're listening right now.

We need to have the cucumber demonstration just so we have a, you know, something from nature. And can I ask you to sit over there, please?

I just want to answer your question. It's death by scorpion. Death by orgasm. Death by orgasm is the scorpion one.

Thank you. All right. I'm moving. Moving along.

Are you wearing my. Singing a song. Look at this. He's got his pants around his ankles.

Okay. We can shoot this. Shoot this. Careful on the steps there.

Be careful. Yeah. We're not insured. Your keys are hanging from your pants.

You're listening to radio. I hope whatever agent told you you can't be shown with your pants down likes this shot of you.

Really. Oh, Malik is getting a good view back there. She has to. Yeah.

She's getting it going on back there. Yeah. Malik is straightening things out. Yeah.

Make sure that butt plug doesn't fall out. Push it back in if it starts to. Okay. You still got the butt plug in, right?

Yeah. Okay. Good. All right.

So we're back. Okay. What do you think of this as a toy? I don't know.

You have to talk into the microphone. I'm not sure. Have you said before? Would you like Lubeport?

You use your saliva. I do. I prefer. I don't really like chemicals as such.

You're very specific about your things. Yeah. She's got great toes too. They're all like running around.

We have a lot of great. They keep moving. Great stuff going on here. Thank you.

Yeah. Very nice. French manicure with Aqua. Everybody's Aqua tonight.

You notice there's an Aqua thing going on. Aqua. All right. So you've never used a cucumber.

I have used a cucumber. Most farmers have. Most farmers have. It's a Midwest thing.

Hey, you know, it's the right shape. It's a farmer's thing. Really? It's nature zone dildo.

I mean, it's got a hard skin. You don't really have to put a condom on unless. Okay, look at that. There you go.

And you can bite it too. Yeah. We also have an eggplant, but that's a little less friendly. Oh, there you go.

Wow. Whoa. It's going everywhere tonight, right? Spritzen.

Spritzen USA. Spritzen and Spritzen. Life is good. You're listening to Radio Suzy 1 on the World Wide Web then.

We're extending our extension. We're extending, yeah. Okay. We're bigger than ever before.

All right. And this is Sister Cara Price, who is, tonight we're talking about geeky, nerdy, high-tech sex toys, but we are also discovering nature's own dildo. Yep.

This cucumber has been in use. Look at it. She's taking it in. Wow.

Whoa. That's a meditation right there. Mm-hmm. It's going all the way.

All these fucking beautiful... Yep. Yep. Yep.

Yeah. Hey, where's Alex? This is very eco-sexual. Yes.

Annie Sprinkle would be proud of this. Right. Annie would be proud, yes. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Is this eco-sexual when you make love to the vegetable? Mm-hmm.

It's very clean. Annie, Annie Sprinkle. It's making me hungry. I actually got arrested for her magazine.

Did you really? Yeah. That's how I spent... That's how I ended up in Cranston for stump fucking.

Mm-hmm. Because Long Jean Silver was stump fucking Annie. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah, I just saw Annie a couple of weeks ago in San Francisco. Yeah, we used to live together in a big old mansion in... Here?

In Italy. Okay. Oh, wow. It's just before Beth...

Whoa! With Beth. Oh, way before. That was pretty exciting.

When we were young. Remember you were talking about those Sputnik missiles, Max? Yes, right. I think Kara just eliminated one of them.

Whoo! Take them out. There goes Sputnik. Take them out.

Yeah. Mm. That's a hungry pussy. Mm.

Eating its vegetables. How's it feel? Well... It feels good.

Yeah? How does it feel compared to the toys? Well, this one is stimulating my cervix. It has its own...

By the way, cucumbers have ridges. It's really my pleasure. They have natural ridges right here all around. Mm.

This one is sort of stimulating my cervix and my G-spot, which I like a lot. Yes. I mean, my cervix rather than my G-spot.

So it's a very different feeling, but I like it. It's very full. It's very full.

Mm. And I like that it's not too hard, but it's hard enough. Yes.

It's perfect for this one. And the more you do it, the more it softens up like a... big penis.

Is that right? Yeah, well, yeah. Well, hopefully the cucumber's not going to fall apart. No, it's not.

That's why we're not using the bananas. They're a little too ripe. Do you have cervical orgasms? Yeah.

Yeah, I do. There's this other sort of spot. It's like the size of a diamond. It's like right up there against my cervix.

When I'm doing anal, a lot of times they'll get behind my cervix, and that makes me come like that. Can you talk about the sensations in your body

that you experienced during cervical orgasms? Um... Yes. Yeah, I can.

It's... Rather than the... I think when I had like... when I earlier was...

there was the G-spot stimulation, and I started to push out, right? Yeah. And there's this huge contraction,

I feel like, with the... with the cervical orgasm, it's much... it's deeper,

and it's more kind of like a... a pulling up kind of energy rather than a real like pushing down contraction,

if that makes sense. Yeah, it does. Would you like her to hold that for you? Thank you.

I think... I think I'm actually about done with this one. The reason why is that I want to do that. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Eat your vegetables. And let's hear it for Sister Karapra. Yay.

Eat your vegetables. Vegetable eating can be... nasty. Right?

That was kind of nasty. No one said the cucumber was pretty. Did you notice that? Exactly.

Right? Everyone was kind of like... It's a pussy cucumber. Kind of salty that way.

It's good. It's like my pussy is like... Isn't that great? It's like eating your pussy.

Yeah. I mean, this could really turn somebody on who has a castration complex. Ow!

Which, I grant, it was not very many of you. Check, please. We're leaving.

Not many of you have that. But those of you who do. Yeah. Very good.

If you missed your brisks, then. Oh! That's funny. That's great.

All the lawnsmen are going to be writing to us. Wow. Wow. Yeah.

You're just very voracious. Very good. And I got dinner too. Yeah.

Okay. So, I don't know. Can we do... Now we're underway.

We're going to go for another ten minutes. Ten minutes. Five minutes to give a wrap around. Ten minutes.

But we could do... A $35,000 crew, you know. With this Buck Angel thing. I don't know.

Any volunteers? You don't know how it works? It looks like it would be better for your butt. Yeah.

It's a little strange. It doesn't look like it's designed for the vaginas. It doesn't turn. All right.

This Buck Angel thing will live to challenge someone else. Right. On this show. Join us next week.

Right. We have the Buck Angel challenge. And, you know, these girls are... Let's find out where we can find everybody.

Okay. Let's find out where we can find everybody. So, now you're looking around. Would you like to try something else?

Do you see something else you want to try? You want to try a butt plug. And did you want to try one of these since you're being so good? Yeah?

I don't know. What is that? I should give Jen a chance to try. But I have a feeling she has the same agent as Reid.

And Megan. Megan, do you want to try a toy on, you know... I am really enjoying watching the girls stick things in their mouths. We're enjoying watching you.

Watching us. That's what we're liking. We're here in the audience. We're not doing stuff.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you're going to stick that in your butt now. I'm just enjoying this chair that I'm sitting on right now. Is it still in?

It's still in. And we go. What is that? What is that?

It looks like a very clean spit. She's going to stick this baby sucker. What is it called? A binky.

It is like a binky. And she's going to stick it in her butt. From the side. What's a butt plug?

That's what you've got to do. I don't know about this stuff. I'm old fashioned. People have been sticking things in their butt forever.

That's how they used to do pelvic exams. It was on the side. That's how they do it. That's how my doctor does it.

Does it feel good? It's a very pretty color. Can you make it move with your sphincter muscle? Whoa!

That one's got that interplanetary look. We need that sound effect. What did it work? What did it work?

It looks like it's working to me. Whoa! We have space music now. I guess that's what that's supposed to be.

This is very spacey. It looks like the planet Uranus. That's what it is. It's that color.

There it is. We finally see your anus. It's not big enough for you. We should have a cucumber up there.

I didn't prepare for anal. If I put that cucumber in there, it will come out. It's not shaped like that. I don't know where it will come out with.

You are definitely geeky about sex. You're gorgeous. Now I get to join the sitting on a butt club. It will stay in that way.

Solidarity. It will stay in that way. For sure. Let's hear it for Mr. Kara Rice.

The beautiful glowing planet Uranus. Visible in the skies within the womb room. Now we're going to round it up. We've got a lot of people.

We're going to round it up. We'll start with you, Sister Kara. Where do we find you on the internet? You can find me on Twitter.

KaraPrice XXX. I guess you can find me on Google. I have a website, but it's not a pay site. You can see pictures of me doing crazy things for free.

I would love that. You can see me on Google. Are you on Google Plus yet? That's my sex toy lately.

It's driving me crazy, but I love it. What's Google Plus? Google Plus is going to demolish Facebook. I am on Facebook, but I never log in because it's evil.

Good for you. It's evil. It's a farm. It's a friggin' farm. It's for farmers. It's for farmers and fascists.

A lot of fascists. China is actually trying to buy part of Facebook now. Good. Let them have it. Anyway, we are surfing the Google Wave of the Emerald Sea.

And now we have lovely Sarah. Where do we find you? I'm on Twitter, so I can be followed on twitter.com. That's S-A-R-A-H-S-H-E-V-O-N. I do not have a website.

But you have a beautiful musical high voice and I'm wondering if that's due to the butt plug or is that always the case? I'm really not a singer, so...

It must be the butt plug making you sing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And these are, once again, what kind of butt plugs are these? Crystal Delights.

Crystal Delights, okay. CrystalDelights.com. Right. Okay, so let's see. Where shall I go now? I'm going to go to you, Sarah Vine.

Okay, great. Hi. Hi, and I want to say that it's such a pleasure to meet you because I've been tweeting with Sarah back and forth for months and a long time.

And this is such a great surprise. You were going to come, you were going to call in or something, you weren't going to be here. Besides last minute, be here.

Thank you so much for having me. Yeah. So you can find me on twitter as well at sarah underscore vibes.

I have no H, so that's S-A-R-A underscore V-I-B-E-S. And you can also find me at sarahvibes.wordpress.com. Great. And Jen, the original nerd girl.

My Twitter handle is twitter.com slash genfreel. That's J-E-N-F-R-I-E-L. And if you guys at reply me tonight, I will absolutely at reply you back.

And my website is called talknerdy-to-me-lover.com. And it's not all about sex. No, I went out on 103 dates in nine months to document the organic route of attraction.

So it's a, I'm a life caster. So I dictate my life across the workable elements of social media. And it's, I tell you really fast. The organic route of attraction.

Yeah, I'm curious as to what makes us attracted to another person. So I had a compatibility prerequisite of an 85% off the O.K.C.'s algorithm. And yeah, so it was the most amazing experience ever.

Did you meet the love of your life? Of an 85% off the O.K.C.'s algorithm. And yeah, so it was the most amazing experience ever. Did you meet the love of your life?

No, I met out of 103 dates, there were 11 guys that got a second date and there were four guys that I was like, considering something with.

And yeah, I'm still single. All right, well, I'd love to be part of your survey. Okay, and now we have Mr. Cuddle Party graduated to Mr. Polly,

graduated to Mr. Sex Toys, graduated to Sex Geek. With a butt plug. Where the sun don't shine.

It's readaboutsex, R-E-I-D, about sex pretty much everywhere you can look. So on Twitter, it's at readaboutsex. On Facebook, it's readaboutsex.

And then readaboutsex.com, LinkedIn, just Google readaboutsex and you'll find me. And we will. And you reside in San Francisco?

I'm up in Oakland. I also live in New York as well and I'm usually on the road to one or two weeks every month

teaching all and lecturing around the country. So basically just go to readaboutsex.com and click on the calendar to find out if I'm in your neck of the woods or not.

All right. And Megan. Yes, I can be found at omegan.com. Like, oh, Megan, I can't believe you said that.

Or hi, Omega on Twitter. So those are my two user names. Okay, well, we will look for you and your lovely technique of putting on a condom.

Yes. Yeah, with your tongue. Thank you, Reed. You're very nice.

You're welcome. You say that with such love. We like each other. How well do you know each other?

Have you ever had sex? I mean, I've had sex many times. With each other. No, we've never had sex.

And Megan, actually, we had a really... Tell the grocery store story. Reed and I were grocery shopping near his house and we were in the cucumber area, actually.

Yes, it's very... Stimulating. Yeah, and I turned to Reed and I forgot who we are and...

We're in public. There's a woman like 10 feet away from us looking at lettuce or something like that. And I turned to Reed and I was like,

why haven't you ever tried to have sex with me? And the woman with the lettuce freezes. And I see that and I look at her and I'm like, let's answer that question later.

I was like, oh, right, public. Yes, right now. And then we walked away from this woman with the lettuce and I'm like, well, it's been my understanding

that you're monogamous. Oh, are you? And that would be impolite for me to try to sleep with Megan because I understand her relationship boundaries

and I like your partner a lot. He's awesome. He makes really good beer. And he's a fine cook. Thank you.

Yeah. And you didn't know that that was his reason? Well, I just... Reed is very friendly with a lot of people

and Reed has never, ever crossed any boundaries with me whatsoever. This scientific term for that is slut. Are you monogamous or monogamish? I don't know.

That might be the subject of another show. And also that's what they all say. If polyamory is a valid relationship style, then so is monogamy.

That's correct. I'm monogamous. It's all about self-expression and what makes you happy. Date your species. That's all I say. I might change that tonight because of St. Ives.

Yeah, right, right. Our monogamy is always up for grabs. Up for grabs. With a lot of grabbing.

I grab a ear and I grab a dare. We're very grabby people. Well, you know, some monogamous people have... There's lots of gradations now.

Some people who have agreements like us mostly about extending it to outer course with all kinds of people. But inner course is different.

Everybody has different rules. And we've got to have another show on that. But right now we have to find out about our lovely Katie St. Ives

and where we can find her. You can find me on Twitter at Katie St. Ives. It's all one word, lowercase, simple.

And then I have my website. It's KatieSt. Ives triplex.com and I have a MySpace, but I never go on it. Nobody does.

And you know what's going the way of what MySpace is. What's going the way of MySpace is begins with a F and it's not a pornication. My face.

A Facebook. Meet me on Google Plus, everybody. Yeah. Anyway, this has been a great show.

I mean everybody, thank you so much for having us. Thank you. Thank you for the show.

I want to thank all my fabulous guests. I want to thank the sex toy companies that came through and provided the toys. Such as Crystal Delights, Buck Angel,

Penthouse, and Pytdreams. And thank you, Ralph. Okay, for the camera. And I want to thank...

And Ralph didn't pay us for this. It's not like he's a sponsor. No, no, no. This is our free giving.

You just believe it or not. We do. Uncle Ralph. So I want to thank you, my darling,

and the viewer or listener, you know, when you're in the chief seat. Sex toys responsibly. You know, don't hurt yourself

and don't hurt other people's precautions. I want you to get a little bit peaky of floor, though. Don't be afraid. I mean, safety first, but don't let safety

pin you in so that, you know, you're not experimenting and exploring this. But, you know, make like bonobos, not baboons, okay?

Drop pocket rockets, not Patriot missiles. Let's make love. Before we leave, spring.