Xmas Guzzler

Full transcript of Xmas Guzzler on The Dr. Susan Block Show:

You need to talk with someone about something you can't talk about with anyone else? You can talk to us. I'm Dr. Susan Block, your mistress of the airwaves, but my day job is director of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts and Sciences, specializing in sex therapy

over the phone. Any time you need to talk, whether you need serious psychotherapy or a hot phone sex experience or a combination, my world-renowned telephone sex therapists are just a phone call away.

Totally private, absolutely confidential. We listen, talk with you, advise you, role-play for you, fantasize with you, no fantasy is too taboo, and help you with anything from impotence to exhibitionism, fears to desires, fetishes to marriages.

For more information, call us at 213-291-9497, that's 213-291-9497 anytime you need to talk. You're listening to Radio Susie One on the World Wide Web, and now, here she is, Dr. Susan Block. Brothers and sisters, lovers, artists, and exhibitionists, voyeur, connoisseurs, porn stars, and

comedians. Laughter is a mental orgasm. Oh, you children of sex. And, yeah, you know, we all are children of sex.

We may or may not be children of God. Jesus is king, but, you know, we may or may not be children of Jesus, all of us. Or Allah, or Buddha, or Brahma, or I don't know, hello, hey, noob. But whoever our daddy is, they're all daddies, you notice.

One thing we know, we are all children of sex with a capital X. Can I get an amen? Can I get an A-women? I want to welcome you to the little love church of the Bonobo Way, baby.

Here in the village of Bonoboville, yeah, let's have a few cheers for the Bonobos who show us the way to peace through pleasure. Brothers and sisters, we need a little peace on earth. Yes, indeed, tizz, tizz, I love that word, tizz. Never know where the apostrophe goes, though.

The holiday season, the holidays, we all are, if you're tuned in live. And along with our eggnog and candy canes, well, we are serving a very peachy, impeachment. Yes, indeed.

In fact, I have a whole impeachment parfait right here, brothers and sisters. That's right, this is impeachment parfait. And by the way, we're listening to peachy pavement. It just so happens that this music that I'm playing right here.

But no, it is not a perfect impeachment. Who are those ghosts laughing just now? Are there elves here? Those are Abraham's elves, or Jesus' elves?

Oh, okay. Part of peachy pavement. Anyway, it's not a perfect impeachment, brothers and sisters, lovers and sinners. It's an impeachment parfait.

And there's a difference. Because, yeah, I have to admit, it doesn't really satisfy our horny hunger to stick it to the trumpet. And his rumpus, or anywhere, is here for every terrible little thing that he does

and has done and will probably continue to do. But it's something. It's peachy. And since we the people are starving for peaches,

well, two measly articles of impeachment are better than none. And, of course, only some of us are starving for impeachment. I acknowledge that. There are some among us.

The Trumpsters. We love you, Trumpsters. We do. And, of course, you're much too bloated on dirty Donald's crap that takes 10 to 15 flushes.

Right. 10 to 15 flushes. No, he said it himself. He's very appalled at the ecological toilet facilities because you take a lot of flushes.

Who takes 10 to 15 flushes? Nobody. Maybe two, three to get it going down. 10 to 15? Oh, my God. That's a lot of poop.

So the Trumpsters, you know, God and God has blessed you poor shit-soaked souls. But, you know, you're just way too bloated to taste let alone eat a peach.

Peaches are delicious. And I know you're not even treating this impeachment as a hearing. It's more like a game where you just have to win no matter what. Right? I get it.

Now, on the other side, I have to say, are my fellow lefties progressives, right? Oh, yes. But some of you guys, some of you, I got to say,

I got to say, in terms of the impeachment parfait, some of you are way too pure to eat a peach. Maybe because it's canned. I mean, I'm sorry, but fresh peaches are not in season now.

But I like the canned kind. I mean, they're bad for you, but they remind me of my childhood. Slurpy. And you can suck on them, you know,

as opposed to the fresh ones that you have to just bite. So sometimes the canned ones are... Anyway, my friends, the lefty friends are just too pure to eat a peach. And too pure, many of them, to appreciate this nice peachy impeachment.

And, well, I mean, they're right about some things, I have to say. Because, you know, the Senate will not convict, most likely, and me and old Mitch McConnell is already saying, we're basically colluding with the White House Council.

So, you know, there's no pretense of hearing here at all. So, yeah, I mean, they're right about that. And the blowback? Well, it might actually help dirty Donald.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but it might help him win. Yeah. And that would give us another four years. Or maybe more, right?

He keeps joking. And he ain't no comedian, so I don't believe that's a joke. So there are risks to impeachment, no doubt. But you know what, brothers and sisters, lovers and sinners,

there are greater risks to not impeaching, like destroying the democracy that I think we still have some of, I don't know, not all but some. It is in the hands of the rich,

but I mean, there's some possibility of getting it back. And, yeah, you know, if we don't impeach, that just gives him a free ride, gives everybody, every criminal, every low life a free ride.

So, yeah. Impeachment, it's the right thing to do with this butthole of a human with apologies to buttholes, right? And actually, there's more about this in my article in Counterpunch.

Gobadobos for Counterpunch, out this holiday weekend. Krampus, Trumpus, Rumpus, show the banner. Yeah, there we go, okay. Show that on the Facebook camera.

Who's on the Facebook camera? Is anybody on the Facebook camera? I mean, because I see the Facebook camera just standing there and photographers walking in front of it.

Okay. All right, so speaking of buttholes, I'm going to eat this peach. Tis the season of the baby Jesus but plug.

I'm going to introduce in a moment. Actually, I feel as though the baby Jesus but plug is like one of my guests. So I'm going to introduce some of my other human guests before I get to my immortal guests like baby Jesus but plug.

And so, first of all, my Elphin assistant, a fabulous sidekick, Sunshine McWain in a very fetching leopard Santa hat. And I am, of course, in the Gobadobos naughty Santa hat.

And right here, over to my left, I'm not going to guess that has anything to do with their politics, but they're to my left. We have Mike Eaton, comedian.

Also in a Santa hat. And I'm going to say thank you, Anthony Davis. Right? He's the one that arranged for you to come on.

And Elizabeth. Okay. Thank you, Elizabeth. And I want to say more about you,

but I want to also introduce my other guest. Now, the holidays are a great time to guzzle. Yeah. Yeah, right?

I mean, champagne, eggnog, sparkling apple cider, and cum. Right? I mean, isn't cum guzzling

like one of the things that you do on the 12 days of Christmas or every day? And so welcome, Amy Guzzler, to the Dr. Susan Block show.

Also in a cute Santa hat. And Guzzler, that's a good name. Now, I got to ask, that's my first question. I mean, how come Guzzler?

Where did it come to you, so to speak, and a burst of liquid? Kind of lows, you know what I mean? Yeah, for sure.

And I actually enjoy it a lot more than most females, because they suck at it. They suck at it, so to speak, but you suck and swallow.

But most don't like to swallow. Right. And I like to guzzle that shit. You do?

You like it? Wow. Okay. And so we're talking about mainly cum.

Yes. Right? Classy cum. And cider.

And cider. You actually don't drink alcohol. I don't drink. Wow.

Must make you extra thirsty for the sperm, baby. Wow. Yes. Yes, okay.

I agree. I agree. Amy Guzzler. And so you have recently entered the world of porn.

You're a porn star. Recently, yes. Recently, but you know, it only takes one porn movie to be a porn star.

Yeah. If you're starring in it. Well, yeah. Okay.

I don't really like sharing. You know what I mean? Oh. So I'm definitely not going to do a porn with other females.

Oh, okay. You want to guzzle. On one, dude. Good search.

Yeah, I know. Catholic too. I was an altar boy. Oh, you were an altar boy.

Sneaking out of the tabernacle. Like if they had before they blessed it, it was just box wine at that point. Man, I feel so screwed over.

I know, right? I was raised Southern Baptist. They would only give us grape juice. Dude, I never even got fingered by a priest.

How do you think I felt? Yeah, they really screwed you over. Did you guzzle the sac, sacramental wine? The wine.

Yeah. That was it. That was it. Yeah.

Didn't go other chances. Something had to make it interesting. Well, on that note, I'm going to introduce you all to our dildonic nativity scene.

Yes. Everyone has a nativity scene around Christmas time, and it is around Christmas time. So we have a dildonic nativity scene,

and it is mostly populated by figures, you could say, that also serve as dildos, made by divine interventions. Yes.

Okay. So the star of the scene would be the baby Jesus butt plug. Isn't he adorable? Oh, my gosh.

Just like the real baby Jesus. Oh, I mean, I don't know if there was a real baby Jesus, but a baby Jesus. He's adorable, really cute.

I can't believe that. And he's, well, a holy child who puts the anal in Bacchanal. He's cribbed for your pleasure. That's a good one.

You must be a comedian. Oh, no way. Okay. So we have a mother Mary represented here by a pink bonobo

that says hugs and kisses. So she's mother Mary bonobo. I understand the real mother Mary is going to be joining us next week. All right, kids.

Oh, where did sunshine go? She's in her room. Oh, and Bill Clinton is there. I think he represents one of the kings, right?

Oh, my lord. That came with gifts. And of course, his gift to the situation is he knows all about impeachment.

And then these are other kind of dildonic kings. There's a Buddha. And these are bad dragon dildos. This is actually a dog dick.

Don't tell Betsy, especially. And this is the Jesus jackhammer dildo, which is actually more appropriate, I guess you would say for Easter.

The third day I came in again. Yeah, exactly. But, you know, he's here rising up from the manger into the heavens. And we have some mistletoe, you know.

So it's all very lovely. And I don't know, what do you think of my nativity scene? I love it. It goes hard.

That thing's great. It's awesome. I think Jesus jackhammer might be my two favorite words together. Jesus jackhammer, yes.

And I actually have another Jesus jackhammer. I like Jesus jackhammer so much myself that I have this one. I'm going to hold the business end. Because the business end, you can't show on Facebook.

What? What do you mean? The business end of the dildo. The dick.

Oh, sorry. The swollen head. The hammer part of the jackhammer. I thought that was a Facebook camera.

It's definitely hammer time. The one labeled Facebook live, that's the Facebook camera. Right. The one labeled main camera.

But when I put it in my mouth, I can say Jesus is in me now. Hell yeah. Heavens, yeah. So I'm going to put him back into the little vulva puppet.

We have all kinds of toys here. This is a sex educational show. And we love sex. We love comedy.

And a combination of a sex star, a porn star and a comedian. Where are you guys from? Where are you from? Originally Texas.

Where's your accent? I know, isn't that amazing? My parents aren't related so I didn't get one. I don't know how that works.

That's just what I've heard. I can fake one if you made it. Okay, there you go. Must be your granddaddy that married your grandpappy.

I thought that was, wow, I don't know. It's a North Texas thing. Hillbilly or something. But okay, so North Texas, right?

And you're here in LA to... Do the comedy thing. Do the comedy thing. It's the best place on earth.

In my opinion. I don't think there's anywhere better. I agree. You've been a lot of places?

A decent amount. I grew up rich so I had a little bit of privilege. You grew up rich? We want to know you.

Santa Claus. I said grew up. He's up. It's been downhill for a minute.

So your parents basically disowned you? No, no, no. They enjoyed it too much. Oh, like Max's parents.

Oh yeah, my parents, they loved it. Especially your grandparents. Every time. My granddad, when he was dying, he says, Massimo, I leave you one thing.

He says, yes, tradition. What? Tradition. Yeah, you can't sell that for shit.

All the hotels, all the properties, all the... Gone. That's so terrible. Lots of women.

I bet he enjoyed it though, right? Oh yeah. So, I'm guessing your last name is not really Feimster. Now you say...

Oh no, sorry, that's my... Emily Fortune. That's my Twitter name. Feimster is a comedian.

No, Fortune. But he's... Fortune is a safe space for incels. So what does that make you?

So, my Twitter name is Fortune Feimster because there's a very famous comedian named Fortune Feimster. Right. And she has like blonde curly hair.

Emily Fortune. And I have this blonde wig. So it's my Twitter handle to be funny. Is that a wig?

No. It's... He's being funny. It's died.

It's just my do. Yeah. It's real. I worked very hard on it.

Should I pull on it? You're looking at me like you want me to. It's real. All right.

Nice hair. I wish everybody pulled on stuff to see if it's real. Totally fake. Check it out.

Back to Guzzler here. Back to Guzzler. Yeah. So, okay.

So... Oh, Lord. Where are you from originally, Amy? Northern California Sacramento.

Wow. I'm going to show some pictures from your area soon. But... That is the capital.

So you came down here also to seek your fortune but not in comedy and porn? Seek my fortune. Completely reinvent myself. Stay out of trouble.

What were you before? A criminal. All right. Well, honest anyway.

Yeah. Well, I got away from all that actually. What kind of criminal are you? Murderer.

No. Not a murderer. No. I've never committed a violent crime ever.

Oh. Well, that's good to know. That's good. That's careful wording.

I like how you do that. Well, I mean, some criminals are great like the protesters who get arrested. They're criminals. And they're criminals.

Okay. Not a bad criminal. Not that kind. But or sex workers who just trying to make an honest living.

I've never been in trouble for that ever in my life. Okay. Have you been a sex worker? I have.

Yeah. I was for five years. And I actually have pursued it even more so. Like, and now I'm in the industry and I'm actually like making real money.

All right. Well, in speaking of that, I would just like to say happy international. International day to end violence against sex workers. And that is actually in a couple of days.

If you're tuned in live. It's Tuesday. And it was first recognized in 2003 by our friend, Annie Sprinkle. You know who Annie Sprinkle is?

She's she's a hooker who became a porn star who became an artist. Hell yeah. Yeah. And Max was her first publisher.

What? Yeah. Yeah. And the doctor.

Right. I got busted. Yeah. She's Dr.

Annie Sprinkle. Right. Nice. And so anyway, it is in memory of some 50 victims of Seattle's Green River killer.

And those included many sex workers. And so we celebrate the happy. The interview was not happy. I don't know.

It's it's but it is happy because we're coming out with this imperative that we must help sex workers to earn a decent living and considering a lot of the professionals that are out there these days that we see on our TVs lying and cheating and stealing and killing, killing, killing sex workers are some of the most honest people on earth.

And I'm even talking about the liars. But most of them are not liars. They're earning a decent, honest living, providing a service that is needed. Exactly.

That is. Look at it. He knows. I agree.

100%. Not get fucked. I agree. Did you ever use mommy and daddy's money to hire a sex worker?

Oh, I used my own. Yeah. What are you talking about? Who would have been excited to use mommy and daddy's money?

I know. I wish. That'd be cool. They don't take AmEx.

You can't go to the Rub-n-Tug. Oh, right. Rub-n-Tug? I can't.

The Rub-n-Tug. That's a classic. Handmaps. You know what it's called?

The one where you can find the, there's like a GPS for jerk off massage parlors. Oh, there's plenty of them here. Really? I'm looking at me like I've been.

I just assumed like someone here would go. Yeah, I know. I'm sure somebody knows. There's a Jesus dildo on the desk.

And you're looking at me like I'm crazy for talking about it. I'm a classy lady. Don't make any assumptions about me. And Jesus is a classy man.

Exactly. And Jesus loved the sex workers. Exactly. Jesus said, he who is without sin, may he cast the first stone, and nobody stoned anybody.

His first guy into BDSM. Yeah. I don't know if he was the first, but you know. He was certainly one of the most extreme.

Wow. And he asked for it. And I mean, not to say that that's an excuse and that's not the same as Kanye saying that slavery is a choice. Okay.

Because that's ridiculous. But Jesus did kind of say, you know, like this is my destiny. I got to do this. Beat me.

And that's why we say seasons beating. No, Jesus was a bad little bitch. We love Jesus. And Jesus loved the sex workers.

And Jesus was, you know, very ahead of his time, like Dionysus actually, in inviting a lot of women into his cult. I don't know. Church. It wasn't a church then.

Synagogue. Yeah. Yeah. Synagogue at the time.

Yeah. Okay. So yeah. So happy international.

Sex workers, anti-violence day. It's a long name. And it's especially important right now because you know, there was a hashtag on Twitter about what are the impeachment articles that you would put forth and against the awful Trumpists

who I need to beat with a candy cane right now. Excuse me. Yeah, I need to beat him. Beat his balls, your jingle balls.

Jingle balls. And yeah, play that jingle balls music while I beat this bastard's balls. Jingle balls, jingle balls, jingle balls. Yeah.

I mean, a lot of people, I'm upset with him for caging children. Okay. And I don't even really like children, but I'm upset with him for, you know, for just making the climate worse, even though every president does, but still he makes it worse

and worse. I'm upset with him for his racism and his sexism and for signing Cesta Fosta. Okay. Now, of course, the bastard Congress, even though we have to like some of them, most

of them also signed Cesta Fosta, which is really disturbing. I mean, they helped to pass it, but he signed it and he's a fucking John. Okay. Not only does he pay sex workers, he pays them off.

Oh, he's a little cheap, I think. He doesn't really pay them. I think he's cheap too. He probably does PayPal where he pays him.

Oh my God, Venmo. Right back. I got one of that. I got one of that.

Family and friends only, mister. What's the other ones that John's trying to do? Where they pay you and then they'll be like, oh, no, I changed my mind right after service is written.

PayPal, Venmo. Oh yeah, yeah. They're all not sex worker friendly. Yeah, and like, and it ruins it for those of us that just want to buy

a sex worker straight up. Like, I just want to give you money for sex. Why did all these other guys got to be shitty about it? Just give them any cash only.

I know. Okay, so here's the thing about Cesta Fosta, everybody, because this is, it's really important that we talk to our political representatives and explain to them that this cannot stand because it's killing sex workers because it doesn't allow sex

workers to advertise on, you know, online basically. And it's hurting the economy. Well, not too. It's definitely hurting the economy.

And it hurts all of us, those of us who are not sex workers and want a little sexual expression. Well, we're not allowed. And now YouTube is cracking down.

Twitter is even cracking down. Twitter. And not in a fun BDSM way. More in a sleazy, like shadow banning way where they don't tell you that your

tweets aren't showing up. Or they just disconnect your account and you can't do anything about it. And it's all very vague now. It used to be about nudity.

Now it's about something that looks sexy. In other words, if Mark Zuckerberg gets a heart on, you're fucked, you know. So we got to repeal SESTA FOSTA and really insist that our representatives make that a priority.

And it's difficult because sex workers are kind of the last people for a lot of these bozos to consider, even though, you know, a lot of them go to sex workers. Right?

Right. That's the craziest part. Well, I guess, yeah, it's all about the hypocrisy, you know. I think we just removed the social taboo of buying a sex worker.

A lot of them would be a lot cooler about it. Well, yeah. I mean, to me, there's like a three-pronged approach. First is legalize, decriminalize whatever method you want to use.

You got to make it so that people can do it without getting busted. Right. Then you have to destigmatize. Yes, you have to destigmatize people for practicing sex work and for

using sex workers. And that's a little more complicated, but certainly making it legal is the first step. And then, yeah, the third step.

Are you listening, Bernie, Liz, Donald? You got to subsidize sex work. Yeah. Hell yeah.

Hell yeah. Hell yeah. But I feel like that's a dream that, like, I don't know. I don't know.

They do it in some European countries. I believe it. Yeah. I wonder, like, I don't know.

That's like saying, I want to live in a perfect world. Well, that's nice. We all want to live in a perfect world. But does it?

You have to have gold. Will it happen? I don't know. Eat a peach.

It'll happen if I eat the peach? Absolutely. Okay. Happy holidays.

Happy impeachment. Oh, I should ask my guess. Would any of you like a peach? Would you like a peach?

Good. Thank you. You're good. For subsidized sex work?

You do not want a peach. Hook up the peach. Hook up the peach. You do want a peach.

And I like watching. Okay. I'll hold your mic while the camera shows you. Look at that icon.

That's great. Guzzle that peach, girl. Guzzle that peach. All right.

Are you hungry? Do you want a peach? Sure. Yeah, okay.

I mean, if we're peaching it off. We're peaching it off. It's an impeachment party. An impeachment party.

I have an impeachment parfait even though it is not a perfect impeachment. Ta-da. Now we all get subsidized. No, I'm not super sexy with it.

Now we're going to get subsidized for our sex work because I said so. Sounds amazing. Period. And we should because after all, you know, we don't want rape and pillage going on.

And if we don't have sex for a lot of people, mostly people of the male persuasion. Yeah. I mean, a lot of them could go nuts. A lot of them are going nuts.

Yeah. I didn't understand. In that poor chamber. I was just making fun of that.

I know. But isn't that like a safe space for crazy, you know, guys who are denied sex and live in their parents' basements? It's also an amazing cache of all of the porn that just gets deleted and DMCA and

copy-strike and stuff. Yeah. There is a lot of porn on Fanchant. So if you're like, you know.

Because there's all those guys on there. They're so fucking horny. Yeah. You would think themselves would just love porn instead.

Right? Well, they do. They don't know about like Spank Bay. I mean, porn does fulfill a lot of needs, but not all.

Fleshlight. You got to get a fleshlight. And, you know, that's another thing that needs to be destigmatized. Maybe not subsidized, but masturbation.

It's stigmatized. And so a lot of guys feel funny about masturbating or they feel lesser than for masturbating. And you guys shouldn't.

You should feel especially on trains. Good about it. Yeah. Especially in public, right?

It's just, it's normal. So speaking of penises. Yes. We have a Christmas present from climate change right now.

And we're going to show this on our screen here because even though Mark Zuckerberg might get excited watching it, it is not an actual penis. It is a penis fish. Okay.

That, first of all, what we're seeing there now is actually a lot of penis fish on the beach in Northern California where you're from. Now she's running away. I know she's upset about the penis fish.

Did we get that on the camera? Is anybody on the Facebook camera? I mean, of course we need to get the penis fish for the, you know, but, but I really want to show the individual picture of, it should.

Yeah. It's extra. Look at that thing. Look at.

You believe that's a fish. That's a fish. Okay. It doesn't look like a fish.

This is not. I have penis envy. Now I don't know if you should be showing this close up actually, Harry. We could probably, somebody could say.

Getting trouble for showing the fish. I know. I know. It's weird.

But I mean, let's just say, how do these people know what to censor? I don't think they know. So, uh, so I see that, um, Miss Guzzler, even though she

loves penises was freaked out by the, the penis. Oh, no. It made you have to squirt. No, actually, you had to masturbate really quickly.

No, I had to pee. Thank you. Okay. It's related.

Same. I never said I don't like penises. No, no, I just saw you leave like penis fish though. Okay.

Penis fish. Real talk. Would you fuck it? Would any of you put that in here?

Miss seeing the penis. Fuck no. Check it. I don't know.

I'm a dude. Here. Just look real quick. There's some of the seagulls.

Right in that guy. If you show me a pussyfish, I might fuck it. You know what it looks like? A gigantic worm.

And it actually is. Very good. Miss guzzler. These are not really fish.

What? And they're not really dicks. But they are on the beach and they look like dicks. And they are called innkeeper worms.

That's another name for them. They're gross. And you know about them. Yes.

Kind of. You don't guzzle them, do you? No. Definitely not.

They're kind of like these semi erect penises that, you know, are kind of like worms, but burrow under the sand. And recently invaded Drake's Beach in Inverness, California. Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

Drake has his own beach? I was going to say we could call it Lake Flaccid. You know. Yeah.

I don't know. They look like they got a semi on. But yeah. It's ridiculous.

Yes. Where the worm stealing is energy. And they started from the bottom. Now they're here.

The worms used to be in a wheelchair. Now they're not. They are actually under the sand. This is for real.

They exist under the sand burrowing. So next time you lay your bikini bar down on the beach, you might want to think about those, you know, penis fish burrowing right under you.

And they could burrow right up your Bacchanal, you know. That's how like half of Japanese porn starts, right? Yeah. So kind of disturbing.

And so usually they're under the beach. So it's no big deal. But yeah. I mean climate change, storms, disruption,

and up they come. And it's a dickpocalypse. It's kind of frightening. Sunshine said the other day, I mean,

it looks like the gang bang from hell. Oh my God. I thought the gang bang I want to avoid. It's pretty bad.

Yeah, gang bang from hell. Gang bang from hell. That's what makes them emerge from their man cave. Climate change.

I don't know. I don't know. Bad storm. Anyway, it's a present from Santa. From hell. Well, Santa and Satan are like one letter off, right?

Well, that's crampus. You missed the last show. Dang it. You missed it. Sorry, everybody.

All right. Well, I could bang your jingle balls. Woo! So, so, so. So you're from Northern California

and when did you become a porn star just recently? Within the last six months. Wow. Fresh mean.

And this is part of your recreating yourself from your criminal background. Yes. Did we ever get what you did?

No. I had asked you before. Is there anything you don't want me to ask you? No, you didn't say that.

I mean, I'm actually sober. I actually don't do drugs anymore. I used to move a lot of drugs. I used to like sell drugs.

Oh, good. Okay. So I stop fucking around all the way around in every type of a way.

Okay. Well, that's good. You're doing porn, so you're not completely done. I'm still sinning. It's okay. I don't mind.

Right. And it's healthier in general. I mean, not that sex can't bring disease and death and destruction,

but it's sex heals a billion times more than it kills. I mean, mostly it's very good. Sex makes people.

And then there's that. Like reverse killing. If it wasn't for her for now, none of us would be here.

Yeah. But sex is, you know, mostly for recreation. Hell, yeah.

Even though procreation, you know, obviously we're all children of sex. But on the other hand, most of the time when we have sex,

we're not having children such as when Amy guzzles. If you're guzzling it.

Keeping it away from that part. Yeah. Yeah, that works. That works. That works.

All right. So you're child free, or do you have a little one? I have no children. I'm only 23,

so I don't plan on having kids any time soon. Okay, good. I feel like everyone should be clapping.

No, I'm clapping. What do you have to say, kids? No way. Spent plenty of money making sure I did.

You got fixed? No, just plan B and plan C a few times. Oh, that's fucked up. No way, it's agency, you know?

I should not have children. We can all tell that. Were you diagnosed that way? We all should have diagnosed me that way.

Oh, Betsy has an opinion. Maybe she wants children, or maybe Betsy wants puppies. Oh, that was the dog barking.

Yeah, yeah. You thought one of us was puppies? Who is, which one is Betsy? Yeah, no, I'm not a big kid guy.

Maybe one day, I think when you want to have kids, you should have them, and not a second sooner. Yeah, no good.

Exactly. Actually, 11,000 scientists from all over the world came together last week to say,

I know, talking about coming is really a dicey proposition here. Anyway, they came together

and guzzled each other. They said that you know, big part of the climate change problem

is overpopulation, and we have to bring the population under control. I personally, even though I'm child free

and I'm all for child freeness, I don't think it's all about the population. I think the worst polluters are the military

and corporations of various sorts, and of course cows.

You know, all those cow farts. I mean, I'm talking about you, yes.

Yeah, cow farts. But yeah, too many people eating too many cows. I mean, unless you really want

children, you shouldn't have them. You should only have them if you really want them. And of course, you have plenty of time. And so do you, Santa.

For sure. So Mike, what's your sexiest

Christmas you've ever had? I don't know. Christmas is sexy time for you? I don't think so. Christmas is usually

associated with family. So then if I'm not with them, I just go and party, which I guess that's a pretty sexy time.

I usually associate new years as my sexy time. Yeah, for most people, yeah. How about you? You ever had a Santa come sliding down

on your chimney, your throat? I mean, I don't know. No. I saw mommy guzzling Santa Claus.

No. I think honestly the sexiest Christmas I've had is right now. Hang out with a bunch of girls.

All sexy in our red dresses. Yes, very sexy in our red dresses. And I think, now I know you don't drink,

but what do you feel about being our altar girl for a little drinking game that you wouldn't be

drinking? Like what? Like what? Okay, well, we do a ritual

because we believe in the power of ritual, and we feel that religion

has taken over so many rituals that we as a kind of a church

of the Bonobo way without believing in any God, goddess, or particular deity,

we practice what we call Bonoboville Communion which involves

the blood, which is Agua Coco leaf liqueur. And the body

which is salt. It's not absent. We have absent also somewhere, but yeah, I don't know if we have it

right here. Why are you an absent kind of guy? No, I just saw green. You saw green, right. You're out of green drinks.

It's not quite as strong as absent, but it's kind of strong. Anyway, we can also do it with water,

juice, cider. It's kind of... I'm down. You down? Okay.

Woo! And it involves now, of course, your altar is

your chest. Right? So we would need to turn off the Facebook cameras for this. So Facebook, where's

Facebook? There it is. Hi, Facebook people. I'm sorry, but we're going to have to go from you. But if you would like to see

our fabulous ritual, Bonoboville Communion, then you can just watch us at DrSusanBlock.com

slash live. That's DrSusanBlock.com slash live. Okay, so

let's see. So we're going to move around in front here. Let's see. I mean, we could have some

thing to sit on, pillows. I guess sometimes we have... Do we have any other pillows or something?

Yeah, yeah. Here we go. Okay. And Hi, Jack. Oh, no, I don't like that one.

That one always looks kind of not good. Not good. Okay. So

Oh, there you go. Not another pillow. You're looking to guzzle. Okay, so we're going to sit in front of

the divine interventions nativity scene. This is so great. Here we go.

And what is someone saying about a microphone? I hear people talking, but I... technical microphone talk? I don't know.

Okay. You're wearing a tiny dress, but that's okay. Because now we don't have the the

Facebook censure. So are you wearing panties or new panties? Okay. No worries.

Do we have other glasses? Yeah. So Harry told me I gave her way too much, but she's a guzzler. Oh, this is that.

Okay, that's for her. She didn't take it yet. Okay. What do we do? Good question. Well, first of all...

We guzzle. This is a little bit of guzzling right here. Yeah. And so let's see.

I guess I could just have you be our altar girl. And I could show you what we do.

Or... Either or. You want to watch one time? Okay.

Your turn. So sunshine will be our altar girl. For Christmas

bonobo-go communion. This is called teasing. All right.

So now... Pay attention. Okay, so I am going to take communion because I deserve it.

Woo! And I'm going to demonstrate. Oh, your nipples are getting hard just thinking about it. Or maybe it's the breeze.

Okay, so first what we do is we prepare the altar. Preparing the altar?

Woo! Exciting! I love to prepare thoroughly. So the altar is of course

the body. You could say of Christ or the goddess or whatever deity you feel like worshiping.

And then we have the salt. Which, you know, is always good for the body.

A little salt. So now we consume the body.

You can tell how hungry I am. I wanted more peaches for impeachment. But I got titty.

That seems better. All right. And now she's going to waterboard me with very little

because I drink but I'm not a big drinker. And we also want to be careful

we don't break the glasses. But we should show the Agua because I'll keep it on the rug because

it matches our Christmas green. Okay. Betsy's opinion again. Betsy you want

communion? Here you hold it. Okay. So now

I think I got water boarded but no bow

style. There's my gal panties. I got water boarded for

Christmas. Well, I'm sure I'll be water boarded again for Christmas. It's actually my first water boarding

of December because we didn't do it last week. Woo. Yummy.

All right. So you have seen an example. Now would you like to be the altar girl

for sunshine? No. I want to be the altar girl though. You what?

You know what? Mine aren't either. So you know there's different sized nipples

for different titties for different you know people and all of them are beautiful.

Nipples are big boobies aren't they? My boobs. So I saw your nipples.

I thought they were beautiful. I'm not going to make you know. I can't make you. Who's next?

You like to see his boobs? They're just bare boobs. Yeah. Mobs.

Can we have some applause for these beautiful titties? Yay boobs. We did it.

All right. So they're so nice. Just relax.

Are you feeling good? Where's your mic here? No they're not. I don't think they're small.

Does anyone here think they're small? No one thinks they're small. We see tits all the time. You know what?

I think they're beautiful. The nipples are very hard and to me

that isn't even necessarily always the best thing. Some women's nipples don't get hard that easily. And that's okay.

Women have different Some nipples are just There's so many different kinds The lord

or the lady or the doggie in the sky gave you these beautiful titties and you should enjoy them.

We're enjoying them. We're enjoying looking at them. You know it's a pleasure to look at them

I'm going to bring my little baby nippies out. I have little tiny titties too. I mean

you know tiny titties are great, right? Yeah. He's just happy that there's boobs. Max may here

Big boobs. Big boobs. Everyone's talking at once. They're all amazing.

Big boobs, little boobs even fake boobs. I would like to hear Max's take on the little boob question. Everything in moderation.

Yeah. There you go. Alright. So maybe we should each

take a nipple. Perfect. Fuck yeah. Are you okay with that?

Lean back a little bit but not too much because you don't want to put your head doesn't want to fall into baby Jesus. Okay, so

we're going to give it a lick. Yeah girl. Glitter all over her chest. Okay, so now

I'm going to salt the altar. This is our beautiful altar. And Amy Guzzler

is our altar girl. Okay, and now we're going to lick. Wow, I hope glitter lips but mine didn't come off like that. Okay, so you

are going to get guzzled. How about you? You should get it. And well then she'll do for. Yeah, but you're going to

we just did the water boarding. So now you you got to. Okay, no, no, no, you stay here.

You stay here and you are now going to be the water border. You saw you're going to get water bordered in a moment by

yeah, right. Okay, you're confused. I know it's often how it is when you go to a church for the first time. It's a little confusing. Yay.

Okay, so now you're going to pour it into her mouth slowly and you

are getting water boarded bonobo style. Yeah. Yeah.

Let's do that again. Come down, come down, come down because I want to get a photo of that because the these guys are right in front. Okay, so

no pretend you're pouring it. Just do the poor. Yeah, right. I want to get a photo. Yeah.

Okay, we got to know you wouldn't be pouring like that. Boy, it's hard to fake these things. I tell you. Okay, we got a flash.

All right, so okay, maybe this way, this way, this way. Okay, right through Bianca here. Lay down.

There we go. Okay, where's the where's the glass? Maybe I'll give you some more. Make it real.

Whoo. Whoo. I'm just trying to get you drunk, right? No, they're a little drunk.

Party, party, party. And down the hatch. Whoo. And yes, Sunshine got water boarded.

Yeah. All right, so now you could get water boarded yourself. Would you like to? Yeah.

Not by alcohol, but I'll do it. Yeah, but because we want to see you guzzle something.

Yeah. Okay, so we'll get you between both of our legs.

Look at that. Look, you make an X with your legs. Two X's. Two X's. Lean back.

There you go. Oops, forward a little bit, just a little bit so your head is on her spine. Yes, there you go.

All right, how are you feeling? Are you feeling okay? I'm feeling relaxed. All right, so now you're going to pour that?

All that in? That's a little bit. Okay, you're going to get water boarded. Fuck yeah. Look, she's so pretty.

Yeah, dude. Okay, I'm over the top. See it with an alcohol, right? Oh, you got it all in?

Wow. Okay, let's hear it for Amy Guzzler. Here, here, here. Turn around and applause

for Amy Guzzler and her first Panobo Bill communion. Thank you very much. You're impressed?

We just took tits out. That's all that I need to get impressed. You know, that's impressive. It's called breast therapy.

Yeah. How do we do that? Okay, so now... It's time during the week.

Oh, breast therapy? Yeah, we offer that. We offer all kinds of sex therapy.

Whatever you're fetish or perversion or question or problem

all kinds of sex therapy. Right, exactly. Okay, what time is it? Okay, so we're moving right along.

So we should we... Should you do Panobo Bill communion? I'm in. You're in, right? You were an altar boy.

Yeah. So he has experience, yes. He's gotten all his prereqs done. I'm just good at drinking.

Yeah, he's good at drinking. Okay, so we're going to give him a lick. I mean, I could give him a lick

or you could give him a lick or... You're the professor. I'm the professor, here. Come here, my son.

All right, let's do it. Come here. Oh, I need a glass. Okay.

Yeah, I guess we should wash it out and be clean, right? I mean, alcohol kills germs, right? Right, right.

I don't know. Maybe we don't need to, but we're washing it out. We do that. Where's my salt?

Oh, here it is. Okay. All right, so she's going to wash that out. So while she does that, you approach the altar

like a good altar boy. I will hold your microphone and lick it. Good boy. And now I salt it.

I am the high priestess of Bonoboville Communion. And now you lick that salt up like a good

little altar boy. Mmm, yeah, baby. Can I hit it? Okay.

And now we're going to pour the blood. Yeah, okay.

Okay. Like this. Here we go. What are you doing?

Are we doing a dental video? Right. He's just excited about alcohol and food. And you

are getting waterboarded. Bonobo style. That's right.

I like that. You like that? Awesome. Yeah, it's way better than church. Well, you know,

there's different kinds of churches, right? Yeah. Except we don't get any kind of attacks right off. Oh, you should.

I know. That's why Kanye is here, right? Yeah. We're doing Sunday service.

Well, we do Saturday night service. Hell yeah, it's perfect. We're doing it. We're servicing.

We are servicing our constituents, our congregation, our special guests

and you brothers and sisters. That's right. And by the way, we are here for you if you want to give us a call.

I didn't give the phone number out. But we have a phone number. And it is one, six, two, six,

four, six, one, five, two, one, two. I find it from the heavens. That's why I'm looking up.

Six, two, six, four, six, one, five, two, one, two. That's right, brothers and sisters.

You can give us a call and talk to us about your holiday sex, the holiday blues. Right, a lot of people get the holiday blues

even though the holidays are fun. You know, a lot of partying, a lot of seeing family, but sometimes you can't be with your family

or sometimes your family really pisses you off. You know, people are nervous about the politics of the situation right now.

There's a lot of edgy people. So it's tough. So on the other hand, you might be having incest fantasies about your relatives

and they can't talk about that to anybody except your mother, confessor.

You may not want to call during the show where it is kind of public. I mean, we don't say your real name, but people can hear your voice.

But you can call during the week at 213-291-9497. That's our regular number. But if you want to call during the show,

it's 626-461-5212. So yeah, I mean, there's a lot of

violence going on and a lot of anti-sex activity. I used to think we were becoming

more progressive, but lately it seems like we're taking steps backwards with respect to sexual freedom. We need the bonobo way

more than ever, brothers and sisters. Yes, we do. I realize I'm the only one with a nipple showing. And that's okay, right?

But yeah. So, I mean, obviously Donald Trump is like,

I don't know, a very blatantly unbonobo president. Even though he loves sex,

but only from a very selfish point of view. And bonobos are very giving when it comes to sex.

Bonobos are the make love, not war chimpanzee. And even though Trump has said he wants to pull everybody out of

the endless perm awards that America's in, he's not doing that. I mean, he says that. And every once in a while I go like, oh, okay, maybe

this horrible Trump is not so horrible. But then he doesn't actually end the wars. He continues them. He just moves guys around

in different countries. Shuffle. Yeah, the shuffle. But I was thinking about who would be the most bonobo president?

Who do you think? A bonobo? Well, obviously we can't have a bonobo as the president of

this country. I would say Bernie. You know what? Yeah. So I was reading about the bonobos

before I got here. And the thing there that made the most sense is that it was very much about the community. And while the

sexual nature of them was what allowed peace, the purpose of the sexual thing was to broaden

the abilities of everybody. So if you're looking from just like a perspective of what would make the most peace, like socialist

policies seem to make sense, because it's the most good for the most people. So one candidate that hadn't had to change his talking points. I like that way of thinking.

I mean, Bernie's not my first choice for who I'd want to have sex with. But I think that would have to be

well Tulsi actually Tulsi. She's the hottest. But

Bernie is my first choice for president. What can I say? And I know it's a long shot, but

I also saw this really adorable video of him dancing with all these different women at this union

kind of gathering. And he was dancing, partly I think to show everybody, I might be almost

80, but I can dance. And he's dancing one after the other. And I just think it's

so beautiful to see you know a man like that just dance around

and be physical, be sexual but not over do it. It is sexual, of course to dance. There he is on the screen dancing.

There he is, right? It's so cool. He's dancing with different women, different, you know, sexy, cute women.

All going up and dancing with this guy. And he's happy. He's got decent rhythm for an old Jew.

And, you know, he's doing it. He's really doing it, putting arms around, you know.

And it just gives me such a good feeling because there's so many guys these days who either of course

harass women and touch where they're not wanted. Or they're afraid to touch at all.

And I understand why they might be afraid to touch at all. It's scary in today's climate. It really is. You don't know

if you're going to get accused. And so we need role models like Bernie who, you know, are not afraid to touch

different women. And yet it's, you know, hopefully he's not going to get accused of something now. Yeah, I was just doing stuff in a nice way.

I mean, about the fact that I learned though, that three times

is like a human being. Oh, they're gigantic. So much easier to find. Yeah. They got these big, pink,

bulbous pussies that just completely stick out. Well, if that's the way you think. Maybe next time you should try a whale.

Whoa. A whale. We did the dolphin show and we were looking at... Dolphins another one that

fuck for pleasure, right? Yeah, yeah. I had a whole show. Yeah, we did a whole show on dolphins, but that's another story. That's a little controversial.

Yeah, I was pretty surprised. Do you have a sexiest candidate? Do you think there's anybody sexy on the stage there?

Probably you. Oh, me. I'll run. You should run. I would totally vote for you.

Oh. 2024. It's me or Kanye. Who do you want? You. For sure.

Definitely not. Yeah. And we also do like Liz. OK, we got to say and shout out to Sally Martin

because Sally's going to play Liz on the show. Yeah. Sally Mullins. She's the best.

You know everybody. You know everybody. So, where are you performing soon? I've got

the U.S. comedy competition on Monday at Sally's Comedy Hall in Hollywood. All right.

We're all going to be there. Perfect. Let's do it. Competing with you. Yeah, let's do it. We're going to root for you. Yeah.

And where's your, what's your next movie? Do you know? I'm actually shooting like a two hour to three hour

shoot on Monday. Woo. I'll definitely have to send you guys a link for it.

I just got back like pictures from my last shoot like my last two photo shoots and they're actually like really fucking dope.

Really? They're really professional and they look really good. And I'm like surprised by them.

You're going to build up your confidence. I know that. Yeah, I know. You're doing it. Right here. In fact,

I think you should do a striptease for us. Woo. If you want. We'll take it off.

Woo. Well, yeah, that's fine. You like a striptease to Jingle Balls or I mean

Jingle Balls. I'm done. Jingle Balls. I can't with you. Only if you strip with me.

Oh. Oh my God, Dr. Susan, that is the Challenge of a lifetime. That's kinky exactly.

Hell yeah. Okay. So I didn't hear. So the striptease is not happening.

I'm not sure. I mean, I guess not. Okay.

So I got Hollywood Jake over there. Wow. Use him as an excuse for why you can't strip. Hollywood Jake there.

What? Don't use Hollywood Jake as an excuse to not strip. What? For me to strip? Oh, yeah.

You changed the subject to Hollywood. No, I don't need to change the subject. I'll talk about me stripping. Do you want to talk about it? Do you want to talk about it?

Okay. Because next week's your birthday. Okay. I have to strip for my birthday?

No. Nobody has to strip. That's fun. You want to strip? It's not my birthday.

We're playing by the rules, guys. You want to hop on the motor bunny? Does anything go in me? I just want to see what it is.

Okay. He's actually never seen it. Yeah, let's check out the motor bunny, you guys. Oh, my God. Well, nobody's going to ride it.

I don't know if we should just check it out. It's kind of like... He's just never seen it. I mean, I could probably do one.

Okay. Do you want to ride it? I heard you say you did not want to ride it. Is there anything that you would like to do to entertain us?

Or no? Just asking for a friend. For a friend? Yeah, just asking for a friend. So I'm not entertaining you enough?

No. Oh, my Lord, that's how you do it. You're entertaining me, but not enough. No, it's okay.

Okay, I mean, I could suck out your noodles. Do you hula hoop? I can hula hoop. Okay, where's the hula hoop?

She said where's the hula hoop. Hula hoop. Okay, I'm terrible at the hula hoop. I do not think there's enough room for this hula hoop right now.

No, there is. Yeah. Not with that. You've got can hoop attitude.

I'm really terrible at the hula hoop, but I could try it with you. What color would you like? I don't have Christmas colors.

Perfect. You can always take them off. Sexy hula hoop. So you could do it right there, right on the floor.

Okay. You can do with that one. Do a pink one. Okay.

I'm going to get out the way. Oh. All right, so now we're going to have some hula hooping. Yeah.

Now, last week, we had naked hula hooping. What? Yeah, we did. You missed it. Shout out to...

Who was on last week? Gia Gelato. Yeah, Gia Gelato. She was amazing.

Okay, so maybe topless hula hooping? Okay. Okay, we're all going to be topless. Watch that Facebook camera.

Oh, we're on Facebook? I thought we were off now. Here we go. Okay, so come in the middle.

Hula hoops. Okay. I'm a genius. I'm just going to stand here.

You're doing good. Try it again. There you go. There you go.

Oh, you got it, girl. All right. Okay, do you want to try it again? Oh, you're going to do it on your leg?

Or your arm? You can do it on your arm? That's the one I can do. Mmm. It's the Bonoboville Circus.

Yeah. The Christmas Circus. Ex-Miss Guzzler. Look at them.

That's great. You guys are an act. You're totally an act. All right.

Let's hear it for Amy Guzzler and Sunshine McWayne. Okay, so we have 10 more minutes.

So what else should we do? Let's... It's exactly 11.47 o'clock. Nice.

11.40. And so you have a present here for Betsy, I see. Merry Christmas, Betsy.

What is she? This is the one time... Where is Betsy? Betsy has her Christmas

sweater on. I guess I'll just hula hoop while you're looking for her. Mmm.

So... Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Where's Betsy coming?

I don't know. Okay, maybe not. I don't know. You went off to get her. I thought you were going to actually get her.

So... while you're gathering around your families... I should show my fabulous

statue here that just got unveiled which has this thing in front of it. Look at my statue

which just got unveiled. It's my tripod. Uh-huh. Merry Christmas, me.

Okay, and it's kind of a naughty statue and it's made by Yossi. Verdant.

Yossi... Wabum. I forget Yossi's last name. Yossi. Yossi, we just love Yossi.

Anyway, can you see the back? It's got Moses on the side and Socrates. Um, anyway.

Oh, are we back? Did we get the dog? She's really asleep. Oh, she's really asleep.

Okay, so now, I guess everybody here is pretty anti-Trump. So I think we should all eat peaches

and step on him. Okay, so here we go. And... so he's gonna

go over to the side like this. And, uh, this is my Jeffrey Valance pee pad.

In case the dog does come over we have a pee pad. Or in case Trump... One day I'm gonna use the pee pad.

Needs to pee. And jingle balls is really going crazy. Okay, so who's gonna join me?

I think you should put your boots on for this. Um, Amy Guzzler. Alright. We have him gagged

with a pine cone. And this is our impeachment proceeding. Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! And, uh... Well, um, one comment on Facebook Live.

What did you say? Brian Woolridge says, I like your socks, sunshine. Alright.

Okay, so we're gonna step on his balls. Yeah, what are we doing? I'm there.

Alright, hold on. Okay, so... balance on his balls. As... okay.

Actually, I said balance, but bouncing is good. Okay. Right. I said... And eat a peach.

Use the mic. Yeah, but she's eating. How's she supposed to use the mic while she's eating? No, I'm the mic. Use me.

Oh! Use the mic! Oh, this mic. Stick a fork in it. Oh, yes.

We're not naked now. We are just stepping on the Trumpist sticking a candy cane in his ear. This is what I call

Trumpocalypse Therapy for those of us who might be suffering from post-Trump sex disorder.

This gives us a new lease on life. And where's his... Start beating the crap out of me. Now you said you weren't violent.

Okay, so... I'm gonna beat someone into submission. I'll give my comedian a chance to step on him. Yeah, okay.

You know why you eat a peach? Yeah, that sounds great. It's another ritual. Right?

I feel like he would hate this a lot. You think he would hate this? Yeah, I would love that. You step on his balls?

Well, no, just being on the floor under women in general. Yeah, yeah. I like the pine cone.

It smells really nice too. It's cinnamon. Oh, yeah. The pine cone is kind of nice. Other times I've had him

gagging on his penis pacifier. Perfect. But because it's Christmas. Yes, we...

We have a pine cone. And it's a pretty impeachment party that we're having here on the Dr. Susan Block show.

It's not a perfect impeachment party. I should kind of... kind of get him strangled in my candy cane, huh?

Yeah. Can we strap that mask on to like a blow-up dog and get somebody to fuck it? You know? Right?

It's doing the dip, guys. Yes. Mmm. It's really hard to talk with your mouth full.

When I get my mouth full, that's a good time for other people to talk. Oh, really? But everybody likes to talk when I'm talking.

So, I think we're about done. No, we're not. God.

We have seven minutes. We have seven minutes. I know. I see that. So, what's going on, Max?

Well, uh... Ready for some guzzling tonight? Yeah! Ready to stuff my

stocking with your penis fish? Penis fish. Again, with this penis fish.

Usually, the euphemism doesn't, like, include the word in it. Yeah. No, you're right. Stuffed with stocking?

I didn't get an answer to my question. Oh, what was your question? If he was going to stuff her. With this penis fish?

He made a joke. He's not going to answer that. He's going to leave it as a surprise. I guess Max just has to think about it.

Oh, what was the question? I said, what was the question? Oh, you asked me a question. Moving right along.

Stuff her with your penis fish tonight. The stocking stuffer. Now you're kind of wearing it up. Stuff her stocking.

Oh, stuff from stocking. I got it. I got it. We finally got it.

Okay. So, should we have some of our audience people come up

and say goodbye with everybody? You want to come up and join us? Audience people, you want to come up and join us?

Come on, come on up here. Former bonobo. Once a bonobo, always a bonobo. Hop in.

Where are my peaches? I should feed people peaches. Yeah. Can you get my peach?

We were talking about subsidizing sex work earlier. I think I came up with a name for it. You can call it universal basic

income. Income. Right? A thousand orgasms.

Oh, yeah. You read. We should all have orgasms. Every day.

And so, who's your friend here? McKenna. Oh, Kenna, right. McKenna, would you like to eat a peach?

I'd love to. Oh, she's showing how good she is at eating peaches. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah.

Good job, McKenna. You want a peach? Why not? Everywhere.

Oh, there he is. True. We wash all our dildos, but we share the same fork. I told you it was classy.

We're classy. So, we're happy. We're celebrating the holidays with friends. Handsome Hollywood Jake.

Oh, where's my mistletoe? There it is, back there. Oh, where's the mistletoe? You like it?

You like the show? Where's the baby Jesus butt plug? Oh, baby Jesus butt plug. Did you want me to insert it in you?

I just love the concept. Yes, yes. In his ear. Can we see it in his ear, please?

Yeah, maybe he feels like a little bit sooner in the fetal cycle. Baby Jesus. Okay, Dr. Suzy.

Yes. Okay, I'm here. I'm here. And so,

we are now going to be saying goodbye. So, who am I going to kiss? Who am I going to kiss?

And... And... Okay. Okay.

All right, so be good. Be happy. Follow the Bonobo way.

Yeah. And make like Bonobos, not baboons. Make love, not war. Make love to someone you love tonight.

Even if that someone is you. I love you. Yeah. I love you.

I need to talk with someone about something you can't talk about with anyone else. You can talk to us. I'm Dr. Susan Block, your mistress

of the airwaves. But my day job is director of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts and Sciences,

specializing in sex therapy over the phone. Anytime you need to talk, whether you need serious psychotherapy

or a hot phone sex experience or a combination, my world-renowned telephone sex therapists are just a phone call away.

Totally private, absolutely confidential. We listen, talk with you, advise you, role play for you, fantasize with you.

No fantasy is too taboo. And help you with anything from impotence to exhibitionism, fears to desires, fetishes

to marriages. For more information, call us at 213-291-9497. That's 213-291-9497.

Anytime you need to talk. You need to talk with someone about something you can't talk about with anyone else.

You can talk with us. I'm Dr. Susan Block, your mistress of the airwaves, but my day job is director

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Anytime you need to talk, whether you need serious psychotherapy or a hot phone sex experience or a combination,

my world-renowned telephone sex therapists are just a phone call away. Totally private, absolutely confidential. We listen, talk with you, advise you,

role-play for you, and fantasize with you. And no fantasy is too taboo. And we help you with anything

from impotence to exhibitionism, fears to desires, fetishes to marriages.

If you've never called before, don't be embarrassed. We all need help with sex at one time or another. Even world leaders do.

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213-291-9497 anytime you need to talk. Hi, I'm Dr. Susan Block

and I've just written a new book called The Bonobo Way, inspired by my love for the make love, not war,

great apes. You know, the ones who have a lot of sex in a bonobo sutra of positions including face to face.

But it's not just how bonobos have sex. It's how they use sex to prevent murder and war, really.

They're the only great apes that have never been seen killing each other. They practice what I call peace through pleasure.

With the females gently dominating the very happy, very sexually satisfied males. Bonobos are special, partly because

they just are. And partly because they're very, very close to us. Almost 99% genetically similar to us

when it comes to being human. Even being humane. Bonobos can teach us so much.

Which brings me to us and more specifically to you. Is your inner bonobo longing to swing free?

Would you like to tap into the hot natural sex energy within you? Bet you would. So you can better enjoy the pleasures in life

and cope with the pain. You know, the pain. And have more orgasmic, organic, sustainable sex.

Who doesn't want that? Greater lust, greater trust and better anger management. And who couldn't use a little bit of that these days?

So get the book Learn the Bonobo Way. You'll be glad you did. Then you'll want to join Bonoboville, a new global village

for bonobo lovers and friends. And one last thing. The real bonobos are highly endangered. So a portion of all book sales go to

bonobo conservation groups working to save the wild bonobos from extinction. Read the bonobo way and learn why this could be the most important

eco-sexual movement of our times. And improve your love life.