Hollywood Sex Wars

Full transcript of Hollywood Sex Wars on The Dr. Susan Block Show:

Need to talk with someone about something you can't talk about with anyone else? You can talk to us. I'm Dr. Susan Block, your mistress of the airwaves, but my day job is director of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts and Sciences, specializing in sex therapy over the phone.

Anytime you need to talk, whether you need serious psychotherapy or a hot phone sex experience or a combination, my world-renowned telephone sex therapists are just a phone call away. Totally private, absolutely confidential. We listen, talk with you, advise you, role-play for you, fantasize with you, no fantasy is too taboo, and help you with anything from impotence to

exhibitionism, fears to desires, fetishes to marriages. For more information, call us at 213-291-9497. That's 213-291-9497 anytime you need to talk. You're listening to Radio Susie One on the World Wide Web, and now here she is, Dr. Susan Block.

Brothers and sisters, lovers, and sinner, captain, and warriors,

troops and dupes, wall streeters and wall street occupiers, actors and

exhibitionists, lawyers, connoisseurs, all you children of sex, and we are all children of sex. We may or may not be children of God.

Jesus, Allah, Brahma, Ramadanah, Adonai al-Ohanu,

Yom Kippur's over, time to party. We may or may not be children of Adonai al-Ohanu, Adonai Ahad. Hmm, we don't really know, we just believe. But

one thing we know, until we start cloning ourselves, we are all children of sex, with a capital X. Can I hear an amen? Amen. Amen. Can I hear an A-women?

I want to welcome you to the womb room of Dr. Susie Speakeasy in the soul of downtown LA. I am the irreverent Dr. Susan Block, your servant. And tonight,

tonight I'm festooned with peace signs. Well, I often am, because I'm a make love, not war kind of gal. Make like the bonobos, not baboons, baby. But tonight, we're going to talk about a different kind of war. Kind of war, I kind of like.

I mean, there's a lot of bad things about the war, but this war is what makes the world go round. Now, the kind of war of dropping the bombs and, you know, firing the Patriot missiles.

We're against that war, and I think that war is going to kind of go out of fashion. I really believe that. But the kind of war where you're dropping the sex bombs, the kind of war where you're dropping the pocket rockets. Well, hey, you know, I mean, it's a battlefield, yeah. Oh, our hearts get broken. Our wallets get taken. But, you know, it's love, it's sex.

I'm very excited tonight to have the cast of a wonderful new indie movie, Hollywood. Hollywood. I'm wearing my Hollywood pin. Ah, nice. Hollywood. Sex wars. It's a war out there. The boys, they just want to get laid. The girls, they just want to get paid. That's how the movie starts. And that's how the movie goes. And I want to introduce the creator

of Hollywood Sex Wars, Paul Sopriano. Fantastic. Sopiano. Sopiano. Okay, here we go. That's just make some remember it more, right? Sopriano is not my friend, so I am not prejudiced. So, Paul, welcome to Speak Easy. Well, thank you, Susie. It's very, very nice to be here. And I also enjoyed your other movie made in 2006. Let's see if I get this right. Boys and girls

guide to getting down. The boys and girls guide to getting down. That's right. I had to get over that. Dominique was a big part of that one, too. Right. Dominique is in both movies. Excellent. I guess that means I'm introducing Dominique now. I can go with the flow right over that section here. Dominique Purdy. Azure servers. That's an easy name as opposed to Sap Piano. Right. Well,

it's just Sap and Piano, you know. That's all I'm going to remember. You know, I call them PSAP on the low, though. PSAP. Yeah. Can you, at PSAP, can you move your microphone up a little bit? Yeah, you have to get very close to it. There you go. Like you're giving it. Well, I've never given head to a microphone before. It looks like this. You're first tonight in some

fashion. Well, thank you. So you sound like you're not from these parts. I immigrated here about 20 years ago from England. America is the best place in the world to live. But you've retained your English accent because it does well in bars. That's exactly it. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. When I get my swing to my brother's like, go play now. Pull you to Noff Soundline again.

You know. There we go. Oh my goodness. And so how do the folks back home, what do they think of your movies? They don't really know what I do for a living. Really? I thought that was just true of porn stars. You're like an upstanding filmmaker with a few titties in his film. My dad thinks I'm going to get a real job one day. Oh, okay. I see. Well, you're what they call

an indie filmmaker? Yes. An auteur, I think. An auteur. You can't get a job, is that it? I would love to. I've been trying. It's like the gates of Hollywood have been sealed. But hopefully this one will change everything. You know, the nice thing about doing movies like this, we're not beholden to anybody. So we can make those jokes about abortion or

whatever. All those jokes. We can do exactly what we want to do when we did it. And you did. And so these movies are about the sexes, the battle of the sexes. The battle of the sexes that rages every night in Hollywood after 2, 2.30. And what inspires you? Is it your personal life, or do you like sit in corners of bars and take notes? Sit in corners of bars and

take numbers. No, it's just, I know I want to make films and make people laugh. You know, it's fun. Yeah, and sex is a comedy, not a tragedy. Well, occasionally it's a tragedy. But even the tragedy is a comedy. Well, you can write about that and put scenes in Hollywood Sex Wars about that kind of stuff. Absolutely. So, okay, well, I'm going to

introduce the hot chicks here, you know, about the guys. Please do. Okay, I want to get these names right. I have Jackie with a Q. Yes. That's it. Jack Qui. It's just it. Holland. Yes. Mm, welcome. Jackie is Courtney in Hollywood Sex Wars. And you are just the good girl, sort of. I mean, you take a lot of ecstasy and, you know, it's good guys.

Right, and a Mr. Burr, but... Only in this film. Only in this film, but I'd be like the girl next door. Yeah. I mean, considering the like sex warriors that you're aligned with, you're kind of a good girl. You like, you believe in fairy tales. You have a line where you say you love fairy tales. It's

very real. Is that true? Seems real. I have two next night. Do you believe in fairy tales? A little bit, a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. In love? Sometimes, that's been a good day. Yeah. You're in a relationship. Now, you advertise that on your site, right? Or not today. No, I was really weird. Like, on Facebook, I've never put that I was in a relationship,

and then my boyfriend was kind of like, we have to put this that we're in a relationship. So, for a little bit, we were in a domestic partnership, but now we're back into a relationship. You are. You look sheepish about that. No, no, it's cool. It's cool. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, you did, he's the one you do the funny little spoof on Yale.

Yes. And you go to, you went to Yale, right? I still go there. I'm going to Sex Week at Yale. Yeah. In February, and I'm going to get them all on your case. Oh, yeah. What inspired you? I mean, why Yale? Why not Harvard? Oh, you know why? Because I went, I got the sweatshirt from Forever 21. It said Yale on it. Okay. And I was like, I can put

this into a sketch and there it went. We have better branding and it's going to be the death of us. Okay. Well, it's very cute. Forever 21. They're right across the street Forever 21. That's the factory. Yeah. Are they licensed? They're probably not licensed to use Yale. Go get some shit out the garbage. Look at this shit out there. Literally,

they're right across. Couple stitches as fucked up, but it's cool. And this is Christine. Yes. When? When? Like W-I-N. Yeah. Just when. Just when. Just forget the whole N-G. Just forget the N-G and everything's when. The whole name. Just forget it. And whose language is that? Vietnamese. Yeah. Okay. Vietnamese. We had a war with Vietnam.

Now we have a sex war. What did you like better? I like this war better. It's a lot less bloody. Yes. Except during certain times. It took you a second. I was starting to worry. A lot less heroin too. Better foxholes. Ah, the foxholes. Now you made a beautiful entrance in Hollywood sex wars. By the way, speaking of booby traps,

you had these two jugs of juice in front of you as you enter the scene of a pool. I'm not shy. With beautiful ladies and bikinis. And then you go whoop. And those jugs open up and your jugs come out. Yep. Well, I get a tan line when you don't have to. Now that's your philosophy, or is that a line? No, really. I hate tan lines, especially up here up, you know,

where your breasts are. Tan lines down on the bottom, I think, can be kind of sexy. Yeah. But on top, it just messes everything up. Yeah. It's kind of sunny day to day. Did you get some rays? Actually, no, I just woke up like probably two hours ago. I'm kind of nocturnal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're a Hollywood sex warrior? Yes.

Yeah. A veteran. No, well, not a veteran. I've been in and out of wars. I mean, was that movie, is that movie true to your life? That movie was funny to me because when I read the entire script, not just my part, I'm like, either I've been through it or my girlfriend's been through it or I had a guy friend go with this. Oh, you've done that to a guy? Oh, whatever.

Don't be bitter. Yeah. Oh, you got Hollywood sex, or was it in the room? Yeah. Now, let's do a synopsis, shall we? I mean, the movie's about to come out, first of all. It's on iTunes right now. It's on iTunes now. It's already. Please buy this. iTunes, Amazon. And it's very sexy. It's what I call in my crazy talk,

Comedia erotica, in that it's funny and sexy at the same time. A lot of people feel you can't be funny and sexy at the same time. Oh, you can. It's better that way. Well, yeah. Because sex should be fun. Well, but some people, you know, they want their sex very seriously. Man, I've seen a lot of hilarious pornoes like Frankenstein is like fucking somebody. That shit is hilarious.

How can that not be funny? That's true. That's true. That's true. Well, we're starting to get a little more laid back. Let's Dominique for you. No, Dominique. He finds the Frankenstein pornoes. I didn't know that about you. It's got a good collection. I mean, I've seen it at somebody's house. It's kind of weird. Oh, it's always at someone's house. You know,

my boy is like, yo, you got to check this porno out. And I'm like, all right, you know, we're looking at it in his wife. I guess she's cool when she came in. He's like, she's like trying to do some work. And he's like, sorry, babe, watching this fucking porno. I don't know. It's ridiculous. So is your life like your character? I mean,

no, not actually not really. No, not at all. Yeah, he knows. He's gonna date tonight. He knows. He knows. He knows. I'm, you know, pornoes. I'm a nice guy. I'm a gentleman. So you have a you have a girlfriend? Oh, yeah, I do. And he's very worried when he had to do those scenes with Susie. Oh, you know what, though? Yeah, like, I had to do a scene. So the scene's like, and I'm

like, I'm like, yo, man, you're trying to give me a button. He didn't want to do it because he was going to get in trouble with his girlfriend. Yeah, I will get in trouble. Yeah, from this one, where he's making out with the first one, I didn't really have to do any. He wasn't with her then. It's not that long. Right, right, right. Yeah, but will you have a scene with

Christine? Yeah, interesting thing about that, which, you know, to me, it was an honor to do that scene, because my man Paul, you know, he told me this story a long time ago. You know what I'm saying? I know Paul since the first movies. It was about like six years. So I mean, I hear all kinds of crazy stories, you know what I'm saying? He's like, we telling you that one night,

I'm like, yo, yeah, he's like, yeah, I'm putting that shit in the movie. Oh, so this happened to you, Paul. It's even it's even funnier. It's a bad rating. No, it's even funnier, you know, like, when he tells it. But like, I'm yeah, when I watch, I'm like, man, that's I'm glad we got to put that on screen. So like, well, I have to know. I mean, this movie is,

I don't know what it's rated. Is it R or would have to be off? It's got it's got titties bouncing around a lot. Well, quite a bit. Always based on drug use profanity drug use drug use in you. But you know, there's no like real coming or fucking. I mean, there's some coming back. I was wondering, is are you coming? No, no, you know what? To be honest, man, I don't know why it took

that long to make the come. But that's a lot of time on the movie. They took like at least we had it. They were so sweet. They're trying to get warm for me. I did the rewatch on it. It took like 45 minutes to make this come. They're like stirring it up in the kitchen. They're really going chef emerald on this shit. And I'm like, yo, it was organic. I'm like, yo, just get some mayonnaise,

some Vaseline, start that shit up. No one's going to be investigating the semen within the scene. You know what I mean? Like that shit is fucking hilarious. I'm like, you guys are really sweet. Well, I think they were right because I did investigate the semen. I did. I did. How was it? I watched it carefully and it looked good. It was a lot though. Well, yeah,

I felt it. That felt real. I was ready to bust that night. Yeah. And you got a good line. You'll never fuck in this town again. Oh my God. See, I mean, I like that. See, a lot of people you looked at the good line. Remember in all the parts, we watched the movie over this woman here. She reads a book. The author doesn't know the shit's in there. Oh, wow. She's thorough. She's

thorough. That's impressive. Yeah, I enjoyed it. And I was watching it while doing other things. And you know, sometimes it would start. Because, you know, you got to watch and then you go to other things, you know, business. Well, maybe not business, maybe a little pleasure. Like I said, it was a sexy movie. Other things. Interesting. But then I stopped and I had to

watch it several times that cum shot. That's hilarious. There's the money shot. She's like, she's like, oh, oh, wait, hold on. I'm gonna really watch this movie. Yeah, exactly. I thought it was just going to be some bullshit, but now I'm watching it. Exactly. I had to rewind, watch other parts, had to watch the old movie.

And then she kept calling me in. Just watch this. Yeah, the funny thing. I said, that's made in the kitchen. It's not like the funny thing is Paul's like, yo, man, you know, people gonna be walking to you on the street talking about, hey, man, you do that bus of the night in the movie. Hey, man, do that scene you did. But it's all because of your ass.

You wanted us to act out a scene in the film. I do. Well, this was the only scene that those two are in together. Yeah, that's funny too. Yeah. Well, I think you should act it out, you know. I even have a squirter if you want to. If you don't want to, I saw that T-shirt. I love that. It's squirt for peace.

See, Paul didn't know about this. You know, we rehearsed it at his house, too. He didn't know about the spit on the hand type shit. And I was like, yo, what is the spit on the hand type shit? Like when we rehearsing, when we rehearsing, I was just like, you know, uh, you know,

apparently there's a war going on out there. Oh my God. Oh my God, that's the shit. You got a big pistol. That's great. I love that. Yeah, I'm a straight big pistol. You pull that shit out on somebody on the street. Give me a damn wallet, nigga. That is great. You want to play with my pistol?

Let's go one bowl. That's all it needs. Hey, man, don't let the LAPD see you with that. Hey, man, I heard two fucking shooters. I heard two pocket only have one ball. It was just a dick. Sorry. It was a dick, but you're dead. Hey, that is crazy. I love that. You saw that in a nightclub?

You would never fucking get in this town. Oh my God. I need to give me one of those. Is that, where do you get that from? I actually got that from pipe dream toys. Pipe dream toys? That's correct. Pipe dream. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I've never seen that before. That's some new shit. I got the pump hand action on it.

I have the pump handle. That's super squitter. You got the futuristic sex toys up in here. I was kidding. I was hiding them. I thought you guys were going to be a little uptight. Not too uptight. This one's not so much of a weapon and it's sort of more like a colostomy bag, but it does squirt. Watch the equipment. Wait, hold on. Now, that one's better than that one.

Oh my God. And you don't have to go to the kitchen. And this one's easier to fill up. You fill it up like you're at the kitchen. Oh my God. Oh my God. That's the shit. That's the bomb. You can fill it up with vodka too and just squirt it.

Oh, you're cool. Now, wait. Now, now, see you didn't... Get in my mouth then. Hey, now me and Paul have talked about this. At this store, do they have any black dicks? You know, it's funny because... Yeah, we got black dicks here. What's up with the ethnic dicks?

We got an emergency dicks right in the situation. This is made by Doc Johnson. Oh, I love Doc Johnson. Actually, Doc Johnson, I want to say, has been supporting the show for many years. Absolutely. They support the show? Because nobody else supports us.

That's what's up. Hey, hey. Gotta keep this shit going. And we are asking them to make a cocoa-colored squirter. Hey, that's what I'm saying, man. They do not have one. They just admitted that on Twitter. All flavors.

Let's campaign, Susan, you know what I'm saying? Get some Indian peonuses in there. Everybody. It's very important. Native American. Yeah, all kind of ethnic cocks, even like albinos. They need one, too? Yeah. They got winners?

I will make wet ye who are dry. Oh, my God. It's holy water. That shit is hilarious. So. That's why we're not on television.

Hey, man, fuck television, man. Y'all don't need no television. That's another reason. No, we have webcasts, like we all do. We don't need television. We don't need regular TV. Although sometimes I wonder, why isn't your show on regular TV?

Why don't you have a little sitcom? Well, you know, like a Hollywood sex We tried with Boys and Girls Guide. Exactly. What happened? It was like being castrated slowly over a period of 15 months. Oh, my God. I know the feeling.

We had the same thing with Merv Griffin and Playboy. Really? Fuck them. Well, actually, Playboy is still kind of castrating us. Sort of.

Yeah, it's a great idea. I want you to do it. It's great. Yeah, great. Can I do it? And I use my people and my graphics and I direct it and write it. Yeah, yeah, fine. Everything you want.

And then as soon as they gave the money, it's like, actually, you know what? You're fired. We're going to do it ourselves. It's called Pay or Play. It's where they pay you and they fire you immediately. Oh.

And I was gutted. I mean, this was my chance. They spent a million dollars on a pilot. No, they do that all the time. Oh, my God. I had the black guy. It was going to be you.

Let me tell you something. I auditioned for a pilot for a part that I created and I didn't get it. And didn't get it. That shit was like Seinfeld. You know what I'm saying? When Kramer auditioned for himself.

For the Sherry Seinfeld show. That's what I felt like. I'm like, I am him. But what happened to the pilot? They passed on it because it sucked balls.

Yeah. Because you didn't do it with your people. Exactly, man. Yeah.

The time went out. We're actually in negotiations with NBC Universal in London right now. So it looks like it's going to get picked up again. Oh, that's great. These are real Hollywood world wars right here.

Well, they probably dumbed it down so much that it wasn't fun anymore. That's what I'm saying. And over did it. Yeah, it's like... I think they probably unsexted it.

Oh, it definitely did that. They castrated it, yeah. If it's going to be on TV, they always dumb it down, you know. But it's something you look forward to your whole life and then it just sort of

disintegrates in front of you and you can't do anything about it. So, man, what's crazy is that DVD, they changed all the beautiful artwork they had on there before. Like to some kind of lame journal-looking artwork.

You know, that shit is fucked up, man. Hey, it's a tough game out there for these women. But with marketing, they want to appeal to mass markets. Right.

That's why they do those kind of covers. And, you know, good luck to them. I think it's the right decision. Now for the drugs.

Oh, Lord. Where? If you're just listening on radio, then you don't know that I'm now holding these little vials in my hands that look an awful lot like cocaine.

No, but they're not. But they are not. He's got a nose. I'm very, very sure I say that shit.

The slamer. We're just claiming that. But they're not. I know.

We must disclaim that. They are lime salt. Yes. They are Agua lime salt.

Agua. Yeah, I heard about this about a bar. I've never heard of it. What is it?

I was telling her I want some of that. Well, we're going to find out about it. I'm excited. Could I have my lovely producer, Teja.

Teja. This is our new producer. We love Teja already. Teja.

She made it straight to the bars. Teja. She's a friend from war. Teja.

Well, she's ready for war. Well, okay. You can deliver this to our guests. We'll hear you get some over here.

How much fun can this be? Don't snort it. Don't snort it. Oh, my gosh.

Okay, because. Oh, he imagined. Okay. Don't snort it.

I get it. I'm telling you. Oh, wow. Teja is ready for war.

Agua. You making us drink? Yeah. So this is our drink.

I mean, if you don't drink. No, you don't. I'm just enjoying my vodka right now. Yeah, so.

All right. All right. Oh, we all drink. Hey, yo, look, man.

We don't want to make you. Coca, liquor. Is it green? Hey, Paula, don't be a dick, okay?

Have some goddamn agua. Have it. I want some agua. I want some agua.

Okay, there's a ritual to this. Uh-oh. It says coca on the bottle. Don't drink it yet.

Okay. Okay, hold it. Oh, we got the skeletons in the chocolate. Yes, for Halloween.

Halloween is coming up. Excellent. Coming up. So.

Oh, you got some tango. Ray, what is that? Oh, you got. Oh, the whole shit is your own drink.

Oh, wow. Our drink, our favorite drink. Okay. It is made from the.

Mambolivia. Cocoa. Cocoa. Which, by the way, yeah.

And also, it's delivered sort of, we don't know where it comes from. Some dude shows up like I would charge you for it. He said, drink this, I'll make you happy.

Okay. Yeah, because it's just product placement, but we don't know where it's coming from. Oh, wow.

Are we your guinea pigs? Have anyone tried this? No, no. We've been pushing agua for a long time.

That's what's up. All right, so now. How's it work? You take your salt.

Okay. Okay, put the drink down. You got one. I'm just, you said you didn't want it.

Well, for entertainment value, I'll do it. Okay, entertainment value. Entertainment value. Okay, entertainment value.

So now. What you do with the salt? This is what we call a, I guess, body shot. Okay.

So you are going, he's game. Okay. What's up? Yeah, I want some agua.

Okay, so you lick, you pick a spot of the body of someone. Okay. And then. It could be a shoulder.

It could be. Or a titty. A forehead. Or an ass.

Okay. Or an ass. Or a wrist. Or a wrist.

Or a back of the neck. Or a clitty. Or a dick. Or a.

A clitty. Clitty. I never even heard that word before. That's so cute.

A clitty. The clitty committee. A clitty. A clitty.

The clitty committee committee. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's a sequel.

That's what you want the itty bitty titty committee. The itty bitty titty committee. So we can just choose anybody? You got that, Tony?

The itty bitty titty committee. Yes. You can choose any body and any body part. Okay.

And then, so you lick at first to get the salt to stick, and then you lick up the salt, and then you down your shot. And that is the agua. All right.

Are you excluded from this? Is that what that means? No. Oh, okay.

I'm just checking. But I mean, my guess. Not me. What?

Amen. Amen. Man, look, I ain't doing nothing off of you. You all find it out.

Yeah. Okay. So what? So we're...

So, okay. Okay. So who wants to start? I want to do it off the cameraman.

No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Oh, okay. Look at all these cameramen waiting.

Like, the paparazzi waiting to see what you live. Oh, my God. I just pick a random person. Okay.

All right. So what? I mean, like... Don't be shy.

I'm not shy? What? Okay, I'll do it off you first. Okay.

She's going to do it off you. Where? Where at? I'll do it off your...

What? Butt tuck. My butt's high. No.

All right. I got to be... That's not good. Okay, all right.

I'll do it off your wrist. Okay. So wait. So, okay.

That's the way. That's the way. What are you going to do? Oh, look at that.

She's going to lick the wrist. No, lick it again. Yeah, there you go. Oh, you got to put the salt on.

Salt, yeah. Don't put too much salt. Don't put too much. We're just warning you.

That's going to be very salty. Not good for your heart. She's going to have a heart attack on your show. Hey, she signed a release, so she died.

That's all right. How perfect that is. Okay. Okay, then you...

Okay. How does that go? Well, we had a request. We had a request from my producer.

Wait, wait, wait. Wait one second. We have a request from the producer. Okay.

Okay, you're going to be in character. Okay. So you are Max. And, okay.

So you are... And I know you can't snort it, but, like, that's it. So I'm Max, you say, right?

Yeah, you're your character. And Christine, you're going to win. Then I got to be doing this, right? Okay, and...

Yeah. Before the sun comes out. Yeah. Hurry up.

Okay, you ready? Wait, would you like to use something? Oh. It's not the right color.

No, that's the wrong color, baby. Put it in your mouth, Dolma. I'll tell you. Oh, my God.

Is this even good? Hello? Is this good? I'm going to do it if it's not good.

Is this good? I'm going to do it if it's not good. Hey, hey. Susie?

Yeah. When did my penis turn white? Fuck you. And it's small anyways.

I mean, look. It is kind of tiny. Hey, I'm not a dick connoisseur or anything, but this is a big-ass dick.

For you, man. That was like... What is that? Did you down the whole thing at once?

She downed the whole thing. That most of it came on my face. You did it. You did it.

This sounds like a scene from a movie. Most of the agua came on my face. Right, right, right. Okay, all right.

All right, well, since you did the salt now, I got to do it off your wrist now. Okay, all right. You got to look first.

Oh, okay. You always make you do that. I ain't going to put as much salt on black. I can catch diseases easily.

Except diabetes. You know what I'm saying? Oh, my God. Hurry up.

It's taking so long. You talk too much. Hey, can you shut the fuck up? No, hurry up, man.

How can I get horny if you keep talking? That's gross. Oh, you're weak. Ah, yeah.

All right. All right. That was good. That's it.

All right, that's the beginning. That salt was good, though. That was pretty good. Now, how many of these little skulls

do you got to do to get fucked up on a dog? I know, right? About two or three. Everybody's different.

Is that kicking after a while? But you can't keep doing the wrist. I feel like it's weird. You have to graduate.

I feel like it's weird. If we have more, we got to graduate. You can try to sneak up on you. Sure, you can.

OK. So that's something I got a ponder on. Is that what you said? No, no, you didn't ponder.

Hey, look, the more drinks you have, you're going to be looking somebody's ass by the end of the night. Are you driving?

I mean, I will be driving at some point, but I'll still have another one. You can still. Hey, I'm not telling kids to drink or drive.

But hey. Yeah, pour your own. Shit. Hey, I'm trying to help y'all promote.

Shit, Aqua. Oh, my God. Got it. There you go.

And we don't know where it comes from. Right, Doc? We don't know where it comes from. See, you got to stop saying you don't know

where it comes from. I don't know where it comes from. I don't know where it comes from. You're worrying him now.

No, no, it's all right. Oh, my lordy lord. The late one is here. Oh, my God.

And she's blonde. Hey, how you doing? A.V. A.V.

Wait a minute. A.V. Floss. Hey, you can get this chair. Let's get this chair.

There you go. Come on. It's empty. It's for you, not Elijah.

Wow. Yeah. Hello. Hi.

You all know, do you all know A.V.? No. You don't know A.V. A.V. Floss is one of the great

sex journalists in the fucking country. How you doing? I just, you know, check my email. A.V. was following me.

I was like, who's A.V. Floss? So you are her. Okay. Yeah.

Greetings. Right. That's actually my Twitter. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, that's your Twitter. Because if you guys don't know, I'm, he gave me his password. So I'm him for like a few days.

You should follow some people. You're not supposed to tell anyone that, though. She's my Twitter. I mean, yeah, I'm supposed to tell people.

No, he's not. Let's talk about A.V. What's up, A.V.? A.V., A.V., bro.

A.V. Hi, darling. How are you? Happy.

Wow. Break fast. Oh, God. I was passed out in the middle of the day.

I was hallucinating. What? Oh, you saw about Yom Kapoor? I was jerking off to you.

Yeah, Yom Kapoor. I was hungry and everything. Yeah. I was saying, where's A.V.?

Yom Kapoor. What do they do on Yom Kapoor? What do they do? Nothing.

What is it? Nothing. You're not supposed to do anything. You're not supposed to do anything?

No. You're supposed to just not eat. You're fast. You can't eat.

Hey, it's Yom Kapoor. Don't do shit. It's exactly right. I mean, you could pray if you want to,

but that's about it. You're really not supposed to do anything, right? Is it true that they really fuck through a sheet? Is that true?

What did you just say? No, I think that is true. Do they fuck through a sheet? That's moment.

It's, uh... What did you just say? Did you explain this to us? Oh, my God.

I once heard that a certain type of Jewish people, they have to have sex through a sheet, and they're not allowed to be in the same room when they go to the period.

And it sounded like bullshit to me. The part about the period is true. That is true, because they're trying to maximize the tribe. They do not want the men to have sex with the women.

What about anal sex? Well, then they don't know. That's pretty shitty. It's just all about him.

No, you know what it is? It's like, during this period of time, which is called NIDA, I think the women have sex with each other.

Oh, wow. Jewish women? And they're on the blow. I don't know if that's true.

Well, I am. Are you Jewish now? Are you Jewish now? Oh, she's like, hold on.

Wait a second. Jackie Holland. Did you fast today? Hollenstein.

I mean, if you didn't... I'm just thinking, if you're Jewish, you're a terrible Jew. If you didn't have nowhere to come and you're Jewish,

like, would that be disrespectful to just nothing, your yarmulke, or what? You know, there's so many levels of being Jewish. There's not just one.

It's like, there's like 697 laws. And nobody obeys them all. Too many laws. Yeah, too many laws.

You obey the ones you want to obey. But less laws than the American government. Not in your yarmulke. But there's no law about this.

She's like, oh, oh. No, wait. But she doesn't. Do they do that, Jackie?

I don't know. Is this sheet thing not true? You want to get some pictures? No, the sheet thing isn't happening.

Get some pictures, A.V. But what is it? What's it based on? Right here.

A.V. The husbands do not have sex with their wife during the period that they're having their period. Because they want to maximize the possibility of pregnancy

and they're afraid of blood. Oh. I mean, I don't have sex with no blood, anyway, popping off. I mean, there's a couple...

Well, there you go. I mean, there's a couple times... I put a pal down in the body. No, there's a couple times where it has gone down.

I just make the wife take an HIV test before they get married. I think that's a sign of affection. This is the very Orthodox Jews that want to have lots of children. So they don't have blowjobs or anything?

Well, they also want... They want to establish something. You don't want to waste sperm. They want to establish mystery

and they want to establish this feeling of wanting and needing and not being able to. And you know, sometimes when I'm all for freedom, freedom is the greatest aphrodisiac,

but restraint is a close second. Close second. Nobody ever remember who was second. You know what I'm saying?

When they ran a race, when they ran a race, they got medals and shit. Yo, you got the silver dog. Hey, you got the lower platform.

Well, so they like to hold back, you know, a little bit. I think that makes it even better if you hold back and you hold back and you hold back and then... Let's not get too tantric.

Hey, man, look. I respect Orthodox Jews, man. They got the same clothes and closet and shit, man. They ain't got to think of what they got to wear.

They drive shitty cars. They probably got money, but they're driving around in brown. That's all I'm saying.

What you wearing today? Black suit and a crazy hat. And a hat, dog. Well, what would your little Wendy do without her Bernie?

After all, he's the one that financed her home. It's based on a real lady. She did that. She got the money.

She got the money. Well, you have to respect her. I mean, lots of people sleep with their boss, but it takes a certain type of woman

to actually get the house and the car out of there. I love that. By faking a fall. I love it.

She really knows. Like, she knows the character's name. What's the move? I love that.

I'm really, like, really impressed. Because a lot of people just be like saying, yeah, so Hollywood sex or you tell me about it. No, no.

Because I didn't look at it. Well, I like movies. I suffered. I suffered all week.

She looks at everything. She said, do you see this scene? Come in here. Wake up.

Come look at this. What's your relationship, you two? What's our relationship? What do you think?

Well, the captain of your ship. My ring says captain of my heart. Really? Really?

That's sweet. The perfect story. And his ring says master of myself. Oh, my God.

That's so sweet. That's the beta. We've been together for 25 years. So you have a thing for, you have a thing for semen.

Well, this is a big old ship stuck in the mud. What? It was, it was young. Oh, I get it.

OK, OK. Yeah, I looked it up. You guys were friends for six years. You know, that's when I was a little.

You did your research, too. I did my research. I said, that's what's up. I was in France because I was a, I.

No wonder you appreciate that. Because I was a fugitive from American justice. Oh, wow. I've been prosecuted 23 times.

I've been in prison for three years with my fucking life. Lude acts. Right. So I say, occupy America now.

Yeah. Take them down. That's what I say. Bank by bank.

Very sympathetic with our brothers and sisters on the front lines. Yeah. Oh, shit. I got a little skull still left over.

That's right. You see, it doesn't take much. Don't look now, take me down to here. Okay.

So what happened to these shots over here? I tasted mine. No, you're just like, what about your salt? I have it.

Here it is. We already did it. We did it. We did it.

And then it refilled itself. I did it off a titty. Hey. But it was really hot.

I didn't see no damn salt go nowhere. Please. You could at least do it off this nigga's finger. I mean, damn.

Something. She's saying I ain't doing it. Or you could do it off of yourself. I could do it off myself.

Or you could do it off of Susan. I can look it off of my wrist. I can look it off of your wrist. I have a cleaner wrist.

I have a cleaner wrist. Thanks for voting. How'd you know that? Yeah, I don't know.

Hey, I was saying what? Dr. Susan for Lickrissing President. Yeah. Okay, here we go.

Lickrissing President. Here it is, ladies and gentlemen. I think it's wrist licking president. Yeah, yeah.

I said it's only back wrist. Well, I wouldn't have done it. Occupy her wrist. Occupy her wrist now.

Occupy her wrist. Avie Fox. And I love all this art you got in here. So fucking hot.

Well, thank you very much. I wanted to compliment, you know, this place. It's like, it's cuz millions this collection. It should be awesome.

It is awesome. Would you be, like, intimidated if you were here on a night when I have a bunch of porn stars? I mean, I mean, see, you know what?

Actually, I talked to Paul about this. He told me something about dicks getting whipped out. And I was like, hey, look, many dicks get whipped out, man. I've had a nice career of no dicks being whipped out

while I'm in the same room. I'm gonna keep it that way. Really? But, I mean, if there's some girls here, I mean, I don't mind.

I mean, I'm clear of your brother. We went to the website. And there's a picture of a dude coming on your website. Oh, no! Not that!

Well, you know, I have all kinds of guests here. I just got the suit right, clean. Paul just came. It's about a satin suit.

Silk, man. Silk. Silk. It's silk, man.

It's just water. So, yeah. I mean, I have all kinds of guests. I mean, there was a lot of porn stars in the film.

I think you should ask Dominique to come on a night when there's porn stars. He wouldn't be crazy. I mean, I'll be down, you know?

He will be so funny. Just make sure no dicks get near his face. Now, how about you, Christine? Oh, I'm beautiful.

Christine is a star. Well, she's not a porn star. What a soft-core porn star. I do a lot of soft-core porn.

So, I'm very comfortable. Soft-core porn. And I showed my boobs in the movie. It's like moving furniture.

Yeah, my boobies. Now, there was a lot of porn stars in the film. There was at least five. But I'm just always amazed.

But you know why? Like, the main actors wouldn't like show boobs. We got Panty Boy on the line. Ah.

She was the only lady that wanted to get her titties out of this film. They were like, Okay, move, you did that. And I'm like, you have them, too.

I was like, okay, you have them, too. I have some Twitter requests. I have Panty Boy, whose name is porn star fan. Who's on line one?

Oh, I know him. He's on, oh, he's not on the line. No, no. Who's on there?

Jackie and Christine look awesome. Oh, tell me about them. We love you. Dude, what the fuck?

What about me and Dominique? That's what I'm saying. What about me? We have a really cool fan.

He doesn't say anything about you. Hey, don't make me, don't make me, don't make me whip out a tittie. Because I will.

Well, because you got to start appreciating. Okay, I think you guys look awesome. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, that's so sweet. But Panty Boy thinks Jackie and Christine look awesome. And he would like to know if he can see your panties.

Oh, I don't wear panties. I'm not wearing any either. Invisible panties. You can never see my panties.

Panty Boy, uh-oh. Can he, can he see where they would have been? Hey, can you guys tweet that comment to panty boy? I'm sure you'd like that.

Yeah, just show him panties. Oh, Lord. You can have some panties. Yeah, and just show them to him.

Are you kidding me? Yeah. You take the panties. These are emergency panties.

Emergency panties. Oh, my God. 911 panties. These are 911 panties.

You motherfuckers thought of everything. We got this down. Here you go, Panty Boy. Look at that.

I, I'm impressed. Stopping. 9.95, we've had three pairs left. Call now.

You're so beautiful. Yeah. Oh, now. Oh, my God.

Okay, you have to talk into the microphone. Okay, here we go. Now I'm taller. Wait, now I'm not taller.

Okay, take them off the little hangers. Okay. Panty Boy, they got no draws on right now. Right.

They're putting them on for you. That's better. That's better than seeing they draws. They just told you to have no draws on.

Dr. Suzy's doctor. Is Robert from Kansas on? Oh, Robert from Kansas. Yes, he is on.

He has a question. These panties are sticky. Like, if ever were you to have to buy me panties, these would be the type that I would like.

Those panties got born here. Oh, Panty Boy. Amazon wish list. All right, I love Amazon wish list.

And the thing is, like this, perfect. Now how come they didn't ask what kind of panties AV Flots got on? Right.

And that's just wrong. That's what I would like to know. I would also. Because I love her.

She's so fucking hot. This is one of the hotest sex journalists in the country. I think it's because our Panty Boy hasn't seen her yet. I also don't wear panties.

Maybe he called before she got on. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Three motherfuckers with no panties on.

Yo, paper panties. They like the three little pigs, but with no panties. I don't even know what that means. But that sounds like one of our clients.

Three little pigs. Black and pink ones. Very slutty. Oh.

Sexy. Sexy. They're a little bit. They're just going to be big for you.

What do you think? Is she a dog? She's a pig. Yeah, those look like Monique's draws or something.

Man, that was big. Freshest. Freshest. Hey, I would like to see her draws.

I might be going to lie. I want to see what kind of draws Precious wear. No, that's not even Fetis. I just want to see what kind of draw she got on.

Who's Precious? Oh, Precious from the movie. The movie Precious. The novel by Sapphine.

Okay. Yeah. It's not in the room. Yeah.

No. Okay, that's okay. Maybe I got to put Robert on. You went to here.

Yeah, put Robert on. Okay, Robert is going to, Robert is just calling for about 10 years now. He's a little retarded,

but he's really cool. And he's in Kansas City and he got no computer. So he's using, so he's using our 800 line.

Wow. Which costs us a lot of money. I think that's so sweet though. So we have to get him off the line.

I'm impressed. I'm impressed. Let me try this. Robert.

Robert. You're on the line. How you doing? Oh, shit.

That was classic. You got too excited. That was classic. And austerity measures.

He tripped over his head. Damn. Robert is going on. Wow.

Man. He in Kansas. He a cool retard from Kansas trying to listen on 800.

That's correct. That's crazy. Well, we are going to call Janae, right? Isn't Janae going to call?

Is Janae going to call? Janae. Janae is going to call. But she said she was going to call in.

Yeah, yeah. All right. Okay. Well, anyway.

Back to us. Dr. Susie, what can you tell us about sex that we don't know? That's what I'd like to know.

Oh, yeah. We don't have to be more specific. And you have to have a credit card. We don't give a shit away for nothing.

How do I know what you don't know? You guys know a lot. I've heard about the cutting edge of Hollywood hipsters. So you have to ask me a question.

The G spot and the couture. So these real things or is it like a myth? Well, I think if you really have to ask that question. Um, then you do need a little lesson.

Helen, could you set them up as a client, please? Okay. Here we go. You do not have a vagina puppet.

I do. Hey, I'm about to jump out the fucking window. This shit is ridiculous. What the fuck did you find a vagina puppet?

And she talks. Oh, she's wonderful. What's it say? What does he talk?

What does he talk? Pet me. On the outside first. You want to pet her?

Anybody want to pet her? Oh my God. Get me wet. This little Miss Cleedy here.

Remember, you need to know what to do. Oh my God. I've heard about it. Every woman likes to have little red ride and hood rubbed.

Oh my God. And most women like pressure. Inside. Not all the way in.

I mean, all the way in feels nice. But if you just crook your finger in a cum hither gesture, you can hit up against the G spot, which is about an inch inside

and has a kind of spongy feeling to it. Like a raspberry. You know it. Exactly.

Because the rest of the vaginal canal. Or like a cardboard box. No, wait a minute. It's a wet one.

It's not a wet one. Those are two opposite things. A raspberry and a cardboard box. Like a corrugated cardboard.

He means corrugated cardboard. That's, he's Italian. And wet. A wet cardboard box and a raspberry.

Such a romance at Silver Tongue Roscoe. He really is a pirate. Most of the vaginal canal is very smooth. Canal.

It's smooth. It's a canal. Do you know the Suez canal? This is another canal.

You do know he's going to use this in all his next films. Everything you say to him. Oh, you know what I'm saying? Puppet.

Everything that happens. Oh, no. I want to touch my puppet. Fuck that.

The puppet. Oh, my God. The puppet has got to be in another movie. And your ass has got to be in it.

With using this goddamn puppet. My fucking mind is blown. Do you want to touch my puppet? Oh, please.

Can I touch the puppet? Hey, I got a question too. So the little ball in the back. In the back.

When you go in there, there's a ball in the back. It's about an inch there. Ball. We're just, let's just go an inch in right now.

It's like this little ball inside the vagina. We're talking about the G-spot, right? The G-spot. Is that it?

Right there with the ball? There's the fucking... Where is this ball that you see? What are you talking about?

No, when you pull. You know what? Actually, the word spot is a little misleading. It's more like an area.

An area. That's right. It's an area. It's like the area 51.

The area 51. A little journalist sort of sort of fucking beautiful. And it's sometimes like a strip, but it's shaped in different ways. And if you stimulate this area in just the right way,

then a woman has a G-spot orgasm. And if it's in a really right way, she squirts. Uh-oh. So wait, you said every woman has canned squirt.

I think just about one. Can I say every? I mean, every normal, normally built... Every normal.

Yeah, she can. If they're not dehydrated. No, right. If they're not dehydrated.

If they have a... It's not like I shouldn't be alive. If they have a... If they have a...

Fucking finger-making a corpse. What are you talking about? What's that? No, I don't want to be not respectful,

but I went to New York a few years ago. But I'm gonna... And I got in a taxi. And the taxi driver says,

you want to see the hole? I said, the hole? What hole? You know, the hole.

What hole are you talking about? Well, you put the money into it. 9-11. The Twin Towers.

Yeah. That's what they call the hole. The hole... There's a lot of holes.

If you got a hole, then stuff goes in. Man. Well, it's taken a little while, right? Why isn't there fucking three new towels there?

Right. That's why. Why? Right?

Because... Quite well. Because each faucet... The whole virgin.

Each bathroom faucet costs $350,000. Damn. That's why we're broke. And that's why America's broke.

You know, there's a lot of questions about those Twin Towers that just go unanswered. Which makes me think about somebody having two dicks. At the same time.

Well, yeah. Dick one and Dick two. Diffelix, Toronto. And that's what...

And the best part... Now, out of all the freakish things I heard, I ain't never seen an old fucking magazine with a nigga with two dicks.

Have you seen a two-dicks porno? Mostly white guys. Because he would have been in a porno. He would have been a goddamn star.

I wish I was black. I could use that name. Yeah, two dicks. Well, when you have two dicks,

then that's when you have sex war. Oh, shit. You got sperm or... You do not have sword wieners right now.

I do. Oh, my God. And there's silver. Tiny again.

This shit is like Peewee's Playhouse in here, man. It is. You got every goddamn thing. Well, you're not going to pull yours out,

so I figured I might as well pull mine. Hey, man, hey. You're going to have to pay a little bit more to see my winner.

We don't camera and shit. Really? You're that much of a whore. How much? That's super quick, Brown.

I mean shit. I mean... I'm not saying I would pull it out from money. How much do I have to pay?

50 bucks between the 20 of us. 50 bucks between $3 each car. We got to be cheap because the Chinese are on us. They're all over us, baby.

So we better be working for $0.95 an hour. And then we're going to win. That's hilarious, dude. Is anyone getting turgid?

Turgid. Man, you are impressing me. You really watched this damn movie. Yeah, of course.

Dominic, what are you talking about turgid means? Turgid means hard. Hard. You know what's funny?

Literally, we're on the set and he's saying turgid. And I'm like, no, really, dawg, what the fuck does that mean? So we're like, hey, we should just put that in there. I should say what the fuck does that mean?

Okay, we got Robert on line one. And we have Janay on line two. So should we take Robert real quick? Robert will not be quick because he is slow.

Robert is always slow. Robert is slow, so you hang on in there. And Kane's the city and stuff. And Janay is like a guest.

She's on line two. Okay. Yeah. Is that what it says?

Janay. Janay. Hello. Hi.

Hey, Janay. How are you doing, sweetie? Sorry, I'll hand over to you. You're good, darling.

Hi, Janay. Hi. Hi, Janay. This is Dominique.

Janay played Big Wendy in the... Big Wendy. And you know what? She's not fat or anything.

It was just big and a little Wendy. Yeah, one isn't that much bigger than the other. No, but when we were casting the film, we went out for Big Wendy

and all these fat ladies showed up. Which you know, and you have to go through the motions and cast them and everything.

But Janay got the role. Okay. Well, that is so funny because when I actually, when Paul was like,

yeah, you know, you got the call back for Big Wendy, I actually thought in the back of my mind, I'm like, well, what about with a little Wendy?

What's the difference between the two? A little Wendy. Well, I love your line, Big Wendy, Janay. Guys like girls with implants

and we didn't get them done to put them away. Hey, another line, shake what your mama gave you up, but I like to say,

shake what your doctor gave you up. Which is why she can't be here tonight. What did your doctor give you lately that prevents you from joining us in person?

Well, we want to keep it uplifted and happy, but I actually, I have uplifted, I think is what I hear is the word. She got a facelift.

Right. This is very strange. I've never, never heard of this. You had a big deal with human tissue stuff.

A human tissue boot. I've never heard of that actually, so I'm interested. So this is a fan of yours?

Now she's got really small tits. Yeah, she, she had like, you know, women that go in and they get their fat removed

or they like get the triple bypass and they get, you know, tummy tuck. They use that fat in my implant, so I won't catch it anymore in this accessory.

Oh my God, I miss so much. A hundred percent. So I'm noticing you're playing with my vibrator. I am.

Would you like me to turn it on? Sorry, Janae, so, so. And that's about my breast. No, does that mean that way?

Hold on. Does it mean they feel like real breasts now? Like, I mean, not that. Yes, like.

Manfares. That's just so hilarious. Like a black man's skin. Or like, like, no way.

Hold on, hold on. Wait a second. Hey, what's the problem with getting the fat black man's skin?

I don't see the damn problem. I don't see the goddamn problem. There's not a problem. There's not a problem.

I just, you know, it's a little joke that I could have to myself. I wanted to know who the donor was. I'm not racist.

I suck with black men. I suck with women. I suck with them all. I'm just saying, I want to know what the donor is.

Black, white, Asian. I want to know. But it's fat from inside his body. It doesn't matter what color the fat is.

Is that somehow better for you to have fat, rather than, I guess? You put them around the titty, and it makes it more comfortable.

No, it makes the body not realize. Like, when you put the human titty around the implant, the body doesn't realize there's a foreign thought in there.

Oh, so it doesn't reject it? Hey, I'll just chill out. Oh, right. I think it's just funny that you know

that a 50-year-old woman donated some fat for your titties. That whole... No, no, no.

I actually want to write a letter to her. You should write a letter. Thank for my titties, fat woman. Thanks for wanting to be skinny,

because I want some titties. But all of this, Janay, all of this... I think I just wrote a rap. All of this is...

Wait a minute. Wait, I got to ask a question here. I'm a sex therapist, okay? Yes.

Janay, is the purpose of this to make you feel sexier or to make... Oh, no. No, this is like, I'm trying to be...

It's very, very... This is all about the movie. This is very serious. It's like, I'm being funny

and everything about it, but this is like, it's belligerent and they don't do this. Like, I would have been like,

no boobs, like a cancer patient. Like, this woman saved my life. Like, this wasn't cosmetic at all. This was like, my boob was encapsulating.

So this is because of your boob job that you had before? Yes. Like, I had extreme capsules

to where it would like, wanted to push it so... They are pretty big. They are pretty big.

You know, the film has a lot of boob job stuff in it, right? Well, to be in the T.O.B., you have to be. You have to have a boob job. You don't have to have a boob job.

I didn't. I... No. She's...

Not that I would ever say that. Girls look good without boobs. I think it's like, as long as you look good. Guys don't care if you have a boob job.

My God. That's what I always say. Real small things. I think...

Girls don't care what they look like. Not Texas doctors. I think like that. I'm about to get a ball job.

You know what I'm saying? They have those. I'm about to get some implants from a fat black man. Get some nuts.

Have them inject this fat into my nutsack. And I'm gonna walk around with my nutsack sticking out my zipper. How about that? You know what?

That's the wrong... Well, girls do not want balls in a vagina. If you get it, get it in your penis. It doesn't work.

I'm not... Yeah, that's the wrong thing. Yeah, I don't think it worked. When it gets hard, that would be weird.

No, no. I just got my reductions. So that means sticking out. Too much movement going on there.

So not sexy. I like that idea. On the light, no. I want to tell everybody this on the light, no.

It was fabulous filming. The movie is amazing. The cast is amazing. And it's really about women dominating.

And men just showing who they really are. But then it all comes together in the end. But... The women do win in the end.

But how do you... What is? We always do. We always do.

I think this guy wins in the end. It's fucked up, man. Because dominating, whose name is Max in the movie, is the one who's like singing into a light bulb.

I know. But think of him the next... I just think, baby... I think he would box wins.

You never know who you're going to watch because you don't know until you watch. His life is empty. He's going to sleep with those women tonight. But think of him tomorrow morning.

He's going to be all upset. Hey, yo. Did you raise your microphone a little bit? I had a lot of friends that was some straight up haters.

You know what I'm saying? They saw me in the shower scene with Titty's press up against my head. It was like, oh, yo, that was C.N.A. West. That was, you know, such and such.

Foreign stars, yo, where they at? Come on, man. They ain't coming to the screening. Shall I think about the...

They going to walk out the teddies for you? Or what'd you think? Well, C.D. was limited, you know? I'll be missing you.

I wish you could be here with us. So, Janay, you are the ratings girl. What do you call yourself? Let's see.

I have this. This one I couldn't remember. Okay. The database mistress.

Yeah. The hot chicks trade unionizer, you know? And it's very interesting because I don't know if the women really win, but it reminds me of the bonobos because the bonobo females are all into this female solidarity

and they stick together and if one of the males attacks a female, all the bonobo sisters kind of gang up on him. And in a way, in a fantasy kind of crazy way, this is what your little hot chicks trade union seems to be.

Well, I just wish, you know, in real life, more women were like this. I wish I could come to LA and I got a card and I could swipe it. Any guy I met, I could go swiping and be like, oh, really, Joe? Oh, well, Joe, you stop with this, next, date, and we have to do dinners.

We have to say we're over to producers and waste time. Oh, I'm going to love her. I love being the person that's in charge of the database and getting all the young women that are fresh off the boat, newbies to Hollywood

and be letting them know. Is this just a fantasy for human women? Or is it a possibility? It's based on real life.

I mean, there are groups of women. But most women are so competitive. Most women don't really help each other like this. If they realized that they could, they'd have all the power.

I am like, that's how, like Wendy is exactly, well, I mean, Wendy's little like, she's an alter ego extremist of who I really am. But that's how I've been. Don't say the word extremist.

She'll be on FBI files. They're monitoring everything. And it's like a great symmetry. We just protect each other.

I just think that's how all women should be. I mean, obviously the movies are comedy, but, you know, you're not out here in Hollywood by yourself. You make your family who your friends are.

And I ain't saying she's a gold digger. She's missing window rope, Megas. That's my part. That's where I come in at.

And it all integrates in the end in a great, you know, sort of bachelor party. Right? Yes. Yes.

I, that scene, I don't know. I did not partake, but there are objects and things of all kinds being put in different areas. It's called, it's called.

Colored car boat areas. Yeah, or product place, white cardboard. I couldn't help but notice you're playing with my vibrator. Jackie is living this vibrator over here.

I can give you a fresh one. It's quiet as she is and shit. Oh, can I have one too? Hey, yo, can I have one?

What about me? Yo, not, hey, hold on. Hey, not for me. Hey, you know what?

Hey, I'm not going to lie. I'm going to be straight up. That's what they all say. I love you.

Hey, I'm going to be straight up. Oh my God. I'm so happy I threw all my money. My girl, my girl texts me and she says she need a vibrator.

You know what? This shit is expensive. We should get some stuff from this. Please give me one of those.

This is from Dr. Johnson. I have something else for you. You're going to show us how it works? I'm going to get a cruise with it one more.

I need to get one of those. I will be the man right now. Yes. Well, you guys got vibrators on set.

Do you see what that is? I know Janae. You should have been here. I think he just got a cock ring.

Ripple play. Hey, wait. Hold on, no. No way.

Don't. No way. I want a vibrator. Oh my God.

Oh, you know what? OK. I want a vibrator. Yes, I want him.

Hey, give that to him. This is for your dick. Paul. It's a cock ring.

Hey, PSAP is the nasty nigga with the cock ring. It was yours first. Oh, I thought you might like a cock ring. No, I want a vibrator for my girl.

She would love that. Hey, wait, hold on. What if you use a vibrator with a cock ring? I think you think I'm a cock ring, does it?

I think that you think I'm bullshit. She's going to text her now. No, I want to show you the text. Look at this.

Dr. Susan, look. Look. What does this say right here? You got to read it to me.

No, read it. You can read it. She just read it for us. What did I say?

I need a vibrator. Give me a. Give me a. Give me a.

Give me a. Give me a. Give me a. Give me a.

Give me a vibrator. Give me a vibrator. Give me a vibrator. Occupied to pushy.

Occupied to pushy. Occupied to pushy. I'm trying to tell you, I'm going to be the man tonight. Watch.

Save yourself 45 dollars. You got me one of these shits? I'm so happy I got this. You're going to.

I know, right? Tell me who wants. You don't have to do anything now, do you? I'm a vibrator.

Batteries, batteries, batteries. Batteries, batteries. I threw all of mine away. I have a question though.

Yes. Because we were talking about vibrators. We're still talking about vibrators. Yes, they are.

Now they say to like, I want to get one for my girl. I want to get one for my girl. But do they really like, does it make them feel less of a man if their woman wants a vibrator?

Like. No, it doesn't. No, it does not make me feel like this of a man because. It means we can go to sleep eventually.

That just means. I want to watch it. Hey, exactly. I want to watch it.

I'm not robo-dick, okay? Right. You know, at some point the dick is going to be gone. Right.

And you know, I'm not. Quickly. Very quickly. I tell my girl all the time, look, it can't just pop back up

when you're ready. You have the hole, I have a dick. So your hole is ready anytime. We have the drill.

We have the drill. A dick is going to go down and it's going to need time to come back up. And if you don't like that, that's when you have to go

to all the technology that we have now. It's like an iPhone. And I totally respect that you need the technology. Absolutely.

You know what I'm saying? You always have to have a back up for your hard drive. Hey, I'd rather her have a robot dick than a real dick from some other dude.

Right. So I'm just being real. Hey, I'll get you a vibrator. I am down.

I will represent. Yeah. Okay, like a true man. I love that.

Agua, everybody. Agua. For men and women. Here, hold the vibrator up in one hand

and the argo in the other. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I'm going to have to get some of that Michael Jordan money.

Or maybe he has to get a vibrator. Hey, I'm going to tell you the results, too. I'm going to try to call in or do like fucking the cool retard from Kansas call you up 1-800.

Let you know how does shit work when she let me know. And Robert is on in Kansas. Okay, that's Robert. I want to speak to Robert.

So now we're going to speak to Robert. We're going to put her on hold. Okay. And then we're going to.

Jeanne, hang on. Thank you. Rest your cheeks. Robert.

Yeah. How's it going? Hi, Robert. Rob.

Hello. How's it going? It's going good. How's it going, Robert?

How you doing? Well, my question is. What is your question? My question is doing your movies.

Do you ever make love? Do you ever make love? No, I swore off it years ago. I mean, I'll make love with your ladies or give them

low jobs or something like that. Do you give low jobs to your ladies? I've never gotten a blowjob. What are these ladies with dicks?

Robert, Robert, this is not a porn movie. Right. There are some porn stars. No, no, no, no.

It's a hot, felt romantic comedy. Hey, Robert. Oh, I'm a kind of comedy guy. Hey, Robert, you should cut.

Paul always has that one line he's going to say. It says, I think it's actually a buddy film. I think it's a total dude film. It is kind of like a buddy film.

It's like a girl. A buddy film and a boy by the dude guy. I thought it was a war movie. It's a fuck buddy film.

Well, girls are really funny. Robert, how you doing in Kansas? You doing all right out there in Kansas? Oh, yeah.

I'm doing all right. Are you employed? Are you getting money? What's happening with you?

Oh, the money. Why'd you choose the 800 number? Nothing really. I kind of listened to your show,

but last week I couldn't get on it because they said that you were busy. Yeah, right. Yeah, we're not so busy tonight.

No, we're not busy. Does that say something about us? Yeah, what do you want? We're right here.

We're in a second hair. I heard that you were talking about this and her thing of vibrators. Yeah, we're on top of this.

What was that all about? What do you mean? What are vibrators all about? Robert, vibrators in Kansas City.

You know what they're about. Hey, yo, Robert, man, you need to go to a friend's house and download the movie off iTunes.

Look, I know what's up, man, because I got a fucked up computer that's slow to myself. But that's why I have friends

so you can go to their house and download shit. I know you know a nigga with iPhone. I know, look, Steve Jobs just died.

Okay, I know you know a nigga with a I something. You know what I'm saying? Anything.

So take your ass over his house and download the movie so you can come back with some real goddamn questions to ask.

You guys can be do we make love? Of course we make love. You know what I'm saying? It's soft, soft core.

Where? Soft core. What's the real question, Robert? Robert, what's up?

How's your sister? My sister is doing, my sister's doing good. Really good, that's good.

Max, Max, I don't mean to distract you from Robert, but Avi is sucking on the big lollipop. Oh, Avi?

Yeah, we haven't heard from Avi or not. I fucking love him. I know, Avi, let's hear some. Two minutes, you're on.

Hey, speak to Robert. Speak to Robert right now. Talk to Robert. You're talking to Avi, Robert.

Quiet down, Robert. Hi, Avi. How are you? Hi, how you doing?

I'm sucking on a big lollipop. You are? Yes. Oh, it is.

So sad that you can't see it. Oh, you enjoying it? I love it. High fruit test concert.

Talk dirty to me, Paul. Lish. She's giving her a lot of time. You're a sexy boy.

You're so seriful. Robert, she's sucking on a lollipop, okay? She's sucking on a lollipop. Yeah, she's sucking on a lollipop.

You're selling like Michael Jackson. Slow like you, very slow. Oh, how slowly. Yeah, it's really slow.

How slow can you go? It's sexy enough. No. Hey, Robert, it's sexy enough

for you to update your goddamn technology, okay? If you want to see her licking the lollipop, you need to step your game up, okay? Otherwise, you're just going to be hearing her voice

licking the lollipop. This is not 1917, nigga, where they have radios and you listen to the damn show. You better get a computer.

Otherwise, this is the only way you're going to experience Avi's lollipop licking, okay? You have become the guru, Johnny Eyelash, from Hollywood Sex Wars.

You have absorbed his message, and now you're transmitting it to Michael. Robert, if you see Avi Fox, if you saw even your fucking dreams, okay,

you wouldn't have to go to the kitchen to produce sperm. No. Oh, okay. You'd have a very happy lollipop.

In the Yemica. Oh, amazing. I would not do that, but I would like to put it in her mouth, though.

She's beautiful. No, no, it'd be nice now. She's a really intellectual, beautiful woman. Hey, hey, hey.

Just because you're an intellectual does not mean that you cannot partake in lewd activities. Okay, go for it, Robert. She's hot.

Go ahead, Robert. You want to jerk off? Lid? Not really.

No? Okay. It's all right. That's good. Well, do you have something good?

I mean, Avi just invited you. What would you, do you have a question? I got a question. Yeah, go ahead.

Why did the Irishman wear three condoms? To be sure, to be sure, to be sure. I thought it had something to do with his bagpipes, but, you know. Never mind.

What do you think I ought to do, Dr. Block, here, to ask for... I think you ought to get... What do you want to do in general? People are asking me these very nonspecific questions.

You're on my... Right, right, right, man. Wait a minute. What I want you to do...

You're on my 800 line. You're on my 800 line. Yeah, cool back on the 800. And I'm paying for this shit.

Hey, Robert, yeah. That's what I'm saying. You got to get some technology. Yo, Robert, you costing the captain a lot of money right now, man.

But unless you're asked about the jerk off of some shit, you need to get off the goddamn phone. Okay, Robert. But we love you, Robert.

Yeah, we do love you, Robert. For many years, we've been here. You're our charity case, Robert. One of many.

Do you know... You don't want me to call you anymore? No, of course. Of course we want you...

Of course we want you to call. Not bad. No, we love you, Robert. We actually don't.

And we love Kansas City. But we've had enough of you for now. Right. We'll talk to you later.

Right, Robert. We love you, Robert. Take care. I love you, too.

You be safe, okay? Take care of yourself. Okay, so we'll stop. Hey, man, I gotta...

Hey, I gotta respect, Robert, man. I don't even know... You have the makings of a dating guru. I don't even know how there's a way to communicate...

He calls it like it is. To communicate with people without the technology we have now and Robert's going all out, you know what I'm saying? For this show, so...

Dude, you just got rid of your page about six months ago. Oh, yeah, that's true. I'm wondering... About maybe like a year or two years ago.

For me, for this show. You said what? You know, I haven't had my agua shot. You sure haven't.

Oh, you should do it while they have it. Hey, you know what? I want to see you do it off the captain. Yeah.

Yeah. That's what I want to see. Off the captain's net point. I'm union.

Oh, no, no. Don't be pulling that union shit. Don't be pulling that union shit, captain. I'm running the control panel.

I do a lot off the captain, you know. Oh, that's private off the captain. Well, no, it's not altogether private. See, now it's all private.

But it's actually... I mean, everybody's seen me do stuff off the captain. I haven't. I ain't never been to this motherfucker.

I never seen... You're not my audience. You're my guest. I know.

I want to see that shit. You want to see it. I want to see it. I want to see the captain get some salt licked off.

Then I'm going to do two salt licks. Okay, okay, all right. First salt lick off the captain. Second salt lick off of...

You can decide. Oh. Yeah, hell yeah. Hell yeah, Jackie.

He's disappeared. Jackie. Jackie's been like Charlie Chaplin over here. Signing like a motherfucker.

Yeah, I want you to do a salt... She's going to have to go over there too. Buy the little penis puppet over there. Is there a penis puppet?

Yeah, look at him. He got on sunglasses too. I have to do a line off of you. All right, I'm really very famous tonight.

Right, there you go. There you go. That's what's up, captain. That's cool.

It's cool. Let's get the captain in here. All right. Okay, here's the microphone for you.

That's the shit. All right. This is your captain speaking. Test, test.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Uh-oh. You got this bit of hers. He flocks.

She's so fucking beautiful licking a lollipop. Yeah. My goodness. That was her idea.

She's such a forward slut. She was just hungry. She's beautiful. I read all her shit.

And she has the dick in front of her. I know, she has a dick in front of her. And she asked me. She said, hey, give me that dick gun.

And I suffered and I enjoyed your movies. This week. Suffered. Suffered.

It's the day of suffering. It's the day of suffering. I'm Jewish. I converted because when I was Catholic,

I had to confess every fucking week. Now you don't. Now, once a year, I confess. I say, well, I pulled my thing and I did this thing.

Only once a year. All right. So what's up doc? Which part?

Body part. The arm pit. You know, everyone's got all that sewed in your arm. Get out of here, captain.

No. Come on now. The bad dude on the neck. The bad guy on the neck.

I'm totally here. So you have to, wait. Oh, wait a minute. Bend over this way.

Bend over this. Bend over. Yeah, you don't know what that means. Here we go.

All right. Wait a minute. Where are you putting this? Back of my neck.

Wait, I think I have to. There we go. I said, this is going to go dangerous. Get it, captain.

What is this thing here? I'm about to vibrate in rabbit. Vibrating rabbit. Okay.

I'm going to sneeze. Come front. You guys, that was so romantic. Did you do that?

No, I do another one. Okay. Do another one. Put your microphone down.

Put the microphone down. Turn around. Turn towards me. Turn towards me.

No, no. That's your ass towards me. Yeah. I'm done.

Okay. Here. Tom, your lips. Putting salt on his lips?

That was sweet. A salty sea dog. Do I get some another one? Oh, yeah.

He wants some of the damn drink and shit. It's very romantic. By the way, we're as radical as we seem. We are really been married for many years.

Yeah. Almost 19 years. How long have you been together? She came to sell me an ad when she first went on the air in 1984.

This woman's been on the air for 27 years. 27 years. You've been on the air as long as I've been fucking born. Right, right.

You're the bomb. This is awesome. And she's been on the air more than most of the stars of Hollywood. Wow.

Yeah. She's an extraordinary woman. Yeah. She said it is.

You're an extraordinarily well-capped man. Someone's getting some tonight. Tom Hanks. I love it.

Yeah. This is amazing. And love and pleasure and revolution. And evolution.

And every morning, when you get up in the morning, you go, go to the streets, my folks. Go to the streets. Raise your hands and say no more.

No more what? No more stealing from the banks. No, here's the thing. Stealing from the banks.

To stop the war between each other. The war between the man and the woman. And the war between countries. The women and wives.

The women should just do what we say. The husband and wife have joined forces in a war against... Let's just all have good sex and have fun. I just, I just want to, I just want to sit next to A.V. Flockson.

No, I'm not, I'm not going to. See, after that, okay. I'll see you later. I have to lick salt off of someone else.

Oh. So, I know you're looking at me. Hey. I don't know what you're like.

Oh, yeah. Oh, how about A.V.? She's had her. A.V., by the way, A.V. Flockson, if you don't know who the fuck she is,

because you're dumb on the 32nd floor of some building, A.V. Flockson is one of the great sex bloggers in the world. You're slobbering, huh? Excellent.

I'm slobbering. Jesus. I'm trying to be nice and everything, but I'm slobbering. This is the second time you've slobbered.

Oh, I said that the second time. Yeah, that's true. Okay, I'll sit. It's not even...

All right, goodbye. We just didn't want to hear it. They just didn't want to hear us anymore. Our mics got turned off.

Oh. It's okay. The mics are going off. They're mics.

I've been saying so much funny shit. I know. We miss you. You're just as funny as Fox, right?

So wait, are we seeing a soft lick off of Jackie or A.V. Fox? Salt lick stuff. The shoulder's nice. This is nice, the shoulder.

She hasn't had anyone. Yeah, let's have A.V. do it. How about all three of you girls come up on the set? Come on out.

Oh, man. Oh, yeah. Come on. I'm totally down for that.

Come on. How come ain't nobody else clapping? This is bullshit. Oh, man.

I'm going to show you guys how y'all don't want to see that. Come on, man. Y'all go over there to the bed. Jesus, too little school.

Oh, I will hold the lollipop. Robert and Kansas, I am now holding the lollipop. Hello, hello. Oh, well, she can keep the lollipop,

but maybe she doesn't want to. Maybe she wants her mouth free. That's what's up. He can hear the tapping.

Hey, Paul, y'all mentioned. What? She got the rear of the lollipop. That's why I wore it.

All right. So I'm pouring my little shot here. Hey, by the way, this agua really got me fucked up. Yeah.

You know? I had this agua with this gym beam. It's really got me in its own. That's good, yeah.

God damn, AV flanks. Look at this. Everyone looks great. Let's just hear it.

Let's just all model our outfits. Oh. Yeah, just sort of walk around. Get me the microphone, Dr. Susie.

Yeah, the microphone. Oh, this microphone. Yeah, that microphone there. Yeah, here we go.

So here we are. Now, somebody should take the microphone. Here, you can ask to ask. Yeah, there you go.

Uh-oh, sword fight. Sword fight. The Hollywood Sex Wars. That shit is awesome.

Here, you want the microphone? Wow. Whoa. Man.

Damn, Robert, you need to get you a damn computer, man. You can't see none of this shit. I'm really like, I'm. But Panny Boy can.

Panny Boy, you are seeing this. He is. Please tweet and tell one of Robert's friends to come over, tell Robert to come over to house.

Because he can't see a damn thing. This is the vulva puppet, yes. Christine. That's what you ring when you want sex.

Oh, shit. Now, I know that you guys have great pocket rockets, but here, just give me this thing for a second. Pocket rockets.

Oh, man. I used to have one of those. Susie, Susie, Susie, Susie. Do you have the microphone?

Where's the microphone? AV, your girl has the microphone. Pocket rockets. Pots you by.

AV, Johnson. Okay, now, just give me, I don't know, your hand. No, you have the palm of your hand, I think. Listen to the electricity.

Wow. It's going to get to me as an appearance. Aren't they beautiful? That's awesome.

Okay. I used to have one of those. They really do work. Yeah, they work.

You had one? What were you doing with it? I was masturbating. Masturbating, oh, I see.

Myself. All right, so, you like that? I mean, if you really want to use it, I have to put a condom on it.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, here's the microphone. Have you ever used a Hitachi before?

No, but my girlfriend has talked about it. There, I was like, oh, that's nothing to my... Ding, ding, ding. Well, the Hitachi is very strong.

Is this fucking hot? It's plugged into the wall, right? Yeah, it's plugged into the wall. Wow.

Yeah, you have to talk to the microphone, not into the Hitachi. Now, my girlfriends say that nothing's better than Hitachi because you plug it into the wall.

Like, nothing is better than something you plug into the box. That's power source. True, power source. Power source, that's important.

If you want a lot of power... I've never had one, though, that's been plugged into a power source. So weird.

No, well... I love this. It's pretty good stuff. Pretty strong.

I know. Very strong vibration. I use that moment that fuck-up real sex. Well, that's saying, if you use a cock ring,

will you be able to do it without it? I mean, yeah, or Viagra, or if you... Well, I hadn't used one in so long, but then, all of a sudden,

I started using this whole box that I had, and at one point, I'm like, I can't feel it anymore. Like, I honestly cannot feel it anymore, and so I do everything away.

Then you stopped doing it for a while. And then I got this. And I just gave you that. And I got it.

It's a cycle. It's a vicious cycle. Oh, it's horrible. It is.

And, you know, but yet, what are you going to do? I mean, it's just like doing like... And you have three minutes. Much rooms or something.

Tell us more about your box, Christine. Yeah, your box. I have the craziest part about my box, but... Oh, go ahead.

Not this box, but... What box? Well, I don't know about the box, except it's the end of Yom Kippur.

Okay, I have your Jewish girl, right? Okay, so you're supposed to eat at the end of Yom Kippur. So, and drink and be merry. That's...

And you just celebrated Yom Kippur, right? You fasted. But you're not Jewish. Or what are...

What's up with you? What's crazy is one... Less than one-third of one percent of the world's population is Jewish. Just to like to blame myself.

Is it because of the money? And they're responsible for all the problems in the world. No, all of them. Enough that they're very popular.

Because the Nile is erotic. And it's a river in Egypt. But that's... Yeah, I mean, that's Cleopatra.

She wasn't Jewish. I don't know about the Nile, but you're fucking hot. Yeah. Okay, so I need somebody part.

Offer me something good now. Young, new, well-placed. Young, new, well-placed. Christine's over in Jackie.

The belly button, Jackie. Belly button. Belly button. We don't care about your hoes.

Where's my emergency panties? Oh, okay, emergency panties. Emergency panties, right there. We have two pairs of emergency panties.

Okay, you can put them on over here. We're out of panties. There you go. You got to do that to show your belly button?

She's doing what she wants to do, which is what all women should do. They always do. Yes, okay.

So now we have a good panty shot here. That's very nice. We have to apply... We have to apply...

Do you need a hand, Jackie? Yeah, I think she needs help with... Oh, my God. Oh, God, it's...

Christine, we can't see anything. Wait a minute. The whole control panel is shaking. Get the label inside.

Yeah, there you go. That's very nice, actually. The control panel. They fit.

Could you put some salt on those panties? Okay, they're very silky and nice. It's being applied. Silky and nice.

Gradually. Okay, so does this mean we're talking about the abdomen? Yes, we are. A good part for you?

Is that okay? What about the Mons pubis? Yeah, they're dead. Not the pubis.

The Mons pubis. Whatever. What's above that. Is that a real thing, too?

The pubis is what the pink is. I think you might also need an anatomy lesson after this. Didn't know where the G-spot was. You know, if you weren't slurring, I could...

But the Mons pubis is quite covered. I want the people in the cheap sheets to see. Yeah, the cheap sheets. Oh, that's still it.

You're sitting on a... Right, sorry. I already had a... OCD.

Okay, here we go. Cheap. So, um... My sister had that.

So, okay, lean back. All right, lean back. I'm gonna move my mic. There we go.

There we go. I'm sorry I got salt on your drawer. She did. She...

You're rubbing salt in the wound. Yum. Delicious. Okay.

This makes the whole night worthwhile. Good yentuff. And we have also in the audience, we have a man with a chastity belt on.

Ah, yes. Yes. I think I've had enough to drink to deal with that. Okay.

So, we should bring him out. What is a male chastity belt on? Well, we're gonna find out shortly. Well, we're gonna find out.

Actually, I've seen him. Okay, camera men do not show his face because he's running for president of the United States. Under the Occupy Wall Street.

Right. It's Rick Perry. Let's get him here. Where's our producer?

He's over here. Okay. All right. Where is he?

Okay. He's right over there. Come over here. Helen is his handler.

Helen is his handler. Helen is his handler. Are we to understand he's wearing a chastity belt? Yes, he is.

He's wearing a chastity belt. Right. Who placed it on him? His wife.

His wife did. His wife. His wife ordered him to come over here. There he is.

He's... Really? Hello. There he is.

Let's see it then. Did you want to be on microphone or not? It looks like a regular belt to me. You want a microphone?

Hi, Vance. Sure. Tell us about this. Okay, we're not gonna show your face.

No. Just tell us a little bit about why you're in chastity, how you're in chastity. I'm married to a dumb cockledress.

Cockledress. Yeah. Right. Have you had a little agua?

What? Well, yeah, I had to get a little... He's been at the bar. So she keeps me in chastity.

I'm kept celibate. Let there be a listen to you. Yeah. And I get to masturbate occasionally.

Last time I masturbated. I want to give Dominique a chance to leave the room. If he needs to. I'm sorry.

Oh, yeah. Okay. No. We were sticking around for this shoot.

If you don't, if you don't. Hey, my mic is actually... Team Jobs and a fucking... Well, you told me you couldn't handle it.

Hey, my mic is... Oh, now I'm on it. Yeah, yeah. Hey.

Hey, let me know. Give me, give me like the right time. It's 12, it's midnight. So if you're gonna whip out your winner at 12.02, then let me know.

Yeah, we're on overtime. We're on overtime right now. Our cruise says $100,000 an hour. Right, guys?

I'm putting my salt down. Okay, so you're in chastity and... Yes, I have... And let me ask you this.

When you actually do get to... Yeah, let's find out about this. When she allows you to touch yourself, is it more rewarding because you've won the chastity vote?

Probably, yeah. It's basically staying in chastity's life. How long has this been going on for? 17 years.

Wow. It's almost as long as I've been married. 17 years. Does your wife...

What about your wife? Is she... What? Pardon?

Does she have sex? Is your wife a hot wife? Yes, my wife has sex. But not with you.

So you have a hot wife and you are the cuckold, right? And... Dude, how do I get into this shit? Sounds perfect.

But how do you... It sounds perfect. You don't have sex. You're being sarcastic, right?

Do you masturbate? I forget. Masturbate when she lets me masturbate. You're a child of sarcasm.

Okay. But right now, you're not allowed to masturbate. No. Now you are in chastity.

Good to go. I'm in chastity. I see... This is a turn on.

See what I said? You know, freedom's the greatest apodisiac, but restraint... So, wait.

You're turned on by this. I like to please my wife, yes. But what I'm... Oh, you like to please her in any way.

17 years, man. No, but... So she gets to have sex and you don't? Yes.

I don't understand that. Yes. I don't. Well, you know, for a lot of people, the restraints...

Can we see you, please? Yeah, this chastity belt. Is it a metaphorical thing or do you have it? No, no, he has it.

No, I don't have it. Okay, so can we see one of you? Take it off now. Okay.

Don't show his face. Enough introduction. Now, look. Check it out.

Good enough to do. So that's not the chastity belt. That thing you... You have a chastity belt on right now.

Right. Oh, my God. God. Oh, my God.

All right. Well, you asked for it, you guys. Oh, my God. I love it, but I keep on looking.

I don't. I don't. And this is what he has. Oh, my God.

You know what? See now, I thought it was going to be some medieval shit. Like, it was going to be metal. That's pretty medieval.

You know what I'm saying? But this shit, like, it's got, like... It's like some panties with a hole cut in it. It's the belt part, the real chastity part.

He's just wearing panties. No, but I've got to ask you. But the belt, this is the thing. Okay.

Can we close in on this? Let's put this to the test, Christine. Can we see this equipment here? I think the camera woman doesn't want to look at the equipment.

Come on. Come on, camera woman. Let's have a look. This is the CB6000.

Ladies and gentlemen, there's a different... The CB6000? What? There's a model for this shit.

The Cumbaria 6000. Oh, yeah. Cumbaria is. There's a fetish for this.

There's a model for this. Christine. What's the lock about? Christine, see if you can get it off.

Answer their questions. Well, it would hurt if I tried to pull it off. Yeah. Pull it off.

He can't pull it off. Where is your wife? The whole point is that she has the key. What about the keys?

Where is your wife right now? Oh my God, yo. Well, she takes it off every two or three days. For 17 years.

And then puts it back on. But wait, for 17 years? Dr. Sexton. All set on, yeah.

17 years. Yeah, I'd love to have sex with her. Wait a minute. Is she in the real estate business?

I'd love to have sex with her. Wait a minute. Is she in the real estate business that has the keys? No, I've had sex with her once.

Once. Only one time. And you're married. Yeah.

Do you pay all the bills? Oh my God, yo. Pretty much. Pretty much you pay the bills.

Hallelujah. You know, ladies, hey. You guys are supposedly from the... You got this down?

Wow. This is why we wrote Hollywood Sex Wars, to prevent this kind of shit. Yo, can we put this in the next movie man?

Good guy there, right? Hollywood Sex Wars Part 2. Yo, I've never seen this. I've never seen no shit like this.

No, I don't think it's fair, because I say, you know, what we go through in Hollywood Sex Wars, what all the women go through, is because you have to play this game.

But you find someone that loves you for that many years, you got to give them something. You can't keep them. It's like a brick and mortar.

What are you giving her? Chastity belt? You can't do that. Hey, yo.

You get mad props, dawg. You got a lock on your wiener, man. I've never seen that before. Would you put that on your wiener?

No, hell no. Hell no. I think we are failing to understand something very critical here.

Okay, okay. Let's hear this AV. This is a fetish. Yes.

People enjoy... Oh well, most people that engage in cuckolding, enjoy what they're doing. You can't look at it in terms of what you consider,

yeah, what you consider standard relationship. I mean, you have to look beyond heteronormative relationships and the standard that you've grown up with. It's not really about the things that you think it's about.

It's about all kinds of other things. I mean, sex and what we desire, what turns us on, it's more than just owning someone entirely and having them be faithful to you.

It's more than just having sex whenever you want to. It's more than all of these things. It can encompass a variety of very, very different things and this is just one of them.

Boring. This is fucking bullshit. My apologies. Let's get back to your name question, sir.

Where did you get those panties, the USI 6? You would like to get some. No, it's just interesting for guys. Yeah, it's interesting for me.

Where is it? It's like you're saying the women won. In Hollywood sex. They do.

They always do. His wife has totally won. Hey, she's, yeah, she wins. However, in a bonobo way, he is getting off all the time

because he is a submissive. Wow. He is a submissive. He gets off on serving her.

He gets off on being her slave. He gets off on not being allowed to have sex. He gets off on all of this. He gets off on wearing the panties, too.

Amen. Hey, I respect that. But you can't see him get off because he's in this lock-up. Hey, man, I respect that, man.

You like walking around in normal clothes. And listen, this guy is 60 years old. That's what I was saying. And he's got a sex life, which is not true of all 60 years.

That's true, yeah. He's so hard on yourself. And he's in twin towers. Hey, he's not hard on himself.

Well, he's locked up. He's locked up in twin towers. But anyway. He'll live on himself.

Anyone want to see him anymore? Two balls, no. OK, put your pants back up. Hey, man, hey, you get major props, man.

You know what I'm saying? I cannot put those type of restraints on my wiener, you know what I'm saying? Because, you know, hey, well, you know,

I do got a question, though. Like, how do you go to the bathroom normally with that on there, or what? You want to get over to that microphone?

No, don't come up here. Show us. He doesn't have to show us how he goes to the bathroom. Yeah, come on.

You come on and get on my mic. Show us. Just OK, you know. There's us.

There's us. Opening in the end, and you just pull it back. And the seizure is you're sitting down. Oh, OK.

See, he wants to ask the details. He's very interested. Man, the thing I'm tripping off on is, like, you know, like, you know, we walking down the street,

and I'm like, hey, how you doing, sir? We walk past each other. And you wouldn't know. Right, you wouldn't know.

And he has these panties with his life on his wiener. Why do you think that regular business pants are so loose? Man, I mean, that just makes me think, you know, he's saying he's trying to be a politician.

That's what makes me think. Makes me think deep, a lot, a lot of politicians. Obama might have a big walk on his wiener. You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You never know. I mean, his features do sound a little funny.

His voice sounds a little weird. I like it, too. Oh, you're sitting on the cap. Coming from Anastasia after you.

When you suppress, you put the salt going down your panty hose. Hey, it's deep, man. Dr. Suzy, we're on overtime.

Oh, we're on overtime. So we're going to wind ourselves. How much we getting paid for this? All right.

We love ourselves a little too much. We've got to end now. And so we want to thank our fantastic guests from Hollywood Sex War.

And thanks so much to Dr. Susan and the captain. OK. So where to give us the info to download? Oh, yeah.

Amazon or iTunes, VOD. Where do we find you? Maybe on the men. Oh, call me.

I got some in the trunk of my car. Why not? Here, everybody, we're going to hold up the bonobos time. Hey, we're going to say that now.

Yeah, yeah, sure. One of our producers, James Glasscock. His name really is James Glasscock. James Glasscock.

I was going to ask him about that. He did with James Glasscock, which is awesome. Well, wait a second. That's a little bit like what this guy was wearing.

A Glasscock. Just when you want to advertise. So download the movie on iTunes and please support this movie because we are straight and Netflix and Video on Demand.

And Amazon because we are straight independent and we're doing this shit straight for the people and it's real. And we want to thank Dr. Susan for having us

in her lovely place. She's got amazing. She's got amazing art and crazy puppets. And oh my God, I am just really impressed by this show.

Next time I get something wrong with me, I'm going to duck Susan. Oh, yeah. And that's real. I'm trying to tell you, my girl's about to give me

someone's props for this pocket rocket. And shout out to my man, Robert from Kansas, man. Get your ass a computer. And man, please download Hollywood Sex,

where we need all the support we can get. We are independent artists and we don't got nobody big behind us. They're just playing with their pussies now.

Yeah, everybody's just jerking off now. Oh, the girls are playing with their pussies now. And we need to occupy America. Those of you who are just listening, I just wanted you to know that all...

Occupy America. Dr. Susan got three pussy puppets. I thought she had one. She got three.

Now she got a little singing group and shit. She got a pussy singing group. This is... Pussy talk.

Anyway, yeah, thank you all. Hollywood Sex Wars, catch it now. And in the meantime, I want you to be good. I want you to just have Sex Wars.

No real wars. Drop rods, not bombs. And make like bonobos, not baboons. Make love, not war.

I love you, Dr. Susan. Thank you. Whether you're in your cardboard box or your mansion on a hill. Make love, not war.

Make love to someone you love tonight. Even if that someone is you. I love you. I love the captain.

I love the captain too. I love you too, captain. Before we go. Before we go.

Before we go. Before we go. I want to tell you this. Occupy America.

Take them out. Take out the thieves. Not the blacks and the Hispanics. Take out Wall Street.

Arrest them. Take them down and make them do the walk, okay? We cannot be, we cannot, we cannot have fevery. We cannot take black children and white children

and drug children. And we can't take them down. Take down Wall Street. Take them down.

From our house to your house. Revolution, evolution. Take them out. Okay, thank you.

Oh, yeah, right. You need to talk with someone about something you can't talk about with anyone else. You can talk to us.

I'm Dr. Susan Block. Your mistress of the airwaves. But my day job is director of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts and Sciences.

Specializing in sex therapy over the phone. Anytime you need to talk, whether you need serious psychotherapy or a hot phone sex experience or a combination,

my world-renowned telephone sex therapists are just a phone call away. Totally private, absolutely confidential. We listen, talk with you, advise you,

role play for you, fantasize with you. No fantasy is too taboo. And help you with anything, from impotence to exhibitionism,

fears to desires, fetishes to marriages. For more information, call us at 213-291-9497. That's 213-291-9497. Anytime you need to talk.

You're listening to Radio Suzy 1 on the World Wide Web.