Chinese New Year of the Rat

Full transcript of Chinese New Year of the Rat on The Dr. Susan Block Show:

You need to talk with someone about something you can't talk about with anyone else? You can talk to us. I'm Dr. Susan Block, your mistress of the airwaves, but my day job is director of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts and Sciences, specializing in sex therapy

over the phone. Any time you need to talk, whether you need serious psychotherapy or a hot phone sex experience or a combination, my world-renowned telephone sex therapists are just a phone call away.

Totally private, absolutely confidential. We listen, talk with you, advise you, role play for you, fantasize with you, no fantasy is too taboo, and help you with anything from impotence to exhibitionism, fears to desires, fetishes to marriages.

For more information call us at 213-291-9497. That's 213-291-9497 any time you need to talk. You're listening to Radio Susie One on the World Wide Web, and now here she is, Dr. Susan Block. Brothers and sisters.

Gemai, that's Chinese for brothers and sisters, although I know I'm mangling it totally, brothers and sisters, lovers and sinners, artists and exhibitionist lawyers and connoisseurs. Ni hao.

That's a little easier, just means hello. Kung Hei Ba Choy. Happy Chinese New Year from Bonoboville. Yeah, baby, yeah.

Can I get an amen? Amen. Can I get an amen? Amen.

Kung Hei Ba Choy, baby. Yeah, baby. We talk a lot about migration, you know, but did you know, did you know that the biggest annual human migration is usually right now.

I mean, when billions of Chinese people all over the world travel to their families usually, or their friends, but usually their families, to celebrate the Chinese New Year, also called Spring Festival. But, you know, this year is a little different.

Yeah, a little kind of awkward, because, well, the coronavirus is sweeping China. And, no, coronavirus is not what you get from drinking too much beer. I want a corona. Sunshine, no beer.

I want a corona. It's not about beer. It is a serious disease. It's actually like pneumonia, which I had, actually, a couple weeks ago.

Ah, no, I don't have coronavirus. I don't think I do. I mean, I don't even think I have pneumonia anymore, but I had it and it's bad. And, you know, this stuff can kill you.

Even garden variety pneumonia can kill you. You can't breathe. And, yeah, I guess this coronavirus is even worse. You really can't breathe.

And that gets you fast. So, by the way, it seems to come from non-human animals. We are animals, too. But, and we're going to talk more about us being animals and the whole Zodiac thing.

But this seems to come from animals, some of which are in the Zodiac. Bats, maybe? I don't know. Snakes?

The last one came from SARS, from pigs, SARS, I guess, or was that a different one? Anyway, this one's a little bit like SARS, which is scary because that was really deadly. And so, now, many of China's 1.4 billion people are in lockdown, virtually. It's like quarantine, especially at this time of year.

It's like, gotta stay where you are. You can't be traveling and giving it to other people or getting it from people. So, you know, actually, gas mask girl would be very fashionable in China right now, right? We're here!

Shout out to gas mask girl. Hope you win an AVN award. Anyway, we're wearing your mask because, yeah, I mean, it's come into the United States a little bit. It's, you know, it's gotta be rough in China right now.

And it's gonna be America's future. Also, if we keep barreling down the road to climate catastrophe with lots of superbugs and pollution and no Medicare for all. But, anyway, I'll get back to Bernie and just submit it. But back to Chinese New Year, and we're playing some strain.

I mean, is this the appropriate Chinese New Year music? I don't know. If static is the appropriate Chinese. Yeah, well, it's coming through from a long way away. Oh, yeah, okay, okay. It's coming all the way from China.

Anyway, Kung Hei Ba Choy, happy year of the rat. Oh, that rat is very scary. Look at that rat. This is Max's rat. I don't know. I kind of like sunshine's rats better. Sunshine made these balloon rats.

They're really cute. You know, things should be cute, I think, for Chinese New Year, right? I mean, this, I don't know, this scary. I mean, rats are, we get mixed feelings about rats. Rats can be very creepy. Like, this one, look, it's gonna bite you. I mean, and carry disease. I may have even gotten a disease from a rat when I was downtown LA, septic shock.

Whoa, I mean, rats are nasty. They carried the plague, some people say. I just can't go. But they're also very smart. And rat mothers are supposedly good mothers. I don't know. But, you know, they're smart in a ratty kind of way.

And they're the first animal of the Chinese zodiac. Can we turn that music down a little bit? Because now I'm gonna tell a little story. You can keep it going a little bit.

Because this is a story of the Jade Emperor calling the 13 animals of the zodiac to a grand meeting. And he said that the first to arrive will be the first of the zodiac. And so the ox actually was in the lead, going steady and strong, getting to the destination. But hitching a ride on the back of the ox was the rat.

And then Mr. or Mrs. I don't know what gender, but the rat jumped off of the ox's back and got to the Jade Emperor's Palace first. A little bit of a cheat, but maybe just tricky, you know? And so the rat is the first of the zodiac, you know?

And I think that's some kind of a privilege, maybe? I don't know. But anyway, among mobsters, by the way, rats are the worst. Absolutely the worst. Now, we'll get to some, oh, there's a mobster there. We have some rats here.

Sunshine, you want to bring this a little closer to me? Your art exhibit here is fascinating. First of all, we have Chuck E. Cheese, the rat, who I always thought was a bear, actually. I didn't realize Chuck E. Cheese was a rat.

But he is a rat, and that explains why I never eat there. And then this is Splinter. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He's like the guru to the turtles.

They're actual dad. Well, adopted dad. Adopted dad, right. Right, guru.

Anyway, and he's wearing a nice jacket. Yeah, he's like the sensei. He taught them all their ninja moves. Okay, so he's Chinese.

No, he's Japanese. He's Japanese, right. He's Nisei, right, second generation Japanese. It looks like your rope.

Yeah, where do you get the rope? From some cool place in Japan. And then here above is the general Happy New Year. He's Chinese, because he's speaking Chinese.

And then this is a Latin American celebrity rat. El Ratoncito Perez. Wow. And then this...

They have the tooth fairy, and they have... Oh, right, the tooth fairy. Now, that's a little strange. If I was a kid, I would be afraid of a rat coming under my pillow.

I don't know. Anna, Miguel, you guys want to explain it. Los niños tienen miedo de este raton. Now, because the rat is...

It's bringing the money. Bringing the money. Okay, see, this is some sort of symbol of Republicans. They will deal with a rat, even if they're going to bite you

and disease you, but they're going to bring you money, right? You see, in his little basket, he's got the coins. Right, and the tooth. Very cute.

Sunshine, your art degree is paying off as my assistant. So the secret of NIMH... Oh, that was a movie in 1982. The Secret of NIMH.

All right, good. And this is a... He's just a plebeian rat. He's not famous.

Just like humans. He's in a trap. Or no, no, he's in a flip-flop. He's got a flip fetish.

A rat with a flip fetish, or a shoe fetish. Flip-flop fetish. He's in a flip-flop. I have a cop client with a flip-flop fetish.

I mean, that's already kind of a tongue twister. A flip-flop fetish. All right. Well, and now we come to one of the great heroes of our time.

A rat. A human rat. Who you may look like a rat. Lev Parnas.

Yay! Yay, Lev. We love Lev. Lev is ratting out the Trumpis.

A client of mine gave me this Trumpis doll. I think... It's a squeezy. And it's for people that either like Trump or don't like Trump.

I understand. Oh, I have a scissors, actually. But I'm not going to say which I am. You can kind of tell by the way I squeeze his face.

Anyway, he comes back to life. This is kind of a symbol of what Trump seems to do. No matter what you say, he just keeps springing back. Anyway, but our favorite rat of the moment, Lev,

has ratted out the Trumpis and everyone who is licking the Trumpis rumpus. This guy doesn't have a rumpus. He really gets a rat because he's got ears and a rat tail. Yeah, he has a little heart, nose.

He really is a rat. Definitely a rat. We talk about corruption in other countries. Oh, yeah.

We know the most corrupt country in the world. We certainly are. And maybe always have been. Always have been.

Yeah, but now Don. Now it's involved. The Khan mob boss is in charge. And everyone who's licking the Trumpis rumpus, including Rudy Giuliani,

is what we like to call him because he looks like Nosferatu. And Bob Barr, of course, and Pompeo, you know, the religious guy, actually says Bob Barr. They're both like super Christians and both cursing people out and stuff.

Devon the cow, Nunes speaking of an animal, and Jared Ivanka Jr., the whole Trump crime family, really. So that's what Lev is ratting out. I mean, everybody.

He's got pictures. He's got texts. He's got it all, you know, and including Don, the Khan mob boss ordering on Marie Yovanovich, the American ambassador to Ukraine,

which Pompeo doesn't think anyone can find on a map, ordering them to take her out. And I don't think they meant on a date. Right?

I don't think so. And you know, the media, which everyone says is so anti-Trump, but they really give him such benefit of the doubt by saying, oh, they mean fire her.

No. Take her out. You know what that means. You know, you who have had some experience with the mob.

Killer. That's the phrase he used when he was talking about the head of ISIS, when he killed him. He said, we took him out.

So when he says, take her out, well, you know what he means. And it's the year of the rat. And the Trumpis is being ratted out as the lying, corrupt, criminal, murderous, mobster, narcissist that he is in the

Senate impeachment hearings. Not that the Republican senators are actually hearing anything. It's funny they call it hearings. Yeah, they're not hearing anything.

But, you know, I don't agree with Adam Schiff on everything. I don't like the way he kind of characterized the assassination of Soleimani as, well, it's okay because he's such a bad guy. Like, what?

You know, it's an assassination. He just wanted them to tell the Congress first, which of course Trump didn't do. But Obama didn't do stuff like that either.

But I got to say, Adam Schiff is amazing in his delivery of this kind of little impeachment scenario, you know, and he's delivering it like an amazing professor really going through every step of the way and just smashing this guy.

Whoa, practically had a brain embolism there. Wow, this thing is insane. But the Trumpist lawyers, on the other hand, Jay Sokolow is a Jew for Jesus, which as a Jew,

I think I can say is the worst kind of Jew there is. I mean, not that there's any. Listen, in a way I'm a Jew for Jesus. I am Jewish and I love Jesus.

I think, you know, I especially love my Jesus Jackhammer. But I do love Jesus, just the one in the Bible that I'm holding the head of Jesus Jackhammer so that we can show it on Facebook and YouTube.

But he has a nice head. He does. You take my word for it. But yeah, Jesus in the Bible is fantastic.

But to be a Jew for Jesus is to be an idiot, basically. And that is what Jay Sokolow is, and he sucks. Sokolow, what was that? Your mic isn't on good.

Of course it's not. Do they say messianic? Yes, he's a messianic. That's what they call them.

That's terrible. Because they want to avoid calling them Jews for Jesus because they know that has a bad rep. So they now call it messianic Jews.

And really, we know what it is. Or messianic Christians or something. But it's still just basically about being for Israel and nothing else.

And then there's Pat Cipolloni. Okay, and Max, I've got to have you over here for this. Where's Max? Did he leave?

On the part with Pat Cipolloni. Oh my God. All right, I'll do it myself. You can do it.

I'm like this. I'm a Max now. So in Italian, Cipolloni means the big onion. That's right.

He stinks, basically, is what we're talking about here. And the strategy, deny, lie, obstruct, rinse, repeat. Deny, lie, obstruct, rinse, repeat. And Mitch McConnell and the Republicans are just eating it up

because they don't want their heads on a pike. That's right. That's what the White House supposedly, according to CBS, told all the Republican senators is,

you don't defend the Trumpus Rumpus and lick it good and your head's going to be on a pike. We don't know if it's true. CBS said it so.

But God did the Republican senators go nuts when Adam Schiff brought it up. So, you know, they all stink. All these senators that are not paying attention

and that just are going along with the mobster. But back to Chinese New Year since that music is relentless, isn't it? I think it's the same thing over and over again. Let's give a big kong-hey-fuck-joy to Judy Chu,

the first Chinese-American woman in the House of Representatives who represents Congress, who represents the 27th congressional district in California, which is where Bonoboville is.

We're not going to give you the location. It's in an undisclosed location. But we like Judy Chu. She voted for impeachment, of course.

And also a lot of other really good progressive bills and causes. So, kong-hey-fuck-joy, Judy Chu. And another kong-hey-fuck-joy to... Boy, I said it fast that time.

California Assemblyman Ed Chow born in Hong Kong, which is close enough for us. Another Democrat fighting for the people of the 49th district of the California Assembly.

And speaking of Democrats, before I get to my illustrious guess, I just want to mention that it is endorsement time. And the New York Times endorsed two candidates.

What? You can't make up your mind, New York Times. It just shows... I mean, I don't agree with Trump about hardly anything. But, yeah, New York Times.

Fake news, you know? Fucked up. Two candidates, you can't pick one. We only get one president.

Now, if we got two, okay. But we don't. So, you know, I would have been like, okay, if you basically said Liz Warren,

who I kind of like. I mean, I'm a Bernie bro, but Liz is my second choice. And I would have gone for that.

I know you can't possibly support Bernie. But why go for Klobuchar, who makes me want to vomit every time I see a comb, and not just because it's her favorite eating utensil?

That's right. She ate dinner with a comb once, because there wasn't a fork and she was hungry. Anyway, that's not the worst thing about her.

The worst thing about her is she should be running on the Republican ticket. She's no Democrat. She's certainly no progressive.

But a big thing is why to? I mean, even if you'd gone for Klobuchar, only I would have had more respect. But just going for two, you know, can't decide.

So, well, you know, speaking of endorsements, the counterbalance to the New York Times is Joe Rogan. You know who Joe Rogan is.

Joe Rogan, endorsing Bernie! Now, hello? Something just went off? Or are we on?

Am I on? What's going on? My stuff went off. But I'm still on?

Or not? Okay. I'm still on. Okay.

So, you know, I don't agree with a lot of what Joe Rogan says. Maybe most of what Joe Rogan says. Well, I don't agree with a lot,

but I do agree that Bernie is the best and the most authentic, as he said. And he certainly didn't pander to Joe Rogan in any way and to get his endorsement for Joe to say basically

that he's probably going to vote for him, which is great because he has a huge audience. But all of the Democratic establishment is very upset about this.

This is wrong, wrong, wrong, because Joe has said some, you know, things that we all disagree with. We've progressed, I guess,

although Joe is progressive about economics. But maybe he said some bad things about trans people. Yeah. He's said some negative things about women, for sure.

And people of all races, except white, probably. And so, yeah, he's a problematic sort of guy, you know. But I would do a show if he invited me. And, hey, he interviewed Abbey Martin,

who we love Abbey Martin. So, Elon Musk, I don't know. I mean, Elon Musk, okay. Hey, Elon Musk likes bonobos.

He said he loves bonobos. So, you know. So, Joe Rogan has some decent taste in politics. Anyway, it's nothing that you should reject.

You shouldn't reject. It's not like he's David Duke, okay. And, yeah, he's the idol of the incels. It's true.

Not the worst idol of the incels, actually. Not the worst. He doesn't preach hatred of women. And incels need love, too.

Incels need a way out of their parents' basement where they're plotting, you know, the end of the world. And they need the bonobo way. They really do.

Or else, you know, we're going to have four more years of Trump. So, because there's a lot more incels than you know. There's a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot.

And we try to help them, you know, when we can. Because Lord knows most feminists, and we are, sex-positive feminists, just want to throw them in the trash. You know, like you throw your back out.

I threw my back out. But I don't throw people out because it comes back to bite you. Like a rat, you know.

You throw all these incels out and then they pick up a gun and start shooting. So, we got to take care of them. You know, just like we have to take care of our veterans

who we send into these perm awards. And, okay, so just before I introduce my guests, I want to say thank you to the Glenny Awards. And the Glenny Awards gave me an award

for Best Sexologist, which is up there. Okay, thank you. Glen Klein and everybody at Sex in the Pews. And I also got another award, which is kind of strange, but funny.

The best moment on the Sex in the Pews. And best moment being when I said, but you're cutting off a piece of your baby boy's penis. Now, we have to put that in context.

I am talking there about male circumcision, which, even though I'm Jewish, I am against circumcision of babies. I think it's maybe not quite as bad as circumcision of girls,

but it is bad. It is child abuse. And anyway, that's what we were talking about on Sex in the Pews. We talked about a lot of things.

Great show. You should tune in. It's on Podbean. And you can also listen to the Dr. Susan Block show on Podbean

and a gazillion other podcast platforms. And you can give us a call if you want to talk Chinese New Year. So, we have some exciting guests tonight. And I'm very excited to have two Chinese comedians.

Wow. Hello, hello. You know, every bad thing has a silver lining. And the fact that you guys can't travel

because of this horrible coronavirus maybe means that you're on the show tonight. So, I'm excited to have Zio Nu and Sybil Jin. Hi.

Ni Hao. Ni Hao. Ni Hao. Ni Hao.

And Kung Hei Fat Choi. Now, you say it right. That's Cantonese. I speak Mandarin.

Oh, okay. But I can speak Mandarin version of it. Oh, well, it sounds sexier than what I said. Yeah.

Very nice. And the Cantonese version is Kung Hei Fat Choi. Also sounds sexier than what I said. But I tried, you know, and sometimes, you know,

that accent, you know, can be seductive. So, okay. So, I know Zio. Is that how you pronounce it?

Zio. Yeah. Like, Ni Hao, but Zio. Zio is like, it's actually a misspelled Zoe

when I was a kid. Oh. And she's got, you know, I just went with it. So, you were named Zoe?

No. We don't have English names. No? We invent ourselves.

Yeah. We pick a name for ourselves. Right. Sybil is not a Chinese name either.

No. No, okay. So, you picked your sort of American names or English names? Yeah.

I had a foreign language teacher, an American lady from Oklahoma. And she basically couldn't pronounce any Chinese names. Oh.

So, she just say, hey, you guys have to name yourself an English name that I can pronounce. So, I picked the last one from the dictionary, you know, appendix.

Zoe. And I just spelled it. And I think she was polite to not correct me. Because she, my thought, you know,

I wanted to do something creative. So, she didn't correct me. And I didn't know until like a few years later. Well, all right.

Well, I like Zio. It's original. I've never heard of anyone else named Zio. It's a steak, but thank you.

And I like Sybil. I mean, that's kind of a sexy, wild name. Who's Sybil is kind of has all the different personalities. Wasn't there a Sybil with a lot of personalities?

Yeah. It's like a kind of an old English name that I know. Yeah. I named myself from a character in Harry Potter.

So, that's how nerdy I am, I guess. Oh, okay. Doesn't get any nerder than that. Well, it's nerdy, but sort of Western nerdy.

Anyway, that's interesting. So, we're going to find out more about you guys and China and what's funny and what's sexy. But first, I want to introduce Mistress Erica.

Welcome back, Mistress Erica. Hello there. I'm very excited to see you. And you look gorgeous.

You want to stand up for my camera and show off your latex? Leopard and purple. Is that, that is latex?

This is latex. That is latex. Wow. I was trying to decide what look I was going to go for tonight

and I figured, you know, something latex. It blends in really well. Yes. Well, we're excited to have you.

We saw you at DomCon. That's correct. Right? And yet we haven't had you on the show for a while.

So, we're very excited to have you back. This is my first time here in the New Diggs. Right. The New Diggs.

The New Diggs. Is this your first time celebrating Chinese New Year? Have you done that before? Um...

Technically, I'm celebrating it from the core. Maybe yes, but you know, you're always observing it. Right. You know, it always comes up in confidence.

It comes up. Yeah. Chinese New Year. It comes up.

It comes up for us. It's a big thing, you know, because there's so many Chinese people and it's fun and it's got these animals, you know.

By the way, there's eight Chinese people watching right now. All right. I looked at the map. Oh, and China.

I looked at the map. We have a map that shows where people are watching. Actually, there could be more, but they're in different areas.

Well, they're in different areas. But on our particular... Eight people in China. Right now.

Not your relatives. Okay. Well, we don't know. Maybe they are.

There's one from Shanghai and then I came for now. It's the other one. But they're watching.

Happy New Year. What is it? Kung Hei Fa Choy. I'm not even going to try to butcher it.

Yeah. But I made you. Kung Hei Fa Choy. Wow.

Well, okay. So how's life for you, Mr. Sereca? Life has been grand. Life has been great.

And you're doming and subbing. You're switch and doing... Shooting scenes. And I did not go to the AVN this year.

No. That's why you're here. That's why I'm here. You know what?

I finished the year because I had done a few shoots and then I did... I was touring a little bit. I was in London for a little while

and then Vancouver. And then I returned to the Whistler Film Festival. Oh. And I had been there in like five years.

And I was pitching a screenplay that I wrote about my first year in the fetish industry. Cool. That was quite a trip.

Like a cool film. Who, who? So we do want to say hi, Ni Hao, to our friends at AVN.

And, you know, Kung Hei Fat Choi to Bai Ling, who's Chinese. And she's in Vegas.

I don't know if she's at the AVN or just celebrating Chinese New Year. She was here for the Christmas show. Do you know who Bai Ling is?

The actress. She was here a couple of weeks ago. She was here for Christmas. Yeah, the Christmas show.

Does she live here? Yeah. I think she lives in LA. But I mean, she travels a lot because,

I don't know. She does movies. She does appearances. I don't, I mean,

she goes to Vegas, but I think she actually lives in LA. Oh, that's cool. But she goes, travels around a lot.

And she's so much fun. And a very good actress. And she was one of Mal's dancers. Or, I don't know, from Mal.

Really, that must be a long time ago. Yeah, well, I don't want to age anybody. But yeah, yeah, I guess, you know, she performed in Tibet,

or around there. So, you know, interesting history. So how about you? When did you guys leave China?

And how long you been here? Are you living here now? Yeah, sure. I moved here in 2009.

Okay. Yeah, it's been a while, it's been a while. Okay.

And you are from, according to your Facebook, Taiwan? Is that like, the Taiwan?

No, it's another place. It's spelled differently. Shanxi Taiyuan. Taiyuan.

We should see a map of China and you could point out that. Oh, yeah. And you're from Enking?

Or Lamago? Anxing is a small town of 2 million people. In Anhui Province.

It is a small town. Small town for you. 2 million. 2 million is a small town in China.

Yeah. North Carolina. That's 40,000 people. Less than 40,000 people.

Because like cities like Wuhan, like where the coronavirus outbreak happens, it has 20 million. That's like a big city.

So my town is like a small town. Wow. Where Chinese has a small town. Yes.

And how long have you been here? Four years. Four years. Okay.

So a little less. And have you moved here? Yeah, I moved here. I live here now.

You live here. But is your family back there? I'm the only person from my family who actually lives here.

I think you have family here, right? Yeah. My mom's size are all here. Wow.

Okay, so I'm curious. I mean, stand-up's not popular in Asia, right? I started doing it when I was in Japan. So did you guys start doing stand-up there?

I started to do it in China. And China had a very small stand-up scene. Same thing in Japan. Probably like five years of history,

just in general. And I started to do that in Chinese. Then I moved here and I started to do it in English. Yeah.

Cool. So I think... You should take your glass before I kick it. Yeah.

So, cool. Well, so how do you guys celebrate Chinese New Year? Well, I actually... What's planning to go back this year...

Right. I actually bought a ticket and I packed my bags and everything. And then the thing is, when the coronavirus crisis happened first,

the local government was trying to cover it up. So they didn't really tell everybody how serious it is. And... I'm glad you said that.

Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no. That's fine.

That's common sense. Okay. Common sense. Yeah.

But then the number just went up and I have to... I have to have the layover over Shanghai, which is a huge city.

Right. How many people are there? I think more than 20. I think Beijing has 20, 30 million.

Shanghai is like the similar size. Wow. Like mega city. So I canceled my ticket

and my mom was super mad at first. Sorry, mom. And now she understands. Now she understands

if she can't even buy masks, it's out of stock. Oh, wow. Everywhere in China anymore.

Oh yeah, the mask thing. It's kind of sexy, but it's kind of annoying. Kind of annoying to have to wear it all the time.

Yeah. So I just... I ate express ramen noodles this year instead. Okay.

Ramen noodles. So... And what about you? How did you celebrate Chinese New Year?

Well, as for yesterday and today, I worked all day yesterday and I had wudong with some friends and played mafia with a bunch of strangers.

Okay, okay. That's a great way to celebrate. I know. I think we celebrate more than you guys.

But okay, okay. Now I don't mean to be politically incorrect or like culturally appropriating or something. What comedians, come on.

Yeah, right. Oh, okay, great. No, I know. By China, I don't know.

But yeah, I mean, I'm into it. I like these little animals because I believe humans are animals, what we are,

and so it's good to get in touch with our animal nature. And I really like bonobos and they are the closest non-human animal to human. But other animals,

if we follow their movements and their character, we can learn something. We think we're the smartest animal

and of course we're causing the end of the world. So I don't know how smart that is. Maybe the other animals have something to teach us. What do you think about the rat?

I mean, I actually love the rat because of, you know, we have... Because of Lev Parnas. Tell me.

No, no, no. There's a very famous Chinese children's book writer called Zheng Yanjie and his most famous long-form story

is about two rats adventure. I didn't put him on this board. You mean to tell me? Yeah, it's called Shuka and Beta.

One is a pilot of a helicopter and one operates a tank. And they're like, you know, best friends and they explore the world.

So I grew up reading that story. Right. So I love rats and even my mom was...

There's rats in my house. My mom tried to catch one because they're stealing the rice from my house. And I would try to send them away.

My mom would be mad, you know? You didn't make one a pet or anything? No, I really wanted to. We had a dog living with us

who had a pet rat. It was interesting. I mean, I like Mickey Mouse, right? Is he a rat?

No, he's a mouse. Oh, what's the difference? Well, it's kind of similar. A Minnie Mouse, very...

I mean, they're kind of... Oh, yeah, Jerry. I couldn't figure out. I was trying to...

I was actually, for this board, I was researching. Is Jerry a mouse or a rat? I never drew a picture.

There's a difference because in China, shu just means generally can... you can mean mouse or rat.

It's the same thing. I think it's... I think maybe it's the same as rat. I think the thing is,

the rats have this tail that's like pink and like got the little... like, okay, this is a rat tail.

But a mouse has a little cute tail and mice are smaller. I think... So what do you think about a rat

as like a lover? I mean, you know, don't they all have different love-making styles,

all the different animal types? Pretty sure they are good at pro-create because there are a lot of them. There are a lot of them.

Right, right, right. Just like Chinese people. Chinese people do a lot of pro-creating. Right, right.

Haven't you guys learned about recreational sex? Walk through this porn, I guess. Yeah.

And now speaking of which, I mean, what's the best Chinese porn? Is there...

There is no legal Chinese porn. No legal. So I didn't ask about that. So we watched Japanese porn.

Oh, okay, okay. So we were looking similar, you know, people don't complain about that. Really, really, okay.

And I sit in your chair. I'm scared. Sit in your chair. Yeah, just don't sit on Jesus.

No, I'm not gonna... I would move Jesus. No, it's okay. You can sit there.

Go ahead. Sit in my chair. What about you? Put on my bow.

How did you learn recreational sex? Oh, shit. We're actually close friends, but I've never asked questions.

No, it's just a good place to ask. Yeah, how I learned recreational sex. How did you get to sex education since there is none?

Okay, so this is kind of embarrassing. Probably not in this house, but you know how some girls are into watching gay porn?

That's how I started. Oh, okay. And where did you find it? I mean, in China?

Yeah, we had... Before there was VPN, before they blocked everything, I could...

Before they blocked everything. And even now, I would imagine you could get a pirate connection of some sort, if you really wanted to.

No, it's all VPN. They can get everything, I think. Okay. When I was in Japan, Japanese porn,

they blur out all the penises. Is that the same thing? They blur their faces. Actually, their presence of that

does not have the blur thing. Oh, you have to? You have to have to do it and get that? Yeah, they have to do categories and everything.

They blur the genitalia. I should have washed porn with you. I used to trip out. I would look at it and they would show

these Bukake videos. It would be like a woman doing the news and she's fully closed and the guys would come up and do it and their genitals were pixelated.

But you see the sperm. But you can see the sperm. The sperm. You see her face cover the sperm.

Somebody sneezed all over her. They shoot on their clothes too. For some porn levels, it's all about sperm. I guess if it's all about the genitals,

you don't want to watch Japanese porn or Chinese porn. You don't even get to see that. What's the closest thing to porn in China?

What is the closest thing in porn? It's like our department store catalog of bras and stuff. Max used to masturbate to the Sears catalog

when he was a kid in the 50s. I think my grandma did too. I used the Sears catalog. Similar.

Underwear is sexy. Longer. Longer. In Chinese history

and my limited understanding of it, there is quite a lot of sex education, such as the pillow books from way back when.

They would give these two married couples, but other people could probably get a hold of them. They would have all these different positions, kind of like the Kamasutra.

Beautiful pillow books. We were almost going to do the pillow book for America. We decided to call it the Ten Commandments of Pleasure instead to make it more American.

We were going to make it a pillow book. There's the Ten Commandments of Pleasure. It was definitely the Ten Commandments of Pleasure was inspired by the Japanese and Chinese pillow books.

Maybe it has their own version of it too. Well, Kamasutra is basically that. I always think that a lot of times people feel that their culture

or some other culture is totally puritanical, but then if you kind of play around a bit, you find out that there's quite a lot of sex going on. A lot of the novels and fictions from the 17th century

are all about sex adventures and stuff. Like housewives cheating on their husband with monks. Monks is a really big sex symbol. A monk?

Yeah. A monk like a religious monk at a Buddhist monastery. Because of the taboo. Where's my Buddha?

I have a Buddha right here, but it's a dildo. I mean, does that matter? He looks like a Buddha,

and he actually could be shown on Facebook even. Because it's... A sculpture. Well, I mean, you know, his balls are in the back.

So, I mean, I'll show you his balls. There you go. Facebook, you don't get to see his balls, but this is the Buddha right here.

And he's rather large, implying there's quite some Kegel exercises. And it's made by divine interventions, who also made the Jesus jackhammer.

So, there's a lot of Buddhists in China, aren't there? Yes, I think my grandparents... My grandma is a Buddhist. A lot.

There are a lot of Buddhists. Christianity is growing really fast. Do you identify with any religion? I'm the atheist.

You're an atheist. Okay, that's cool, that's cool. But you don't feel like you're ethnically anything religious? No, I mean, I understand it.

I read the Bible. I read some sutra of Buddhism. But I'd rather read it in the form of studying it. Literature.

Yeah. To understand different cultures more. Sure, sure. But just like internally, I don't really identify with it.

You know how you identify internally with the Buddha? I'm bad. Okay, how about you? Are you Buddhist or atheist or Christian or Jewish?

There are some Jews in China. I mean, there are. Not bad. I would say I'm kind of an atheist.

Kind of. Agnostic. Yeah, agnostic. More like, yeah.

My whole family were... They were Buddhist, but now they're Christians. It's kind of like... Linking membership.

Linking membership. Yeah, in America because it's just, you know, it's easier for them to get around. Right, right.

It is, Christian is like a calling card in a way. Yeah, it's like having a credit card to be Christian in a way. But, you know, and then again, there's your roots and what you believe.

So, now, I had a guest that brought me Chinese aphrodisiacs that I was using for a while. I don't know if they really worked. He told me...

She's curious. Her face, she's like, can I try? This was Mel Gordon, Professor Mel Gordon, who gave me these Chinese aphrodisiacs

and said they were made of, speaking of dildos, dog dick, antelope dick, and some other kind of dick. Thank you.

Well, yeah, because I, you know, they were so much fun and everybody seemed to get off on them, but, of course, everyone was drinking and smoking pot. So, probably that's why they were getting...

It's not pot, though. Yeah, but they, you know, they seemed to enjoy them. So, I went to the Chinese market and I found them and they are a variety of herbs.

But still, they are considered an aphrodisiac. Do you know about Chinese aphrodisiacs at all? What does aphrodisiac mean? It's something you take to make you horny.

Oh! Like aphrodite, the goddess of love. I actually have a very interesting story, because I used to be a journalist in China, right?

Chinese people are very into eating dicks, you know, like... They're into eating dicks. Not all of us, but there is some rhetoric. You're not talking about fellatio.

No, no, no, like eating chewing. Because we believe something stupid, I think personally something stupid. So, whatever part of the animal you eat

is good for whatever part of your body. The eye is good for your eye. Eat a dick, right? Your dick is going to be strong.

Eat a dick so you can grow a penis. Guys do that. And they say women, you can't eat that, otherwise you would become like a man.

You would get it. It might be a way to be trans. There are only many dicks in China. So, there is like this chain restaurant.

Do women eat like pussycats? No, no, no. I think like cow vagina. Oysters.

Oysters. Oh, yeah, that's what that is. Cow vagina. Yeah, cow's happiness.

Yeah, cow's happiness. Yeah. So, okay, if you leave the cow vagina, then what happens to you?

I don't know, they're recreational eaters. It probably tastes like tongue. They eat it for the sake of eating some weird stuff. Yeah, I'd be curious how that tastes.

I might even try it. So, I went to this restaurant to do the story that they actually have a hotpot of like 10 different kind of animal penises

and eight different kind of testicles. And, you know, and like Chinese people, especially the people with social status, government officials or whatever.

Eat in a way. They would go there and they'd have this. It's like $300 per hotpot. It's really expensive.

For a penis? Yeah, to eat a penis. So, this is not like the peasantry that believes this stuff.

It's higher up. No, they can afford it more like. Oh, the delicacy. Celebrities, I guess?

No, just people who want to have a better dick, I guess. A better dick. See, that's how we're supposed to celebrate Chinese New Year. But we couldn't afford it.

But, you know, in the West, people used to really be into eating mandrakes, which you pulled out of the ground and they were like, they would,

that was an aphrodisiac. But I don't think anything is an aphrodisiac except alcohol. And maybe it's drugs. Oysters, right? Oysters are supposed to be.

Yeah, they're like a lot of them. No, that's it, I believe it. I'm just saying. Oysters have zinc, which is good for you. And I love oysters.

And they do, you know what oysters? They have that slurpy like feeling of like a pussy. It's like when you, you know, like you're slipping up a cold pussy.

I think I enjoyed pussy more than oysters. Really? You haven't had the right oysters. Okay, maybe had the right pussy. Yeah, it sounds like you had some good pussy though, yeah.

Maybe you got lucky. Now, speaking of eating pussy. Oh, maybe they should say something in Chinese. Okay.

But remind me, speaking of eating pussy. Go ahead. Say something in Chinese to our viewers. Say something in Chinese?

Say about eating pussy. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Did you just say eat my pussy?

Well, I have somebody who's dedicated to that job. Oh, okay. If I ever break up with him, you know, you're welcome to, yeah. It's weird, like we don't ever say that in Chinese.

I don't even know how to say that. You don't even know. We don't eat my pussy. How do you say that? You can't even say that.

You don't say that. Yes, grammatically you can say it, but it will be something that's never been said before. Well, your job is, you know,

journalist in the world for the Dr. Susan Block show is to find out how you say eat my pussy in Chinese. Come back when you're back on the show.

How would I say it? You're making me blush. How do you say pussy, like not vagina? Japanese?

You could say vagina. It sounds really vulgar. It sounds not just vulgar, it sounds offensive to your soul. It sounds like cunt.

Yeah, cunt. I don't find the word cunt offensive. I think it's an old English word. I mean I understand that some people do find it offensive

and fuck you. No, I mean, I'm sorry to, you can always change the channel and it is an old English word.

It shouldn't be considered an insult. That's what I don't like, is people calling people cunt in order to insult them.

Or pussy, they use that too. And I think that's wrong. I don't like that. What about this? Because that insults to call someone a dick?

Wow. It's a compliment to say you have some balls. Yeah, to call someone a dick is not the worst thing. It's almost a compliment.

It's like saying you're kind of a bastard. That's just not bad enough. Like calling someone a pussy is sort of considered to be a sissy.

I mean, I love sissies. But on the other hand, I don't think it's nice to call people that kind of thing when they haven't come out as wanting to be that.

It's an insult. So don't insult people with sexual terms. I think that that's what the bottom line is. And I'll try not to call people dicks.

I don't usually call them dicks. I usually call them assholes. Or for Trump, especially, I call him a shithole because that's what he called all those African countries.

Okay, so you want to say something? You both said it. What's your favorite joke in Chinese? Oh, shit.

His favorite joke in Chinese. Do you want me to say that in Chinese or English? Say it in both. Because we don't know what you're going to say.

Dude, joke. Okay, I'll say it in English. It's actually a story tied into the whole pornography and monk thing.

Okay, okay, yeah. I don't know if it really happened in the past or just to hearsay, but apparently there's a place, right?

And women go to the local temple to pray to have a kid. And a lot of people who have a problem having kids... Sure, fertility.

Better than a fertility clinic, probably. And back in the days, this is Asian China. Women can't really get in contact with men who are not their family members.

So the only strangers will be monks. Oh, the monk comes out to do the girl. So they will go to the temple and then they'll go back and they are pregnant.

And the words get on the street and say, well, this temple really works. You go there and you don't have a baby. Now you have a baby.

And later they find out they were spending night in the temple. With that charitable monk. To build the power of Buddha.

Good for those monks. So the monks were really fertile, but the husbands were not that fertile? Yeah.

That's essentially the thing. And it's really like, it's a sexist country. Back in the days. So men, even if they're infertile,

they don't want to admit it. It's your problem. It's the wife's problem. The wife goes back and says, no.

It's fixed. It's Buddha, Buddha's problem. Yeah, good for Buddha. They beat him at their own game.

Buddha, you know how to do it. Yeah, you got some hot monks there. All right. Well, you know, I'm going to tell this little story

that is a legend, but has a little basis in history in that it's about the Empress Wu Hu, who was a real empress in China.

And I mean, she got there because her husband was the emperor and he died. Some people say she killed him, but she certainly is famous for

killing some people that she didn't like. Poisoning, I think was her favorite way. But she is, she did hold on to power, which was very unusual.

This was like the Middle Ages or something. And she would have a certain hierarchy of how nobles would pay her honor, which is the lowest would come and kneel at her feet.

And then the higher noblemen, I guess would mostly be men, would get to kiss her feet. And then a little higher,

and maybe they'd get to kiss a little higher. And then if they were very high, she would open up her robes and they would get to eat her puse.

Nice. She also shares the same sex partner with her daughter. There you go. So that's another legend,

or maybe her daughter is also pretty sexually active. In terms of sex partners, yeah. So she was a real character and yet there are these legends

and maybe they were true too. Oh, they were definitely true. All right, I'm glad you knew that. They were like serious history books

backed it up, you know. So she'd share lovers with her daughter. She knows. I've been doing history.

Okay, so you know all about woo-hoo. I figure that's what she said when they were eating robes. Woo-hoo, baby.

Yeah. She's the Mary Antoinette kind of character. Right. Right, right, right.

Well, you know, Marie, poor Marie. So I guess she got killed somehow. She committed suicide after she lost power. Oh, well.

Because I think she poisoned her husband and her son to get the throne. And then she got it. Right.

Yeah, she's quite like a dictator or whatever. Yeah. And then she got overthrown. She and her daughter both committed suicide.

Whoa. Yeah. So I guess there was a lot of that going on. You know, she wasn't just because she was a woman.

It wasn't she was like a bitch. I think that a lot of the emperors and their friends did a lot of this poisoning stuff. Yeah, you got to kill a person or two to get the power.

Well, now you're starting to sound like Trump. But yeah, I mean. But that's 2000 years ago. Yeah, that's right.

That's right. We should have learned something since then. Be more bonobo, right? I mean, I try to practice the bonobo way.

Peace through pleasure. You know about bonobos a little bit? Yeah. Yeah.

I think they say hello by having sex, basically. Basically, yes. That's the bonobo handshake. They grab each other's genitals.

That's why they're chill. Yeah. Yeah. They're satisfied.

And the females are in charge. Maybe they're all woohoo, but they don't poison each other because they never kill each other. Bonobos don't kill each other in the wild or captivity.

They are the make love, not war chimpanzees. They're more involved in that. But before I found bonobos, I really liked pandas. Oh, they're the best.

They're so cute. Yeah. They're very cute. Of course.

There's one near two in San Diego Zoo. Yeah. I've been waiting in line for two hours. I think we had to return two of them, too.

Yeah. It's a rental. Yeah. It's a rental deal.

It is from the Chinese government. Okay. Good to see you. You want to rent out pandas?

Yeah. It's a sheep, biving. So cute. She was asking if we ever seen pandas in the wild.

Is that what you're in the wild? I mean, I don't know. I assume they're in a certain spot where you can't see them? I don't live in the wild.

No, I don't know. You don't see them on the street because they're, like, endangered. So the only chance you see it is in the lab or in the zoo. The same trash pandas.

And people like pandas so much, I saw on the internet a picture of these girls with dogs died, their hair died, to look like pandas. Yeah.

It's like a fashionable thing, I guess, in China. That's what it looks like. To dye the hair your dog. They're very cute.

I mean, the Kardashians could do something like that. They might eat them afterwards. Yeah? What?

Kidding. They what? They might eat them afterwards. No, now, wait a second.

The whole eating of dog, I got to find out about that because I have seen pictures of Chinese people eating bats and I'm not putting that down. But dogs?

Yeah. It's original. It's not, it's certainly not like a common thing. Yeah.

Again for recreational eaters. Yeah. Only, but there's a place. Have you ever eaten a dog?

No. No, no, no. I think my family member has. Once, you know, just snakes, donkey before.

Donkey. I did too. Donkey's good. Donkey's tasty.

Donkey sandwich. I think I had said donkey. I don't know if it was good. I think it was beef jerky or something.

Beef jerky, donkey. Donkey, jerky. Where did we get that somewhere, Max? We got beef jerky, a donkey.

Donkey. Whenever anybody eats a burrito, I say little baby donkey. Donkey sandwich is really popular. Chinese breakfast.

So how about kink? How about kink in China is, I mean, you say the porn is pretty much almost non-existent. But what about.

People watch it just illegally. It's like smoking weed back in the days. Like you don't have dungeons or like. I'm sure there is.

Yeah. I'm sure there are dungeons. I was going to answer that question. I mean, we don't.

Yeah. What did you do? Speaking of like underground brothels, there's one, God. Now they're tracking everybody who got the coronavirus.

Like what have you done? Where did you go? So contact everybody. Oh, they're trying to find out about the brothels.

Yeah. Make sure it doesn't spread. So the right reports about everybody's like itinerary. So this guy's the report writes like this, you know, he took this

train and he got to the city. He went to the brothel. He's got a hooker. He went to the brothel.

And he spent a night and then Max said he took another tray, you know, so. Okay. So they're underground brothels.

So blame it on the hooker. No. I mean, it spreads all different ways. But it's a sex worker.

I know. Right. They have to take the blood for it. Wow.

So, but we did hear about strippers and funerals. Okay. Yeah. Is that for real?

Regional. Yeah. Regional. Yeah.

So you guys, I mean, we talk about Chinese being prudish, but I'm sorry. Here in America, I've never heard of strippers and funerals.

Yeah. But when the perf dies, you know, right? No, I'm thinking it's a great idea. I wouldn't mind having a funeral stripper at my

funeral. I'd rather see them while I'm alive. Yeah. I kind of think they should come into the hospital

room maybe and kind of help out the patient. Like Susie's Angel, you're dying. Yeah. We're thinking about that.

You get your last, you know, massage. Yeah. Happy endings. Like when you're dying, it's happy endings.

Some places use strippers. As bridesmaids. Bridesmaids. Because there's a very bad tradition in

China is that all the man and male guests of a wedding would like mess with the bridesmaid and sometimes it can get really grabby. Ooh.

That sounds like here. Like sexual harassment, like real sexual harassment. Oh, yeah.

So, yeah, so to prevent that from happening but also keep the tradition, some weddings would just hire, you know, like a sex worker.

You know what? I think that's a really good idea. Yeah. I mean, I think that's actually brilliant.

I kind of wonder if we shouldn't do that in offices and stuff, you know, so. Oh, that's a great idea. You know, I mean, there should be, like, sex

workers hired for all kinds of venues where guys get grabby and they can grab the sex workers who are, you know. Yeah, but I think they should be paying.

Well, of course they're paying. Well, no, but if I get a stripper, I can grab you because you're here. It's like, um, yeah.

Well, they have to identify. We have to work on this. We have to get a protocol. We like to get them when they're dying.

They don't move. Well, that's a whole other thing. Yeah. They come in like the priest.

Well, we kind of feel like there just needs to be more, you know, in general here in America and there just needs to be legalization, decriminalization,

de-stigmatization, and subsidization. De-escalation. Subsidizing, you know. Bernie, you listening?

Is it only legal in Nevada? Yeah, and it's very limited in how it's legal. It's legal in brothels only. It's technically not legal to be

an independent sex worker, which, you know, kind of sucks for independent women, you know. So, but yeah, at least they do

have the legal brothels. How did it come about? Like, why does Nevada happen? Well, it's kind of a Wild West

type of thing, I guess. And also the fact that casinos are all legal there. Gambling is legal. But they can only be in trailers.

Right. They have these weird rules. Like, you can't build a thing. You have to put it in a trailer.

And technically it's not legal in Vegas itself. Yeah. You have to go out to, like,

Carson City, Nevada is where our old, late friend, Dennis Hoff,

before he became a Republican, he was our friend. The Bunny Ranch guy? The Bunny Ranch guy. Then, after he became a Republican,

he actually won the state assembly election and then died. Then died.

He died? I watched that interview. I think it was whoo-hoo that poisoned him. I'm not sure. But I think the American version

of that might have happened. Or the black hair girl. Something. Suspects.

Something. Some kind of hanky-panky in that way. I just think that the Republican party of Nevada didn't want

Dennis Hoff as their representative, even though the people did. Why wouldn't want? Because he's a brothel owner.

It's like a slap in the face. Like, what's the real difference between a politician and a brothel owner? Seriously.

Well, exactly. I would say that the brothel owner is more honest. That most of our politicians

is what I say. At least you know the deal. You know the deal. And they're fucking you directly.

You know what you're going to get. You're not getting fucked. You're fucking. Or something like that.

You're fucking. Not getting screwed. Okay. So anyway,

sorry, Judy Chu, if you're still watching the show. Congresswoman. But yeah,

I do use vulgarities. And... What are you working at? I don't know.

I want to talk about China. Well, actually, I have a segue here. And I got permission to use this as a segue. Which is that you were saying a little earlier

that you were kind of interested in BDSM and mistressing and dominating.

And so we have an expert in domination, right here. A sexpert. She's also a sexpert in all which ways.

But, you know, certainly in her DOM mode, she could educate you a little bit.

Do you have a question? Hmm. Do you prepare a lesson right now? Oh yeah.

Let's turn her mic on. I'm not getting anything on here. Yes, you are. Don't you worry, girl.

There you go. Question. Oh, holy shit. I didn't think of any questions.

Well, if you were going to train a, you know, a wannabe dominatrix, an apprentice, have you ever done that?

Have you ever trained anyone? And her mic just went out again. There it is. But now it's back.

Did you change the batteries? It's off again. What's going on here? You have mine?

Okay, let me try this one. Much better. Watch your sound. Okay, so you're coming to me.

And you want to be a DOM. Yes. She's already got the DOM tone. I'm getting the tone, yeah.

From a classical standpoint, I would say you would be a sub for a while. You would work your way.

And you would learn the feel of, you know, what it's all about. So I would be topping you. I would be taking you through different

so you could learn, you know, whether it's impact play, whether I'm, you know, teaching you how to play,

how to do a robe scene or, you know, needle scene. Wow, needles. Okay, wait, is this just to teach her?

Or is this just to get off you? No, it's something that they have to learn. You know, I went through it. And I had a really interesting

path to get there. And I never thought I would be a DOM or anything like that. I mean, it came at a later time,

but I always knew I had the capacity. I had a girlfriend who was one and she would take me along on sessions. And at the time, I was more

or less a civilian. And I would go up, there was this one. It was in the Hollywood Hills. And this French woman

owned the dungeon and my girlfriend would rent it. So this one guy had a national commercial going on at the time.

And this is going back to, like, say, 2002. And I'm watching it through this two-way mirror just, like, tripping out.

And then I came in and she put me in some, you know, like, leather and the guy was in the golden showers. So what happened was

this particular dungeon had, like, this jungle gym so you climb up there and he's sitting down here, Indian style,

blindfolded. And we just climb up there and make lemonade and... Make lemonade!

Yeah, awesome. Whoa. Yeah. You gave it to him.

We make it to him. Were you nervous? Did it take you a while before you could let loose? You know, it was kind of like

because, again, it was newer and I'd seen maybe a few other BDSM scenes and I think the first time that I ever saw a really full-on BDSM scene was maybe

1995 and it freaked me the fuck out at that time. And I've always said

BDSM is kind of like classical jazz or Chinese arithmetic. You kind of have to learn it to understand it.

You know what I mean? Yeah. And so I think learning and subbing of an experience

being mentored by an experienced DOM that's a good part to it. I think also working in a house has a lot to do with them.

A former house DOM myself and a former what, I'm sorry? I worked in an actual

commercial dungeon which we call working in a house and from there everything really evolved.

Where are you originally from? Ask me over here. Where are you originally from? Oh, I'm right here.

Originally I'm from Virginia in the East Coast and then I've grew up all around. I lived in Toronto for many years and lived in Amsterdam for a while.

Wow. Very international. Were you in Amsterdam like in the red light

district? I've spent a little bit of time there. I lived in Amsterdam which is a suburb.

Are you Dutch? My dad was from there. I have the whole lineage that's going on.

It's working. The Dutch were great international traders. Like the Chinese. Like the Chinese.

There's something in common there. Are you ready for the lemon juice shower? Oh yeah.

I do want to do a demo of something or other but maybe not the lemon juice shower

because the only way I would do that is if Donald Trump was lying down there in the flesh. Get some plastic on the floor

so we don't make a mess here. Okay, we can hear her. Her mic is not working. Okay.

So all I hear is barking. Hello? Okay, now it's working. For a little bit. There you go. So you were volunteering your body?

Not for P, though. No P. I don't know you can tie us up or you could...

I can pull you up. I can pull you up. Wow. A partner to be tied up to.

Would you like to volunteer? Would you want to be tied up? You could say no but you could say yes

or do we have a rope? Do we have any rope? Yes. Oh, back here.

Look at that. We even have it beautifully kind of

woven. This is the perfect Chinese New Year rope. Possibly.

It's totally going... Yeah, that's Irish. Save that for

St. Patrick's Day. This is a good rope. So have you ever been tied up

either of you? I'm not into it. I guess. Yeah, at some point, yeah.

At some point you were. That's why I volunteered her. Was it consensual? No, actually

I was once tied up non-consensually. There was someone who broke into my place and Max saved my life. He was going to kill me.

That's right. That's an insane story. That's why I tell you guys don't give out the address.

Yeah, we're very, very careful because people love sex, but they have their opinions.

Sometimes they think they should take matters into their hands and their hands are violent, not bonobo. So

we're very careful. We are broadcasting from an undisclosed location and we love you all. We love you, even you

messed up people. But we're not inviting you here. You messed up people, that's all. You can call us on the phone

and that would be fine or right to us. But you can't come here if you're messed up. So yeah, so you could tie up Sunshine.

I have a bad back right now. I threw my back out. You can't supervise. I can supervise as usual.

But I'm wondering if either of you would like to be tied up with Sunshine. I'm okay. what do you want to do?

You're the one doing it. I was going to do a little bit of flogging and maybe a little bit of rope work

and maybe I'll improv a little rope here. Sunshine does not like to be hurt. Yeah, this thing. You got to be really into it.

Right, so that's why we were thinking of the bondage. My nipples are the biggest thing. I don't want people. The biggest thing. Now we want to see them.

No, they're not. They're not big, but they're just sensitive. I don't want you. No nimble claims.

Madame Patal decided to bite my nipple when we did the Nobleville Communion. I was not happy about that.

We love you, madams. I love her, but I didn't like her biting. I was like, did you bite my nipple? And she was like, don't bite my nipple.

Oh, okay. Don't bite her nipple. No nipple biting. No nipple biting.

I think spanking is okay. Spanking is okay. And over the knees, spanking, maybe? Just don't let me break your ass.

Simple. Yeah. I don't know if you have a deer skin, leather, flogger.

I have some bull leather floggers right now. Bull leather might be a little rough. She slipped into a really sexy voice to say that. She has different voices.

Okay, well, let's have a feel of the bull. But I mean, like, do you want to use the rope? Sure. See what I can do.

The last rope scene I did, I was the bottom. Right. And I was doing it at Torture Guard in London. Well, I can tell you have funny and wacky.

If you wanted to. You'd have to strip down. What are you guys doing? Well, no.

Well, we were going to have Sunshine tied up. And she was going to do a little mild whipping. Whipping.

A little demonstration. Mostly we're demonstrating attitude for our other guests who are interested in this.

Are you interested? You're interested? You're not interested in doing it, I could tell. You hesitated a lot.

Yeah. In public. And she knows how to say no, because her name is practically no.

It's Zio, which is close to Nio, which is close to no. So she said no, okay. Because, you know, people are watching in China.

And I guess that that's, you know, a concern. So you can do this as a demo. Okay.

And you can watch and ask questions. Because you're a journalist. Well, more than absurd, you can ask questions. So, okay.

So you want to come up here? Get out of my chair. This is art. I've always said rope is probably the most artistic thing.

It's very... I will give you the rope. We don't have a camera. Someone should take him.

Who's the third camera? Okay. Well, I'll hold your mic, but I should... You know what? I'm going to sit right down with you.

Okay, yeah. Oh, okay. So we have to do a quick, quick thing. We're not doing Bonobo-Vilken Union because we don't have time.

All right. So come on a little closer. Come on up here. Come on, yeah. I mean, you could sit...

Where could they sit? They could sit here and here. So you're not all the way back there, right here. It's good.

Okay, so how are you feeling, Sunshine? Nervous like Elizabeth. Excited, nervous. What is she doing?

She's unraveling the rope is what she's doing. Okay, okay, okay. Okay. So we're going to have a little

rope bondage and we had someone here Sarah Vibes who did bondage.

Yes, that was fun. She tied her up and massaged her. Isn't that interesting? There's a lot you can do in kink.

It's not all about pain and lemon showers. This is so true. I've always said that I'm more of a

sensual dom than a sadist even though I can be quite a sadist. I'm sure you can. But you know what, I play many different roles as well.

Just don't poison us like Empress Woohoo. Okay, so here we go. Poison's never really been my thing.

So now we've got the rope. We're untying the rope. Have you ever observed a

dominatrix? No, actually this is completely new to me. Oh, okay. Never in real life.

So there's not one working dungeon in China? No. I was a minor back then.

So that would be possible. I think it's a good thing for Chinese New Year because you're supposed to have fireworks.

Yes. Does that mean sex for you guys fireworks? I equate fireworks with sex. But I have a dirty mind.

It's a light to a fire kind of reference. Orgasm, fireworks. Do they have strip clubs in China?

They have something close. And that was shut down. Brought on. Brought on.

Brought on strip clubs. But, okay. They have like, it's mostly in like

secret karaoke places. Or like, yeah. I tell you, this is one of the reasons

that China has so many people is because there's not enough recreational sex. A lot of recreational sex.

So they got to have the regular sex. Regular meaning intercourse which leads to babies.

But I love the way the Chinese wear pajamas all the time. Not all the time. But on the weekends I was looking at, anyway the internet told me that.

And actually we see them in this area because there's a lot of Chinese people that live in the Bonoboville area. And they

walk around on the weekend in their pajamas literally. I just think it's great. I do that.

I don't go out shopping in them. But they do. And I think that's brilliant. Okay. Here we go.

Oh, around her neck. Wow. And around under the boobs.

Boop frame. Okay. You're going to what? Yes. Well that's what it's all about.

You know. I haven't done a real robe scene as a top in maybe eight or nine months. Okay.

Just a little bit of rope. And then a little bit of spanking lightly. And we're good. Yes.

So what are my questions? I actually just thought of a question. Do male domes start

as a sub before they do it? Sorry. I know a lot of male domes are going to want to kill me. But I think a lot of male domes

are inflamed in their male egos. That's what I say.

That's what I say. I'm saying it right here on the show. More than the female domes. I think what it is is

when it comes to male domes because they're a male or a man they're going to say, oh I'm a dom.

Automatically I'm a dom. And I say, well have you ever bought them before? And they're like, no I don't

I'm a dom. And I'm like, well you know what how the fuck do you know what you're doing? How can you take me to where I want to go

if you've never been there? That's my question. That's interesting. How can you take me

to where you want to go if you've never been there? Exactly. There's so many aspects

about BDSM people don't understand it. It's kind of like let me sum it up to you

it's an endorphin rush. You know like when you're when you're doing

what we call impact play whether it's spanking, whether it's whips whether it's flogging and whatnot I think what it is is that

it builds up and from the pain comes endorphins. There's good pain, there's bad pain

I mean I've done some stage shows where I'm like I'm in this like zone it's called subspace

and when you're in subspace you are in an altered state you're enjoying yourself you're having a good time

There's a lot to this but now when she's talking she can't be timed but that's a good question

that was a good question and of course we have no men here to defend themselves guys we know some of you are subs before your doms

but I think you know Mr. Sarrick is right that there's a lot of guys that you know they want a dom and they don't want to do the apprenticeship

but then there's a lot of other guys that are just submissive who go to dominatrix's whether you know or go to

male doms if that's what they're into but more often I guess female doms at least first this is very creative

look at how she's very creative, different like artwork, right? also why do male doms

in most kinking ponds why are they so ugly? okay okay I can answer that

because they have big penises and that's the main quality that they're looking for and before Viagra

and maybe since you're watching porn that's probably fairly old in China so it's stuff that was done before Viagra

and before Viagra it took a very special kind of guy to be able to have sex on camera

to be able to do it with all these people around hot lights a woman that you may or may not be so attracted to and fluff girls

are pretty much a legend not really that present and so it took a special kind of guy

to be able to come on command the command of the director not your partner but the director says

okay now we're going to do the cum shot and you've got to be able to do it and even now that's difficult Viagra doesn't help you to do that

you have to be able it's a skill to be able to come on command that some guys can do and if they're ugly

I mean mostly they're not showing the guy, they're showing the penis now that being said that's kind of stuff

that's for the male gays but that's why you like watching gay porn because they're better looking

they're so hot and they're not afraid of buttholes that's why I think Bill Margold said it best

when he said that the male penis is like a prop you know during the scene yeah

but it's a very important prop it's a very important prop okay so I've only got a couple minutes so now you're all tied up

except your arms, how do you feel okay and what do you call this, what is this design

just something I improved because I didn't know but I mean sometimes you know do a few diamonds

right but you can't really spank her like this no you know what yeah that's true I can't

you could kinda turn her over but it would take a lot of skill that'd be a little rough but I think we're almost out of time anyway

so you're better untired and we can just give her a little spank goodbye so in the meantime

small spank right because we know you have sensitive feelings sensitive

yes okay so let me just look at my notes to make sure I did everything and I want to know

where can we reach you yeah you can reach me on Instagram

and my Instagram is at sivsivjinjin it's spelled S-I-B S-I-B-J-I-N

J-I-N alright what about upcoming shows where you're doing comedy

or DOM work you know whatever my next show will be in Pomona that is February 15th

February 15th in Pomona the show dates and locations all the details will be posted on my Instagram

which is at sivsivjinjin thank you fun okay and

Zio I can reach on Instagram Zio new for real and my show dates are going to be posted there

and I have a new podcast just launched podcast Immigrant Survival Cast is available on YouTube, Spotify, iTunes

everything everybody has a podcast but why should you I mean you and you and everybody

I have one I guess this is a podcast although I don't call it a podcast I call it a show because I've been doing it before a podcast

alright okay so I also want to give a shout out to Mark Brown for making

my hair as Chinese as possible which just means straightening it because it's usually curly I'm sorry is that cultural appropriation

straight hair it turns okay so let's see

and where can we find well Mr. Sarricka where do we find you you have a show coming up Erica Rijks

or IJKS is that Dutch or Swedish or something Dutch shout out to Villender Ritter

Instagram Erica Rijks same thing on Facebook but if you go to

Twitter Mr. Ericka Mr. Sarricka triple X and you'll find me can you speak Dutch

can you say like Happy New Year or I love you or I don't know I want to fuck you

okay and now a real quick spanking real quick she's excited about this spanking

yeah okay so maybe or do you have that that big

or do you have to dig for that well we don't have much time so whatever you do

one fast spanking that looks wicked no no snakes that looks expensive

yeah that's true that's nasty she hasn't even done it and I was screaming

just a hand look at those sweet soft hand touches and now little jiggle jiggle jiggle

very nice okay I can do that okay okay

and let's have a hand it's so funny that spanking and applause is the same motion so

yeah gosh Happy Chinese New Year everybody absolutely and even though it's the year of the rat where's my rat I want to get a rat

oh here's a rat this is a cute rat you know and Lev Parnas is a cute rat and this is our 15th impeachment party

we didn't eat peaches let me have my peaches we didn't eat them but here's some peaches and those are from China

and these are from China these peaches yeah everybody can sit here with me I'll come over here

and you guys can yeah so it's our 15th impeachment party and yeah we know they're probably not going to

convict because they're not even hearing even though it's called a hearing but but still as Nancy Pelosi says

it's a stain on your record which is I think worse than a stain on the dress

so that's pretty good and vote them out you know I mean you all we all have our favorites I got Bernie

but I'll go for Liz I'll even go for the others but yeah we gotta vote the fascists out

and happy Chinese New Year Happy Chinese New Year Happy Chinese New Year Happy Chinese New Year

now I forget where's my clipboard oh yeah oh thank you

I should say something to my Italian friends oh Kung Hei Fat Choi yeah

Kung Hei Fat Choi yeah oh no we got this silly music I guess it's in the

we don't have to pay for it but yeah have a happy Chinese New Year keep your masks on I know it's tough

let's try not to spread this disease and let's try to have Medicare for all all over the world in China

in the United States everywhere we should have Medicare for all and make like bonobos not baboons you know

make love not war and try to have more recreational sex let's procreational sex you know

you don't want to send your children into this future well you can have a few kids but not too many you know not lots and lots and lots

just so yeah I mean I'm not going to go so far as Trump's favorite minister who actually prayed today

for women who are satanic to miscarry she said that

I forget her name but she's Trump's favorite evangelical alright we're done

make like bonobos not baboons make love not war make love to someone you love tonight even if that someone is you

happy Chinese New Year I love you even if you're a rat need to talk with someone about something

you can't talk about with anyone else you can talk to us I'm Dr. Susan Block your mistress of the airwaves

but my day job is director of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the erotic arts and sciences specializing in sex therapy

over the phone anytime you need to talk whether you need serious psychotherapy or a hot phone sex experience

or a combination my world renowned telephone sex therapists are just a phone call away totally private absolutely confidential

we listen talk with you advise you role play for you fantasize with you no fantasy is too taboo

and help you with anything from impotence to exhibitionism fears to desires fetishes to marriages

for more information call us at 213 291 9497 that's 213 291

9497 anytime you need to talk someone about something you can't talk about with anyone else

you can talk with us I'm Dr. Susan Block your mistress of the airwaves but my day job is director

of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the erotic arts and sciences specializing in sex therapy over the phone

anytime you need to talk whether you need serious psychotherapy or a hot phone sex experience or a combination

my world renowned telephone sex therapists are just a phone call away totally private absolutely confidential we listen talk with you

advise you role play for you and fantasize with you and no fantasy is too taboo and we help you

with anything from impotence to exhibitionism fears to desires fetishes to marriages

if you've never called before don't be embarrassed we all need help with sex at one time or another even world leaders do

maybe especially world leaders do but I'm not going to tell you which ones so when you need to ask a question or

play out a fantasy or just talk with someone about something you can't talk about with anyone else call us at

213-291-9497 anytime you need to talk Hi I'm Dr. Susan Block

and I've just written a new book called The Bonobo Way inspired by my love for the make love not war great apes

you know the ones who have a lot of sex in a bonobo sutra of positions including face to face but it's not just how

bonobos have sex it's how they use sex to prevent murder and war really they're the only great apes

that have never been seen killing each other they practice what I call peace through pleasure with the females gently dominating

the very happy very sexually satisfied males bonobos are special partly because they just are

and partly because they're very very close to us almost 99% genetically similar to us when it comes to being human

even being humane bonobos can teach us so much which brings me to us

and more specifically to you is your inner bonobo longing to swing free would you like to tap into the

hot natural sex energy within you that you would so you can better enjoy the pleasures in life and cope with the pain

you know the pain and have more orgasmic organic sustainable sex who doesn't want that

greater lust greater trust and better anger management and who couldn't use a little bit of that these days

so get the book learn the bonobo way you'll be glad you did then you'll want to join bonoboville a new global village for bonobo lovers and friends

and one last thing the real bonobos are highly endangered so a portion of all book sales go to bonobo conservation groups

working to save the wild bonobos from extinction read the bonobo way and learn why this could be the most important eco sexual movement of our times

and improve your love life