Wild Feet

Full transcript of Wild Feet on The Dr. Susan Block Show:

You're listening to Radio Susie 1 on the World Wide Web and now here she is, Dr. Susan Block. Brothers and sisters, lovers and sinners, artists and exhibitionists, voyeurs and connoisseurs, humans and animals, and human animals, which we all are. Filmmakers and fornicators and foot fetishes, wild things and domesticated pets,

wild leopards and sweet little deers. All you children is sex and we are all children of sex. Whether we're born to be wild or we just get that way, growing up out well, whether we're children of God or Jesus or Allah or Brahma, Buddha, the goddess,

all the gods and goddesses, who knows, but one thing we do know, we are all children of sex. Can I hear an amen? Can I hear an A-women? I want to welcome you to the womb room of Dr. Susie Speakeasy in the soul of downtown LA. This is Bonoboville Brothers and Sisters and this is our Temple of Love.

And it's a new year, by the way. Speaking of love, did you know if you're listening to us live, it's the beginning of 2013 and if you put 2013 into the mirror and you kind of fuss with the one and give it a little hook and you turn it around, it spells arrows. It does. It does.

E is the three and then the one is a small R with a hook and then O, of course, is a zero and S, arrows, 13, 3. So it's, I don't know, the year of arrows better than Thanatos, I think, although Thanatos is certainly asserting itself, himself, herself, itself, with a vengeance as always, but we're here to celebrate love and arrows and the wild things, you know, the Bonobo way of peace through pleasure and our sexuality.

I am a sex therapist, not your typical sex therapist, and an animal lover, which means I love people and perverts and I love you, yes, you. And I'm so excited to be here on another Saturday night, you know, it's freezing cold out there, so I've got my big coat on and my Cossack hat, which doubles as my Hassid hat on Hanukkah

and other holidays, holidays like that, but tonight it just, you know, feels warm and furry and it's a celebration tonight, it's always a celebration here at the Speak Easy, but in order for me to really celebrate, I kind of have to get the buzz out of my headphones and can I do that? Is that possible? Yeah.

Okay, and yeah, and also could I hear my voice a little louder in my headphones? I can't really hear it. Okay, so we, because of an animal called a weasel, we have a new engineer tonight and we appreciate Sergio being here and Nori helping out and, you know, our other engineer, our regular one is kind of weasley and he can't hear anything.

Okay, so we're going to get our technology a little straightened out here. I can hear you. Yes, here in the Garden of Eden with my snake E. And yes, she is real. Last week, Darryl Wright, who won the Dr. Susan Block.TV Award for Most Intoxicated.

Yes, we do have an award for that. Yeah. I can't believe I missed out on that one. I know, well, you know, there's always this year. Actually. Yeah. So anyway, he said that my lovely snake Eve was very sexy as long as he thought it was just a piece of jewelry,

but he got very scared and upset when he saw that Evee is a real animal, just like you and me. That's right. And tonight's show is kind of on the animal planet, not the station, but the planet. Right, Earth, which is filled with flora and fauna, and we are amongst it.

And somehow we humans, our technology is a wonderful thing. It's like rubbing sticks together to make fire. And right now we're trying to rub wires together to make audio, so I have no audio. So, okay, well, I think I'm on, right? I'm recording. Okay.

So we're hoping to get my headset going and also my first guest headset going, Christian. He should be able to hear the resonance of his voice. Yes. Because tonight's show is called Wildlife LA. And yeah, we're going to explore various aspects of wildlife in LA.

And I mean outside of LA, because we're in LA. So if we're talking about it and it's outside of LA, it's okay because we are here. Evee is in LA, and she is wildlife who's also a domesticated pet, you know. And of course we're going to talk about sex.

Oh, and I hear some music playing. Does anyone else have headphones and hear music playing? Yeah? Okay. Right. We're getting ready for the birthday sharday.

That's what's going on here. We're getting revved up. All right. We got a birthday girl tonight. And so can you hear now, Christian? Yes. Oh, yes. And this is Christian Bruyer, who is an award-winning director.

He has not won a Dr. Susan Block.TV award yet. But this is his first show. This is his first interview. Welcome. Well, thank you for having me. Oh, well, I'm very happy to have you.

You gave me the idea for the title of the show, which is always very difficult because I always have a bunch of people from different walks and runs of life and nothing to do with diapers for my diaper fans out there, the runs, that is. Anyway, I, you know, so I always have to kind of find a theme.

And you, of course, are the award-winning director of Champions of the Wild, among other great TV shows and documentaries. And so, you know, I thought wild, well, wild. We're wild, right? I mean, not wild, like in the jungle wild, but we are in the concrete jungle wild.

I mean, anyway, so there's the theme. So thank you. You're welcome. Okay. So Champions of the Wild, I mean, we're going to talk about that. You also directed a show, I think it's a documentary called Naked.

Yes. It's about naked protest. Protest. Just any way to get what you want through being naked in public. And we went all over, we filmed almost all over the world,

and there were various different protests, various different groups that either did it, went naked in a calendar or went naked, you know, in a big group, or the bicycle ride, naked bike rides are all over the place now.

Now, do you think that people were getting naked in order to make a political point, or they were joining political causes in order to get naked? I think there's both. Right. Of course.

I think once they saw the naked bike ride, they probably got on that political cause. Right. They didn't even know what they were riding for, but hey, I can get naked.

But, you know, a good cause makes it even better. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, our good cause is the bonobos, of course. We love the bonobos. The bonobos are our mascots, our cause, you know. And of course, Sally Cox runs the Bonobo Conservation Initiative,

and she's been here, and we love Sally. And Dr. Sue Savage Rumbaugh, who has never been here, don't know if she would dare. But she was interviewed by you.

Yes. Yes. And she is one of the champions of the wild. She sure is. Definitely. I mean, she's this amazing psychologist

and linguist or language expert who works with bonobos and plays with bonobos. And bonobos are, of course, just in case you just tuned in to me from outer space.

The make love not war chimpanzees who swing from the trees as well as with each other. They use sex and affection and empathy. And something we might call love,

and which I might call humanity, to kind of organize themselves. They're also very feminist. Well, the females have a lot of power.

And they have never been seen killing each other in the wild or captivity thus far. Is that about some enough? That's true.

And they're very close to us, intelligence. And they're very, very smart. Very, very smart. So you can speak to that maybe more

because you were at Dr. Sue's place, now called Bonobo Hope. Whoops, I just went down in my headphones. Thank you.

And you met Conzi. I met Conzi and Pambanesha. Pambanesha. And Pambanesha is Conzi's sister.

Was. She passed away. Oh, no. Oh, yes.

Oh, it's a terrible thing. I didn't want to start the show with that, but here we are. It's the truth.

She passed away at the age of 26. And she was a genius ape and a wonderful diplomat between the worlds of the Bonobos and humans.

But she caught a terrible cold or something or I don't know anyway. It's a big controversy also over there. That's why they changed their name.

I, you know, I'm a big fan of Dr. Sue's and one thing I do know and we'll speak to a little bit more of this in a minute.

But when you swing through the trees in the jungle of life, especially in the human jungle of society, people talk crap about you all the time

and you cannot believe everything you read on the internet. But I do believe, I mean, I do know Pambanesha is definitely gone

and I mourn her loss, but you know what people are saying about why she's gone. Was it because she came into contact with us?

Oh. Is that what they're saying? You know, some people would probably say that. Well, there's a history there.

There are mean people out there. Anyway, yeah, Pambanesha, great communicator, Kanzi, male, also great communicator. Tell us about some of the ways in which

they surprised you with their intelligence. Well, Pambanesha, when I met her, wouldn't let me film her. She said, no, I'm only going to be filmed

by one person and this is her NHK person. NHK. Japanese television. Oh.

Okay, so. That's her friend. That's her friend. And nobody else.

The Brits came, she said, no. So I said, look, there's got to be some way we can work this out, because I came all the way from Canada to film you.

And she's kind of looking at me and then she looks over at Sue and she kind of does this whole thing with the lexagram.

And she tells Sue what I could do to be allowed to film her. So I said, okay, well, let me know. And she said, on the lexagram,

visitor, gorilla, chase man at house. And I don't have a clue what she's saying. And Sue realizes what she's saying. And what she wants.

She's spoken to her before. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Good communication.

She wants me to get into this big gorilla suit. And she wants me to take and run towards this man who is building her new part of the house, which is driving her crazy, because it's too noisy.

So she says, okay, she wants you to run down the hill and chase the carpenter away. And you did this. I did that with a camera in front of me.

Born to be wild. And I ran down that hill chasing her, beating my chest. I'm beating your chest.

Very good. Okay. Somebody get us a gorilla suit. I don't want to be filmed yet.

No, I want to see this. And the carpenter, of course, was in on it. So he looked at me, threw down the hammer, and ran across the field.

Wow. And Pam Benisha laughed like crazy. She would not stop laughing. And you charmed her.

I did what she wanted me to do. Yeah. Well, she's very dominant. Oh, she's...

Dominant female. Yeah. Matriarchy. Right.

So she allowed me to film her on the computer showing what she knows. I mean, unbelievable stuff. Yeah.

She understands the computer. Well, Conzi beat Pac-Man on the computer. Right. I mean, he was that...

That's gone viral. But some people might not know that. Yes, he beat Pac-Man. Yeah.

No, I... And some people, I understand, who tried to compete with him. But how about sex?

Well, unfortunately, they don't have the whole sex thing there because of, you know, they're in the, you know, they're in a laboratory. Or maybe he's just not in front of you.

I hope they have something. I hope they have, too. I mean, they're adults. They're brothers and sisters.

Well, no, not to... Well, brother and sister actually do have sex in Bonobos. Well, you know what? No, they don't.

Because this... Well, they might, because the sister is the one that migrates. The females migrate to new tribes. So...

But, you know, there's inter-tribal sex among Bonobos. Really, the only combination that doesn't have sex among Bonobos are mothers and sons. But of course, when humans get involved,

human puritanism, human, I guess, prudishness or just human desire to control, you know, is a factor. I don't know how that affects the Bonobos.

Is it true that the males are in doubt of which offspring are theirs? Well, that could be a good thing. Yeah, definitely.

It cuts down the violence, right? When I was a hippie in the 60s, right? We live not communes. And a lot of times you didn't know who was the father of...

Right. And, you know, Father's Day was hell of a day. By the way, speaking now is... I'm going to introduce everybody,

because we're starting to talk. This is John Baramore. He is of the Baramore dynasty of Hollywood, shall we say. Hey, at least as much as we can believe that whole,

like we're not sure who the father is. Right. But he looks just like the... I mean, if you get the pictures...

The first time he was on, this is his second time on, we did have the pictures to prove it, since he is kind of, I mean... Yeah, even though I look more like Michael Douglas than...

Well, you got that Baramore schnauz, right? Yeah, you do look like Michael Douglas, though. And I always figured we were related, we're both half Russian Jews,

but we're related to some common Dutch ancestor, apparently, or to one of my Facebook friends with an ancestry.com account. Right, right.

Anyway, with the whole openness of sex, and not being possessive, and not being in a situation where, you have to make choices,

and you can't just have it all. I mean, one of the things that is really great in vanilla society is just the openness. And the reasons for sex.

Well, another guest on this show, Dr. Christopher... That's the one place where Polly works, then, right? Well, not just one place, not just one place. My friend who's been on this show a few times,

Dr. Christopher Ryan, who's going to do a TED talk, and he is the author of Sex at Dawn, the prehistoric origins of human sexuality, modern sexuality.

Anyway, he has drawn a lot of sort of threads from bonobo society to prehistoric human society, and really feels that, you know, it was around the time of the neolithic dawning,

you know, when humans figured out where babies come from, and also how to plant things, because it's the same kind of principle. And so that's when we decided we own things.

And we make things. Well, we probably made things before that, but ownership wasn't that important until you realized, oh, these are my kids.

Wait a second. Oh, I'm going to farm. Now, I've got to stay on this land. When you're hunter-gatherers, you can just move around.

You know, the world is your merry-go-round. And I thought Oyster sounded a little fishy. You know, but anyway, you know, yeah, yeah. They don't know, we guess,

although we don't know if they know. I mean, can Sue have that kind of a conversation with them? Do you know where babies come from? Probably not.

Maybe, though, maybe we're just learning. She, after all, has created this amazing communication where she said, run down the hill with a gorilla suit, beat on your chest, you know, all this crazy stuff

that she's communicating about, concepts, you know. And Bonobos have this very high-pitched voice that's very different than ours. And I think that's one reason we don't think they have language

is because they just don't vocalize like we do. So, speaking of vocalizing, I want to get some of my other guests to vocalize here. Wildlife LA.

Okay, let's get wild with Kayla Jane Danger. See, she's got wild in her name. Yes, I do. You are a dangerous woman.

I try. Right. So, how are you doing, Kayla? I'm doing fantastic.

This is your second time on the show. Yes, it is. You've come back. Yes, I have.

For more of the wild side. It's a great wild side. Yeah, yeah. It's the perfect place to be.

I can be myself. On the wild side with those hot feet of yours. I'm wearing very, very awesome shoes today, too. Oh, let's see the shoes.

They match your outfit. Can I see? Can I see? Please?

Oh, wow. Those are red and hot and pure. I mean, those are like every little flag you can come up with if you're a foot fetishist or even if you're not.

Absolutely. Big red high heels for those of you in the cheap seats just listening on Radio Susie One. But you want to see these heels on Dr. Susie.TV.

Right. Now, here's the thing is animals don't wear high heels, right? Well, except human animals. I suppose.

But they get these red things like these big red vulvas. That's what bonobos get. I don't even know how they sit on them. They're so big.

They're like, it's like this on your pussy, but bigger, really. But just like I had this right here. And I mean, red is certainly a mating signal. It is.

It absolutely is. You see red shoes on someone. It doesn't matter what they wear. You stop and you stare.

In fact, you kind of want to just be there. They're fuck me, pups. Yeah. That's pretty much it there.

And you are a foot fetish expert. Absolutely. I'd like to consider myself one. Well, you won the award at the Dr. Susan Block.TV award.

I'm so pleased. You won most fanatic foot fetishes. That's quite the name. I like that.

Most fanatic foot fetishes. Well, you were very fanatic. You are in the way you talk about it. But also with one of Max's favorite guests, Captain Max.

We're about to talk about Charlotte Stokely. Charlotte Stokely. Oh, yes. Oh, and remember when Kayla did her whole foot fetish thing on Charlotte?

Of course. And are you in a hurry to go somewhere? I have a memory. Actually, I was just walking by.

Oh, yeah. Walking by. Oh, we've got Mohammed on one who wants to talk about what? And Pete has a confession to make.

Is it about fee? I don't know. We don't know. I guess we need to get a little more specific.

So much for my part. Yeah. Hey, no, you got a part, but we also have a couple of calls. But we want to introduce Jenna.

Jenna. Jenna is here. And Jenna Jay Ross. Yeah.

And she's a doll part or one of your doll parts. She is one of my dolls. Okay. One of your dolls.

Yeah. And she really is a doll. She has the perfect proportions of a doll, the face of a doll. And we have seen those perfect proportions.

We have appreciated them very, very much so. Very, very lovely. So, you know, let's just take one of these calls. Oh, and the birthday girl, Chardae.

Hi. Hey. Happy birthday. Thank you.

Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Now, you're going to have to get a spanking. You know that.

Or 12. I mean, you're older than 12. So I think you're going to have to get a lot more than that. And spanking and foot fetish, by the way, is very bonobos.

I've seen them do that. They go really into foot, hand and foot. Well, yeah. I like spanking with my feet.

Foot and mouth. It works very well. Uh-huh. Well, that's true too.

And bonobos do that. Don't they use their feet a lot? I mean, just like hands, pretty much. The way I describe it is they're trisexual.

They'll try anything sexual. But I notice they have a thing for feet. I mean, because their feet are so kind of flexible. And they're really, you know, just so...

Do they give foot jobs? They do. They suck on each other's toes. They rub.

They do. They rub feet against genitalia. Oh, they do all that stuff. You got to get bonobo.

Go bonobo, babe. And support the bonobos. They're very highly endangered. Support Sally Cox and Dr. Sue and all these people

that are trying to help save them. So, okay. So we've also got Morgan back there. The lovely, amazing Morgan.

Oh, there she is. Yeah, Morgan is back there. And she's a blonde. We're going to move you up here in a minute.

We're going to move you up here in a minute. We've got to move somebody else up on the stage, I think. Oh, okay. Birthday girl is going to give it up for a moment.

But you've got to come back for your spanking. Yeah, there she is. Give it up for birthday girl. Look at her outfit.

She looks like Rosario. Doesn't she? Shardae has on her birthday. This one ever so cool.

That is an outfit just begging for a spanking. Hello, Wild Morgan. Well, hello, Dr. Susie. How are you?

I'm doing great. You are our winner, the Dr. Susan Block.TV award winner of Most Statuesque. Oh, am I?

Yeah. What? You didn't? I didn't know.

You didn't know? No, I'm not. Notified you on Twitter? Where's my check?

You should have gotten... You get like a banner is what you get. No, well, I'm explaining what your check is. I wish I knew that.

I can hand make you a banner. It says that you won a Dr. Susan Block.TV award for Most Statuesque and you will proudly display it somewhere. I will.

I'm going to put it on my resume. There you go. All right. And Morgan is very statuesque in the best, wildest sense of the

world. How tall are you? Six-three-and-a-half. And that's without your heels.

Oh, yeah. And your tiara. That's right. Princess Morgan Bailey now.

Right. Princess Morgan Bailey. PR. That's the abbreviation you use.

That's right. Because Max is a prince, so he taught me that. PR. PR.

It's all about PR. All right. So let's see. So line one is Mohammed.

I think we'll take him. Is he still there? We're going to try this out now. We have Mohammed and Pete on line two.

So one way or the other. Okay. How are we doing technology? What's that doing?

A little technology. This is the future. Okay. We lost Mohammed.

We lost Mohammed. So. Okay. Mohammed, come on back.

And, oh, I didn't even give out the number. It is 1-866-289-7068. That's 1-866-289-7068. What did you do that?

And if you're, you know, in Iraq or Afghanistan or Paris, you can call a regular number or international number, which is 2-1-3-670-0066. Or on Skype, 2-1-3-599-7398.

And you can also tweet us. Mohammed, you're on the air. At Radio Susie One. Hi, Mohammed.

Speak up. You have to speak like you're in the jungle. Real loud. With all the birds crying out.

We can't hear you. Do you have a question? Well. I'm shaky, too.

Shake a shake a shake. I spoke to you before. I had a sex therapy. You had sex therapy?

With you. Oh, really? Okay. Well, so now you're in public.

This is a whole different story. So, okay. When did we talk? I'm not saying that you're not real memorable, but...

You're going public? I don't mind. Good. Are you a little bit of an exhibitionist, maybe?

What does that mean? It means you like being in public. I'm an exhibitionist. I love being watched.

I don't know if I could say that. Okay. Didn't we have... Yes, we did.

I'm married, and I did call to you. And I spoke to you, if you find... You said that already, Mohammed. So, ask your question.

Well, I wasn't going to ask a question, but I was going to say the Muslim is being a Muslim. You're correct on your website

that every religion, even though the Muslims say that there's no sex or adultery, there are adulteries in every whole line of art.

Cross-dressing. I'm trying to understand this question. That's a lot of cross-dressing. Cross-dressing.

Cross-dressing. Cross-dressing goes across cultures. Wherever there are different outfits for males and females to wear,

there are going to be males who want to wear the female outfits and females that want to wear the male outfits. And also, Mohammed...

Mohammed? Mohammed. Mohammed. Yes.

Also, in the Arab world, there's a lot of sex going on, actually. Well, there's sex going on everywhere. It's good to be like the Jews.

They're everywhere. You know what I'm talking about? Wait, wait. I want to hear what Mohammed is asking here.

Mohammed, I... I'm trying to get what your question is. He has no question. No, no.

He wants to make a statement. He's talking. Okay. He has no question.

That they say in the Muslim world that the masturbation was cross-dressing or adultery, it's all sin. I think all the religions,

all the major monotheistic religions say that, really. So, you know, I think that's across the board. And even the ones that aren't so monotheistic

like Hinduism, you know, as we've seen, it's been in the news a lot. And there's a lot of repression and suppression of sexuality.

The reason for that is because it causes blindness. And also, you get hair on your palm. Tell them what do you... I really...

Isn't that why? I don't know. But like porn stars, I really would like to be a porn star,

but I don't know... You can do it. How could you come up with it? See, you are an exhibitionist.

Obviously. I said so. Well, anyway. Yeah, porn star.

Well, you can start with webcam. Oh, you're married. What would your wife think? Does she want to be a porn star?

Oh, she doesn't know. I'm right now in the hotel. And... She doesn't know.

So... Which wife doesn't know? Would you want her to be a porn star with you? Like be a couple, a porn couple?

I would like to see her with somebody else. Oh. Oh. You see?

You know? All kinds of things. Well, the easiest way into the porn industry is with a girl.

Yeah. Or woman, as the case may be. It sounds like Mohammed's got a real woman there that he wants to shop around.

Or pass off on someone else. I do call myself as a bi-curious. I never tried. Ah, bi-curious as well.

All right. You know, you're very bonobo. You are very bonobo. You want to share your female.

You know, you want to try some guys. I mean, you want to show yourself off. I mean, the bonobos are all actors and exhibitionists. You know, under the right circumstance.

If you wear a gorilla suit. Or something. I understand Anderson Cooper had to wear a rabbit suit to entertain Kanzi.

But anyway, yeah, I mean, it's perfectly natural, all your desires. And it's gone through the cultural soup, in your case, of Islam.

And there's nothing particularly wrong with that that isn't wrong with all the other religions. It's all. I actually want to become a Christian

that if it's accepted. Well, you know, I don't know. I'm not telling back at home. They're going to execute you.

That's fine, I guess. Go for Buddhism, I think, if you want non-judgmental sex. Christianity isn't the least judgmental of the religions.

You've got to go for California Buddhism. Because if you go for Buddhism in the original countries of Buddhism, it can be very puritanical.

There's a lot. And very anti-female. Or even anti-sex. Do you know why?

Yes. Do you know why? Do you know why? Do you know why?

Do you know why? Right. And he's picked at birth. I'm the doctor of your doctor,

Susan Institute. And I do watch every episode and every show. And believe it or not,

you guys make me just enjoy three, four times a day. Well, just enjoy. Three, four times a day.

Whatever it is you do. You know? I mean, we want you to enjoy. Peace or pleasure.

Muslim kid. If more nice Muslim kids and nice Christian kids enjoy three, four times a day.

It would be a more peaceful world. We don't want to fight with you. No, we don't. We want to have sex with you.

That's what we want to do. Yeah. I wish I would be in your show. Well, you're perfectly welcome.

And you are in our show. And you've been memorialized and I hope your wife appreciates that. Is there anything you want to say to her

when she recognizes your voice? Yeah, it files for a divorce. And you know that I warned you against this as a client and I remember

speaking to you actually now that you're getting into it. So it's cool, but now you're on the show. The show is very different.

We operate the institute during, well, actually 24 seven and we help people with sex both serious questions,

sex therapy and fantasies and we're very bonobo about it and we do it over the phone and through webcam

and through sex therapy, sex testing. I actually want it to be recorded. Well, you are being recorded, hun.

You're being recorded, baby. Oh, yeah, you're going to be a star. We had a 30 p.m. talk in the back where we were.

Oh, well, no, we don't do that. We're very private about the therapy and so I did it. Well, I've heard it.

I've heard it. But the only thing is this, Mohammed, you can't hog my show, okay?

And unless you have a foot fetish or you want to talk about bonobos, we're going to move along. Because you've made your statement

and you've made it very well. Actually, very, very well. I personally don't see why you need to convert to Christianity.

You had to bring pork into it, though. When it comes to the bonobos, the humans are the same. Well, they're a little hairier than us

and they don't build churches and... I won't come to the sex. Well, they don't have as many rules. They have a few rules,

but not so many. But we have got... They're very similar to them. It's true and it's cool.

And we're learning more about how similar we are because too many experts and professors and anthropologists have said we are

incorrigibly violent and homicidal because they point to the common chimps and they point to baboons.

Well, I'm pointing at our kissin' cousins, the bonobos, and saying we are sexual and we don't have to make war. We can make a little more love.

So thank you, Mohammed, for being part of the Institute and part of my show. You have been immoralized.

Right. Everyone loves you, Mohammed, and your wife as well. Okay.

Take care. And so let's see. Well, are we going to take another call? Are we going to...

Let's get back into my guests for a minute. I want to see more foot fetish. I want to ask a foot fetish expert a question. Yeah. Okay. Ask a question.

Like, can I see your feet? No, no, no. Okay. No, it's more intellectual. One year I went to the...

See, I never really understood the shoe thing. The shoe thing specifically. No, but I understand, like, the barefoot thing. Ah, okay.

So one year I went to the fetish ball in San Francisco. It's not the freak ball. It's a fashion show. Uh-huh.

And it was a great year to go. All the outfits were like those colors of comic books from the 1930s. You know, both in leather and latex and vinyl.

But everybody was wearing severely elevated footwear. Even the girls who were 6'1 were wearing severely elevated footwear. My... I always go, like, against the...

I don't know what it is. I always go the, like, the blonde big tit thing. Doesn't do anything for me. I'm usually, like, you know, girls with no tits and petite brunettes.

I'm not pandering here, by the way. Okay? No tits. She's got beautiful, precious little tits.

No, no, but you know what I mean. I mean, I dated a girl who was... She was a 34A and made a living as a topless dancer. It appealed to me.

Get down to the feet, John. The feet, yes. But that was the year that everybody was wearing severely elevated footwear. And there was my favorite costume that this girl was wearing.

She was buck naked except for, like, 12 LEDs. Ooh, yes. And I kept going, where's the battery? But she was the one who was barefoot and buck naked.

And stood out, clearly, because she was barefoot. Yes, because she was barefoot, exactly. Also, she was, you know... Hot.

Whatever. So, but I don't get the shoe thing, but I do get, like, the foot thing. Are you talking about from a male perspective or from a female perspective? I'm talking about...

He's talking about from his dick's perspective. That's what I think. He doesn't get excited from footwear. He gets excited from feet and from...

Well, that's not always true. I mean, there have been a few times... See, I think... But most men, I think, I do like high heels.

I don't know what the percentages are, but I think most do. And most women, because not only does it make you taller, but it gives you that wiggly walk. And it makes your legs look phenomenal.

And makes your ass... It raised everything. Yeah. But I think...

There are a few different things. I think, from the male perspective, there are the people that specifically like the tees of the foot, where you like to see the whole foot or the bare foot. There are the people who, in the same way that I have my fans

that just want to see me in sexy lingerie. They don't want to see me naked. They want the tees. So if you see my toe cleavage or the arch of my foot out of my shoes,

but you can't see my whole foot, it leaves that little bit of mystery, that little bit of, you know, what else is beneath it. You like mystery, don't you? There are shoes that show off your whole foot.

Shoes that keep your arch as high as it can possibly go if you're a high arch lover, which I personally am. It keeps you on your absolute toes. It keeps your feet in the position that they would be in when you're coming.

They, you know, there are a million different reasons. I mean, that's for... For the expert. No, this is...

If you look into any of Christian Louboutin's, like, when he speaks about the shoes that he designs, these in particular, he talks about how the woman's foot should be in the same shape that it is when she comes, which is toes curled back,

high arch popping, and that is the sexiest way your foot can look. It just kills your toes if you walk like that all your life and all the time. I wear heels all the time, and I still have beautiful little feet. Do you really wear them all the time?

I wear them day and around. I wear them to get coffee in the morning. I mean, look at all those little girls. Look, there's the big mama girl.

Look at that beautiful foot. There's a bunch of little girls all living in their shoes. Very, very nice toes. That's pretty sexy.

See, and I've been wearing these for quite some time, and I'm doing just fine. See, you can see the arch. They talk to each other.

Yes, yes. Well, the arch... I'm not talking about the arch. I'm talking about the toes and the ball of the foot

that's going to get... That perfect shape like this. Like this. See, some people like the shoes better than the feet, too.

Some people want a shoe job rather than a foot job. True, true. There are different strokes for different foot folks. It's dirtier.

The shoes, they're dirtier. You know, the first time I heard that story was in Italy in the 1950s, and I was working in Vaudeville right after the war,

and I used to hang out with all the hookers and the little pensione. You sound like my grandma. Right?

She hung out with hookers, too? Except she was in France. Every morning I'd go ahead and have breakfast. So one day, now I'm 15 years old,

one day the hooker comes in and she says, I had a great night last night. I made 200 and whatever it was, 2000 lira, which was nothing.

And all the other hookers are going, well, what happened? And this is a true story. She says, a guy comes and he says,

look, I'll pay you. Can I come in your shoes? She says, sure, of course. No, it's not a problem.

So she takes them over to her apartment and she has the guy coming in her shoes and then she tells the story in the morning and she says to the other hookers

and she goes, hey, I told them I got a bunch of other shoes. Anybody want to clap? Perverted me forever.

I love feet. Wasn't it like one of Donald Trump's exes that had her assistant steal all her shoes or something? What?

Yeah, he did. I think her assistant, one of Donald Trump's blondes. Was this like an insurance thing? Not Morgan, by the way,

although Morgan is newly blonde, but you're not one of Donald Trump's blondes. No, ma'am. Do you belong to anyone now, Morgan?

I thought so. Can you imagine? I sure do. Morgan is in bondage

of the engagement kind. I sure am. I would say heaviest form of bondage. And so, how's that going?

Now, you don't seem like a blushing bride there. Wait a second. No, you know, I'm happy. I'm excited, but it's a whole different,

you know, I traded the LA drama for a whole different domestic drama. Right. You know, you can have both sometimes.

Oh, no, I do have both now. I mean, I'm sure of that. That's what happens when you join the royal family. Drama is our business.

Princess Morgan. But, you know, it's going to be back in LA. So, yeah, the sex lasts a little longer on set. Oh, so now you're still a porn star.

I am still a porn star. Is this something that is going to continue in your marital bliss? Well, I'm getting married in September,

so we'll see. We'll see. I don't plan on retiring anytime soon. No.

You know, I mean, do it while you can. You know, it's not a forever job, but I'm at the head of my, you know, what I'm doing here.

Yeah, you're at the head. Why not keep going? Right, right, right. Well, we love you keepin' going.

I love you too. We do. And we're glad you're back. I mean, we heard rumors that you were, you know,

like imprisoned in Kentucky or somewhere like that. Kind of, actually, yeah. But I'm in Tennessee. Oh, that's kind of close.

Just a little, you know, a little more stuff. With horses. There's no horses. Oh, no horses.

Too bad. You know, I really could go into a different animal. I could go into all the drama, but his ex-wife really hates me.

Oh, I bet. So, you know, that's the drama that I've kind of traded everything else in part. Who could have seen that drama, though?

Oh, she does. I bet. She really does. Oh, she really does.

Now, is there a particular hate because you're hotter? More than likely. She, okay, well, I'll tell you,

I'll tell you the short end of it. She was really taking pride after she found out I was a transsexual and telling all of his friends and family

that I was a transsexual. Taking pride. And they don't care, so I was just eating her alive.

She thought that they would and she thought that it would make a stir and so she was, you know, into that and now that they're not,

they're kind of cool with you. So the others are cool with you. Oh, they love me. Yeah, they sure do.

That's not too long. Are you gonna have a big wedding? Pretty big, I think. Everything Morgan does is big.

Can you stand up, please? Well, of course. Yeah. Whoa.

What are you wearing under everything? Oh, a little lingerie. Wow. And what kind of high heels?

I'm not wearing heels, dear. Oh, no heels. You really are domesticated. Well, no.

I just, you know, I'm already 6'3 and a half. And we're midgets, so the two of us are talking. No, I tried to. You're like a whole foot taller than me.

But I have heels on, so I might kind of measure up to your shoulder. Maybe. Maybe.

Maybe. We can test it out later. We sure can. We might just see if I measure up.

We sure can. Well, I mean, we could test it out now. We could test it out. Take your shoes off, Jenna.

Can we have a little bit of... Take your shoes off? My shoes off? I think shoes on to walk up.

Yeah, I'll take one off, and that way you can see the difference. You're gonna take one off. No, but you're gonna walk up here.

Oh, I can walk on my toes. Okay, oh, on your toes. Okay. All right, it's a little cold on the floor, maybe.

Oh, look at those shoes. Yeah, nice. Yeah, here they come. We don't have walking music.

We need walking music. I love weddings. You know why I love weddings? Because of the ultimate exercise and denial.

Oh, okay, here they are. In heels, then. You're barely at her shoulder. Yeah.

Aww. Aww, that's so cute. Oh, my God, that's perfect boob height. Oh, my God.

Motor... Mudder butt. Perfect mudder butt. Okay, here we are with a microphone.

Okay, and, yeah. Yeah, you two look very cute. Actually, you know what? You look like you're related.

Don't you look like your mother-daughter. Doesn't this look like a mother-daughter? Wait, where's the microphone here? Can we get this slide?

Do you pull down? She'll bring you on Jerry Springer with her. We're all related. Some more closely.

I was on Jerry Springer once before. Oh, you were? Many, many years ago. I'm filming Max Sam.

Okay. How old are you? I'm 24. Oh, good for you, honey.

Aww. Now, Jenna. Good for you. I am holding Eve.

Okay. Okay, you're okay with that? Yeah, would you like to hold her? Yeah?

Have you ever held a snake before? Oh, hi. I held my cousin. Yeah?

Until he lost it in the house. Oh, yeah. That was a little terrifying. Okay, okay.

No, we're not going to lose Eve. Is Snake a metaphor here? Well, Eve is okay. Eve is a lot tinier than the boa constrictor that he lost.

Well, she likes you. Hi. Well, I'm glad that you are good with my snake. All right.

Except I think we're going to put her away because, you know, she could get in the way. Because she could get lost. I think you lost her the last time I was here. See, she does get lost.

Right. After the show, she got lost. Because I get distracted. Do you ever envy that reptile brain?

Well, yes. I mean, actually, she always chills me out. The reptile brain kind of takes over and makes me relax regardless of what's going on with technology and Dana D'Arman.

Dumb, dumb, dumb. No, I just bring it up because it was on Twitter today. I mean, you posted about my... I thought I was coming on...

Being here. That Jenna and I were going to be on the show this evening. And I was warned in a very interesting and kind of obtrusive way because I've been here before and I thoroughly enjoy myself.

And by the way, Dana has been here three times before. This I heard after I heard this. And I found it interesting to hear... I've never met her.

We've had a long internet knowing of one another from being on kind of similar websites and whatnot. But I thought it was interesting that someone who's in the industry and who knows, who seems to have self-confidence and self-awareness, that someone could put out there something so negative and so, I guess,

non-consensual when you're an adult in control of yourself and everything that you do and all the actions that you partake in. And it's your decision what you do and what you don't do. And if you drink too much, that's your decision as well.

Well, yeah, because some people are just stupid. Some people are. Although our bartender tries to prevent that. We really, you know, aren't out to...

I had a good time last time. I was alive and I'm here again. Well, you know, we've only been doing this for 27 years, literally. And Dana has been around for ten of those years.

Well, nine. She's been on the show... She started nine years ago. She started on the show. When she really was kind of a phenomenon, but even pre-phenom,

she was on the show. She was just, you know, was when MySpace started. See, I know her from the beginning of my career when I was 18. Why?

And we were on Burning Angel together. See, that's why your feet haven't gone gnarly yet, because you're only whatever... Except I was a ballerina before.

My feet should have been fucked up a long time ago. Well... But yeah, I mean, by the way, did you notice that she was barefoot under her boots? Yes.

I did notice that. Kind of sexy. Look at those pretty feet. She has adorable feet.

They're very cute. That's why she's one of my dolls. I can't have dolls with messed up feet. That just doesn't work.

My doll parts is your site where you explore these different parts, mainly from the waist down, right? Ass and feet. What Barrymore might call the good parts.

Yes, exactly. Absolutely. I think there's a lot left, you know, that whether it's people who are aware of their foot or leg or ass fetishes,

or people that have no idea, but then come on my site and kind of see something a little different and maybe get into it. But there's plenty, I think, for everyone.

So no one's really turned off by what they see. And if anything, it makes people say, oh, maybe I might, you know, try something with my girl or my guy's feet that I wouldn't have before.

And if they do, more power to them, you know. If I can open up any people's minds. I used to hate feet. I thought my own feet were terrifying and horrifying.

I used to hate other people's feet. I had a very particular foot that I liked. And it wasn't my shape foot. And I would look for these very narrow, delicate, high arched,

like Russian ballerina feet. You have high arches, but a little bit of a spread. Yeah, it's more of a wider ball. That is she.

I have a very meaty soul. It's good to bite on. These tootsies here. Have you heard the song?

But these are lovely tootsies. Dull Revolution. I need to listen to this now. Look at this pretty little foot.

What is the size of your foot? Six and a half to seven, depending if we're doing open toes. A little smaller than average. So average being about seven and a half.

Which is my size. Guys says it's like a three. Oh, it's the other way. And I guess most foot fetishes like tiny feet,

though a lot like big feet. Yeah, there's something for everyone. Maybe tiny feet are, I don't know. There's something about them.

Are there female foot fetishes? Absolutely. Do they like flat feet? No.

It's something that honestly turns me off. Whether it's man's foot or woman's foot, if I see an orc that's caving to the ground, I'm like, please put a shoe on

that elevates your arch, because... Or don't wear anything that I can see your feet in. Aw.

I am horribly judgmental with feet. When I see people in sandals that shouldn't be wearing sandals, I'm like... Some arches can't be elevated.

I understand this. It's just... I will not touch them. It's a prehensile as a matter of fact.

Great. Well, let's get positive instead of talking about flat feet and... She has nice arches.

And can you give us a demonstration of something that you might suggest a foot fetishist try?

Would you like me to? Come on. Yes. All the hot girls are now on the stage. Notice how I made that happen.

Without any drinks, Dana. And nobody's naked yet. I have shiny pants. They change color in the light.

Really? Oh, look at these pants, right. She was with me when I bought them, actually. Well, personally...

Actually, you're going to have to take the other shoe off. I'm sorry. I thought you were going to say you're going to have to take your pants off. I would have liked that.

Yeah, I was. Could we get more of the... The pants just... There's so much ankle here to see.

And she has great legs. Her whole body is like... Perfectly proportioned, shapely, and all the...

Look at this. She's like a little dancer, but she is a dancer. Just panties on, right? My weight and homosexuality is going wild.

So I don't know about you and your favorite parts, but my favorite part is right in here, to this line, like from here to here.

Because my feet are the most sensitive here. My favorite part has just become apparent. Because for me... Oh, hi.

Isn't she amazing? We love Jenna. My favorite parts are the arches, because my arches are super sensitive,

and I can come if you do the right things. So, generally, I like to give the same attention to other girls' feet. Because even if they haven't felt it before,

guaranteed it feels good. Okay, here we go. The time is now licking up the side, the instep,

the instep. Right. The right side of the left foot.

And now right into... Oops, I think we need to hear the giggle here. What was that? This is...

There's a lot of foot ticklers that really get off on this. And, by the way, this is a bonobo fetish. Am I right?

Tickling is huge among bonobos. They love tickling. As far as I've heard and seen... And grooming and tickling...

This is one of my favorite things to do to Jenna. Because it never ends. The only problem is she's not tied up right now, so she might kick me.

Well, that could be arranged. Oh, yeah. There's something about that laugh. Whoa!

That girl has a future in cartoons. You've got a career ahead of you. A different career, I mean. Another career.

You know, post-porn. You could be in cartoons. Or side career. Okay, now she's really licking and chomping

on the ball here. It's delicious. It's like the meatiest part of a little tiny bit.

It's incredibly hot for you that don't have video. Yeah, for those of you that don't have video, you need to just go to my website and watch me do the same thing to Jenna there.

Because it's amazing. Wow, yeah, it is. You should go to mydallparts.com. We'll give you a real plug here.

And... Whoops, oh, she's got... Rope! Where'd that come from? Wow.

Is that my... Teja, did you bring the rope? Oh, she did. That's my producer. Brothers and sisters, Teja Souter,

can we have a hand? Whoo-hoo! Could have thought she would know where there was a piece of rope. What are the odds, huh?

Uh-huh. Is that the actual time? No, right? Yeah, I fixed it today. Didn't I?

No? That's not the time. Okay, I didn't think so. Right, okay, so now we have

Jenna J. Ross getting her lovely little ankles tied.

Oh, that's the JJR. Strong rope. Yeah. Jenna J. Ross. Jenna J. Ross.

And Kayla? Kayla J. They all have three names here. And here's the birthday girl, Shardae.

I already apologized for not... Come sit in a chair. Sit in a chair by a microphone, Shardae. Happy birthday.

Congratulations, one year closer to oblivion. Okay, so... Is this a Japanese technique? See, this is another great position

whether she's on her knees or not, because then you have access to this... Oh, there you go. That's my favorite part, right? Ah, yes.

And this begins the spanking portion of the show. Yeah, I forgot you said something about it. There's a spanking cake, too. It's going to be a birthday girl here,

and there is a birthday girl, who's Shardae. We have a cake that actually is a spanker's cake here. A spank?

Absolutely. She's going to buck me like a bronco, and it will be very entertaining. Oh, she's trying to tickle me, too.

This isn't going to be good. Oh, there you go. You have to tie her arm. I know. I was trying to be nice. I know, huh? But we have extra rope.

I know, isn't she? That's worth an extra rope. Listen to that little laugh. And, I mean,

this is something that isn't just a fetish. It is something that animals other than humans enjoy. Like we said, bonobos.

Any other animals like tickling? Bottle-nosed dolphins. Are there other animals that have sex for all kinds of other reasons?

No, there's other animals that have sex for other reasons. That's good, because the bonobo, the bottle-nosed dolphins, it's a power thing.

I actually have a list of some things. A domination thing with the sex of the dolphins. Let me just go into this while you play with her feet.

Animals kiss, hug, oral sex, masturbation, and all kinds of penetrative

intercourse. Lionesses perform oral sex on lions. Male gray-headed flying foxes perform oral sex on their foxy ladies.

And livingston's fruit bats and male kangaroos perform fallatio on themselves.

Now that's talented. There's a bat that can perform cunnilingus on itself while it's getting fucked. And spinner dolphins.

That is intense. That is like a woman's dream. I have a question.

Do bonobos squirt? You know. The females, of course the males do. I think

I don't know. May I say something about squirting? I've been upset recently because squirting

kind of gets a bad rap. By whom? By men. Even in the adult industry.

By men who don't want their bed. In the adult industry there are a lot of times when I see women faking squirting.

AKA peeing. And that's fine if peeing is your thing. But when you're supposed to be

I can squirt. I think it's wonderful. I don't try for it. It happens naturally when it does and it's amazing. The idea that people are faking.

Let me just tell you. Marcus London makes all the girls squirt. He does. But it makes me sad because every time a girl fakes it

it makes less and less people believe that it really happens. I know the last time I was here. Melinda squirted for the world.

Female orgasms. It's a myth. It's a terrible myth. She really squirts.

She absolutely does. If you see yellow squirt it is not squirt. They're lying to you. They're lying to you.

The best way to test that is to have the squirter pee before the squirting.

And then also there's the smell test. They don't quite have to taste. For me it's not necessary to taste. Totally different.

Smell. I have been on the opposite end of tasting accidentally. Tell us. The girl I was with

was really a squirter. But I have seen enough videos from people that I have worked with who have squirted and been like

I don't know if that's squirt. It looks yellow. I've seen that too. I will not name the names of the yellow squirters

that have been on this show. But there have been a couple of them. And then they leave their sheets. Some people are into that kind of thing.

Which I said is fine. But when you're faking it then we want to put out the tarp. Not just the love rug.

A tarp. How about squirting in the wild? Or you don't get into that.

This is something for you to research. That's the next series. Female ejaculation in the wild. Because it's a very popular thing

among human women. Is it something that we just do because we're bored? Or is it something that has a purpose

or is it an evolutionary purpose is something that we wonder is it maybe to not get pregnant?

Get that sperm out of you? Or is it... I don't know. Is it one of those pure pleasure things

like the clitoris that's just there or the male nipples that don't really are kind of vestiges or whatever you call it. I think it's a more

recent phenomenon out of Aristotle wrote about women squirting. It's not that recent. Faking it, he is saying.

Oh, the faking it, right? No, probably the squirting. It is recent because I think until now it hasn't been so desirable.

It's now that people want to see things because we have porn and erotica depending on your taste. And so to speak.

So the whole female ejaculation thing has become this phenomenon which involves faking. I don't think women wanted to fake it before.

Well, the thing is I was dating this girl and she figured out how to do it while we were dating and

I think it comes out of female empowerment is what I mean and like women like during the eternal of the 20th century doctors used to

get women off manually because they had brain dead husbands that just was called hysterical dysphoria. Basically lack of orgasm

and they would go to the doctors and the doctors would get them off manually. And the vibrator was invented for the doctors convenience and not the patients.

There's a movie about that. The good vibes. I got nothing to do with it. But I do sell Hitachi magic wands

just in case. And of course there's the Sybian. Who wants to ride the Sybian? Not it.

How about the birthday girl? I think that's a great idea. Birthday girl. You know what?

We got this ass up here. I think the birthday girl we're going to let her girlfriend who is also

our manager here at the Dr. Susan Block Institute let's give a big hand. Can I say your name? Which name should I say?

Vanessa. Okay. My real name is Susan. Yeah, Vanessa.

So Vanessa is our manager and it's Char Day. Are you leaving? Wait, wait.

You're going to stay here for the spanking. You're not going anywhere. You're not going anywhere. You're tied up.

You're not getting spanked necessarily unless you're bad. I have to shoot tomorrow. We don't whack you like Dallas.

The last time I got spanked for something that I wasn't supposed to be marked for I ended up with bruises all over my body. We're not going to do that.

I'm anemic. Let's not spank me. Royal blood. I wasn't going to spank you. Although your ass does look spankable.

But it's really Char Day's birthday. She's the one who needs the spanking. And as I understand it

she recently got into spanking. In fact Char Day could you tell us on the microphone a little bit about

your recent spanking discoveries? Sure. I wouldn't do this to you except you told us it's your birthday.

Yeah. I kind of put myself in this situation from what I understand. Oops.

A couple weeks ago when I came to the show we did a little bit of spanking and I just kind of found that I enjoyed it. It's a little painful but exciting

at the same time. Yeah. Is it a psychological or a physical enjoyment or a combination? I think it's a combination of the two.

So the physical element is that it's a little painful. But it feels good. Would you want to be slapped on your face?

No. Would you want to be punched in the stomach? I mean I've never tried. So the spanking is like

something to do with the butt in my opinion. And the shared pain. It's a rousing. A rousing.

Thank you Morgan. I like the way you say that. I think you should be up here for the spanking. Although I was slapped in the face by a girl who really knew how to do it

and it was erotic as hell. Well it can be. That's a different kind of thing though. Well last week

I kind of got held by the neck in an interesting way that was a little erotic as well. And I would have never thought so. There's all kinds of possibilities

but spanking is pretty, I mean animals like it, right? Besides human animals.

I mean I've seen bonobos, they love to swat each other's butts. I like the shared pain aspect of it. Often with their foot.

When you spank you also get your hand hurts. Oh well that's true. Unless you're using a paddle.

Right. I think that's not really spanking. That's a whole other thing. Okay that's paddling. Some people have hard asses.

Alright so what about the psychological element? I think it's the whole part of getting past the pain and thinking like

oh you can take it and how much more could you possibly take? What did daddy do dear? Tell us.

Is there that element? Do you like the daddy element? No. No? Okay.

See John does. Because he's got a daddy in a grant. He's got that whole family, that whole Barrymore family. Whenever a young girl starts paying attention to me

oh poor baby, what did daddy do? Oh that is that. He slap you. And he likes it.

Alright so now you're the birth day girl. Should we get the cake out here? Should we get the spanking? Bring on the cake.

Okay so who do you want to have spank you? You know, I mean Vanessa's your girlfriend and then I know Jimmy had a shot but he's on camera somewhere, right?

Okay and I don't know I mean. I've got a huge hand. And then there's Morgan. Okay Morgan.

Yeah, right across Morgan's big mommy laugh. Come on up here honey. My arm is long but it's not that long.

Have a swig mommy. Yeah, okay. So, Morgan Bowie. I'll tell her it's going to hurt you more than it's going to hurt her.

Okay. This is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you honey. Now can I open up your blouse? You're doing it because you love it.

No it's not open enough. Oh he wants it. Susan. I told you no.

No Susan, you should know that. I didn't hear no. This they all say. Jesus.

Put your hand on mommy's lap here. Okay. You're going to get mommy's nipple now baby. Right honey.

You got to put that ass right towards the camera. Such a turn off. How many spankings are you getting this year? Oops, oops, oops.

She can't hear when you're hogging the mic. You have to be determined. Yes, how many spankings? You have to add one.

I forgot to tell the truth. How old are you in internet years? Yeah, I'm 18. If you lie you get spanked.

I claim 21. Can I do that? 25. Oh, here's the cake.

I think you have to bring it to her. Because she's now over the knee. Before she blows out the cake. Blow out the cake?

Well, but the candles are lit here. Yes, happy birthday. I can blow at the same time. You have to pay royalties for that?

What day is today? Who's counting? Everyone counts together. What did she say? 28?

45. Happy birthday. Ready? Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Good job then seeing this. I don't think that was 20 something.

Happy birthday to you. Harder, harder. Harder, she did it. She can blow them out.

We haven't started this. Deeper and harder. We all have to count together. We got distracted by the cake.

I feel like lifting up that paddle and spanking you with it. Then everyone could eat cake off her. How much have we done here?

Have you done any? Nothing really. Here we go. One.

Two. Three. Six. Seven.

Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven.

Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen.

Seventeen. Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty.

Twenty-six, right? Twenty-five. Plus one to grow on. No, no, no.

You've just been volunteered for something. Oh, that would be great if she would do it. You feel like a nipple action. Yeah, that's right.

Because you wouldn't give me any. So you're going to have to suck me, baby. Mmm. Oh, yes, Morgan.

Oh, Morgan. Mmm. I think my eyelashes is on your boob, honey. What?

No, I thought I lost my eyelash, but... You look fantastic. I mean, I'm strong, but I don't know if I have the leverage. I'm too short.

I think you should do it. What are we trying to do here? Oh, okay. But she has to take her pants off or something.

Oh, she did. Maybe we should take off the panties, too. Oh, so I'm going to get it all over her fishnet, though. No.

No, she's saying, uh-uh. Sand your ground, girl. I'm left with this thing. It doesn't say a thing.

Well, let me get out of the way. I think we're going to have to spank Teja with it, right? Either you, you're the birthday girl. You first.

You're the first choice, okay? But if you don't want to get it, I'll just spank my producer with it. With the cake?

Yeah, with your cake. You want the cake? I think you should spank Teja. Yeah, I think you need to spank her with the cake.

If you're not going to take it, then you have to do the spanking. Okay, then I'm taking the cake, I guess. You're going to take the cake. Okay, then bend over.

Take the cake, honey. Okay. And you want it on your underwear. Oh, no.

Well, you don't have to. You could pull them down. Don't be intimidated by the Puritans in the right corner over there.

You know what's really hot is women who work hard so they don't need... This is getting heated, y'all watching this? This is a lover.

It's up to you, honey. Right, okay. It's up to you. Okay, so what is the verdict here?

But she's letting you know your boobs are falling out. I don't think so. Panties up, down, or... Up.

Girlfriend says up. Girlfriend says up. I follow directions. I see, I see.

We're going to blame the girlfriend. Right. Okay, so you're going to have to move over a little bit. Put your hands on this counter.

Don't watch yourself in the monitor. It's very disconcerting. Your boobs look great at this angle. Yeah, I'm liking this.

My ass is in the house. Your ass was made to be a serving platter. My ass is made to be covered. So I'm getting ready.

Yes, just wiggle your ass. That's right. Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle. Like a good birthday girl.

My stockings are falling down. Okay, here we go. And are you ready? I've never done this before.

Okay. I hear that all the time. I've actually never done this before. Do you want us to count for you?

On one of my birthdays, I did have a bunch of clowns and porn stars around me, and I took my pants off and I sat in my cake for them.

Oh. They licked the cake on. Real clowns? That was very brave of you. I know, clowns are scary.

But you know, it's okay. We do things at anybody's level that they want. You know, if you want to have cake all over your panties,

that's just fine. There's nothing too sophisticated or too juvenile. Okay, here we go. Should we count for you?

Count? She's just going to do it. How many times am I going to do this? We're good. Just do it. One, two, ready, go!

I think I got to get into the zen of this. Can we do a high-speed cam here? We can get like a slow motion because... Spank!

We have a very nice house, Susan. Hey, it's pretty good. What kind of cake is that? It's Teja's cake.

Nice. Teja, I think you now need to just smear it all over yourself. Mmm.

Mmm, okay. It was meant to stay together. That cake is solid. It has fishnet marks in it.

Yes, it does. And I still have clean panties pretty much. Pretty much, yeah, you do. It's true. A little bit around the fishnet there, but...

On the outside anyway. I know someone who could lick it off. She's here. Put her to work.

Yes, someone could lick that. Oh, there goes Morgan. Mommy's licking baby now. Mmm.

Aren't you happy you came here for your birthday? All right. So, you got a unique spanking there. And what is that?

Like a turkey feather dress? I guess, I don't know. I mean, it's kind of cool. Yeah, it's kind of cute.

It's from Wicked. It's going to get cake all over it now, but all right. You've got cake on your microphone. I do, oh well.

There you go, lick it off. It tastes like windscreen. Like microphone? Yeah.

All right, so we did that. Okay, you know, happy birthday. Happy birthday. Morgan's lipstick is all over your boobs too.

That's pretty great. Would you lick that off, please? Of course, honey. Now, we might think we're the only animal with...

I think you've got more on. I think it's just... I'm giving her a hecky is what it really is. That's really what it is.

I'm not sure yet. Because I'm wearing lip gloss. This is just my pale skin is kind of like Jenna's. Seriously, honey.

And she's just kissing me very hard. Oh, yeah. You know. It's even on that one, honey.

So, you look like you're ready to play Mahjong or something. What's that?

I don't know her. Well, very sort of suburban. Well, I've domesticated.

Yeah. Really fucking domesticated. Is that your choice? I am too, so don't worry about it.

Yeah. You're domesticated. Oh, totally. I like to home decorate.

That's my new thing lately. I really like to decorate my house. And I like to clean things. Do you have a garage full of tools?

I don't have a garage. Do you have a foot fetish? I have a shoe fetish. Really?

Can I see you show your love of Kayla's shoes? Up here.

Up here. Come, come, come. Walk, walk. Walking music.

Okay. Whoa. Oh. Here we go.

We're going to get our walking music eventually. And this is Kayla. Jane. Oh, we've been here before.

Danger. All right. So you have a high heel fetish. Is that right?

I love sexy shoes, period. It doesn't really matter who makes them. These happen to be very, very sexy shoes. And they're also Christian Louis Vuitton.

You tried them on, I believe, for the first time when I was with you? Yes, in Vegas. She tried these on, and I loved them.

Okay. And now she has them. I wish you'd had them when we were shooting. Why didn't you get them?

Because I had plenty of others to wear for you to look. All right. Well, there they are. Here they are now. And here is

the tongue of Jenna. Actually, there is a set on her, my doll parts, where I suck

on one of her... What was it, like little skull? She has a skull on one of her shoes, and I spent like a good 15 minutes just playing with her skull.

What's the name of that one? Alexander McQueen's. Right, but the name is the scene. Oh, the scene is called Queen.

That's the scene is Queen, if you want to see it. No toe rings. Tongue ring.

We got a tongue ring though. I have a tongue ring. I have an oral fixation. You have an oral fixation.

I can put my whole hand down my mouth. Oh, let's see that. I had a feeling that might be cutting. Well, you know, you said you can do it.

I want to see... Okay, there's the whole hand without the thumb. Yes. I think that makes it legal.

Let's see how you do with trying the thumb. Yeah, just fold it under. There you go. Oh, see? That's pretty good. That's...

Now, you're impressed. I'm impressed, yeah. You can't do that. You got bigger hands. I'm very lucky.

I have very small hands. I've gone where no man has gone before. I just had my jaw done. You had your jaw done.

You don't think I look a little different? That's why you look so domesticated. Yes, right. You had it shrunken.

I had a bunch of stuff done. I knew that you look different, but I don't think in those terms... You look amazing.

Thank you. Your eyes look the same. Jenna and I were looking at your pictures before we came. There's still my eyes.

You were... So in exchange for your domestic boredom, you get all this work done. Is that how it works? It's not that I'm bored. It's just that it's different.

You know, the different things. But is he paying for all this stuff? Well, I didn't. All right, so we got marriage here,

brothers and sisters. This is the human way. I bet you didn't. You know, there's all kinds...

Sex for me, that's what it's called. You know, this is actually an interesting thing because it's a relationship that's developed

out of... Well, I guess I can just say what it is. Yeah, sure. We know what it is. Might as well say it.

You know, obviously I do porn for a living. And I've been a sex provider for many years. And I'll let your imaginations

run wild with how I met my soon-to-be husband. And it's just... And it's just blossom.

But it's still that kind of relationship, but it's more. It's definitely more. But you know, a lot of marriages are that way.

What? They happen to meet in that particular way that doesn't mean that their relationship is based off of her lifestyle

or his lifestyle, how he met her. They developed a relationship beyond her job. There you go.

It's proof that you can turn a hoe into a housewife after a while. That's for sure. They should both begin with HO. That's for absolutely, absolutely.

A hoosewife. A hoosewife. Right. If you have enough money, you can turn a hoe

into a housewife. That's the key. You can always leap over the barrier. Of the three strippers I've dated,

only one of them was I actually like a customer. Well, I'll tell you what. I've dated strippers and porn stars and bodybuilders and gorgeous men

and they all really turn out to be kind of douchebags. You know? So I couldn't just, you know,

I thought, you know, why not go for someone who really appreciates me for who I am and I feel good about, you know, what I give him in return.

So... We're happy. I am happy. Like I said, it's going to be back here in LA.

Yeah, yeah. Hey, you know, this show was originally, the topic was... Wildlife.

But it hasn't been a very wild show. I mean, aside from smacking your ass with the cake, but you kept your panties on, so it wasn't that wild. I put my whole hand down my throat.

Oh, you did put your whole hand down your throat. I put my whole hand down my throat. I'm pretty sure that's kind of wild. It wasn't really wild. It's been a kind of...

Let's just say compared to some of my shows, this isn't a wild one. This is pretty tame for one of your shows. Like everyone seems so domesticated.

Yes. And you know, this show... And they say that porn people and adult performers can't live like...

Conventional. I date a very vanilla boy and we've been in a monogamous relationship for five years

and I'm the performer, I'm the whatever. He is a totally... He will never even give a hand to a spanking video.

Not going to show an inch of himself ever in any one of my scenes. But is completely proud of what I do, happy for

me and my business and my life and my lifestyle. And would never condemn me for it, he just has no interest in personally partaking.

Well, I guess, you know, there's all sort of... It's a voyeur... It's a crazy world.

I do believe in that. I think that can completely be a part of it. And I wouldn't say that he's necessarily like the most textbook voyeur,

but at the same time, he's more of one of those, you know, like, accept and yeah, exactly. Go with the flow and just...

I learned one thing from marriage and I only took one bite of that apple, but I was a long slow bite.

That six month waiting period should be on the front end, not on the back end, right? Would save me a lot of trouble. Well, that's called premarital sex.

No, no, I mean, you have to wait six months to get divorced. No, you have to wait six months to get married. Oh, well, yeah, that's...

Most people do, exactly. You did not. Well, my ex-wife's biological sock was tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

Ah, one of those. That's a whole bunch of... So this show has gone... I mean, I guess

the idea of while... Are you disappointed? Are you sad? Well, yeah, I'm a little sad, but I'm okay. You could hop on the Sybian.

I know, I do that all the time. I mean, I could do... I probably will to, you know, calm myself down later.

But anyway, it's okay, it's okay. Hey, you guys. I mean, are you happy? Are you okay? Oh, hell yeah. You know, you're happy being domesticated.

Even though you're porn stars, you don't want to show your tits or anything like that. I'm so... You could Google them. These are mercenaries

right here. Thank you, by the way. That's fine, that's fine. But, you know, we're just about out of time.

And so we're... You want to take a Sybian ride for your birthday? Oh, come on. Everybody's just so tame tonight.

Everybody loves it. You know what, though? It's okay. You know, maybe this is just like a little tone down. No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm going to ride the fucking Sybian. This is ridiculous. Okay. Get on the Sybian.

No, no, move aside. Coming around a corner, honey, I am. No, no, you all can just get lost. You know what? I really think

I think we should all get off and watch her get off. I think that's a great idea. You know, I just wanted to feel that wild feeling, and usually I get it

from my audience or my guests. But sometimes I just got to be civilized

and not get it from the jungle. But get it from

my machine. My beautiful human-made Oh, yeah.

Oh, man. By the way, I'm completely clothed, right? Okay. But it feels so good.

Oh, yeah. Yes, I understand. Oh, why Sybian?

Oh, and there's another vibrator. A rubber ducky. I could put him in the front. Right. And here's

the bonobo. Well, actually, he's more of a common chimp, but you know, he's cute.

And there's, and Tasia made it, right? Tasia made it, and

brothers and sisters mmm you know, we can talk all we want

and we can make things and we can wear high heels and we can be very dignified in our corsets and our AA programs

and our tweets of judgment and

our anti-sex religions whether we worship Allah or Buddha

or I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. We can worship money. Yeah, baby, it buys us lots of

tits and jaws and we can worship ourselves. Yes. Whoa.

And we can also just recognize that we are all children of sex. Sex is what brings us into the world

and sex is what motivates us to stick around for a while. Mmm. It's the year of arrows, brothers and sisters.

2013. Look at it in a mirror. Enjoy it. Celebrate it.

Practice the bonobo way of peace through pleasure. Make like bonobos, not baboons, okay? War is not the answer.

Love and sex and sharing ourselves and not being so afraid that someone will say

that we're silly or maybe sluts slut-shaming

or maybe oh, yeah. Spank it. Spank it. Yes.

Oh, the bonobo is spanking you now. Where was I? Make like bonobos, not baboons. Make love, not war.

Make love to someone you love tonight. Even if that someone is you. I love you. Talk with someone about something you can't

talk about with anyone else. You can talk to us. I'm Dr. Susan Block, your mistress of the airwaves.

But my day job is director of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts and Sciences, specializing in sex therapy

over the phone. Anytime you need to talk, whether you need serious psychotherapy or a hot phone sex experience

or a combination, my world-renowned telephone sex therapists are just a phone call away. Totally private, absolutely confidential.

We listen, talk with you, advise you, role-play for you, fantasize with you. No fantasy is too taboo

and help you with anything from impotence to exhibitionism, fears to desires, fetishes to marriages.

For more information, call us at 213-291-9497. That's 213-291-9497 Anytime you need to talk.