Fearful of Sex

Full transcript of Fearful of Sex on The Dr. Susan Block Show:

Now I'm going to talk with Angel. Hi, Angel. Hello. Angel.

Yeah. What a nice name. Thank you. Do you have wings?

Uh, yeah, but they're a little dusty. Oh, that's okay. I'll blow the fairy dust off your wings. I was hoping to do the same thing, too.

Reason being is I'm 29 and, um, fearful of sex. And I'd like to be more sexual and sensual. Oh, okay. Well, what are you afraid of?

I, well, I have a second partner, and he is suggesting... You have a second partner? As in this is my second time. Oh, I see.

So you've had sex just two times, or you've had sex with two different partners? Right. Okay. Okay, within a span of six years.

Okay. And, um... Was the first one a relationship, or...? The first one was a mistake.

Well, most people's first ones are a mistake. So I always say have sex before you get married. I know that most of the advisors don't say that, but... Anyway, then you don't make a big mistake.

Well, now the second time, it's scary for me. It's like jumping back into the water. Okay. And he's very mature.

How old is he? Well, he's past his 30s. Past his 30s? In his 30s, okay.

And he has suggested a lot. In fact, he does watch his show. Also, one of my family members watches his show. Well, terrific.

This is the family show tonight. Isn't it? Absolutely. Well, that's great.

Well, howdy. Well, um, basically, like I said, you know, I'm not too experienced in sex. And what is he interested in doing that you're wondering about? He's interested in fantasy playing and basically watching.

Oh, he's a voyeur. Yes. Oh, well, you know, I have a special sweet spot for voyeurs. Being as my butler and husband whom I'm celebrating my fifth anniversary with

is a bit of a voyeur himself. So happy to be on the anniversary. Thank you. Yes, he's a voyeur.

And I have some voyeurism in me. I love to watch people strut around and have sex or be just sexual. And I also, of course, love to listen to all the people that call in and tell me about their sexual problems and pleasures.

That's voyeuristic. But I must admit, I'm quite exhibitionistic, too. I like to show off for him. And everybody else while I'm at it.

That I'm kind of scared of. Okay. I'm kind of scared of doing it. I'm kind of scared of opening up and allowing myself to be watched.

That's understandable. There are lots of dangers in that. And I'll talk to you about those in a minute. But first, let me ask you a question.

Okay. Is there any part of you that enjoys it or that might enjoy it or that at least enjoys the fantasy of it? Someone watching you and appreciating how you look,

how you behave, how you move. It's basically, it's kind of like when I am in the act of doing it, I feel so like a child, really scared to open up. But it's the after effect that really turns me on.

The after effect turns you off? It turns me on. It turns you on? Yeah.

The after effect of being watched? Yeah. I see. Thinking about it afterwards.

So while it's happening, you're just nervous. Yes. You're nervous, darling. That's all.

You're just nervous because you haven't done this very much. Exactly. All right. So you got to make up for lost time.

There you go. And you're, you know, you're not old, but you're 29 and that's a little older than most women in the 90s having, you know, this sort of thing.

One of my family members is younger than me. She's trying to give me advice and she also, you know, she's always suppressing herself and she's always telling me, watch Susan's lock.

Yes. She'll tell you all of it. All right. Well, bless her heart and her body.

She is such a fanatic about you. Oh, good. Well, I'd like to talk to her sometime. Tell her to give me a call.

She probably will. All right. In the meantime, let's get back to you though. All right.

Sounds like you've got a lot of angels in your life, Angel. I do. You have some sexual angels. You have me.

Hi. Thank you. I'm now rooting for you. Thank you.

And praying for you to the gods and the goddesses. And you've got your relative and you've got your new man. Yes. And you've got to trust them, I think.

I do. Do you think they're worthy of trust? Let me ask you that first. Are they worthy of trusting and letting go?

Well, there's a little story behind that because even though I am fearful of all the situations that happen, I'm also very fearful because a lot of fantasy comes into play. He is experimental with other people, other women. He's a swinger?

No, no. He's experimental with other women. And I believe he has another woman. And I've confronted him and I've told him.

And he said something to the like of, yes, I do once in a while. But one thing is we are very protective about sex. He does believe in condom. But maybe do you want to be with somebody right now who's with somebody else?

Right now I just, I want to experience. Really? I told him I would like to experience this. You know, we've been very frank with each other.

Okay. So that doesn't bother you that he's got another lady that he also has sex with? It doesn't, but it kind of, you know, the thought of doing, having sex with him and being with him and knowing that he has somebody else.

That does bother you. Yeah, it does. It annoys me a little. But those are the chances you have to take.

Not necessarily. Well. You know, I don't know. I don't know if this guy is worth it.

I'm not sure. It's like taking a plane of dangerous games. Now you're trying to convince me that he's worth it. That's why I'm trying to convince myself of it too.

Uh-huh. Why don't you deserve a guy that's going to be all yours? Unless you want to be a swinger and you want to be with different people. Well.

Do you want to be with different people? You know, I've thought about it. Oh, okay. I have thought about it.

But like I said, you know, it's like jumping in the water. I'm afraid to experience new things. All right. Well, it sounds like you really do need some experiences somewhere along the line.

Yeah. Because you're thinking about a lot of things and not doing very much. No. And I would just, yeah, be very careful and condoms and don't have any anal sex.

Right. And, you know, just take care of yourself. Uh-huh. And understand too that exhibitionistic voyeuristic games are very safe.

They are. Yes. Okay. And I would use this opportunity with this guy that you can't fully trust with every part of you.

Right. You can't. But you can trust him to some extent, certainly enough to explore your exhibitionistic fantasies and his voyeuristic fantasies.

Wow. And that's safe. Yeah. At least it's safe physically.

It might not be safe emotionally. You still might fall, you know, desperately in love with him and he would be a real cad. You know, I think he could be that type. But that's not the thing.

I mean, we've come to the understanding that nothing lasts forever. You know, you're giving you take. And all good things do eventually come to an end. I don't think you know what you believe in yet.

No. Your mouth and what he believes. This is, I mean, he tells me a lot. I know.

And he's a pretty smooth guy. I probably like him. He sounds like a real charmer. He is a real charmer.

Yeah. He sits there and convinces me of a lot of stuff. Yeah. Well, you just keep your wits about you, young lady.

You keep your wits about you, but you take advantage of what he has to offer you. He is a teacher. He is, who knows, but probably not your soulmate. Right.

Be aware of that. Don't give all of yourself, but give enough of yourself so that you can learn from this and experience something and have a wild adventure that you'll remember when you're old and gray.

I plan on doing that, definitely. And also, you being 29 and having only had one partner and that was not so good, you really, you need to live a little, girl. I know.

And like I say, you know, I've got my little angel over here, too, to help me. She wants to take me out to places. Good. And she should take you out because you need to meet other guys, too.

This is not the only guy for you. You should explore things with him because he sounds kind of interesting, but be very careful. He's a snake.

Where's my snake? I have a snake, too. But my snake is not poisonous. He might be poisonous.

I love your snake. It's so cute. Oh, somebody give me Eve. Just give me the box and I'll take it because Eve has to wave to angel.

Yeah, but you know, I don't know. There's some things I like about this guy. First of all, I like his taste in television. He watches my show.

But I don't know if I would trust him with much. I know I wouldn't trust him with everything. Right. Definitely not.

But you know, you can sometimes learn from a snake. That's true. That's true. And like you know.

Snakes know a lot about sensuality, but they can hug their victims to death. They tempt them. And they're very tempting, yes.

And they can tempt you and they can show you the fruit of knowledge. That's right. And you need a little knowledge. Because you know, this earth, it ain't Eden unless we learn how to make it Eden.

That's true. And we got to learn. By the way, speaking of Eden and that sort of thing, do you have a religious upbringing by any chance?

Yes, I do. Yeah. But the funny thing is that we're very... Me and my mother are very close when we talk about sexual relations and stuff.

She knows a little bit about this. And what does mom think of this guy? Well, believe it or not, she thinks that I should be very careful. I believe it.

And she thinks that, yes, I'm doing very right by using protections. But I told her, it's true. I told her I haven't exactly gone all the way with him. He is a new partner.

And right now it's just watching, touching, petting. I think you should use him, like he's to some extent using you. Use him to develop your sexual image. Because I don't think it's very developed yet.

Right. Because you're a little bit of a late bloomer. In some ways I was a late bloomer too. I mean, not exactly the same way as you, but I'm still developing my sexual image.

And I definitely use exhibitionism to do that. And that's what he's offering you. That's the only thing I take from him. I wouldn't have intercourse with him.

Right. Don't have intercourse with him. Play with him. Tease him.

Develop your ability to tease. That would probably be the better choice. Learn all the ways to be sexual that you can be with him without giving your body to him totally.

Right. Because he's not worth that. Right. And go out with your friend or your relative.

Your cousin is it? This is my sister. Your sister? Yes.

Oh, your sister. He loves your outfit. Oh, well, she should see me now. I'm wearing my bridal crinoline and bridal tiara.

I couldn't put the wedding dress on in bed, but, you know, celebrating my anniversary and my maiden form bra. Yeah, we recently watched you talk to Johnny Black. Oh, yes.

Johnny Black. She's hot. She's very beautiful. Oh, yes.

And lots of fun, you know, very, very fun to play with. Well, anyways, you have been very, very insightful. Well, thank you. And I take your advice like I take my mother's advice.

Well, I'm your mother confessor. You know what? I wouldn't put it past my mother. She's probably watching your program also.

Hi, Mom. I love you, Mom. You got a good girl there, a very good girl. We're just going to make her just a teeny, weeny bit naughty.

Not a bad girl. Don't worry about that. But just enjoy her naughtiness a little bit. My mother's always telling me I have to open up a little bit more.

Yes, you do. And it's funny because like, you know, like I said, we are a religious family. What's your religion?

Christian. Okay. Basic Christian. And you don't hear Christians talking about things like that.

No, you don't. But Jesus hung out with Mary Magdalene. And so, you know. But my mom's the kind of mom that says, you know,

why don't you buy a whip, you know, a toy? Buy a whip? Yeah. Oh, whip this guy.

I agree with your mother. Whip this guy. Definitely. My mother has got a whip on us to show me what it was.

And she said, this whip is for your father. Wow. No, it is not. She says, yes it is.

This is what you call a turn on. All right, Mom. I couldn't believe it. I was shocked.

Well, you know, you're shocked because it's your mother. But hey, you've got some interesting characters in your family. You've got a lot of angels, Angel. I do.

All these sexual angels that you're going to learn from. Whip and Papa. And I think, yeah, I think you could give this guy a little whipping. He's naughty.

He's very naughty. But as far as going sexually, I'm not going to go all the way. I'm just going to take it slow. And use the voyeurism to my extent.

Sex is, there's so many different, many splendid aspects to sex. You really don't have to let them all the way into you. Right. And you can just develop yourself so beautifully.

Right. All right, my darling angel. Thanks. Angel.

It's so nice to have an angel call me on my anniversary. Thank you for calling. Good luck to you. And keep in touch.

Call me again, okay? We will do that. We will. Okay, the whole family.

Yeah. Wow. You're listening to Radio Suzy One on the World Wide Web. Need to talk with someone about something you can't talk about with anyone else?

You can talk to us. I'm Dr. Susan Block, your mistress of the airwaves. But my day job is director of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts and Sciences,

specializing in sex therapy over the phone. Anytime you need to talk, whether you need serious psychotherapy or a hot phone sex experience or a combination,

my world-renowned telephone sex therapists are just a phone call away. Totally private, absolutely confidential. We listen, talk with you, advise you, role play for you, fantasize with you.

No fantasy is too taboo and help you with anything from impotence to exhibitionism, fears to desires, fetishes to marriages. For more information, call us at 213-291-9497.

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