Masturbation Month is COMING…

Full transcript of Masturbation Month is COMING… on The Dr. Susan Block Show:

Need to talk with someone about something you can't talk about with anyone else? You can talk to us. I'm Dr. Susan Block, your mistress of the airwaves. But my day job is director of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts and Sciences, specializing in sex therapy over the phone.

Anytime you need to talk, whether you need serious psychotherapy or a hot phone sex experience or a combination, my world-renowned telephone sex therapists are just a phone call away. Totally private, absolutely confidential. We listen, talk with you, advise you, role-play for you, fantasize with you, no fantasy is too taboo, and help you with anything from impotence to

exhibitionism, fears to desires, fetishes to marriages. For more information call us at 213-291-9497. That's 213-291-9497. Anytime you need to talk. You're listening to Radio Susie One on the World Wide Web, and now here she is, Dr. Susan Block.

Brothers and sisters, lovers and sinners, artists and exhibitionist voyeurs and connoisseurs,

wankers and spankers, doms and subbies, all you children of sex, and we are all children of sex. With a capital X, can I get an amen of the Bonobo Way in

the new village of Bonoboville? And yeah, this is our fourth show live from the new Bonoboville. You know, they say four is the charm, they don't really, but anyway, it's what it is, and

no, we don't have guests yet. Although we do have our Bonobovillians inner sanctum, sanctorum

choir, and here in the Church of the Bonobo Way. No congregation tonight, but we do have various pieces of music playing in and out of the

choir's box, and that's Abe, by the way. He's my technical director. There he is! Abraham! And that's my piano that isn't playing now, and of course,

Yoshi's sculpture of me that isn't opened yet, and Harry is over there taking pictures. And you can't see Bianca. No. And you can see my adorable assistance, the bubbly blossom green and sexy Shannon.

Sweet. Oh, yeah. And we're a little mismatched in how we're dressed tonight. We didn't really coordinate things like last last week was, you know,

our bunny 420 Passover. Everybody wore bunny ears. We were very coordinated. You know, it now seems as though the Passover wine spilled all over my outfit because I'm covered in wine color. Wine. I love wine. What's a Jewish American princess's favorite wine?

I want to go to Miami. Well, that's an old joke. When Miami was a desirable place to go. Now, of course, it's like climate change could be underwater. You know, it's not as, maybe Palm Beach, but I don't know. The police are a little hooker crazy

over there. They're trying to bust, you know, perfectly consensual, happy hookers, really. And call them people that are being trafficked. That whole orchid Asia spa was just a total scam on the part of police that would rather catch hookers than real criminals because

hey, it's easier and maybe more fun. But it's a terrible thing to do. And Cesta Fosta has encouraged it. And well, that's why we've been talking against it. We're going to talk about a lot of other things. We don't have guests tonight. So we're very excited to be able to talk to you. That's right. You can talk to me.

You can talk to Blossom. You can talk to Shannon. You can talk to Max, who abandoned the camera. Maybe Gideon will come up to the camera now. I don't know. I don't know. But the camera has been abandoned. Okay. Well, anyway, you can call us. And let's see. I got a new number. Okay.

It's 626-461-5950. That's 626-461-5950. And then our toll-free number, if you are in North America, you could call me. Don't be afraid. Just call me. Call us. And that number is 1-866-289-7068. Blossom, don't put on a jacket. Take off things. Right. Right. Yeah. As I'm trying to entice people to call. All right. Thank you. Thank you. Thank

you. Thank you. You can put it around. I don't know. Your elbows or something. I want to see those nice sparkly shoulders. Yeah. Whoo. So let's talk about what's on your mind, what's in your heart, and what's between your legs. That's right. Brothers and sisters, lovers and sinners. Masturbation month is coming. I hope you like that part. Laugh. Right. I know. That's a fake laugh.

All right. Well, anyway, masturbation month really is coming. If you're tuned in live right now, May is masturbation month. And it has been so declared by my friends at Good Vibrations, as well as my dear friend, Dr. Betty Dodson, author of Sex for One, and that used to be liberating masturbation, which is where I learned how to have my first voluntary orgasm.

You know? Well, we get some applause for that. Yeah. I'd had some involuntary orgasms, not during sex, riding a horse and doing a kip-up in gym class where you kind of go back, sort of like the plow position, and you go, I can't do it anymore. But it gave me an orgasm. It like tenses up your pelvic muscles. And then you go, boom. And I went, whoa, I like that exercise.

But I couldn't necessarily repeat it all the time, not genastically or orgasmically. But anyway, reading Betty Dodson's book gave me my first orgasm. I just learned where the vulva is, what the vulva is. And I learned what the clitoris is and what the labia is. Hey, we have a vulva puppet here to let us know. So, and also Jesus is still with us. We're happy

about that. Right? He's nestled nicely inside the vulva puppet. Jesus is in her now. Yes. And so, yeah, they declared May, masturbation month, because it was around the time that President Billy Clinton, who I defended during his impeachment, and I still think he did a lot less, a lot, oh my God, than somebody over there, Mr. Trumpadence. Right. I mean, talk about who

should be impeached. That's who should be impeached. Anyway, right now, okay, but the camera, the video camera didn't go to Trumpadence. Maybe I should walk over there. So, yes, Trumpadence should be impeached. And yet, Billy Clinton was impeached. And I defended him during that time. And yet, I really think instead of firing his surgeon general, and by the way, that's now a

phrase for masturbation. Fire in the surgeon general. Right. Okay. He fired Dr. Joyce Lynn Elders, a brilliant, beautiful, wonderful woman, primarily saying in some kind of forum that, yes, if in an educational setting, a sex educational setting, they were talking about safe sex, that masturbation should be taught. Not that the teachers are going to teach you how to play

with your mushroom. No, they're just going to say, you know, among other forms of safe sex, like using condoms or phone sex, another form of safe sex that we really like, lots of forms. But masturbation is a really good one. And it's as close as you. It's right with you. You know, you don't have to go nowhere. You don't have to get dressed up. You don't have to look good.

You don't even have to say the right thing. You can be obnoxious. And there you are. You're enjoying yourself. So it's almost masturbation month. It's also almost Domcon. Domcon is coming. That's why we have someone that says they're calling now in to talk to you. Okay, call in now. And they say they love your outfit. We love your outfit. They were calling in right now. All right. Call

me, baby. Call me. No, no. Interrupt me. That's exciting. They like my outfit. Hard theme. Did they say anything about my outfit? No. We all have great outfits tonight. We really do. You look like a kitty cat. And Ellie May here, Shannon really is representing Texas as a cutie. So, you know, and you both look a little submissive and I'm getting ready for Domcon. I will be wearing

Damascus latex. So don't forget to go to Damascus and get your latex. It's my third time wearing Damascus. I'm very excited. And we're going to go there I think next week to check out a new outfit. So yeah, Domcon is coming, coming and coming. And hopefully we'll have the new magazine. And hopefully we'll have spanking art because that is really perfect for Domcon. Because it is. But

Amazon, Bezos Amazon is a little slow. I'm not sure if they're going to publish it or not because we do have a picture of Jeff Bezos as a penis. If not, we're going to downtown LA. I just want to clarify that it's not his actual penis that we have. It's just a dildo. We like dildos with his head on it. And it looks kind of perfect, but maybe it's disturbing. Could be a

problem. It could be a problem. So, okay, I hear the phones ringing and we could be taking a call. I mean, what is the protocol, speaking of which, when the call comes in? Do you have a phone over here? Okay. Okay, so we put, okay, we will update us. A heavy accent. Oh, let's, we don't need his information. This is the show. This is not therapy. This is not private. Yeah. We can even give him

a name like Jack. Okay, let's listen to the caller. Let's see if we can hear him and understand him, which is most important. Just put him on. Put him on. Hello, Jack. I'm holding on. Hold on. I'm also wearing gauntlets in a moment that look like 420. Oh, hello, Jack. Hello. Hi. Oh, what is your name? Sonny. Sonny. Okay, that's a good name. So, Sonny,

welcome to the Dr. Susan Block Show. We're happy to talk to you. Did you have a question or a comment? He did say love and sex. Yeah, I would like to know, like, I was, like, quite impressed by your website and all your, all your things in it. So, I would like to have, like, learn more about sex. You would like to learn more about sex? Well, good for you, Sonny, because people should, I mean,

everybody, everybody should learn more about sex. So, what is it you really want to learn? Yeah, like, how to impress a girl and how to have sex with her? Like, you know. That's a good question. How to impress a girl and, you know, like a single girl. I guess you're a single guy? Yeah. Okay, although you should always be impressing your wife if you're married.

That's important, as Max knows. But as a single guy, you know, how do you impress a girl? Well, I have some ideas about that, but I have some girls here or young women, really. So, is there any, how are you impressed? So, hold on, Sonny, you're going to hear some. You're going to hear some ways that young girls are impressed. So, Sonny, this is

Lawson Green, and I want to say that something that really impresses me is genuine honesty and buying girl a drink and taking her out to dinner and not expecting anything after that, just doing it to genuinely spend time with someone. And, you know, don't ask for something. Let her give it to you. All right. Genuine honesty. None of that fake honesty. Okay? And I know you're

horny. We know that. And you can talk to us about it because, you know, this is a sex talk show. And, but really, the woman doesn't tend to love it when you kind of go, want to have sex, you know, while you're on your first date. And I think you know that. You know that. And so, but it's more than that. It's taking a genuine interest in the woman, which

is not easy to do if all you're thinking about is sex. It's the challenge. Can you meet that challenge, Sonny? Yeah, sure. I can. I can do my your best. That's all you can do. There is no magic formula, really, except, you know, take a shower. You know, of course, yeah, I mean, limousines help limousine or a yacht would help.

Okay, right. I'm just teasing. Well, women are I mean, women and men are all everybody in this capitalist doggy dog, human eat human society. You know, we we kind of like money, we go after money. Do you have a lot of money or not much money? Yeah, not, not like I have like not too much and not too less. Got it. Okay.

That's good. All right. So, you know, that's all you need. So, Shannon, tell us how you're impressed by a guy with a middle amount of money. Okay, well, my main thing is I like to see if the guy is paying attention to what I'm saying and takes a genuine interest in what I'm interested, even if that's not something he's normally interested in. Gotcha. You know, and I like it

when you tell someone something and then a month later or two months later, you bring it up again and they remember that and then they like talk about it further. Right. Like paying attention. Yes. As a talk show host and a and a and a boss and a sex therapist, I like when guys pay attention to what I'm saying. I think we all do and it's not easy because it's like you're

getting outside of yourself and really taking that person in. It's a little scary, but it's it's important to try to do that. And if it really feels bad, you probably shouldn't be with this woman. If you're like bored and you know, oh, I shouldn't look at my watch. I mean my phone or whatever you're looking at. You know, if that's how you feel that she's really boring, but she's

really sexy. I don't know. I'm all for sex. But when you have sex with someone that you really don't like, you're headed for trouble. Unless you're at an orgy, in which case, it's fine. It's great. It's beautiful. You know, you could just go to orgies and another thing. Don't focus too much on superficial. Like, don't just look at a girl and be like, Oh, she's hot. I'm going to go

for it. You just have to make sure that there's more there than just physical attraction because I mean, there's a lot of hot people out there, but to be hot and have something that you guys both like have in common and like minded interest and mutual like feelings for each other. That's where that's what's hot. Okay, so your middle of the road in terms of your connections,

what's hot, your money? How about your looks? How good looking are you? What would a scale of 1 to 10? What do you give yourself? There you have like a four or five. A four?

Now you're going to have to work a little harder. Is that a nose problem? You have a strange nose or why do you call yourself a four or five? You should look at the glass half full and that's half full.

Well, you know, this is someone being authentic. There's someone for everybody though. And maybe you're a little self deprecating. I personally find a self deprecating person to be appealing to some extent, as long as you're not like, I hate myself, you know, but

right. One would hope you're maybe a six, I don't know, but you say you're a four. Anyway, so I hope you're looking for women who, you know, are kind of interested in you. That's a that's another thing is to go for women that give you the eye. Where do you go to look for them?

The look of lust because it's not love yet because you just met. So it would be kind of like that. And it might not be the woman that you automatically go to because of social media and regular media just constantly showing us Kardashians and whatnot.

But but it could be a woman that will make you feel good. And that's what we all need. Any other advice for Sonny? Do you have any women in your life right now, Son?

No, I don't like but the thing is that whenever I hook up a woman, like I I can't like have sex like means like I have like I come out very fast. So you come up very fast. Ah, you need some sex therapy.

Yes. And I would say you should, if you can't afford the sex therapy, go to yes, masturbate. Go to my website, DrSusanBlockInstitute.com, little advertisement.

And there's a section called premature ejaculation because even though it's kind of like it's just early ejaculation, it's not necessarily premature, especially if you can do it again real quick. But yeah, combat techniques.

Combat. Right. It's the only kind of combat I'm into is combating things that are interfering with your happiness.

And if you're coming before you're going, then yeah, that's interfering with your happiness. So you can do the stop-start technique and it is just what it sounds like, you know, and the squeeze technique, which is also what it sounds like.

And I don't know how, you know, detailed I'm going to get on Facebook and also Sonny we just met. So you read that and that is important because that will give you more confidence for you to be able to master your inability to come.

I mean inability to, you know, make it last because women like to make it last. But I will say this, if a guy comes quick and then he just keeps going, we like it. You know, it's okay. Use your fingers, use your tongue.

Don't be upset about your calm. And use a vibrator and, you know, do things, talk, enjoy. And don't just go, oh, I came. Oh, sorry.

You know, then of course we feel like, oh, God, you're a loser. And, you know, that's that it's a lot of it is attitude. You got that, Sonny? Yeah.

Okay, good. I trust you on that. Yeah, but like what kind of sex? Like women like like anal or like like anal.

You see, this is your, this is one of your problems, hun. Okay, you're going, what do women like like anal? I think you're watching porn, right? Do you watch porn?

No answer. Okay, a lot of people watch porn. Some of my best friends are porn stars. I love porn and porn stars, but it's not a realistic look at sex.

Especially in terms of what women like. Don't do that on the first date. Don't on the first date. Don't talk about anal at all.

Now maybe you want to be with a dominatrix or get an escort, use some of your hard-earned cash for that sort of thing, although don't do it in Palm Beach. But at the orchids of whatever Asia spa.

Anyway, yeah, you need to really study the Dr. Susan Block Institute website. Possibly read the bonobo way. Possibly save your pennies to call us.

We've given you a lot of free advice. You need to take it. You need to not be so whiny, even though I'm wearing wine as a color.

Okay, but I like you, Sonny, and I think you have potential. Other than that, we do have stir bis difflers. Sonny is there.

I don't think so. Okay, well Sonny, that's my talk. Sonny, are you there? Okay, so now we can take your calls.

Whoever you are, we can help you, but we're not going to soft-pedal. We're not going to... He's just hung up.

He's just looking at you. Yeah, he doesn't know what to say. And that's okay. Sonny is sitting with this.

Looking at you. I'm going to tell you, when you call us for therapy, I don't talk as fast, and I let you talk more. And I really try to help you more

as long as you want. But this is a show, and I'll try to help you. And, of course, you got Blossom, and you got Shannon,

and they'll try to help you, and Max will try to help you. I mean, you've got multiple helpers here. So we're going to be a little more short and kind of...

You know, I go to the market every week. I go to the market every week. You do, and women just fall at your feet. No, for 30...

Well, that's when I go to the Pasadena Trader Joe. Right. And then they go...

I hear all about that. The Trader Joe. There he is. He's still walking.

Right. These little little ladies. His wife never comes in with him. But what I want to say is,

I see a lot of couples at the market, and there are some ugly ones, but they love each other because they see beauty with each other.

So everybody has somebody to find them beautiful. Yeah. So fear not. I don't know about everybody.

Fear not. Fear not. I'm going to talk about that in a minute. But it's a good idea to really try,

because you only live once as far as we know. So you want to try to find somebody. If you want to call this person your soulmate, okay. But it could just be someone you really like.

And maybe you'll grow to love that person. Or maybe it's love at first sight. Like it kind of was with me and Max, although he was married and I had a boyfriend.

So we had to be friends for like six years. So, you know, things get in the way of love, but you got to keep optimistic. Just like, you know, anti-Trumpers

got to be optimistic about the presidents, even though now he has a second life, I think, because Mueller, Mueller, Mueller, you know, I kind of have to agree with Bill Maher.

I mean, he just blew it, you know. And I knew he would and I kept saying he's an FBI guy appointed by Bush. And he didn't really want to give up the goods.

Plus, Russia is no big deal. I mean, I think it's one of the best things about the presidents of the United States that he makes bromance with the president of Russia.

You know, we should get along. We should not nuke each other. He has so many other faults, like siding with the KKK and the neo-Nazis

and trying to kick all the immigrants out and just the way he treats women. And I could go on and on. And the worst is, of course, the tax cuts

that only benefit the 1%, or less than 1%. So, give us a call. We can talk about sex, love, life, relationships. And, of course, the longest-term relationship

you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. Yes, I love myself. You know, there's something called self-love September. I thought it was about masturbation,

but it's all about walking in the park and, I don't know, meditating. All about walking in the park. No, no, no, I'm asking you.

Now, by the way, meditating. Sonny hung up. Sonny finally hung up, because I'm ignoring him now. Sonny, you know, or maybe he came.

I don't know. Or maybe he came. He is a quick comer, right? He might have just come.

He was pleased to know. So, let's see. So, you could call. The number is 626-461.

It's a new number. 590-590 or 1-866-289-7068. And you can also submit, so to speak, since we're getting ready for DOMCON.

Submit your questions or your commentary, if you have something you'd like to say. To Facebook Live, where Blossom is blossoming and looking at everything you say.

So, you know, she'll even interrupt me, because I really don't have much of a theme tonight. Unlike last week, when I did this whole elaborate Easter Jesus Rising, Persephone Rising,

and of course, Passover. Now, speaking of Passover, I want to say something serious, okay? Sorry, I know, I know.

I'm usually a cut up, and I will be in a minute. But, last day of Passover, and today, a teenage white male supremacist opened fire in a Chabad synagogue in San Diego,

just a little bit south of us. So it kind of feels close to home, to me. I mean, and I'm sure to a lot of people, I know to a lot of people, it was all over Twitter.

And he used an AR-15. This is apparently the mass murder weapon of choice. And it is also, of course, a weapon of war. I mean, not that I'm pro-war, but I mean,

we're taking the war, the wars into the streets. And yeah, this was the day after Trump reiterated his support for the very fine people in Charlottesville, on the side of the KKK

and the neo-Nazis, trying to clarify something or other, but really just supporting them. And then yesterday, a U.S. Army veteran with PTSD, not the sex disorder.

He probably had the sex disorder, post-Trump sex disorder. I have an article, you should read it. But there's also all the other kinds of stress disorders that you get from Trump, and which you get from going to war.

And Trump said he was going to pull us out of wars? No way. He loves his generals too much, and he's too afraid of all the warmongers, and so he stays.

And yeah, this guy ran over some people that he thought were Muslims. I'm not even sure if they were. And then, of course, just equal opportunity.

There was, I mean, not equal, but kind of just horrors everywhere. The idea of this, I don't know, mass murder of 200, over 200 people in Sri Lanka is just mind-boggling.

And they were at church on Easter Sunday. And it's happening everywhere to everyone. And yeah, it's mostly white supremacists, but it's all kinds of people that are shooting and killing.

And thoughts and prayers don't cut it, obviously. I mean, I'm all into prayer. I did a lot of praying last week. But it's just for fun.

Prayer is for you to feel good, right? Now, what we need is a major cultural overhaul. And we need it for many, many, many reasons, not just to stop these mass murders,

but because the .001% is getting out of control. Just gaining more and more wealth as the poor just get poorer. And that's why we have make America eat again on the hat that the banana's wearing.

He also spoke before the NRA and said that the United States was going to drop out of the UN arms control treaties. And he told the NRA that nobody, but nobody, tells America what to do.

Wow. You know, the only good news about the NRA is that Wayne LaPierre and Ollie North are now fighting. The criminal.

They're both fighting. And they're both criminals. They're both gun, tote, and assholes. So maybe, I don't know.

I'm not going to say I want them to kill each other. They should just pull out their Jesuses and go at it. Anyway, little penis fencing, like the bonobos do. So, yeah, what does all this mass murder have to do with sex?

I just basically answered my own question. I mean, sometimes it's about being free to be bi or to be gay. Sometimes it's about just, you know, you're not gay. And you just need to get laid.

And so we need sex workers that can handle you all because you're obviously got trouble with women. That's inspired by Ellie Shannon, actually. But I keep thinking she's Ellie May and little Abner.

Anyway, some of these guys are incels. And they come out and say it in cell, meaning involuntary celibate. I call them frustratos because they are so frustrated.

They must scream their frustration to the community, to the commons, and kill people. Spray bullets. How about spraying some semen?

No, not all over the commons. No, no, just all over yourself. Although, hey, spraying semen at the church is a lot better than spraying bullets at the church.

So if you do that, I will be there to support you not getting, you know, getting kind of probation or something. I'll be your sex therapist. If you're really that fucked up

and you want to take an AR-15 to a church and shoot a bunch of people and you just go and jack off in front of the church or mosque or synagogue, I think that's a lot better.

I know it's not very nice, but it's better. You know, there's degrees of awfulness and we're getting to the lowest degree of awfulness right now. And so, you know, it's appropriate

that it is almost masturbation month. And all I can say is go ahead and start early. Would you? Yeah, I mean, shoot the gun between your legs.

Can I get an amen? Can I get an A-women? Because we women, we got the guns between our legs. Aclitoris is a multi-nerv ending thing.

And we got to do it. Guys and gals, everybody. Everybody! Just say Lord or Lady, I'm masturbate and I am not ashamed.

Hey women. Right, I am not ashamed. It's too much shame about something that is the most most common and easy and convenient and

eco-sexual and safe. Yes, Shannon. Safe and just natural thing to do. Bonobos do it, but not just bonobos.

All kinds of animals do it. Hey, I see the Bridget is watching. Maybe she could call in and give us some advice about all it is. Bridget, we need advice.

Why don't you call us? What should we do about all these mass murders? Yes, the mass murders and how do you get a woman and how do you do that? How does that happen?

Women are so mistrusting of men because, you know, you guys grab our pussy, you just elected a guy that says, I grab him by the pussy and then men don't trust women because men are afraid that women are going to accuse them of grabbing their pussy or accuse them of being a pussy.

Oh my God. Which turns some guys on, right? Pussy, pussy. Meow.

Meow. Oh, my meow is busy. Meow. Oh, meow.

Okay. Right. It's not bad to be a pussy, whether you're a guy or a girl or whatever else. Pussy is a good thing, okay?

So if you want to be humiliated, that's okay. And I mean, it's a little tricky. I got to say, it's complicated.

But pussy is not an insult. Now, pig, maybe, yeah. It's the year of the pig and these pigs are very cute and they are having sex and they look very happy and they look like they're not going to hurt anybody.

But you know, I mean, that hogwash down in South Carolina that's some toxic shit. And that's why I'm wearing these boots. I don't know what's going on here, but is toxic shit going to flow into the

studio any second? I'm a little worried. Must be sort of unnerving to see me three seconds earlier, or as it has 10 seconds earlier over there.

Who is this? Is this yours? I'm going to knock it over. All right, so I'm sitting with my girls now

and we're getting ready for masturbation month, as well as DomCon. And if you'd like to give us a call, you know, Sonny did it. He was brave. We love you, Sonny.

I know we kind of gave you a little bit of a hard time. Blow Sonny a kiss. And, you know, you could call us, ask us a question, tell us a story, share a pleasure or solve a problem.

Although problems are always hard to solve, but you can address a problem and break it down. And the number is 626-461. I'm saying it slowly because I don't remember it. 590-626-461-590, or our toll-free number is 486-6289-7068.

You were right on both, yeah. Okay, great. Great. And someone, I do have to say that someone said,

my prince says, Susie, give me a hand job by your proper hand. I don't. Give me a hand job. Is that an order or a request?

A fantasy? Just hello, handy. Hello. This is what I use to represent spanking with emojis, but it's really just saying hello.

Hello. And Sonny, who, you know, he did hang up eventually, but he said thank you. Well, he said thank you. You are gentlemen, Sonny.

He is very nice. Not quite a scholar, but yeah, Sonny is one of the pioneers of calling the show in its new form. I used to have calls all the time on the show, by the way,

as some of you remember from public access days. And of course, when I was on HBO, and this hat, HBO gave me this very hat. This hat is over 20 years old. So, you know, what does that have to do with anything?

I want to let you know, anybody that calls Sonny is the first, but you are a part of Bonoboville history as a caller on the show. That's right. So please call if you want to make the history books.

Bonoboville history. It's true. We archive all these shows. I know that might scare some of them, but it's true.

You are a part of Bonoboville history, and you, you know, you don't have to give your real name, of course. You're kind of anonymous. You don't even have to give your credit card information right now.

And you don't even have to give your credit card. Right. It's really quite amazing what the opportunity here is. But, you know, I know it's scary.

And so, of course, if you want to call our private telephone sex therapy number, let's all kick up our boots, girls. Even though we're not wearing the same kind of outfit, we are all wearing boots.

And mine, I was really thinking about wading through the hogwash tonight in wearing these kind of big boots. And wading through all of, you know, the hate mail that came in from my interview for post-Trump sex disorder with Salon,

which was really more like mockery mail. But it's kind of funny and kind of sad. Hurt people. Hurt people.

Yeah, Jesse Smollett said that. Maybe other people have said that, but that's where I heard the phrase. And, you know, whatever you think of him, it's a good,

smart phrase. And so, you know, we've got a lot of hurt people right now, just all over the place. And so I've put on my boots to try to stay clear of the blood,

although I'm sort of the color of blood right now, which means it won't stay. Captain, someone did say nice equipment. I didn't want to let you know that we had a comment that someone

said nice equipment. Nice equipment. They said nice equipment. Or did they mean my Hitachi magic wand?

By the way, I just want to say this Hitachi magic wand was given to me as a masturbation month present by my sweetie pie, my husband, my lover, my captain. Give another handjob to my friend.

I'll give a handjob to my Hitachi. And I love his Hitachi. I mean, I'm not going to say, but he gave it to me so he could take mine.

He just said, I dream to be with you in your side, my princess Susie. I think like paradise. The guy who wanted the handjob earlier.

What's his name? Adam. Stiff, Beasy, Stiffler. Oh, Stiffler.

Stiffler. Yeah, Stiffler. Beasy, Stiffler. I was watching him.

I got his IP address. Somehow I don't think I'm the only one. I'm going to take care of him later. Anyway, this is a great gift for a husband to give a wife

or for anybody to give anybody. But don't give it to somebody on the first date, OK? Or even the second.

Although Max gave one to me pretty quickly. But not until we'd started having sex. I did? Well, you did like before we got married,

I think you gave me. Not a Hitachi, but a Panasonic. It wasn't the second date. Was it back rubber?

It wasn't the second. It wasn't the second date. No, no, no. Of course not.

You were not that crass. I'm not that kind of guy. You were very swampy. You were not that kind of guy, man.

You were. You were swampy. I waited three weeks. I waited three weeks to give her the back massage.

Well, actually, you waited six years. I did wait six years. Right. Phew.

I was like stiff. I was stiff, man. You were the stiff, easy stiffler. I was like stiffer.

Like stiffler. Going around. Commenting, saying, can you just give me a hand job? Just kidding.

OK, so. It being almost masturbation month, and I've told the story. Not of my first masturbation. I would say my first masturbation was probably in utero.

I mean, my first memories at all when I was two years old or something like that are of touching myself for comfort, for everyone's giggling. This is even the Dr. Susan Block Institute,

where people are very educated. But it is a kind of a funny thing. Masturbation, it is. And I understand that.

But it was something that I did as a child. And I kept doing it. I even did it in public for which I would be slapped lightly by my mother.

Susie, take your hands out of your pants. Your hands are dirty and it's clean down there. Now, that was a good thing to say. I didn't appreciate it at the time.

But she was probably right. My hands were dirty, covered with peanut butter or kitty litter or something. And she said, and it's clean down there.

She did say that. And so that gave me kind of a good feeling about down there, but still a kind of confused feeling. Like, when can I do this?

OK, maybe when I've washed my hands and I'm all alone. And I sort of did that. I didn't know how to have an orgasm, though, until I read Dr. Betty Dodson's

Liberating Masturbation Now Sex for One. And that taught me, you know, how to do it. And I recommend, you guys, you read these books. If you're not a reader, watch some videos.

And not just porn, sex education videos. Nina Hartley has good ones, Annie Sprinkle, you know, our friends, I guess. And yeah.

And if you're lucky enough to have a female in your life, if you're into females, I mean, guys, you tend to know what to do with each other, which is good.

And if you like being with each other, be with each other, guys. Be with each other. You know, shoot the gun between your legs at each other.

But, you know, girls, watch your girl. Ask your girl. What do you like? Show me what you like.

You look so beautiful when you touch yourself. It's a way to learn a lady's pleasure. And maybe we'll learn some other things tonight from my ladies.

Who wants to start? Okay. First time you masturbated, I guess, or first time you masturbated to orgasm, either one.

I have nothing to say. I've never masturbated before. You've never masturbated, girl. No, I haven't.

Okay, here. We even talked about it. She said she looked at her vagina when she looked at... It is.

No, I was just kidding. She's not gonna... It's not even plugged in, by the way. But seriously, I mean, some girls,

and you are very young, you know, but I don't know. Talk into the microphone. This is serious. Okay, so like...

You know, generic as it sounds, I do believe that being a late bloomer is a possibility. Like, you know, women don't find their sexual stride until they're 30s a lot of the time.

Right. I really haven't taken the time to, like, really figure out my body until I actually started working here and I started thinking, you know,

outside of, like, more of the boxes, like what they teach you in school and, like, how people look at you, when you say you masturbate,

it's like something that's so, like, oh, taboo with, like, a woman masturbating. And it's totally not, and it's something that's so healthy.

I haven't figured it out completely yet. I'm a late bloomer, but, you know, I think it's something that everyone should be comfortable about

and be able to talk about because it's kinky, freaky, and fun. All right, interesting. And you can't get STDs.

And you can't, yeah, you're not going to catch anything for yourself unless you do have peanut butter or kitty litter on your fingers.

My mother said, make sure your hands are clean. No peanut butter or kitty litter. Because it's clean down there. So, yeah, I mean, and it's true,

we don't hit our stride until, who knows? I don't know if I've hit mine. But, yeah, I mean,

but let's just say if we don't do something, you know, it doesn't do itself. But I mean, it's okay if you don't want to do it. And I'm not, you know,

how can you make somebody play with themselves? Unless, of course, you work for the CIA and you are torturing prisoners at Gitmo or Abu Ghraib in which case,

yeah, they did make people masturbate. This is very wrong. And it was Bush's group that did this, Bush's group that did it with POWs.

Anyway, I always throw politics in. Is that like to turn you off a little bit? People were punishing people with or got like... It's because it is very, very personal

and it is associated with shame. You know, I'm pretty open, you know, but I mean, I have my inhibitions and everyone I think has some inhibitions.

I'm very pro masturbation. And I guess I have been since I was two or maybe before. But what about, so I've heard of something in the medical field where a girl was literally,

she was orgasming, like every 10 seconds and it was almost like a seizure. Lucky shit. She was like she was seizureing.

That's like a problem. That is so rare and that's like, oh, something, you know, click bait. That's when masturbation goes wrong.

Okay, don't masturbate that much. No, actually, that woman, I think I know who you're talking about. She had to have a special situation at work

where she could go to the ladies' room and masturbate because she would get very uncomfortable because she needed to come a lot. And it's a good thing she could masturbate.

It's a good thing we all can masturbate because otherwise we'd be dependent on other humans to help us have a good time. And Lord and Lady knows other humans are wonderful.

I love other humans a lot. We all love other humans mostly, but not always. And sometimes, you know, they can be annoying. And so it's good to be able to do it yourself

even when you're with another human sometimes. And certainly when you're with yourself. I mean, and you don't have another human around. And you shouldn't be running outside,

sort of trying to non-consensually mate in subway, which I'm sure Shannon is not doing. But also, I don't know, I just think it's an evolution of pleasure that we all need to experience.

And some people don't. Some women never touch themselves, never have an orgasm. I don't know if there's guys that never touch themselves.

Maybe I've heard that. I have heard that. There's guys that don't touch themselves, but all guys get touched by their penis.

Well, yeah, especially when it slaps you in the tummy when it's hard. It's really hard. You see, with a woman, it's hidden.

And we can ignore it a lot more easily than guys can. Guys have it slapping them practically in the face. It's like a baseball game. There's the bat and two balls,

and we're whacking them around all the time. Girls don't really get blue balls, like guys do. Ah, blue balls, right. That's another baseball game.

Give them that excuse. Come on, don't say that. Well, that girl that needed to do it every once in a while. I mean, men are not from Mars,

and women are not from Venus. We're far more alike than we're different. And women can get frustrated. I know we can.

And masturbation is a great release for a lot of women. A lot of women. And we have women that call the institute for help with masturbating,

because they need what Dr. Betty Dodson gave me. A little instruction. What should I do to make it feel good and not boring and tedious and shameful and weird?

Or one of those. Sometimes people are shamed, and sometimes they also just think, I'm better than that.

Better? I don't know. Better than bonobos. Bonobos masturbate.

Anyway. All right. Do you think people could be afraid to do so because they feel like they're not creative enough?

They feel like they're not creative. You know, you really don't have to be creative to masturbate. You basically get your fingers wet. You know, with saliva is certainly a good thing.

I also like coconut oil, but don't use that with condoms. Okay. No, no, no.

It's not latex friendly. I also like all kinds of lube. There's actually a lube that's really good. You are 15 lovers.

You ammosexuals. It's called gun oil. It's good. It's good silicone lube.

And maybe it'll satisfy you to use gun oil lube and you won't shoot up a church or a mosque or a synagogue. And so use it. You know, and it's good.

Yes. Sonny has a question. Oh, okay. He says, in my opinion,

grown up girls and women should never wear any panties or underpants and long skirts. What do you think? In my genitalia.

Can I get some advice? In his opinion, women should not wear panties. They should wear long skirts. No, they should not wear long skirts.

They should not wear long skirts either. I think he's a leg man of some sort. I think he's a pussy man. A pussy man too.

Because no one, nobody wearing panties even. I mean, all right. I mean, that's your fantasy. And I guess that's, I'm not against going panty-less,

although I do like my panty collection. Well, Sonny, I feel like that's why maybe you're having trouble with women because you have too high of expectations. Like if you go out with a woman

and she's not wearing some super sexy outfit, you shouldn't be like, okay, next. Oh, it's either too high expectations or not high enough skirts.

And also, I do have to quote something from Juicy Jenny. Juicy Jenny. Rarely wears underwear. And she rarely wears underwear.

And she said that she found out how to squirt like that because she was at a, she was wandering around the land and then she found a tribal woman that literally took her to her room

and stuck two fingers up her. And then now she squirts like that. I just, she is a good squirter that Juicy Jenny, I've made her squirt.

Some tribal Indian waterfall, like that's, that shows you it's like being in touch with yourself. That's what she, she said she never came before that. And then after that woman that she found did that,

she comes like a holy waterfall. Everybody has different sex life experiences. Sonny just said that it's actually okay to wear pants and to wear long skirts.

Oh, thank you. I guess it's just don't wear panties. But take it to the best. Well, you know, it sounds like he would like a porn star

because porn stars generally don't wear pants. And you know, it's going commando. I don't know. I mean, because I have a little bit of pubic hair

on my mound of Venus. I shave around the lips, but I do have some pubic hair. And so, you know, you can easily get it caught in your pants zipper,

inconveniently, Sonny. Or Sonny find a girl that wears nothing but spandex. I think Sonny is, You can't wear underwear with spandex.

It's true. Sonny, keep in mind, Sonny thinks of himself as a four. And, and yet there are women who are fours also who don't wear underwear because they can't find any small enough.

No, I'm just, that was a bad joke. Bad. Okay, I know, I know, I know. I hit myself for that right across the cheekbone.

Not even kidding. Anyway, yeah, Sonny, Sonny will do okay. If he keeps calling this show and learns how to talk to women,

don't be talking to them about their panties. Don't talk to them like this. Or non-panies or like say, are you wearing panties on the first day

or second or third? I mean kissing, maybe if she really comes close to you and gives you that look and moistens her lips. Kissing is great.

We love kissing. And that gets our panties wet, or if we're not wearing panties, it just runs down our whole leg, you know?

If we like you and we're kissing you and then it opens up, things open up. I wonder how old Sonny is. I kind of think because he said he was middle

in terms of his money, that he's middle in terms of his age. Sonny, despite your money, how old are you? And then he's a four, below middle.

So I would say Sonny is like, probably younger than me, but older than them. And, you know, lost in a fantasy world. I think Sonny is, you know,

he says he wants to date women. I'm not sure that he really does. I think we also have someone that said the stifler, the easy stifler said,

my penis was cooked of masturbation when I was 13 years old. He definitely doesn't want to see it. Sonny is 48 years old.

He's 48, there you go. How do I know? Sonny, Sonny, how I love you, how I love you. Have you ever had a serious relationship at all?

Like what's the longest running relationship you've had? Good question, Sonny. Have you been married? Let's work from there.

Were you disappointed? Or have you always just found women a little bit mysterious? What's the story? Have you ever been in a relationship?

I think this is the Sonny show. Are you a virgin Sonny? I'm commenting right now. No, he's not because he's not.

All right. So if you're not Sonny, and you want to give us a call, our number is 626.

And that's 461-5950 or 1-866-289-7068. Get ready for DomCon. Watch the video. And also another video gives you

a masturbation month history lesson. And they're both at YouTube slash Dr. Susan Block. How about that? Easy.

So easy. And I want to give a shout out to Danielle Watts and Chef Beelive. Hello, two of my favorite people who here's Danielle.

Yes. Sonny said always alone. Always alone. And Danielle and Beelive.

They're in a love match, really. They've been married a few years. And they're always learning. And they're, you know,

they don't disapprove of porn. In fact, in a past life, there's Beelive with no hair. And there's Gypsy who gave me my bracelet.

Your hairdresser's watching, too. Hi, Mark. See, my hair is a little too long. And also if you look up,

my, I need highlighting. Right. I need highlighting, too. Yeah.

So for dumb con. Right. But it's not bad. You know, I have a lot of hair.

Okay. So Danielle and Beelive, they're always learning about sex. And they went to see a film about Dr. Ruth,

who was my great foremother, you could say, in sex education. And, you know, we have our differences. But how did you meet?

I met her, actually, at, she gave a lecture. And she gave an endorsement to the Ten Commandments of Pleasure. I don't know her well at all,

but I like her. I don't agree with her about everything. She seems to be very monogamy oriented, just not into the orgies that I

enjoy. But, and I don't think she likes porn too much. And I do like porn. I just don't watch it very much,

but I do appreciate that it exists. And yes, it's not a good form of sex education, but it's better than nothing. So Dr. Ruth, hats off to you.

And actually have another hat. I'm going to try another hat. Groundhog, a groundhog. Let's see, do I have this hat done?

Also, porn has changed a lot in the last, like, ten years. Oh my, oh, but I also have wine, the color of my outfit.

Porn used to be realistic, and now it's unrealistic. That's, it's like, super fit, amazing, perfect.

Now, see, I disagree. I think porn now, there's so many niches that there's all kinds of things for all kinds of people. A lot of it's amateur, so anyone can.

Yeah, anyone, anyone. I can't find my other hat. So, Bella will do. So, you know, porn, there's a lot of variety.

It makes people feel better about their fetishes, you know. And yet it does give you a skewed, view of regular sex. Now, I would like to say 75% of porn viewers are men,

which is a big majority, but 25% are women, or something like that. Maybe there's a few that identify as, you know, both genders, or no gender.

But let's just say, even if 20% are women, that's a lot of women watching porn. And I don't see anything wrong with it. I just think you have to have perspective.

And our society should have good sex education, which it does not. One of the highest levels of porn watching takes place in the great state of Utah.

Those Mormons enjoy their porn. Oh, yeah. And, you know, the thing is, when you're kind of repressed,

you're more likely to want it. Or maybe the Mormon fathers are asking the sister wives to watch it, so they're in the mood when it's their turn. I don't know.

But I just know that they seem to register high in these statistics. Do you know what genre of porn they watch? I am not that knowledgeable.

Stiffler said he's been trying to call on a hand. He can't get it. He can't reach us. Because his hand is on his dick.

That's probably why. And it needs to be on the phone. That's why. Stiffler.

Stiffler, isn't that the guy in American Pie? That's the guy who has sex with somebody's mother. Yeah. And, yeah.

I mean, a lot of guys have milk fetishes. And that's where the word milk came from, maybe. Stiffler. No wonder you like me.

All right. I'm your milk baby. The mom next door. All right.

Well, anyway, just call the number, Stiffler. Or don't. You know what? Don't call it.

Don't bother. Just keep posting comments. That's fine too. Who's trying to call?

I think I'm going to take off these big boots. You have to use a phone, not your dick to call. Right. Right.

No. Some of them think you can call on Facebook. You have to call on your phone. No.

I should have done that slower. I took off my boots. They got, you know, a little oppressive. And now I have burgundy feet.

Burgundy feet. Yummy. I have these other shoes. All right.

So, so, yeah. Look at those clever feet. Oh, look at those little monkey toes. A bonobo toes.

Bonobo toes. Bonobo toes. Sorry about that. It's the preference.

Now, these are not my favorite thing, which is platforms, but. They're sexy. They are kind of sexy because they have this very. Look how they slide on.

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. So, so let's talk more about masturbation girls. Um, so have you, uh, let's see. So I guess you're, you're very different.

So Blossom, when was the first time you masturbated? Did you answer that question? Or is it, is it when you've been here? Is that it?

The, it's okay, so. You didn't masturbate before you were here? I will say that the first time I ever, like, even did anything like that. It was probably, it was like, I was young.

I was young. I think it was, I used to always be able to, like, pretend to be sick and not have to go to school. I just, I, you know, just do a little cough, do a little.

Playing hooky. Do a little, play a little hooky. It was like a little cough and then I was just like, it was just natural. And I've even had someone tell me that someone said to me that women should know,

are meant to like masturbate, masturbate before the men because like when you go back to like the hunters and gatherers, the men were out like hunting, right? And the women were, that's what they said, that they would be at home learning how to play with themselves.

And I don't know, that's something that I kind of would ask, like, want to know your opinion on that statement because I didn't really know what to say. Well, I think that in general, back then and now, for women masturbation is a learning experience.

For men, it's kind of a, oh my god, here I am playing with it and suddenly I'm coming and so, yeah, women do need to learn very often. Not always. Some women, it comes naturally and they just do it and some men have to learn.

Or certainly a lot of men have to learn to do it with a sense of control and confidence and happiness. And that happiness goes for after climax. A lot of men are happy, happy, happy, happy, and then Mr.

Happy squirts his jizz and then, oh, they're unhappy. And there is a lowering of hormones that happens. So there is a level of, you know, rest. I mean, basically, that's the time to rest, which is a problem if your girl

hasn't come or your guy. But yeah, it's terrible when guys turn that period of rest after orgasm into a period of self-loathing, which happens to some guys, both in and out of a relationship.

And I try to help you with that, guys. I don't know if that happens with girls so much. I think when we come, we're like, yeah, I did it. Now I can go to sleep.

All right, I'm happy. Or I'm going to keep going, you know, depending on what's going on, you know. Women are much more flexible. Some of us come through our nipples, right?

Like Coco Gorilla or she likes nipples. Yes, Coco. I was probably, it was like fourth grade, but when I, you know, like I said, I was like playing sick. I was just forward watching TV.

And I just, there you go. There was like fourth, it was around. Or you liked watching TV. You liked some soap opera guy.

It was, it might have been, I'm like, I don't know. I can't even remember what was on the TV. But something was like, good. Anyways, I just, all right.

Did you come or did you just kind of do it? No, no, no. Yeah. Usually when we first start, we don't actually come.

I actually think I was watching like a Stifler movie, like American Pie, where they were like, it was like a peanut butter chocolate. I was just like, what? And then there's the women that do it, the old fashioned way, sitting on the washing machine.

Max knows about it. It was like a wash, it was just. That was the 1950s. When washing machines would make it.

You used to go downstairs. All the mothers used to go downstairs. Yeah. And they'd put their clothes in the machine and get right out there.

You want to ask me how I started? Sure. I know the story, but it's a great story. So go for it.

It's a story that a lot of people don't know. I was a young kid. I just moved to America and I was on a street corner with my friends. And this guy started to tell me that if you touch your penis long enough,

something shoots out of it. Something. We don't know what it is. We didn't know what that was, but it shoots out.

So I went home. I went home that night and I tried that. And I started playing with the thing and sure enough, boom. The thing was I was in the attic.

I grew up with my parents were never around. So I grew up with sort of Anna and Miguel who took care of the house. And they lived upstairs. And I had three rooms in my house and one of them was upstairs.

And so this stuff, so I couldn't stop. This was great. I had never felt anything like this, but I didn't know what to do with the stuff. The stuff, yeah.

So I started taking my notebook paper and I would have that. And then I would crumple it up and throw it out the window from the third floor. That's a good, it's very polluting.

After a while, Maria called me over. Massimo. Massimo. She said, you know those papers that you're throwing out the window?

They're getting, there's a lot of them. They're cluttering the garden. Better that you use like toilet paper or something. And then you put it in the thing.

Trash can. And I was so humiliated. Well, you should have been, why couldn't you think of that? I learned that I should go to the bathroom and do all of this.

Right, the bathroom. A lot of boys do it in the bathroom. That's how I learned. But then I was wondering, can everybody hear me flush the toilet every three minutes?

Anyway, that's my, that's my masturbation story. Great story. Every time I hear it, every year of our marriage around masturbation. I hear it.

And it's great. It's always a great story. You know, great story never gets old. Just like a great song.

It's just how it is that all you guys watching this. Did you like my story? Did you like the story that was what? That was rough.

Rough. And they also said now washing machines are stable. Now washing, who said that? Don Pestchel.

Oh, Don. Hi, Don. Polybyte. Polybyte.

Polybyte. Give us a call, Polybyte. Polybyte, Polybyte, by the way, is a very cool guy. Yeah.

Yeah. He's, he's homeless. Yeah. So he broadcasts from the streets.

Yeah. In the valley and he watches. Part of our Bonoboville community. He's been part of Bonoboville history.

For years and years. Stifler said he's on fire right now. I'm on fire. That's what Stifler said.

I'm on fire. He's on fire after that. Come on, baby. We love you.

Don, we love you. I think we've loved Don since a millennium ago. Somebody else says hands in the butter and pack on the Kleenex. Hands in the butter.

And on the butter. Wait, wait. At least he's not using liver. Right?

That's in prison. You do that. Or American pie. You go to the kitchen, you get some liver, man.

And it's like, wow. You know, it's okay to have a sense of humor about masturbating and make jokes. But it's, it's good for you.

And as George Carlin said, if God had intended us not to masturbate, he would have made our arms shorter. We don't have T-Rex arms.

And maybe God is a goddess. But still, our arms are perfectly positioned. Our hands are positioned for optimal enjoyment of ourselves. Anybody have a piece of notebook paper?

Other animals do masturbate, but it's not so easy. I know Betsy the dog does not. Okay, another one with the kick. Now that I'm, whoo.

Oh, I've got a shoe in my face, I think. Okay, no, that's okay. And now you have a fire under your ass. A fire under my ass?

It's just red. Oh, there's a fire. Right underneath you. Oh, let's go.

Baby, you're on fire. Well, Stifler must like it. He said he was on fire. So we're booting, getting ready for Dom-Con, The Land of Boots.

And we're going to give the bonobo way of femdom power and pleasure. Femdoms of the wild. That's right. The bonobos are very female and powered.

And the guys are happy. So they got some insight that we need to learn. I think, I think that's true, but I've been called Kookie by Fox TV. And you can read all about that on my website now.

I finally have a blog up and it's called Post Trump Sex Disorders with the S in parentheses. Because there are many different kinds of sex disorders that are just inspired, you could say, or you could say afflicted by the presidents here. And I mean, some of them are kind of funny, I guess, like the couple that disagrees.

He wants to have sex. Well, she just wants to watch somebody talk about the Mueller report. And then you've got these really tragic cases like the woman whose husband was deported after 30 years and talk about the loneliness of the half empty bed.

That's your fault. That's you. And I know it's not totally him. It is a lot of our leaders that have had these really inhumane, you could say, policies.

And yet, he is so blatant about it and so extreme and the way he supports the neo-Nazis and all those people just kind of rubs your face in it. But ultimately, that's not as bad as the policies themselves. The policies themselves like, of course, all those women that were busted in Florida,

you know, they think everything's cool on the Mar-a-Lago. But no, they're just running a massage parlor and they get busted. And I don't, you know, they're Trump supporters. I'm not in favor of them, particularly.

And they are Trump supporters. But because of Cesta Fosta, which pretty much conflates sex trafficking and consensual professional sex, consensual sex work, well, we've got women getting busted. We've got, you know, Robert Kraft, the owner of the Patriots.

I got no love lost on this billionaire, but it's ridiculous to arrest this old man for getting a handjob or whatever he was getting. His wife died a few years ago. He's lonely.

Why shouldn't he get a handjob? He's your friend. Well, that's why he's got the dunce cap on, because he's not just bad for his enemies. He's bad for his friends.

It's really bad to be his friend. You get ruined in one way or another. That's right. That's why we keep you under gag order with a penis pacifier.

Make America eat again. People are starving and he wants more tax cuts. And he's just rolling, saying the Mueller report exonerated him, which it didn't really, but, you know, it wasn't the slam dunk it needed to be.

That's what it was. He clearly says that I give you the information to at some point prosecute this man. He does say that, and I don't know if the Democrats are saying that everything is good. What you see is a bunch of thievery.

That's what you see. A bunch of thievery and just raping America. They could do things, like, for instance, how the House and the Senate both passed a resolution or whatever it is to stop aiding the war in Yemen.

This is such a good thing to stop aiding these Saudis, but, of course, Trump loves the Saudis. Really, everyone's talking about how he loves the Russians? I don't know. They didn't even build his friggin' hotel.

But the Saudis, oh, you love those Saudis, don't you? Yes, and they're naked under their white robes. I know they are because I know some. Anyway, some of them are.

Anyway, they don't wear underwear. I think Sonny might be interested in that. They do not wear underwear under those robes, and they're bombing and killing and starving all these Yemeni kids.

And what does Trump do? He puts his veto on it, and they could do something about that. I think there's a counter-veto, but it requires so much strength, and they just don't have it. It's like they can't get it up again.

It's like they're that guy that comes early, okay? We did this. We did this. We showed America we want to end the war in Yemen, but he stopped us.

And now here we are. Stopped. Fuck that. Sorry.

Oh, hashtag fuck that. Can I say that? Anyway, you know, have some, grow some of these, and get out there and, you know, get him on things that he's really harming people for.

Sonny said, I like that. What you just said, he said, I like that. What you said. I love you, Sonny.

Yes, Sonny. Sonny, how I love you, how I love you, my dear old Sonny. Does anyone else know the words to that? You are my Sonny.

You are my Sonny Shine. Okay, so you should stand up, because you look really cute. Come on, come over here. Okay, come on up here.

And look at this. All right, Sonny. This is like the Beverly Hillbills. Sonny, look deeper.

Come to Benelvoville. Look deeper then. Okay, well you guys can entertain me, because I am in burgundy. You have five hard minutes.

Okay, do the kick. Five hard minutes. Don't kick me. Five hard minutes.

You are my Sonny Shine. My only Sonny Shine. You make me happy. When skies are gray, you'll never know, dear, how much I love you.

Please don't take my Sonny Shine away. Get ready for DomCon. Let's hear it for the Comedia Erotica sisters. You have five minutes.

All right, now we have to practice hoca-hoca. Okay, we can do it with our butts. All right, we're going to be doing this at DomCon. You have to touch girls.

Come on. Okay, this is okay on Facebook. This is not masturbating. This is just touching butts together.

Okay, it's kind of twerking, but the idea is, what does it matter? Okay, okay, here we go. Hoca-hoca, hoca-hoca, hoca-hoca.

Okay, now this is something that the Bonobo females do to create female solidarity. And sure, you can have house parties and me-too movements, but hoca-hoca, it really gets you close.

And then they help each other. Like if a Bonobo boy is so outrageous as to try to attack a Bonobo girl, her girlfriends will jump on him and he will learn his lesson. That's right, not any day.

No, no. Bonobos understand that this is, you know, a female decision, unless you're going to just do it with another boy or masturbate. And then that's fine.

And we are getting ready for masturbation month. Of course, you could be watching this not live and it's already masturbation month. So what are you waiting for?

Get it together. Do you need a hand? Maybe privately, we can help. We have, yeah, erotic hypnosis guided masturbation.

We talk about spanking, wanking, BDSM, you know, orgies. Or just why your wife won't have sex with you. Or why you can't get a date. Or why you like girls with no panties.

And, you know, you need to talk about that. So our number is 213-291-9497. And, you know, here's my chorus of can-can girls in the background.

And that's where you can talk to us privately. And yeah, celebrate, masturbate. Don't be ashamed. And join us at Domcon.

We will be there May 11th. One o'clock, actually. How much time do I have? You have out of minutes.

One minute. So make like bonobos, not baboons. Make love, not war. Make love to someone you love tonight.

Even if that's someone is you. I love you. I love you. Talk with someone about something you can't talk about

with anyone else. You can talk to us. I'm Dr. Susan Blum, your mistress of the airway. But my day job is director

of the Dr. Susan Blum Institute for the Erotic Arts and Sciences, specializing in sex therapy over the phone. Any time you need to talk,

whether you need serious psychotherapy or a hot phone sex experience or a combination, my world-renowned telephone sex therapists

are just a phone call away. Totally private, absolutely confidential. We listen, talk with you, advise you, role play for you, fantasize with you.

No fantasy is too taboo and help you with anything from impotence to exhibitionism, fears to desires, fetishes to marriages.

For more information, call us at 213-291-9497. That's 213-291-9497 anytime you need to talk. You need to talk with someone

about something you can't talk about with anyone else. You can talk with us. I'm Dr. Susan Blum, your

mistress of the airwaves, but my day job is director of the Dr. Susan Blum Institute for the Erotic Arts and Sciences,

specializing in sex therapy over the phone. Any time you need to talk, whether you need serious psychotherapy or a hot phone sex experience

or a combination, my world-renowned telephone sex therapists are just a phone call away. Totally private, absolutely confidential.

We listen, talk with you, advise you, role play for you, and fantasize with you. And no fantasy is too taboo. And we help you with anything

from impotence to exhibitionism, fears to desires, fetishes to marriages. If you've never called before,

don't be embarrassed. We all need help with sex at one time or another. Even world leaders do.

Maybe especially world leaders do. But I'm not going to tell you which ones. So when you need to ask a question or play out a fantasy

or just talk with someone about something you can't talk about with anyone else, call us at 213-291-9497

any time you need to talk. Hi, I'm Dr. Susan Block, and I've just written a new book called The Bonobo Way,

inspired by my love for the make love, not war, great apes. You know, the ones who have a lot of sex in a bonobo sutra of positions,

including face to face. But it's not just how bonobos have sex. It's how they use sex to prevent murder and war, really.

They're the only great apes that have never been seen killing each other. They practice what I call peace through pleasure.

With the females gently dominating the very happy, very sexually satisfied males, bonobos are special,

partly because they just are and partly because they're very, very close to us, almost 99% genetically similar to us

when it comes to being human, even being humane. Bonobos can teach us so much, which brings me to us

and more specifically to you. Is your inner bonobo longing to swing free? Would you like to tap into the hot, natural sex energy within you?

Bet you would. So you can better enjoy the pleasures in life and cope with the pain. The pain.

And have more orgasmic, organic, sustainable sex. Who doesn't want that? Greater lust,

greater trust, and better anger management. And who couldn't use a little bit of that these days? So get the book,

Learn the Bonobo Way. You'll be glad you did. Then you'll want to join Bonoboville, a new global village

for bonobo lovers and friends. And one last thing. The real bonobos are highly endangered, so a portion of all book sales

go to bonobo conservation groups working to save the wild bonobos from extinction. Read the Bonobo Way and learn why this could be

the most important eco-sexual movement of our times. And improve your love life.