Once again, in a spanking hot, whipsmacking, flogtastic, female-ejaculating, breathtaking flurry of heart-shaped buns and floggers, we take back the original Valentine’s Day, The Lupercalia, and celebrate this erotic prehistoric festival of lust and thwacks in all its primeval glory. Unlike the mostly private Valentine’s Day, the Lupercalia of pre-imperial Rome was a euphoric public holiday of communal sexuality, fertility, the rush of hormones, the howl of the wolf, the crack of the whip and the coming of Spring.

Beginning back in the days before Rome was Rome, a couple of “colleges” of nearly naked young men would meet in mid-February in the ancient cave where Romulus and Remus were suckled by a she-wolf (luper in Latin). They sacrificed a goat, marking each other’s foreheads with goat’s blood (thus the signature red of the holiday) and drank a lot of wine, cut whips (called “februa”) from the goatskin, then raced through the hills and towns, gaily smacking the willing behinds of women looking for luck, love and perhaps a baby. For more about the history and meaning of the Lupercalia, and how it was outlawed and repressed by the Catholic Church, replacing it with the saintly, sanitized Valentine’s Day!

Having just broken a long and light-headed Yom Kippur fast, we’re hungry for it here at the Speakeasy…and by “it” I mean the deliciously funny and sexy new indie film, Hollywood Sex Wars. Just released with an R rating for its scintillating scenes of nude bouncing boobs plus assorted party drugs, HSW focuses a comical yet illuminating light on the Darwinian battle of the sexes raging on the mean streets of Hollywood where “guys try to get laid and girls try to get paid.” On this stimulating RadioSUZY1 broadcast, HSW’s creator and some of its sexiest, funniest cast members—plus one sultry LA journalist and a guy in a chastity belt—talk shop, sex, drugs, relationships, fetishes, Wall Street, Hollywood, cum shots in R-rated movies, Orthodox Jewish sex practices, revolution, true love and so much more (see Weapons of Mass Discussion below), as well as frolic on my bed with vibrators, dildo swords, Vulva Puppets, 911 panties, squirting cocks and Agwa.