Air Date: 06/16/2012 What a strange show. We start the live broadcast dangling in suspense as to if and when a tardy porn star would arrive, especially since my other five featured guests had cancelled, all of them pleading ill, shortly before showtime. But that suspense soon gives way to erotic suspension as a couple members of our audience step up to the RadioSUZY1 plate to present ethereal, artistic rope bondage, dangling from the Speakeasy ceiling like human chandeliers. After an oddly soundless and motionless orgasm on the Sybian, we’re back to suspense. In our virtually guest-less state, we decide to use the show itself to “audition” two applicants for one available position here in Bonoboville, much to the delight of our in-studio audience. This time, the suspense lies in who will get the job (and no, we haven’t decided yet). Meanwhile we’re getting a stream of texts from the tardy porn star, saying she’s “on the way,” “going to be late,” “stuck in traffic” and finally, hopelessly “lost.” Twenty minutes after the live broadcast is over, she shows up, proffering passionate apologies, seductive gazes and booty shimmies, leaving me no choice (after sulking for a half hour) but to punish her tardy porn star ass with a sound spanking, paddling, cropping, strap-on dildo-ing and butt-plugging to beat the band. Actually, I don’t know about the band, but I sure did beat her beautiful buns, and at least, after all that suspense, we bonobos got some resolution! Speaking of bonobos, this show is also a celebration of the recently announced sequencing of the bonobo genome. The “suspense” is over, brothers and sisters, and now what we long believed has been confirmed: Bonobos are our closest living relatives, along with common chimpanzees, over 98% genetically similar to human beings. Maybe now that geneticists have recognized this, our highly endangered Kissin’ Cousins, who swing from the trees as well as with each other, will get some respect–as well as money for research and their protection.

Air Date: 06/16/2012 What a strange show. We start the live broadcast dangling in suspense as to if and when a tardy porn star would arrive, especially since my other five featured guests had cancelled, all of them pleading ill, shortly before showtime. But that suspense soon gives way to erotic suspension as a couple members of our audience step up to the RadioSUZY1 plate to present ethereal, artistic rope bondage, dangling from the Speakeasy ceiling like human chandeliers. After an oddly soundless and motionless orgasm on the Sybian, we’re back to suspense. In our virtually guest-less state, we decide to use the show itself to “audition” two applicants for one available position here in Bonoboville, much to the delight of our in-studio audience. This time, the suspense lies in who will get the job (and no, we haven’t decided yet). Meanwhile we’re getting a stream of texts from the tardy porn star, saying she’s “on the way,” “going to be late,” “stuck in traffic” and finally, hopelessly “lost.” Twenty minutes after the live broadcast is over, she shows up, proffering passionate apologies, seductive gazes and booty shimmies, leaving me no choice (after sulking for a half hour) but to punish her tardy porn star ass with a sound spanking, paddling, cropping, strap-on dildo-ing and butt-plugging to beat the band. Actually, I don’t know about the band, but I sure did beat her beautiful buns, and at least, after all that suspense, we bonobos got some resolution! Speaking of bonobos, this show is also a celebration of the recently announced sequencing of the bonobo genome. The “suspense” is over, brothers and sisters, and now what we long believed has been confirmed: Bonobos are our closest living relatives, along with common chimpanzees, over 98% genetically similar to human beings. Maybe now that geneticists have recognized this, our highly endangered Kissin’ Cousins, who swing from the trees as well as with each other, will get some respect–as well as money for research and their protection.

Air Date: 06/09/2012 It’s another unforgettable orgy in the Womb Room. And what is the cause for celebration this time? To quote the sagacious inscription on the goblet I received as a gift: “It’s My Fucking Birthday!” And what a bon anniversaire bacchanal of epic proportions it is, commencing with me popping out of my own cake (concocted by RadioSUZY1 producer and passionate cake fetishist Tasia Sutor, assisted by artist Yossie Vardan), surrounded by some of the world’s hottest sexpots, sexperts and sex maniacs in full-on, ecstatic celebration mode. Then things really go off! And by “things” I mean most of my guests’ clothing as we pile up more beauties in the bed for Sybian rides, spanking, pole-dancing, Adult Play Parlor sex toys for all, Kinky Eddie sex toys for me, sword swallowing (both the sideshow and fellatio variety—at the same time!), as couples and clusters sex it up until the break of dawn on various beds and couches of the Speakeasy, in celebration of the very first “sex act” of my long and rather sexual life. Yes indeed, brothers and sisters, we are all born from sex. With all due respect to the Virgin Mother, real mothers are not virgins. Neither are fathers. Sex is what brings us into the world, and sex is what motivates us to stick around for a while. Praise be to the power and glory of sex! It keeps you young. And you keep me young. At least you—my readers, listeners, lovers, viewers, friends, clients, tweeps, my awesome, ever-changing socialist/capitalist BonoboVille community—keep me from ever growing up. The proof is in this party. Thank you all for helping to make my crazy marvelous life possible.

Air Date: 06/09/2012 It’s another unforgettable orgy in the Womb Room. And what is the cause for celebration this time? To quote the sagacious inscription on the goblet I received as a gift: “It’s My Fucking Birthday!” And what a bon anniversaire bacchanal of epic proportions it is, commencing with me popping out of my own cake (concocted by RadioSUZY1 producer and passionate cake fetishist Tasia Sutor, assisted by artist Yossie Vardan), surrounded by some of the world’s hottest sexpots, sexperts and sex maniacs in full-on, ecstatic celebration mode. Then things really go off! And by “things” I mean most of my guests’ clothing as we pile up more beauties in the bed for Sybian rides, spanking, pole-dancing, Adult Play Parlor sex toys for all, Kinky Eddie sex toys for me, sword swallowing (both the sideshow and fellatio variety—at the same time!), as couples and clusters sex it up until the break of dawn on various beds and couches of the Speakeasy, in celebration of the very first “sex act” of my long and rather sexual life. Yes indeed, brothers and sisters, we are all born from sex. With all due respect to the Virgin Mother, real mothers are not virgins. Neither are fathers. Sex is what brings us into the world, and sex is what motivates us to stick around for a while. Praise be to the power and glory of sex! It keeps you young. And you keep me young. At least you—my readers, listeners, lovers, viewers, friends, clients, tweeps, my awesome, ever-changing socialist/capitalist BonoboVille community—keep me from ever growing up. The proof is in this party. Thank you all for helping to make my crazy marvelous life possible.