Air Date: 06/16/2012

What a strange show. We start the live broadcast dangling in suspense as to if and when a tardy porn star would arrive, especially since my other five featured guests had cancelled, all of them pleading ill, shortly before showtime. But that suspense soon gives way to erotic suspension as a couple members of our audience step up to the RadioSUZY1 plate to present ethereal, artistic rope bondage, dangling from the Speakeasy ceiling like human chandeliers.

After an oddly soundless and motionless orgasm on the Sybian, we’re back to suspense. In our virtually guest-less state, we decide to use the show itself to “audition” two applicants for one available position here in Bonoboville, much to the delight of our in-studio audience. This time, the suspense lies in who will get the job (and no, we haven’t decided yet). Meanwhile we’re getting a stream of texts from the tardy porn star, saying she’s “on the way,” “going to be late,” “stuck in traffic” and finally, hopelessly “lost.” Twenty minutes after the live broadcast is over, she shows up, proffering passionate apologies, seductive gazes and booty shimmies, leaving me no choice (after sulking for a half hour) but to punish her tardy porn star ass with a sound spanking, paddling, cropping, strap-on dildo-ing and butt-plugging to beat the band. Actually, I don’t know about the band, but I sure did beat her beautiful buns, and at least, after all that suspense, we bonobos got some resolution!

Speaking of bonobos, this show is also a celebration of the recently announced sequencing of the bonobo genome. The “suspense” is over, brothers and sisters, and now what we long believed has been confirmed: Bonobos are our closest living relatives, along with common chimpanzees, over 98% genetically similar to human beings. Maybe now that geneticists have recognized this, our highly endangered Kissin’ Cousins, who swing from the trees as well as with each other, will get some respect–as well as money for research and their protection.